Tips on how to become an interesting conversationalist. How to be an interesting conversationalist

Are you telling a compelling story and seeing people yawn? Perhaps this story is not as interesting as you think. Try to complete it and let others have their say.

2. Learn to listen

Let the interlocutor talk about himself. Ask him counter questions. Strangely, the people we like the most always say little.

3. Discuss the interests of the interlocutor

Ask a person about him, ask different questions and discuss them. You are already 80% close to being liked. If you are well versed in the hobby of the interlocutor, then you can easily keep up the conversation. If not, then ask him for more details. He will speak with great pleasure.

4. Keep Three Stories in Stock

People are not interested in the features of your new phone. What really turns them on is real events that happened to you. So always have three stories to tell. They must be exciting and emotional. Let the interlocutor be interested in what will happen in the next minute.

5. Develop charisma

So much meaning is put into this word that it becomes difficult to understand its true meaning. Someone says that they are born with, and someone believes that this personality trait is developed over the years. But here's what's interesting: research The Heart of Social Psychology: A Backstage View of a Passionate Science, conducted by two psychologists in 1967, proved that in a conversation only 7% of attention is paid to words. The rest comes from tone of voice and body language.

Laugh, smile, be emotional. Don't forget about gestures and don't rely on words alone.

6. Live an interesting life

Chat with different people, read more books, watch movies, travel. Most The right way to become an interesting person - to live interesting life. And believe me, this will give you much more than just the opportunity to be a good conversationalist.

In relationships with girls, eloquence has always played a significant role. Sometimes relationships were created or, conversely, destroyed because of a person's ability to communicate. Communication is important not only with the opposite sex, but also with other people, especially when you want to make contacts with them or get a joint job. The male site site will lead 10 rules that will help you make contacts and become interesting interlocutor.

Has it ever happened to you that you communicate with a person, but he causes you some discomfort? It seems that he is outwardly attractive, does not say bad words, but something repels him. You naturally want to stop communicating with him as soon as possible.

However, there are people who do not have bright beauty and great knowledge, but it is so easy and fun to communicate with them that you don’t want to stop meeting. It seems that the person is not to your taste. It seems that he does not tell any truths and hidden information. However, it is so pleasant to communicate with him that you do not want to break away.

With each century, the ability of a person to communicate well with people around him becomes the main priority and a step towards. A lot of people say that you need to be well connected to be successful. However, in order to have these good connections you need to be able to be a pleasant and interesting conversationalist. And this is an axiom both in the field of work, business, and in love.

How to arrange an interlocutor?

Tell the person: “I understand you!” - and he will want to continue to communicate with you and continue. Many people ask themselves the question: “How to win over the interlocutor?”. There is nothing easier than just letting him be right even when you disagree with him. Everyone thinks their opinion is the only correct one. Your opinion can be just as wrong as the other person's thoughts. Why argue about who is right and wrong? You can just let everyone be right to begin with! Thus, you win over anyone, because everyone wants to be right.

People don't need much. Give them understanding. When a person is understood, they do not try to argue and convince, then he relaxes and is imbued with gratitude to the interlocutor. You don't have to take someone else's point of view. If you think otherwise, then you have the right to remain with your opinion if it seems to you more correct. If the interlocutor speaks reasonable words, you can correct your opinion. But be that as it may, no matter what you do with your point of view, tell the interlocutor: “I understand you!”.

Understanding does not mean agreeing. To understand means to accept the right to the existence of someone else's opinion, no matter how erroneous and incorrect it may be. When a person feels that you "accept" him, then he will relax. He may even want to hear your thoughts and ask about them. Perhaps he will continue to talk about the topic of the conversation that you are having, and come to a broader understanding of the issue. Give understanding to the other person. This will allow not only to win over the interlocutor to yourself, but also to calm him down, prompting him to look at the issue more broadly.

Often people do not understand each other, or rather, they do not want to accept other people's points of view, because they have their own opinion, which they consider to be more correct. But the argument begins where the interlocutors begin to fight for whose opinion is the most correct, right? Why start a fight when you can avoid it? Accept the right to the existence of someone else's opinion, tell the interlocutor about it, even if your thoughts do not change from this. It is not necessary to fight for the correctness of someone's point of view. You can just listen to what the other person thinks and draw your own conclusions. It is not always necessary to convince someone. The other person has the right to be wrong. Life will put him in his place if he is really wrong. You can make mistakes, just like your interlocutor. And no one, except life itself, will convince you of this. That is why many people, arguing their opinion, often give examples from life.

Tell your partner: "I understand you!". You will not only become his friend, but you will not provoke a quarrel, allow the other person to calm down, not fight you, and also look at the situation more broadly, even listen to your ideas and not resist them. Do you see how many pluses there are in one expression, where you accept the right to the existence of someone else's opinion, no matter how it contradicts yours?

10 rules of an interesting interlocutor

So, you want to become interesting, attractive and a good conversationalist. Here you need to show not only understanding, but also show communication skills that create ease in communication. Consider 10 rules that will make you an interesting conversationalist:

1. tell me interesting stories. Sometimes there is an awkward silence between the interlocutors. Don't they have anything to say? In fact, they just don't know what to say to them. However, in the life of every person, funny, interesting or exciting events happen. It is about them that you can remember, tell with a smile on your face, have fun and laugh together. The main aspect is that the story should be positive. No need to talk about your problems or tragedies. Tell funny, positive, interesting or educational stories.
2. Joke. Humor has always been considered one of the attributes of a good interlocutor. Here you can use jokes, funny stories, even compose jokes yourself. Allow yourself to laugh a little - draw the attention of the interlocutor to what makes you laugh. Here important nuance- if the interlocutor does not know how to laugh at himself (his shortcomings), then you do not need to joke about him.
3. Give compliments. A compliment is a positive evaluation of another person. Who hates to hear nice things about themselves? Even shy people are pleased to hear that others see them with positive side. No need to bombard the interlocutor with compliments. You can say 2-3 compliments for all the time. However, it will be much nicer than saying nothing at all. One nuance - really notice what is in a person, no need to flatter.
4. Listen and speak. In communication, a person either listens or speaks. A good conversationalist can do both. Bad interlocutors go to extremes: either they listen and are silent all the time, or they constantly talk without letting other people say a word. You need to be able to both shut up in order to let the interlocutor speak out, and tell something when the interlocutor now wants to listen to your opinion.
5. Look into the eyes. Confident people do not hide their eyes, but constantly maintain contact with their interlocutors. They look straight into your eyes. Of course, they sometimes translate their gaze. However, they do not hide themselves and do not make their interlocutors shy.
6. Don't interrupt. This quality should be developed by many, because quite often people interrupt each other. Before the interlocutor had time to express everything he wanted, he was immediately interrupted. You can interrupt once or twice, but if this happens constantly, then the interlocutor loses interest in you. He begins to think that you do not want to listen to him, which means that you do not respect and do not take into account his opinion.
7. Don't ask too many questions. The conversation, of course, consists of questions and answers. However, it shouldn't look like the other person is being interviewed. You ask a question, the person answers you, and it is desirable that his answer be open, touching on various topics. For your part, you can supplement his answer, agree, refute or tell a story that relates to your topic. Questions don't always have to come from you. Let the interlocutor also be interested in something from you, and you give as detailed answers as possible.
8. Don't criticize. If you want to spoil the other person's mood, start criticizing him. But will he consider you an interesting conversationalist if he feels guilty, pathetic, worthless after your words? Criticism is necessary only on the case. It should be short and concise. However, you should not focus on it. Criticized - and that's enough, move on to another topic.
9. Don't brag. This quality is rare, but still found. Boasting makes a person miserable, and his interlocutor makes him get rid of the imposed feeling of worthlessness. While you boast, you are proving to the other person that you are better than him. No need to rise at someone else's expense. You can talk about your achievements that you are proud of. However, do not forget at the same time to ask what your interlocutor is proud of - listen to his boasting!
10. Expand your social circle. The more people you communicate with, the more communication skills you will have. Different people require a different approach to themselves. And this requires you to be flexible and understand your interlocutor, how you need to communicate with him and behave. If you know how to be different in communication, then you become interesting.

Laughter disposes the interlocutor

Do you want to become part of the company? Would you like to make friends with someone? Do you intend to win over your loved one? Create a situation where your partner will laugh heartily. It doesn't matter what exactly you do or what you laugh about. Important - it's a splash positive emotions, which encourage a person to open up to those who made him laugh or were just nearby.

There have been studies that have given the same result. People who were in high spirits were more likely to reveal their secrets, to become sociable and good-natured towards those around them. Laughter brings people closer, research has shown.

How is this phenomenon explained? It is possible to consider in the mechanism such a moment as the elimination of the causes of isolation. A person in a depressed state or when immersed in despondency often closes. He trusts those who surround him at this moment. He does not know what he can say, and what is better to keep silent. Thus, contact with others is disrupted due to the fact that a person becomes closed.

In the moment of laughter, the grievances that grieved are forgotten. No longer spinning in my head negative thoughts and something fun and positive comes up. The brain relaxes, the person himself lets go of the negative, which gives rise to a feeling of stability and calmness. When he does not see any threats for himself, he becomes open and friendly. Most effective method achieving such a state is to make the person you need laugh.

At the moment of a comedic situation, people approach and become open. They remove their barriers with which they used to protect themselves from a cruel world. Thus, if you want to make friends or attract the attention of the right partner, learn to make him laugh, amuse and delight. This will give him a feeling of comfort.

How to become an interesting interlocutor in the end?

Most The best way learning to communicate well with people is to constantly contact them. Communicate with as many people as possible. Keep track of what mood you evoke in them, what words and phrases evoke positive or negative emotions in them. Practice, change your communication style, adjust your skills depending on the result, and then you will become interesting.

Do you dream of becoming an interesting conversationalist and always being the center of attention? Effective Tips from a psychologist will help you become an interesting conversationalist today!

Well, who does not dream of being liked by everyone around?!

Agree, there is hardly such a person on earth.

We all want love, universal recognition and worship, but we don’t know how to achieve this at all.

So here's to become an interesting conversationalist, must be:

• clockwork;
• charismatically active;
• interesting;
• and a great listener.

It is worth understanding that it is simply impossible to please everyone!

After all, not everyone likes even the chic Brad Pitt.

However, not everything is so bad.

And if you cannot please all the people on earth, then you can easily.

Of course, it is not easy, but it is quite real.

And if you decide to become an interesting conversationalist by all means, then following tips help you in this difficult task.

A bore will never become an interesting conversationalist

Believe me, no one will ever be able to interest you with tediousness.

Yes, because people will quickly get bored of hearing for the hundredth time the story that your ex is a goat or how you chose a battery for the kitchen.

Other bores may find this story exciting, but your goal is to be an interesting conversationalist, not to create a club of bores.

Charismatic person = good listener

Remember - everything charismatic people are good listeners.

Don't feed us bread - just let me tell you about your beloved!

We absolutely do not like to delve into other people's problems.

Knowing this feature and starting to listen to the interlocutor, you will instantly turn into a good listener, with whom they will share experiences, and with whom they will consult in any trifles.

Talk about the interests of your interlocutor

Ask your interlocutor about his hobby, ask leading questions.

You can even discuss his interests.

A study conducted by psychologists showed that when talking, the main attention is paid to facial expressions and gestures.

Often with a confident tone and with the right gestures, you can carry such nonsense that the listeners will pray for this person!

And this clean water truth!

Note that at the university it often happens that losers who confidently carry bullshit get a higher grade than stuttering crammers who answer correctly to all questions.

Diversify your life

Meet interesting people, read interesting books and just live an interesting life!

how to always stay interesting and never fall face down in the dirt!

We take note.

Believe me, when you have all of the above, you just won't need to become an interesting conversationalist.

Your life will be so diverse that other people will involuntarily begin to consider you an interesting conversationalist, and an interesting person.

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The Strawberry and Cream Principle: “Personally, I love strawberries and cream, but for some reason fish prefer worms. That's why when I go fishing, I don't think about what I love, but about what the fish loves.

(Dale Carnegie)

If you want someone to be interested in you, talk about what he is interested in (speak the same language with him). The theory is simple, and well-known to everyone - but how to put it into practice?

And in practice, it is useful to know that the sphere of interest of your interlocutor is divided into six categories: “people”, “place”, “time”, “values”, “process”, “things”.

Usually 2-3 of these 6 topics are favorites for a person - he will discuss them with great pleasure. The rest are not interesting to him, and cause him mortal boredom, - “Well, why about this? it doesn't matter!"

To better understand how this is used in life, let's take a closer look at each type separately.

The cat caught the mouse:

- Do you want to live?

- With whom?

- Ugh! Even eating is disgusting!

Favorite question: Who? People are important to him: with whom he communicates, who surrounds him.

Such a person selects a job for himself based on which team he will join, with whom he will have to interact.

Talking about his vacation, he will talk first of all about the people with whom he rested, whom he met.

If he is invited to a party, he will definitely ask: “Who will be there?”. He asks because it is the most important thing for him.

At the headquarters of the missile forces:

- Today came the order to reduce staff by 10%. Does everyone understand?

- Yes…

- And now the details: I think we should start with Texas, Florida, Alabama ...

Favorite question: Where? It is important for this person to clearly navigate in space. He usually has a favorite chair or favorite place at the table, on which he tries not to let anyone in.

When choosing a job the most important factor will be the location of the office, and how much he will like his workplace.

Talking about the rest, he will describe the places he visited, through which sights his route ran.

Meticulously will ask about "where the party will take place." At the party itself, he will be interested in where he will sit at the table, in what place.

A Frenchman is asked:

- What do you like more? Wine or women?

To which he replies:

- It depends on the year of manufacture.

Favorite question: When? For such a person, everything related to time will be extremely important.

He selects a new job based on criteria such as a suitable work schedule, how long it takes him to get from home to the office, and the duration of his vacation.

He will tell you in detail the daily routine in the sanatorium where he rested, what time the train arrived, how many minutes the plane was late and all other details related to time.

Before going to a party, be sure to ask “when does it start? what time will it end? when does the last bus leave?

"Values"

Doctor, will I live?

- What's the point?

Favorite question: Why? It is important for this person that what he does is valuable and useful. He looks for meaning in everything. Talks about your values ​​and beliefs.

Such a person will be ready to work in a team that is unpleasant for him, with devils in the middle of nowhere, wasting a lot of his time on the road, if at the same time he considers that by working here he benefits people, or some benefit to himself.

He will not talk about how he rested, but about why he went to the sanatorium, what it gave him: “he improved his health, spent at least a little time with his family, made useful acquaintances.”

Before going to a party, he will ask, “How will this benefit me?”, Because the party itself is not of particular value to him.

"Process"

A hefty lazy cat sneaks home and thinks:

- Now to the tank, from the tank to the fence, from the fence to the pipe, through the pipe to the roof ...

At that moment, the pipe below him breaks away from the wall and begins to fall.

Cat (angrily):

- Not understood!..

Favorite question: How? It is very important for him how he will do something, the sequence of actions that must be performed. Often uses verbs in speech.

In work, the most important thing for him is that the process itself gives him pleasure.

Talking about the holiday: will describe the sequence of events, day by day: “in the morning we sunbathed on the beach, after that we had lunch, then we slept, then we went to the pool.… The next day we went on an excursion, after that…”

He will be interested in the whole scenario of the party, what will follow what: “and after we have dinner, what will happen? What about after we dance? What about after we have tea?

A customs officer looking into a passenger's suitcase from an arriving flight:

- So, dear, let's decide where your things are here, and where are mine.

Favorite question: "What?". Such a person pays a lot of attention to things and objects. Often uses nouns in speech.

When choosing a job, he will look at the objects that will surround him: a computer, an office desk, a room ... It is important that he likes it.

He will tell in detail about the things that surrounded him during the holidays: “the pool was good, the beach with sand, double rooms, with a TV and a refrigerator…”

Be sure to ask "What will happen at the party?". If it is important for a process type person to hear “first we will have dinner, then we will dance, then we will drink tea”, then it is important for a person of the “Things” type to hear “there will be dinner, dancing, tea drinking”

Now the question is “What to talk to him about?” the solution is quite simple: after listening to a person, you determine his favorite topics, after which you talk with him, trying to get into the sphere of his interests. If it is “people”, then talk about people. If this is a “place”, then ask where he was, tell me where you yourself are going to go ...

To make sure that such an adjustment is important enough, try a couple of times to specifically “detune” from the interests of a person. He told you, for example, “about the people he met,” and you asked him a question from another area: “where did you meet them?”, “And when was that?”. The reaction of the person will immediately tell you that it is better not to do this (except when you need to quickly end the conversation)

To check yourself how well you are now oriented in this "typology of interests", try to answer the questions of the following tests.

Test #1

Read statements 6 different people about your vacation. Based on them, determine the type of interests of each person.

Man No.	statement	Interest type
	“... Is this really a vacation. Only 12 days. And then: 36 hours the way there, and the same amount back. The only joy– the sea is 5 minutes…”
	“... The room had everything you need: shower, TV, fridge, kettle…”
	“... I met Irina Vasilievna there. The most amazing person! She has 12 children. The youngest - Anyuta is called ... ".
	“... I rested in the New World, this is the southern coast of Crimea, 10 km west of Sudak. By the way, they lived 200 meters from the sea ... "
	“... As soon as we arrived at the railway station, we were immediately taken to a sanatorium, we were fed there, after that we were settled in rooms ...”
	“... I corrected my health, and this is the most important thing. The doctors in the sanatorium were good. So, if you want to heal, then this is the best option ... "

Test #2:

Your friend doesn't want to go to your party. You still want to convince her to come. Decide which phrase you will use for which type of people.

	statement	Suitable for people like…
	“... Listen, there will definitely be Lena, Katya, Misha, Sergey. Igor is going to drive up with two of his friends. Good company is going! Only you are missing…”
	"…Come! We have a great program: first we will have dinner, then we will look at the photos, then we will dance, and at the end we will discuss plans for the future ... "
	“…You just need to rest. In addition, you can make useful contacts. And in general, friendly relations need to be maintained ... "
	“... You only have 40 minutes to go to me! And in the evening we will finish early, at 11 o'clock you will already go back. We haven't seen each other for 2 months! When will we meet again?…”
	“... After all, we are not going anywhere, but at my house! Let's go to the lake, it's nearby. We will put you on your favorite easy chair…»
	“…You haven’t seen my apartment after the renovation yet: new wallpaper, paintings on the walls, an aquarium in the corner, a music center…”

Test #3

You came to your boss to ask him for a raise. Different bosses need different arguments. Determine for each phrase, on the bosses, what type it will work best.

	statement	It will work better on bosses with the type of interests ...
	“... All the equipment is on me: computers, faxes, telephones, printers, scanners, Consumables. And the amount of all this goodness is increasing and increasing ... "
	“... I have to wander all over the country, either to Arkhangelsk, then to Yekaterinburg, then to St. Petersburg ... I already know these cities better than my own home ...”
	“... Now I have to work a lot with VIP clients: with Elena Vladimirovna, with Arkady Petrovich, with Ivan Vasilyevich ... They are complex people, you know yourself ...”
	“... I arrive at 9 am, I leave at 8 pm ... I often have to work on weekends ... if I have a vacation, then it’s no more than a week ...”
	“... First I find clients, then I persuade them to buy, then I sign the contract, I fiddle with papers, then I arrange transportation, then I solve warranty issues ... the process is complicated, God forbid, where you make a mistake ... "
	“... the principle is simple: you pay more, I work more and better ... as a result of the results of my work, you, again, more money get…”

Right answers:

		Values
	Values		Values

If you answered more than half of the test questions correctly, then congratulations! We can assume that you have mastered such a difficult topic as “typology of interests”!

It remains only to wish: often use the knowledge gained in practice. And then you will be an ideal interlocutor who knows how to pick up the key to any person.

Part 1

Be cheerful

1. Relax. People like to feel safe and comfortable with their friends and they are always ready to have fun. So relax and have fun with everyone.

   • Give someone a compliment to let that person know you've noticed and are thinking about them.
   • Laugh more. Show everyone your openness and ease.
   • Try to relax (as much as possible). If you are tense, then this state will be transmitted to your friends.

2. Pay attention to your friends. Look at them, put your phone away, and make them feel like they're in the spotlight. If you're confused (as if you're contemplating solving several problems at once), then it will be difficult for people to have fun with you.

   • Treat people with approval. You don't need to treat them condescendingly or judge them - in this case, people will not be frank with you.

3. Call a lot of jokes. If you're not afraid to look stupid or funny, people will have fun with you. Here are some ways to do it:

   • Parody (in a good or bad light) a person you know, such as a teacher or colleague.
   • Dance like a clown, pretending that you are the best dancer in the world.
   • Sing along your favorite and not-so-decent song.
   • Wear funny clothes.
   • Don't be afraid to tell hackneyed jokes.

4. Get ready for adventure. If you've never done something, do it now! Be spontaneous and do something new for yourself. If you are a person who thinks up fun activities, your friends will find you fun and interesting.

   • Say "yes" more often. So you will be ready to do something new for you.
   • Read the last section of this article for fun things you can do with your friends.

5. Keep a positive attitude. Everyone has bad days, but you need to focus on talking about the positive things in your life (don't show your friends and people around you that you're upset). This will create a positive atmosphere and people will be drawn to you.

   • If you catch yourself saying something negative, give two positive lines.
   • If the people around you are not in the mood, cheer them up instead of lowering yourself to their level.
   • If you're having a hard day, don't put on a fake smile on your face. However, you need to make an effort to keep a positive attitude (don't show your annoyance or think that the issues that are bothering you are not so important).

6. Unite people. In the company of friends, try to make sure that everyone maintains a good relationship or gets to know each other better. Unite people so that they become closer to each other.

   • Approach it subtly. If you are in the company of people who feel like they have nothing in common, arouse their mutual interest, which will lead to a connection between them.
   • If you have two friends who don't get along, say something positive about each of them; so you increase the chance that their relationship will normalize.
   • Strengthen relationships between people by offering to do something fun that everyone will be interested in (for example, go bowling). The more fun the activity you offer, the better.

7. Dance, even if you're not good at it. Whether you're dancing alone, or with a partner, or on the dance floor with friends, just dance and enjoy it.

   • Pull your hair back, sing a few lines from any song you like, and move your arms and legs to cheer the people around you.
   • Encourage people to dance with you. Get your friends who don't like to dance to come on the dance floor with you and show them how much fun it is.

8. Conquer your fears. If you are afraid of heights, clowns, dogs, or something else, take the time and energy to work on yourself and overcome your fears. You will be surprised at what you are capable of.

   • Agree with almost all offers to do something new. If your artist friend or avid hiker suggests you paint something or go camping, be sure to agree, as this is new to you.
   • Next time at a party or in a company, find a person who has little in common with you. Be sure to get to know this person to learn something new from him.
   • If a host or artist calls for a volunteer on a show, don't be afraid to raise your hand. Sing and dance at the concert of your favorite artist. Wear breathtaking outfits that cheer you up. Sing your favorite song at karaoke, even if you don't have an ear for music. Throw a fun themed party. In a word - have fun!

• Be honest and keep your promises. This will give you a reputation for being reliable and make it easier for people to be open with you.
• Treat people the way you would like them to treat you.
• If you are one of those people who finds it difficult to keep up a conversation, make a list of topics that you could discuss with your interlocutor, and when there is a moment of awkward silence, start discussing this topic. You can always find an interesting topic for conversation.
• Always seek knowledge. With a good store of knowledge, you can become witty.
• Avoid gossip or spreading rumors. This will not help you, but rather ruin your reputation as a reliable and cheerful person. It will be difficult for people to relax in your presence if they know that you are spreading rumors behind their backs.
• Laugh with your friends and other people, not over them.
• Define your limits. Sit alone for a while to catch your breath and rejuvenate. Also, let others know that you have boundaries that should not be crossed.
• Smile a lot and love the people around you. Don't judge others because you don't know what they've been through.

Warnings

• Cherish your relationship with your friends, because they are the best thing you have.
• Don't laugh at people. Laugh with them. You can laugh at yourself. Despite mistakes and failures, be happy.
• Sometimes there is no need for fun. Everything has its time. If your friend needs support and is going through a difficult period, you should be ready to help. Also show your parents that you deserve more freedom and they can trust you. Show yourself as a responsible and reliable person.
• If you have a close relationship with someone, you may be more open. But if you've just met someone, be polite.
• Your jokes should be appropriate and should not hurt anyone, including you.
• Do not try force people think you are funny and interesting person. It won't show you well.