What should be an interesting interlocutor. How to be an interesting conversationalist

24.09.2019

Anvar Bakirov

What to talk about when there is nothing to talk about?

It's simple, if a man came up, said a couple of "brilliant" compliments, asked for a phone and ran about his business. Then for the next meeting, at the very least, he will prepare, and you will find something to talk about.

And if you met in a cafe or on an airplane, and you have a long conversation ahead of you? After all, on how pleasant and meaningful this conversation will be, you will draw conclusions about him, and he - about you. It’s good when you got a balabol, which, with its ability to talk about everything in the world, will make the conversation both interesting and fun. And if not?

Then the pleasure of the conversation is your concern. Now it depends on you whether the interlocutor will tell you something exciting, or you will lazily exchange phrases about the weather, he will open up with best sides Or it will turn out to be its own pale shadow. Because you have all the tools to build a conversation the way you want.

Here are some simple but very important rules, based on the simple idea that, to put it mildly, you know little and it’s not yet a fact that you will continue to communicate:

Once again, your goal is to leave a good impression and find an opportunity to continue communication. More precisely, to make him really want to meet again. Do you want to, that's the second question. But in order to become the mistress of the situation, you need to solve the first question.

The foundation of the basics that you need to master is the task technology open questions. What open question? This is a question that requires a lot of talking to answer. In contrast, there are also closed questions, the answer to which is "yes" or "no", and alternative offering several options to choose from.

closed question is a way to get quick confirmation along the way and continue to develop your thought. This is clear? How to throw a ball at the wall. Throw, and you have it again. Closed questions are also suitable for approving the agreements reached. You'll pick me up tomorrow at eight o'clock, right?

Alternative question is a classic Nelper method of manipulation, when we offer to make a choice between options, each of which suits us. Is this also clear or do you need to reread this paragraph again to understand? A person thinks that he chooses, but he will make decisions already about what is unprincipled for us.

Conversational hypnosis in action.

What questions will be open?

Anything that starts with a question word. Who, when, why, why, how, where, what, what… Practice:

What films do you like?
How do you spend your free time?
Which movie character is closest to you?
What do you value most in women?
Where did you learn French?

He answers, and you can ask questions to clarify, clarify and justify his words. Why do you think so? Why did you choose this option? How did you find this agency? Find what is unclear to you and ask a question. What could be easier!

A few years ago I looked at a training session with a colleague. I was not allowed to sit for more than half an hour, because a colleague noticed that most of the group began to address me, and not her, although I did not utter a word. Of course, it was pampering, but how did I do it? Via supportive hearing. Whenever one of the group spoke, I turned my body in his direction, established eye contact and nodded slightly in time with his speech. Everything! The effect is amazing!

It has been proven many times: a person can talk for hours, provided that his interlocutor listens correctly. How? Expressing your care and support. What exactly needs to be done?

shut up. Just stop interrupting him and interrupting with your remarks.
Look. Turn around to him, look, almost into his mouth, but better just in the direction of his face or gestures. Open your eyes a little wider. You can slightly open your mouth and slightly tilt your head to the side. Will not resist!
nod. He says - you nod. At the same pace. In the same rhythm.
assent. In each of his pauses, insert your “Yes”, “Uh-huh”, “Yeah”, “So”, “Good”, “Mmmm” ...
respond. When he speaks emotionally, respond with your emotions - “Great!”, “Wow!”, “Wow!”, “Really?!”, “Fantastic!”…
push. He thought, you immediately: “And then?”, “And then what?”, “What is she?”, “And what did you do?”.
Refine. Ask clarifying and clarifying questions - “What is ...?”, “Why did you choose ...?”, “Why do you need ...?”

In general, try to listen and understand. Find common. Find an opportunity to agree. You still have time to argue and even quarrel. And now - the search for common places. Seeking consent.

By the way, what if he started a topic that you would like to stop? Stop supportive listening first—distract, withdraw, retract. Then change the subject to a more appropriate one. How? A question, of course. However, we will talk about this later.

First, he will tell you if you ask. Secondly, if you use supportive listening, he will somehow be "drifted" into his favorite topics. Thirdly, the topic search method will help you, but there are some tricks.

For example, you may notice that people often do not so much answer the question as they express their thoughts and feelings. You ask what kind of cars he likes, he replies that you need to drive a tractor or a tank on such roads. Fine! His theme is roads. You ask what time it is, he says, and adds that there is more than enough time. Amazing! A good opportunity to discuss future plans.

Just keep track What question is the person actually answering?, and you will understand what topic he is currently concerned about. Important note! So you can fall into one of the problematic topics, so we carefully monitor his emotions. Positive interest - we develop. Sorrowful - we stop.

In general, observing the reactions of the interlocutor is the most important skill of a successful communicator. It needs to be constantly improved. Talk about cats - watch the reaction. Talk about the holiday - watch the reaction. Talk about training - watch the reaction. Whatever you say, watch the reaction! If on some topic he “turned on”, “lit up”, filled with enthusiasm - develop it. If at the mention of something he “turned sour”, got bored and began to get distracted, change the subject.

But what if the topic that is interesting to him is not interesting to you? This should not be allowed, because if you yourself are bored, it will very quickly show up on your face, and all supportive listening techniques will be significantly less effective. What to do? Remember the principle of the alternative question? He must choose from those options that suit us. There is a range of topics that interest you. Here among them we choose what to talk about. Mathematically speaking, we are looking for intersections in our areas of interest. What is interesting to both is the desired topic. But to find it, you need to look. Those. change topics regularly and watch for reactions.

In NLP, all ways to change the topic of conversation are divided into three main categories: start talking about more, start talking about less, move along analogies. What does it look like in practice? Let's say you notice that he is not inspired by the discussion of the latest album of the singer "Maxim", how can you change the subject?

Enlargement. From the last album "Maxim" you can enlarge the theme to the entire work of "Maxim", or even more - to the whole stage, even more - to art in general. And after a couple of phrases, you are already quite far from the original topic.
Detailing. From the same album, you can shift to a discussion of a specific song or melodic transition, or to a voice, or to an intro to a song.
Bias. If the work of Maxim does not inspire him, you can start discussing the singer herself and her figure, or you can shift to the work of the Time Machine group or the artist Aivazovsky.

With proper skill, you can easily and naturally shift to almost any topic, especially if you learn how to combine these three techniques. Do you want an example? How to come from the topic “Putin is the best president” to the topic “What is the most delicious cake”? Very simple! Putin is the best president, I generally prefer the best.

Both at work and at leisure. For example, when we were vacationing in Spain, I saw the best cake in my life on the showcase of a pastry shop! And more about cakes.

Changing the theme is easy! The main thing is to do it in time: not letting the conversation die out, not allowing it to go into the negative and avoiding fixation on one thing. Let's flutter! Easily! Like a butterfly!

So, you already know that the conversation must end at the peak. positive emotions. You can have him speak more. You can find interesting topics and easily change them. You are forwarding information about your resources and capabilities and cutting information from him.

What is the best way to end the conversation? What should be in the "dry residue"? Several started, but not exhausted interesting topics. Several times mentioned your resources, which, one way or another, interested him. understanding of his interests. AND? Reason for next meeting.

Best of all, of course, if he himself offers, and you "substitute" for it. How? He says he has a great movie on DVD - you say you'd like to see it. Let him offer to meet to watch or to give the disc. You mention that you have not been to the theater for a long time, he, in turn, has a chance to invite you. He shares that he can’t find a good tie to match his suit, you suggest that you were just praised for your excellent taste. Let him ask for help in choosing! Etc.

A man who is looking for a reason for the next meeting will gladly jump at any offered chance. But give him a discount for being slow-witted and offer him a few options. Stand style only. Let the initiative come from him!

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Self-development1-11-2014, 19:02 sergey k12 521

How to be a good conversationalist

In the life of many people, the process of communication takes up a very large part of the time. After all, the ability to speak, listen, read and write are the most important abilities that help to achieve success in life, ensure effective joint activities of people. Therefore, it is very important to be able to conduct a dialogue correctly in order to achieve good results in the process of work, in personal life in communication with family and friends. By becoming a good interlocutor, you will attract many people to you, learn to win over interlocutors, and achieve the results you need.

1. Smile.

After all, any communication started with a smile already wins a person over to you. With a smile, you show that you are sincere and open for a productive dialogue. It is worth mentioning that even in a conversation on the phone one can feel a smile.

2. There is something to talk about with any person. It is necessary to determine what interests a person, and start a conversation on this topic. There are very few people who are not interested in anything. In any case, we can talk about this man himself. Pay attention to him, show sincere interest, and you will find many topics for conversation later.

3. If you are not understood, it means that you did not express yourself correctly and clearly enough. Build your speech so that the interlocutor is very clear. Then you will stop getting annoyed and angry at a person who did not understand you or misunderstood you.

4. Give compliments. Feel free to show yourself as a positive person and cheer up the people around you. Remember that compliments must come from the heart. Blatant flattery will only push people away from you. However, do not be afraid to praise someone who did a great job. Thank those who lifted your spirits with a good joke. Give a compliment to someone who is stylishly dressed. But we must not forget that everything should be in moderation.

5. Reception of active listening. You will show in such a way that you hear the interlocutor and understand what the conversation is about. Look at the person with whom you are talking, nod your head, comment on his story, but do not interrupt. You can help find the necessary words and phrases when the interlocutor stumbles, ask questions, continue the thought. This will let you know that you are interested in the person. And this will cause a desire to continue communicating with you.

6. Try to call the person you are talking to by their first name more often. Psychologists have proven that sound own name- the most pleasant and sweet sound for the human ear. After all, a name is given to a person at birth and he carries it throughout his long life.

7. Speak clearly and simply. Even if both you and your interlocutor have several higher education, do not use complex scientific terms and turns in a conversation. There is no need to try to give yourself some dubious status by the form of an abstruse conversation. Any smart person will still understand how smart or stupid you are.

8. Do not interrupt the interlocutor and do not give advice that you are not asked for. Listen to the person until the end, and then comment on his words. This will show that you are interested in talking to him. By interrupting, you show your bad manners. If you have a desire to give unsolicited advice, suppress this desire. Otherwise, the person will think that you consider yourself smarter than him, and this is an obstacle to successful communication.

9. The conversation should be interesting for you. If you have to keep up a conversation about something that you are not interested in, try to delve into the topic of the conversation. Otherwise, a person, not feeling feedback, end the conversation.

10. Remove the pronoun "I" from the conversation. Everyone knows that all people by nature are selfish. And, as a rule, everyone wants to hear mostly about themselves. But this approach to communication is wrong. Try to use other shades of statements instead of combinations with the pronoun "I". For example, instead of "I want" to say: "I want" or "I would like to." This will slightly change your speech and position the interlocutor towards you.

A good interlocutor can be a person who is interested in the most various areas life, from fashion and style, to hunting and fishing. If there is no thirst for new knowledge, curiosity, interest in life in all its vivid manifestations, then it is quite difficult to become a good conversationalist. After all, only by showing interest in the interlocutor, maintaining a conversation on any topic, showing your disposition towards him, you thereby form interest and great attitude to yourself.

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How to become an interesting conversationalist?

Everyday communication is an integral part of our lives. The ability to maintain a conversation is a necessary skill for any person.

Some people are so bright and cheerful that they have and attract others to them, like a magnet. However, not all of us know how to become interesting interlocutor. But if you are pleasant in communication, you can have good prospects in your life, not only in the field of acquaintances and friendship, but also in career growth.

How to become an interesting person and interlocutor?

To understand how to become a good and pleasant conversationalist, it is worth considering some recommendations regarding this issue.

First of all, learn to listen and hear the person with whom you are talking. Most people like to talk about their lives, their interests, feelings and experiences, but finding someone who can listen is not easy. Also, never interrupt.
By listening carefully to your interlocutor, you can learn a lot about him and ask questions about the topic accordingly. When he sees that they are sincerely interested in him, then it becomes very pleasant and easy to communicate with such a person.
Sometimes you need to be able to feel what the interlocutor wants to hear from you. Perhaps he needs words of sympathy or support, or maybe he needs motivation in some area.
If you notice that a person knows how to do something well or is well versed in something, be sure to emphasize this dignity and praise. Every person likes to be admired and said nice words.
However, this must be done sincerely, since fake compliments only repel.

What to read to become an interesting conversationalist?

Reading books is a very useful activity for self-development. Also, thanks to him, our speech becomes much richer, and communication is much more interesting. Try to read more encyclopedias and memorize some interesting and fascinating facts. In conversations, this can be very useful, and you can keep up the conversation on any topic.

A better understanding of others will help the study of books on psychology. How to Win Friends and Influence People? Dale Carnegie will teach you how to easily and freely apply the principles of psychology in everyday communication with different people.

To be interesting to other people, you need constant self-improvement and development. Constantly learn something new, study, travel, broaden your horizons. With an erudite person there is always something to talk about, he is always interesting. Find a hobby for yourself. It doesn't matter what it will be: painting or diving, dancing or gardening. At the very least, you will always be of interest to those who share your passion. In addition, a passionate person who devotes himself to his hobby often becomes successful, gains recognition and respect in society. And success will make you interesting to a huge number of people. Be versatile developed person. A deep passion for one thing should not make you a one-sided person. Take an interest in art, sports, music, astronomy, literature, etc. Learning something new is necessary throughout life, the only way to avoid the degradation of the individual. Share your knowledge with others - this is the point of communicating with interesting people! Bernard Shaw said it best of all: “If we exchange apples, then you and I will have one apple each. If we exchange ideas, then you and I will have two ideas.” The desire for new knowledge is inherent in people. And if you are the source of this knowledge, interest in you will not dry up. Learn to express your thoughts beautifully, present information correctly, and you will provide yourself with an audience of grateful listeners who listen to your every word and consider you very interesting person. Accept and love yourself the way you are. Each personality is interesting in its own way, "the whole Universe is hidden in each person." Look at yourself from the outside, define your strong traits and develop them. Do not hide your talents and achievements from people. And some flaws can be made part of your unique image. Do not be afraid to have an opinion on everything and defend it if necessary. Many people are afraid to stand out and prefer to be part of the crowd all their lives. Take risks, find your way, fall and rise again. The richer your life experience the more interesting you are to others. Use your sense of humor. Wit and ease of communication - the most reliable way gain admirers and friends. Anyone who knows how to joke in time and defuse the situation never gets bored alone. Smile, make others smile, and you will always be in the spotlight!

An interesting personality is attractive to others. It is pleasant to communicate with a bright, outstanding, versatile person. Such an individual knows how to listen and keep up the conversation, he impresses with his charisma and love of life, has an excellent sense of humor and attracts other people. If you want to become such a person, study the basic qualities of interesting people.

Development
To be an interesting conversationalist, you need to constantly learn something new. Be curious, study the questions that interest you, broaden your horizons. Just think how many objects in the world noteworthy, and at the same time, how often you can meet boring, limited people. Do not be like them, study, travel, engage in self-development.
Find your calling. A charismatic person strives for self-realization. You can express yourself through work or hobbies. If you find a professional field where your talents are useful, or if you are interested in some kind of activity in your spare time, then you can infect other people with your own enthusiasm.
Interesting are those people who love their work and are happy to plunge into it with their heads.
Try to be versatile. Pay attention to all your talents and abilities. Limited people are not as much of interest to others as addicted people.
The Art of Conversation
Learn to share your knowledge and experience. Become a great conversationalist. To do this, you need to improve in the ability to speak and the art of listening.
To become a good storyteller, you need to learn how to express beautifully, correctly and accurately. own thoughts. Reading good literature and constant practice in writing and speaking will help you master this talent.
In addition, you should learn to notice interesting details, become more attentive.

In the ability to listen, eye contact with the interlocutor and, again, attentiveness will help you, as well as demonstrating that you understand the person. Of course, you do not need to interrupt the speaker.
self-acceptance
The person who, first of all, accepts himself becomes attractive to others. Try to see in yourself first of all advantages. It is better to forget about the shortcomings that you cannot correct.
Self-respect, sincere self-love, self-acceptance makes a person worthy of love by others. Be a self-sufficient person, and people will reach out to you. Strong people who are not looking for approval, but for simple communication, are truly interesting to others.
Under any circumstances, try to be yourself. Don't betray your principles by blindly following the crowd. Learn to defend your own point of view. Learn to resist undesirable influence and manipulation, preserve your identity. Charismatic person lives in harmony with himself and is not afraid to follow the chosen path.

From the ability to find mutual language a lot depends on anyone. This includes career advancement, a successful personal life, and a large circle of friends. But how to become an interesting interlocutor? What to say, about what and when? These questions concern both young people and experienced people. Let's figure out how to improve your communication skills.

You must have met two different types of people. The former can easily join any team, calmly keep up the conversation and even entertain the company, if necessary. The second is difficult to talk to a stranger, it is difficult to select topics for conversation or speak in front of an audience. What is the secret of easy-to-communicate people, how to become an interesting conversationalist?

First of all, you should look at the type of temperament and character. People who go through life easily are much easier to relate to many things. They are interested in many things, and they understand a variety of issues. With such a person it is easy to find general theme to anyone. However, despite his erudition, such an interlocutor will never emphasize his superiority.

Another one distinguishing feature interesting interlocutor - a subtle sense of humor. His jokes are able to defuse the situation, but at the same time they are not vulgar or offensive. Funny anecdotes, unusual analogies, and the ability to laugh at oneself make such people even more attractive to talk to.

How to become an interesting person

A versatile personality is always interesting to others. But how to become an interesting person and interlocutor? No matter how hard we try to study conversation technologies and choose interesting topics, without deep study personal qualities it will be useless. First of all, you have to be interesting to yourself. It is necessary not only to study a lot and learn new things, but also to be able to operate with these facts. An interesting person will not, stuttering, remember historical event or a new joke. Train your memory and attention, this will help overcome communication difficulties.

What to read to develop communication skills

In the world, many books, manuals and brochures are published daily for those who want to learn the secrets of positive communication. How not to drown in this sea of information? What to read to become an interesting conversationalist? After all, if you take the first available edition, you can be disappointed.

Choose the literature that has already passed the test of time and has taken its rightful place on the shelves. Classical works of psychologists, theorists and practitioners will be very useful for further development communication skills. You will not only learn the techniques of proper communication, but you will also be able to better understand people.

The Internet provides a wide range of opportunities for self-education. But when choosing a resource to increase knowledge, be careful and critical. Pay attention to who wrote the articles, whether the author has a pedagogical or psychological education. This will allow you to weed out obviously false information.

Periodical publications will also be useful for self-education in the field of communication. Articles in them undergo mandatory editing and are often written in collaboration with professionals. They definitely won't hurt. You can even make yourself a selection of clippings to make it easier to use them.

Basic rules of an interesting interlocutor

Having studied the theory of psychology of communications, you can begin to practice. There are several tricks that will answer the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist:

Forbidden topics of conversation

Not everything and not always worth talking about. If you are thinking about how to become an interesting conversationalist, be sure to study, but never raise these questions:
1. Politics is a very complex and multifaceted topic. Especially international, because a variety of events are constantly taking place in the world. People can hold a variety of points of view, and categorically stating one of them will easily lead to unnecessary conflict and tension.
2. Health - this topic is considered intimate. Not everyone is ready to discuss the details of the last visit to the dentist. Moreover, it is considered indecent to publicly talk about your illnesses.
3. Personal life - people do not like to be pestered with intrusive questions. Topics such as marriage, childbirth, divorce, etc., are everyone's personal business. Discussing them is permissible only face to face and only with the closest people.
What to talk about

But then the question arises: what is it permissible to talk about? Lots of topics to talk about:
- Achievements of science, including new technology: phones, cars, etc.
- Fashion, beauty, style - just do not indulge in banal gossip.
- Movies, books, performances and other interesting events.
How to become an interesting conversationalist for a man and a girl

When developing relationships with the opposite sex, communication plays an important role. Often young people are looking for an answer to the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist for a girl. And ladies are interested in the same thing about men. But recent research by psychologists convincingly proves that there are no big gender differences. Just follow all the above recommendations, and you will definitely succeed with the opposite sex.

The ability to strike up a conversation and communicate with people helps to make new friends, climb the career ladder, increases self-esteem and generally only benefits a person. Casual secular dialogues allow you to defuse the situation and hush up any awkward situation.

1. Feel free to ask questions

Do you want to learn how to become an interesting conversationalist? There is nothing difficult in this. For starters, forget about shyness, and feel free to ask strangers questions. Ask the interlocutor what he does. The person’s answer will probably be long enough and the conversation will not end there.

Not sure where to start the conversation, ask the person what brought them to the business event or party where you met. How it relates to his job or interests. And then use the answers to continue the conversation.

2. Compliment

Telling how to become an interesting interlocutor, psychologists recommend giving people compliments. We love to please, and to continue the conversation with the person we like, we want more. Compliments equally effectively "work" in both women's and men's companies. When talking to a lady, praise her appearance, outfit or jewelry, and it is enough for a gentleman to say that he looks great.

Do you struggle to find questions to talk about? Do not waste time in vain, but ask your interlocutor for advice. Say, for example, that you want to know his opinion on a work project or the choice of wine for a holiday, ask if he knows about an upcoming event or if he has seen a new movie. People like to help others and they enjoy it. Even the most modest and silent person, having heard your request, will show himself from the other side and, in the truest sense of the word, will blossom.

4. Tell us about yourself

Thinking about how to build a conversation, it is not necessary to form a list of questions and anticipate possible answers to them. Try not to ask questions to the interlocutor, but to the first one. This technique is especially effective for starting a dialogue with shy men and women. Seeing your openness, they will relax and be more willing to make contact.

5. Use the circumstances

If you don't know how to start a conversation, use the circumstances around you: you can start a conversation about the weather, the results of a sports game, the performers on the stage if you are at an event, etc. After that, smoothly move on to more interesting topics.

6. Find common interests

To know how to build a conversation with a new acquaintance in the future, find common interests. It can be anything: a love of fishing, reading books, drawing, collecting scale models of equipment.

7. Use Active Listening

By finding topics and questions for conversation, earn a reputation as a pleasant conversationalist. To do this, not only speak, but also listen carefully to the other person. Look at the interlocutor when he says something, nod to him and help, if necessary, find the right phrases.

8. Smile

Knowing how to strike up a conversation is only half the battle. When conducting a conversation, it is important to show that you are disposed towards a person, be open. To do this, smile more often. The smile is felt even during telephone communication. However, do not overdo it, so as not to be considered too frivolous a person.

9. Use "I" Less Often in Conversations

Not knowing how to start a conversation, we begin to tell the interlocutor about ourselves. This is normal, but you should not constantly use the pronoun "I" in dialogues, demonstrating undisguised. Change the form of statements. Having decided how to continue the conversation and telling something to the interlocutor, instead of "I'm surprised" say "surprisingly", instead of "I want" - "I want".

10. Call your interlocutor by name more often

When telling how to continue a conversation or start it, it is worth clarifying: you must definitely find out the name of the interlocutor and actively use it in dialogues. It has long been known that it is difficult to find something more pleasant than the sounds of one's own name.

11. Avoid difficult terms and phrases

Do not try to give yourself an edge by using complex scientific terms in a conversation. Smart man and without it will understand what you are. When expressing thoughts, explain complex things in simple terms.