How can a woman learn to love herself? Actionable Tips. Accept yourself completely

22.09.2019

One of the main components of happiness is self-love. You can give joy and care to other people and get a lot of pleasure from it, but you will never achieve full, 100% happiness this way. Still, in every person there is a drop of healthy egoism. I have it, and so do you. I recommend that you read the article about that before that.

But before starting the discussion, how to love yourself, let's look at what consequences low self-esteem can lead to. The bare minimum is that you will not feel very confident. Maximum - prolonged depression and even thoughts of suicide. Certainly, last option unlikely, but, unfortunately, such cases are also known.

Negativity, in principle, rarely leads to good consequences, to say nothing about negativity towards oneself. On most sites, you will surely find the usual advice that will encourage you and say: love yourself. However, I, like you, understand that this is of little use. You need to dive deeper into this problem in order to start getting really good results.

By the way, if you believe in the law of attraction, then you understand why you shouldn’t think badly about yourself. For those not in the know, the more you think about something, the more it will be attracted into your life. For example, if you constantly think about something, then soon the universe will begin to send you a lot of clues about this topic. For example, an article on my blog.

What is the cause of your problem?

Not one of the psychological problems can not be solved without knowing the cause. Some gifted people (especially on the Internet) like to offer universal solutions. Of course, they can help, but most often they do it only partially or do not bring results at all. Most the best solution is the help of professionals.

However, you can take the first steps in this direction on your own. Moreover, you have already started doing them, because it was not in vain that you started reading an article about how to love yourself for a woman or a man. Congratulations, you are on the right track, since you already understand the problem and start looking for ways to solve it. But try to dig deeper...

Try to remember the first time you had these thoughts. This is very difficult to do, so try a simple exercise. Think about the last time you thought about your problem, then go back a couple of days and continue until you remember a couple dozen cases. The deeper the memories, the better.

Then remember what they were associated with. For example, if you don't love yourself because excess weight, then it may be the disappointments that come when looking in the mirror and stopping the diet. If you can’t love yourself because you often take it out on your family, then these memories may come up during quarrels and so on.

You need to get to the root of the problem. What started it all. When did you first begin to think about the fact that you are overweight or have a bad temper. Most problems grow from childhood, however, there are causes of poor self-esteem that are associated with a more adult period. When answering the question of how to love yourself, psychology cannot give exact answers, but you have taken the second step towards solving it.

Forgive or erase

Next, you have an even more difficult task. You even forgive your abusers or your past self. I repeat, it is really incredibly difficult to do this, because the resentment has accumulated in your heart for many years, but you can do it step by step. The easiest option is to visualize your memories.

For example, you were teased at school for being overweight. Imagine if it didn't really happen. You just talked with classmates, but no one called you names. If this is difficult to do, then try to imagine that they are asking for forgiveness from you for what happened. You can also visualize giving these people gifts, smiling together and just talking - this also helps.

But what if the memories are so strong that it is almost impossible to forget about them just like that? Try to destroy them. Erase them and imagine what never was. You have never looked at yourself in the mirror and you have never yelled at your loved ones. Some people call it life from a blank slate - maybe they are right.

It will be hard at first, but every time you remember the reasons for your own dissatisfaction, just drown them out. Yes, ignoring the problem is not the best option, but it will help to gather strength for a further solution, which professional psychologists will help to cope with. And you don't have to be interested in how to make yourself fall in love.

Change your beliefs on paper

Writing gave a person not only the opportunity to exchange information. With a plain piece of paper and ballpoint pen, you can achieve good changes in psychological terms. All you need to do is find a secluded spot and a few minutes of free time. It is very important that no one distracts you at this moment, and you can fully concentrate on the task.

First, on one side of the paper, write down all the beliefs you currently have about yourself:

I keep postponing things
I can't handle negative emotions
I do not know,
My skin looks ugly
I am too fat and clumsy.

Write them down as much as possible. Have you written? Now cross out. Moreover, invest in this action as much as possible of your strength, spirit and aspiration. You don't need them anymore. Then tear this piece of paper, you can even burn it if the situation allows.

However, the exercise does not end there. Do something else. Take a new piece of paper and write on it the new beliefs you would like to put into practice. It could be:

I easily take on any job
I am always positive about work.
I understand what needs to be done
I look very beautiful
I look the way I need at the moment.

Of course, I am not a supporter of self-deception, but this is a good way. However, you can also write more truthful statements. For instance, "I will do my best to lose weight"- this option personally attracts me more. It is more suitable for understanding how to love yourself to a girl.

Put this piece of paper next to your bed and every time you go to bed, reread the new beliefs. And do it not diagonally, but really read every word. Very soon you will notice that you start to really treat yourself better. There is also another way to use this list. Which? Find out in the following articles.

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10 steps to love yourself and others

While preparing this material, I came across a wonderful article on English language. I will not translate it word for word, but some of the theses from there seemed attractive enough to me to include them in this post. Of these, ten steps have been formulated, by completing which you can increase the level of self-love.

First step. Stop criticizing yourself

Every day a person changes. It does not matter what it is connected with: with his internal struggle, the people around him or some external circumstances. Every conversation changes us from the inside, every action we take somehow resonates in our character.

However, some people suffer from a very serious disease - cultivation mania. It seems to them that they should be something bigger, better, but when faced with reality, they realize that everything is not really the way they would like to think. As a result, they criticize themselves a lot, which does not lead to positive consequences. If you want to love yourself, get rid of this disease.

Second step. Believe in the best

What do you think about before falling asleep? If you set yourself up for negative emotions remember all your sins and other inappropriate things, then this explains low level your self-esteem. In fact, in order to change and love yourself, you just need to believe in the best. Instead of sad memories, think of good ones. Instead of imagining future difficulties, dream of an ideal future, that, and so on.

Third step. Become more patient

A friend of mine asked how to make a girl fall in love with herself. I was surprised by this, because I was sure that he himself was suffering from low self-esteem. In fact, many people want a lot, and here and now. However, this does not happen.

To achieve something big, you must first achieve a small goal. If you come to the gym, you are unlikely to be able to take 100 kg the first time. First you have to take a 5-kilogram weight, then 10 and so on. It also works in other situations.

Fourth step. Think Positive

You need to get rid of most of the negativity that flows into your consciousness every day. Without this, it is hardly possible to understand how to love yourself to a man or a woman. True, every day such a stream of negative emotions pours on us that sometimes you wonder how you can survive in such situations.

First of all, it is necessary to exclude TV and the media. Only negative emotions come from there, and your friends will easily notify you of important news. Also work on your thoughts and eliminate everything unnecessary.

Fifth step. Praise yourself

It is best to do this at the end of the day. Look back and appreciate the hours you have lived. Is there anything you can be commended for? Even if this is a small matter like the usual help to a colleague or the lessons done, you still need to give vent to feelings and say what a great guy you are. Believe me, this is not so easy, but try to make it a daily practice.

Sixth step. Start supporting yourself

People very often expect support from other people. Instead, it’s enough to say a couple of times to yourself simple words like “You can do it” or “Be patient a little more, I believe that you will succeed” and it will become really easier for you. If you start to suffer again because of the problems associated with low self-esteem, remember this and say a few encouraging sentences.

Seventh step. Love Your Negatives

If the negative aspects cannot be avoided, then just accept them and love. For example, if you got an ugly scar from childhood that you can’t get rid of, then instead of crying about its presence, start admiring it or just make friends. You can even introduce him as your friend and sometimes talk. Just don't go too far.

Eighth step. Start taking care of your body

Sign up for a gym. Learn how to make your skin, hair and nails more attractive. If you are a girl - learn how to paint correctly and so on, you must understand that you look as attractive as possible.

Ninth step. Set yourself up for success

To love yourself, there is nothing easier than the mood for success. In the morning, first of all, go to the mirror and make sure that this day will go just fine. Decide ahead of time what to do in order to achieve the desired result.

Smile to yourself, rub your hands together in anticipation of the work day and say that you look amazing. It will take no more than five minutes, but the result will be simply incredible.

Tenth step. Help others

Nothing builds self-confidence like helping other people. Indeed, no matter what you do, you will begin to feel truly happy only if your emotions are backed up by good deeds. And it doesn’t matter what kind of help it will be: whether you will transfer your grandmother across the road or send money to help those in need.

On this, perhaps, you can finish the article about how to love yourself. If you have any questions - feel free to write them in the comments. Also there you can write wishes or any other things. By the way, do not forget to subscribe to the comments. Bye Bye!

She allows her feminine energy to open up like a flower. She allows herself to bloom, allows herself to be fragrant and delight her with the happiness and fullness of everyone around her.
This love pours out of her and envelops her family with wisdom, affection, care and happiness.

No. No, this is not selfishness or inflated conceit, but love for your true self, for your feminine nature.

A woman who loves herself, she merges with the flow of her stellar destiny - to be a woman, to be an inspiration, to be a vessel of tenderness, boundless creativity and joy.
Such a woman easily and confidently manifests her feminine qualities in the highest aspect, she can be weak, vulnerable, strong, and purposeful. Everything in it will be harmonious.
The main thing is a woman who loves herself allows herself to enjoy life, she smiles, she creates, she wants the best for herself, her family and for everyone.
Such a radiant, filled woman is a source of priceless energy that she radiates and wisely spends. She is always desired. A woman who loves herself is attractive.

A man subconsciously always strives for the gentle impulsive energy of femininity.
Men turn around and sometimes look at young girls not because of beauty or some instincts, as many people think. They are simply subconsciously drawn to this spring of femininity, to this pure energy. Which in youth is usually in abundance.
They are drawn to this power, which was provided by nature itself to preserve and increase the energy of love and happiness in the family. Which promises them peace, prosperity and sweetness in family life. Which balances and nourishes their masculinity and strength. Which supports, multiplies and strengthens men's faith in themselves, in their limitless possibilities.

Dear women, girls, love yourself, take care of yourself, take care of yourself always!
Do your best not to get tired, not to work hard, not to waste your inner source of energy. After all, all the hardships of everyday life, overwhelming burdens and work are reflected in appearance, and most importantly in the eyes and in the heart.
After all, the best makeup is shining eyes. Don't give in to this big illusion, this enforced lousy careerism, consumerist mentality or glamorous magazine utopia where everything goes only on the surface.
Being tired, exhausted, sleepy, giving up on yourself, dressed like a man lumberjack, how can you be an inspiration?

You can save your spring of femininity: if you work, then with pleasure, if you study, then the most interesting and exciting, if you do housework, then with joy and to a certain limit, if you babysit children, then with wisdom and self-care, if take care of others - then always with respect for yourself and for your feelings and strengths.

Only being radiant can you give a particle of your light. Self love is the foundation for everything else. Taking care of yourself, your soul, your beauty, all this will pay off thousands and millions of times, with the admiring eyes of your loved one, joy in the family and prosperity in life.

The attitude of others towards each of us depends on what we think about ourselves. If a woman wants to be respected and loved by others, she must love and respect herself. Otherwise, others will have a strange feeling - like a good woman, but something is wrong with her ... Even if you skillfully hide your dislike for yourself, people still feel it.

Most women understand that successful life you need to know how to love yourself. But how can a woman love herself? There are simple tips that you can follow to learn how to love yourself.

Recognize that you are special and unique

First of all, forget about your shortcomings. Moreover, in most cases they are far-fetched or greatly exaggerated. Your flaws are your features.

Each of us is unique and unique, there is no other like it and never will be. And therein lies your attraction. No one else has eyes, lips, cheekbones like you. Look at yourself, see how beautiful you are.

Learn to take care of yourself

Each of us knows the feeling of love, love for someone. But we do not always know how to love ourselves. So how can a woman love herself?

Think about how you show love for another person. What do you do when you take care of your loved one? It is very good to make a list and try to do all the same in relation to yourself. Your attitude to yourself, to your body, to your features will change very quickly.

Recognize that you deserve the best

Try to understand that you deserve the best in everything. At the slightest opportunity, indulge yourself. It doesn't have to be expensive things or services. Buy, for example, a beautiful blouse or a new lipstick. But this thing should please you, emphasize your beauty and uniqueness. You need to like yourself, to be pleased to see yourself in the mirror.

Feel well-groomed, seductive

Never deny yourself the opportunity to feel
beautiful. Nowadays, there are many pleasant procedures for this. Make a list of 20 procedures for yourself that will help you be beautiful. Make time at least once a week or once a month for one of them.

By taking care of your body, you will feel your self-esteem rise. You will feel feminine, desirable, seductive. When you love your body, you will be able to enjoy self-care.

Feel the beauty of female weakness

Many have heard the expression that female power lies in its weakness. A woman who feels attractive is not afraid to seem weak, to ask for help. In her defenselessness, a woman seems more tender, feminine. Next to her, every man feels strong, courageous, a protector. And if a man feels like a knight, he will be able to do everything possible and impossible for you.

Now you have a plan of action called "like a woman." To make it easier to fulfill it, make a list for yourself. Allocate for each day of the week one thing that will help you love yourself. At the end of this week, you will feel how much your attitude towards yourself has changed.

We hope our article will help you. Write in the comments how often you pamper yourself. What are you doing to feel beautiful, desirable, to love yourself.

Love yourself girls!

Love yourself girls
Protect the light of the heart
Take off with your soul, loving life,
Adore your loved ones.

In the first place, it's you
Kids, husband, family, flowers,
Those that bloom in your soul
And give a beautiful life.

We have love. keep her,
Give yourself all the blessings
Outfits, beauty, comfort,
Again the angels of love lead.

God Himself protects on the way,
TO happy life guides,
Nobody can replace
The love in the heart will live on.

Life is our right - so live,
Love yourself and your neighbor
Create everything you deserve
And be happy, be happy
With your destiny and eternal life,
That blossomed in the love of the heart,

Love yourself girls!

How a woman should love herself

Loving yourself is very important, but not every woman is given this art as easily as we would like. Where do many problems come from? In fact, from the depths of your own consciousness - there is a source. We ourselves put taboos, clichés, underestimate ourselves, find fault, come up with possible best options past events, we think a lot about the bad, we consider ourselves unworthy of something. How to deal with the problem and learn to love yourself first?

External data - looking for advantages

No ugly women! Even if you were told otherwise, remember that bad things are remembered better. There are many jokes on this subject. For example, this: "He can tell her a hundred times that she is beautiful, but she will only remember that he hinted at her fullness." This is the whole point. Many do not know how to focus on the good, but only remember the bad.

How to work on yourself:

Remember the compliments you received. If you do not communicate with people much, upload to any group of your favorite social network beautiful photo. You will write something good!

· Reward yourself. In every little thing you need to praise yourself beloved. Do it mentally or out loud - it doesn't matter, start from the circumstances.

· Do not be lazy. Beautiful hair, a clean body, a neat manicure - this gives self-confidence. You will fall in love with the very beauty that you will see every day in the mirror.

Opinion of others

Have you ever thought about how hard life is when you try to take into account the opinions of others? Remind yourself every time: “I live for myself!”. The main thing is not to disturb or harm anyone, and everything else is just stereotypes. Love your life and everyone who is important in it. There will always be those who want to criticize you, even if you become Miss World.

Take criticism easier, remember praise, praise other people. Criticism should be taken as an opinion from the outside. You can take a closer look at it and draw conclusions, but you don’t need to take its essence as a template.

When you learn to listen, first of all, your inner voice you will be happier. And you will not have time to look back, how to love yourself.

Think positive, dream

Have you thought about the composition of your thoughts? Most of us are used to immersing ourselves in problems, feeling sorry for ourselves, twisting the same unfortunate situation dozens of times in our thoughts. And this is a big mistake!

Everyone has failures. You need to draw conclusions, but not go in cycles. Life goes on! You are beautiful, full of strength, beauty and ... that same love for yourself.

Think more about the good, try to catch yourself in the negative and drive it away. Dream more, make plans, goals. Learn to have fun, even if you feel lonely today.

Remember - you are beautiful, even despite the flaws! It remains only to emphasize this beauty. And when you love yourself, others will change their attitude towards you too.

“There is always something new to say about a woman, as long as at least one of them remains on the globe.”

Stanislas de Bouffler

“A man, even if he wanted to, cannot take power from a woman, for she rules the world with the power of a despot, although this power is love.”

Jeremy Bentham

“You can imagine a humanity consisting of women alone, but you cannot imagine a humanity consisting of only men.”

Jean Rostand

"Pity is the worst thing you can offer a woman."

Vicki Baum

“Women are a special people: if you compliment them, they take them for the truth, if you tell the truth, they are offended.”

Eric Bern

"Men create laws, and women create morals."

François Guibert

"Oh, women's tears! You wash everything away: our energy, our resistance, and our anger.”

Antoine Francois Prevost

“Women are smarter, of course. Have you ever heard of a woman who would lose her head just because a man has beautiful legs?

Faina Ranevskaya

A woman who loves herself will always take care of herself, even when others do not see her. Her feelings, emotions and her life will be in her hands, and therefore in the area of her control. So, she will not need to control others.
Self-love is the ability to experience and endure pain, accept suffering, without turning into a victim.
A confident woman knows how to wait. She will always take a pause to think before doing or saying anything.

A confident woman understands men. She will not mess with just anyone out of loneliness or a desire to feel loved. In a man, she will be primarily interested in his human qualities, abilities, opportunities and potential. She will look at a man not from the position of how he treats her, but whether she can love him.

A self-confident woman in relationships with men will build bridges, not walls, expecting from a man that he must certainly break her down and break through to her heart.
Women's grievances build walls of alienation.

A woman who loves herself knows how to forgive and not accumulate resentment. She knows how to talk and is not shy about talking about her desires. Don't be ashamed of your feelings.

A confident woman is at peace with herself. She knows what she can offer a man, but is in no hurry to do it too quickly.
A woman who loves herself is in no hurry to open her soul to an unfamiliar man. She does not get carried away until she gets to know the man better.

A self-confident woman will not, after meeting with a man, scroll through the details of their communication for the hundredth time in her head. He will not try to unravel the male secret and penetrate into his soul. He will not try to build his guesses and assumptions why he did or said this.

A confident woman does not need a man to assert herself.

A woman who loves herself knows how to be happy without a man. Her mood does not depend on his presence in her life.

With love, Irina Gavrilova Dempsey

I fully share the point of view that the better a person treats himself, the more chances he has to become successful and achieve his goals. Having a good attitude towards yourself increases the likelihood of achieving heights, for example, in the professional field. To love yourself means to be in harmony with yourself and the world around you, to feel confidence and your own attractiveness, to respect yourself and your desires, to carry a positive charge felt by the people around you.

Dissatisfaction with oneself deprives a person of the ability to enjoy life, often leads to a lowered mood or even causes depression. A person who does not love himself cannot love someone else, so a common problem for such people is loneliness, the inability to build productive relationships with others, and the lack of friends. Self-dislike is often associated with low self-esteem, which is fraught with dissatisfaction with oneself, one's appearance, lack of self-confidence, constant tension and a sense of one's own worthlessness.

Videos women love yourself

I recently received this email:

Why should a woman love herself? A woman should love children, parents, husband. And do everything for them. This is her calling and the meaning of life. And to love yourself is selfishness!

Who else thinks so? I don’t know about you, but, firstly, I am categorically against all kinds of “a woman should”, and secondly ... I answered a letter, but it turned out to be a whole article.

If you don't like your life and want to change it, then you need to start with yourself. And usually the root cause of all life problems is that a woman does not love and does not accept herself.

Let's follow the logical chain.

Sphere of relations

A woman dreams of getting married, but pushes men away from her. Why is this happening? In most cases, this woman does not accept and does not love herself, and if she does not love herself, then why should anyone else love her? The world is mirrored. When you love yourself, this love is reflected outside, and those around you also begin to radiate love. And if you criticize yourself, see only flaws in yourself, hate your appearance, character, habits... Then the people around you will perceive you the same way. They will allow themselves to criticize you and reflect your "dislike", which will pour out on you.

And then you start to listen to their criticism and put off your life “for later”, promising yourself: “When I lose weight, become slim and beautiful, I will find my soul mate and get married.” I don't want to upset you. But that won't happen. Perhaps you will change outwardly, but it is unlikely that after losing a few kilograms of excess weight, you will begin to love yourself more. You will find other reasons for humiliating yourself.

How do I know this? I myself was at one time a very strict judge for myself. She did not forgive herself for mistakes, she was very demanding about her appearance and what she did. She was very hard on herself. Although by nature I am a very kind person, I love and forgive everyone ... everyone except myself. So it was before. Now everything is different. I have been living with a different position for exactly 10 years. I received a very good lesson from life and I am grateful to her for that. When it was really bad, I realized that I was doing everything wrong! It was a bright flash of light, what is called insight! When in an instant the mosaic is formed, because the missing puzzle has been found.

And this puzzle for me was - to love yourself and put YOUR interests above all else.

Now, whatever I do, I do it from the position of a woman who loves herself. And that's okay. I love my husband, son, mother. But I also understand that if I feel bad, they will also suffer. Well, when I feel good, all my relatives are happy too! After all, I am a WOMAN. I create the atmosphere in the house and in relationships. And a lot depends on my mental state and health in the family.

So. I continue about relationships. Love yourself the way you are today, and then your soul mate will be attracted to you. How do you know, maybe the person who is destined to become your husband loves chubby women, and for some reason you are striving to lose weight. And when you lose weight, he may simply not notice you and pass by :) This also happens.

Scope of work and career

Which woman is usually successful in career growth? A woman who is sure that she is the most the best specialist in your area. She does not doubt herself, loves herself, and the authorities also begin to appreciate and promote her. Again, the law of reflection works. How we treat ourselves is how others treat us.

Relationships with money are directly related to how we feel about ourselves. A woman who loves herself will not work for an underpaid unloved job. She will find her purpose and start earning money doing what she loves. After all, when we like something, and we do it with love, everything works out for us, and our favorite business begins to generate income.

Health sphere

A woman who loves herself will not save on herself, on her vacation, on vitamins and examinations, on sports. She takes care of her health. When a woman in a family is healthy and happy, joyful and energetic, she infects those around her with her happiness. After all, happiness is contagious! And her husband and children feel comfortable in such an atmosphere of happiness. Therefore, a woman should take care of herself first of all, so that everyone around would feel good, joyful and light! Simple logic.

That's why you need to learn to love and accept yourself.

Most women understand that for a successful life you need to be able to love yourself. But how a woman can love herself? There are simple tips that you can follow to learn how to love yourself.

Recognize that you are special and unique

First of all, forget about your shortcomings. Moreover, in most cases they are far-fetched or greatly exaggerated. Your flaws are your features.

Learn to take care of yourself

Each of us knows the feeling of love, love for someone. But we do not always know how to love ourselves. So how can a woman love herself?

Recognize that you deserve the best

Feel well-groomed, seductive

Never deny yourself the opportunity to feel beautiful. Nowadays, there are many pleasant procedures for this. Make a list of 20 procedures for yourself that will help you be beautiful. Make time at least once a week or once a month for one of them.

By taking care of your body, you will feel your self-esteem rise. You will feel feminine, desirable, seductive. When you love your body, you will be able to enjoy self-care.

Feel the beauty of female weakness

Many have heard the expression that a woman's strength lies in her weakness. A woman who feels attractive is not afraid to seem weak, to ask for help. In her defenselessness, a woman seems more tender, feminine. Next to her, every man feels strong, courageous, a protector. And if a man feels like a knight, he will be able to do everything possible and impossible for you.

You now have an action plan called " like a woman". To make it easier to fulfill it, make a list for yourself. Allocate for each day of the week one thing that will help you love yourself. At the end of this week, you will feel how much your attitude towards yourself has changed.

We hope our article will help you. Write in the comments how often you pamper yourself. What are you doing to feel beautiful, desirable, to love yourself.

Did you land on this page by accident?

My friend and her husband were walking along shopping center. In one of the boutiques I saw an interesting dress. I tried it on for a long time, looked in the mirror and doubted whether it was worth taking or not. As a result, I postponed the purchase until later.

Continuing shopping, periodically recalled:
- What a great thing it is!

The laconic husband muttered:
Why didn't you buy it if you like it?

To which the friend replied:
- Too expensive for me.

After a short pause, the husband asked a very unpleasant but correct question:
- If you don't love yourself, why should I love you?

To love another is to consider him a part of yourself, this is what Buddhism teaches. “Love your neighbor as yourself,” echoes Christianity. Option one: for the right attitude towards other people, it is necessary to develop love for oneself.

Of course, do not confuse self-love with satisfying your needs (shopping, spas, tasty food etc). These are just patterns imposed by advertising, a tribute to the material. But taking care of yourself and your appearance, the ability to please yourself, of course, are the components of this very love.

Signs of self dislike

You definitely don't love yourself if:

You criticize your appearance, notice the slightest flaws, when you look in the mirror, your mood deteriorates.
Embarrassed when people compliment your appearance: “What are you talking about, this is an old dress!”, “Do I look good? It’s just that the lighting is bad here”, “Have you built? It seems that way because I'm in the dark."
Do not allow yourself what makes you happy: “It looks like the old one, because the child really wants a new smartphone”, “Dancing? I'm not that old anymore."
Denying your merit “I didn’t do anything special”, “Just lucky”, “I couldn’t do it without a colleague.”
Try to please, be good to everyone.
You always make excuses: for the inconvenience caused, for your achievements, for better well-being than others ...
You constantly experience shame or guilt: you allowed yourself a piece of cake, but you are not thin anyway; bought expensive lipstick, although money is tight. Beat yourself up if you make a mistake.
Associate with your successes and failures. You think you have to be perfect in everything. Otherwise, you feel like you are nobody.
You worry for any reason: why people looked the wrong way, said the wrong thing, whether the neighbor was offended by what the boss thought ...
They tend to get stuck on old failures and emotions for years: divorce, loss of money, anger, or unrequited love that is long overdue to let go.
You are afraid to draw attention to yourself, you prefer to remain in the shadows: you never wear bright things that distinguish you in the crowd; possessing good voice, never dare to sing karaoke; having experience and knowledge, you do not run the risk of offering your candidacy for a position or project.
You think that if a person does not agree with you, has a different point of view, then he does not love you, treats you badly.
Unable to relax in society important people give exaggerated importance to their opinion of yourself.

Well, how does it respond?

What is self love?

Psychologist Nikolai Kozlov said this beautifully: “... This is a natural and joyful care for yourself, for your body, mind, soul and spirit. One of the secrets of self-love is in inner joy and in its simple formula, namely: warmth, light and energy. When there is warmth in your soul, when there is light and sun in your soul, when you have energy in your soul and body, you feel love in your soul, you live with love.”

Self-love and selfishness, as you might guess, are not the same thing. Selfishness is a rapture of oneself, an exaggeration of one's own merits, a consumerist attitude towards people who must confirm that "I am better than they are." Self-love is expressed in the feeling "I'm wonderful - just like them." A woman who loves herself glows with joy. He does not mechanistically perform daily tasks, takes care of loved ones, takes care of himself, but does it joyfully. The inner sun lives in it.

We all come from childhood, our fears and low self-esteem come from there. Even the most loving and just parents make mistakes, and as a result, children acquire various complexes. According to esoteric teachings, we generally come into this world with a load of past incarnations, we choose parents who will help create the necessary problems; overcoming them, we will be able to develop new qualities and evolve.

So let's stop digging into the past, blaming our parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters for our troubles. We change the situation in the present!

Remember all the most offensive, unpleasant, evil that was once said about you - and put all this negativity into an imaginary basket. Destroy it: throw it away, blow it up, dissolve it, burn it - whatever you like. Do it right - you will feel freed from other people's opinions. You and someone else's opinion of you are two different things.
Hang ads in prominent places in the apartment:
“I am good by definition. Whoever does not understand this is his problem.
For at least a month, write before bed:
"I'm good. I am beloved. I can. I am, Lord!” Put the leaf under the pillow, and burn it in the morning.
Separate your personality from your mistakes and achievements:
“I didn’t pass the exam for the rights (I delayed the quarterly report, I couldn’t be certified) - but this is not a reason to value myself less. It doesn't make me better or worse - I just didn't pass the exam."

Regardless of your actions - you are good, unique, priceless!
Use the “I have a bad ..., but ...” technique:
“I don’t have good borscht, but the cakes are great”; "I'm not good at singing, but I'm an excellent dancer and temperamental in bed."

Try to love your flaws, accept them as part of your uniqueness. Rejoice: they stimulate you to develop.
Divide a sheet of paper in half. In one column, list your positive traits, in the other - what you do not like and want to change. Then cross each negative quality with a thick line, tear off this part of the sheet, tear it into small pieces, burn it, give the ashes to water or wind. Learn the rest of the text by heart and repeat it regularly in the morning (or at night - whichever is more convenient for you). Add a new quality to the list every three days. To consolidate the effect, do this for at least a couple of months.
Stop criticizing yourself. You can use the exercise "Rubber" - masochistic, but effective. Put on an elastic band on your wrist; as soon as you notice that you are criticizing yourself, talking badly about yourself, click the rubber band on your wrist.
If you don't like something in another person's behavior, let him feedback. For example, a mother/girlfriend regularly crouches in your ears or forces you into lengthy correspondence and pours negativity on your husband, colleagues, and neighbors. If you love yourself, you won't put up with it. People, of course, need to be accepted as they are, but not to the detriment of oneself. Choose acceptable options to stop useless speech flow:
“Sorry, I'm busy now, the family needs attention. How can I help you specifically? “I understand that the situation is not easy. What way do you see yourself?”; "Let's have a bachelorette party next weekend, shall we? I have to run now."

Train constantly, thanks to this practice you will learn to respect yourself and make others reckon with you.
You can keep a notebook to record your progress. Mark your goals in it and write down daily accomplishments, even the smallest ones. At the end of the week, re-read - and rejoice, rejoice at the achievements, praise, praise yourself!
Overcome your fears - they are frequent companions of low self-esteem. Do something that you have long dreamed of, but were afraid of: sign up for dancing, singing, drawing; take part in a competition on television; skydive or bungee jump; perform at a corporate party. Explosion of adrenaline and positive emotions secured!
Start transferring knowledge to others: train in dance, yoga, tutor in a foreign language, learn to knit or weave crafts from beads ... Acceptance by others of your authority will give self-confidence and increase self-esteem.
Go for a massage or body training - this will help remove the blocks, clamps that have formed in the body as a result of traumatic situations. For example, they wanted to hit someone and did not hit - the hand began to go numb; parents shamed the girl for early manifestations of sexuality or the first intimate contact with a man was unsuccessful - a pelvic block formed, stagnation of blood in the pelvic organs, problems with orgasm, etc.

Body-oriented psychology can help you relive birth (according to your scenario: you are long-awaited and loved!), stop being afraid of death (thanatotherapy) and much more. It will be a very unusual and exciting experience.

And about the main

Cultivate a sense of gratitude. We have been accumulating claims for years: the world is not like that, people are not like that ... It can be difficult to feel grateful for what you live, for what you already have. But the grateful one gets a hundredfold!

Great techniques for developing gratitude are given by Rhonda Byrne in her book "Magic" - a must read! Be filled with gratitude and joy will come with it.

Cultivate joy, cherish it and cherish it. Without joy, don't push, don't push, you won't have any love for yourself.

Imagine that you have the sun in your chest. Woke up in the morning - and it lit up. We felt that the world has become gray and bleak - turn on the sun, you are the mistress of your house! You can also imagine a smile at the heart chakra or a flower in full bloom.

Your joy will be contagious, people will definitely notice the changes in you and begin to glow in response.

“Love yourself and it can transform the world” (Osho).

How often do you look with envy at others more happy women and you are trying to answer the question why everything in life is so uneven, illogical, inexplicable.

Why one EVERYTHING, and you only miserable crumbs? At the same time, that other one is far from the most beautiful and worthy. At first glance, she seems ordinary, but she is LOVED, VALUED, WANTED. And your life, despite hard work and efforts, everything will not begin to shimmer with happy colors?

If a woman feels guilty, dissatisfied with herself, burdens work, annoys loved ones, relationships with men do not go well, in a word - something in life is very unsatisfactory, it's time to START LOVE YOURSELF.

It would seem, and here one to another? What kind of self-love can we talk about when the problem is outside? A man lying in front of the TV or his absence, a job that does not bring pleasure, a feeling that life is passing by. For the most part, this is what happens! It is easier for us to find an external enemy than to look for problems inside.

How do women talk? It is necessary to change the job, the man, the environment. Many change. And what is the result?

For a while, it will seem to you that life is getting better, but very soon the problems will return. The new boss will start to find fault, the new chosen one will relax, new friends will turn out to be no better than old ones.

Why is this happening? Because, by changing the picture outside, we subconsciously act according to the old scenario, treat the symptoms, not the cause of the disease, so we inevitably step on the old rake.

We are afraid to admit that the matter is in ourselves, because with this knowledge we will have to live on. But how? This is where the magic pill comes to the rescue - LOVE FOR YOURSELF.

There is another extreme: a woman understands that the problem is in her. It seems that he is trying to become better, develops, in relations with a man he makes efforts to make everything happen, but “for some reason” he does not appreciate it. Do you know why? The woman in these efforts, again, forgot ABOUT HERSELF.

What is self love?

Self-love is not narcissism, not inflated self-esteem, not selfishness.

Self-love is a positive SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

I'll explain simply. Self-acceptance is a state when a person accepts himself as he is, with all the advantages and, most importantly, shortcomings, without judging, without feeling remorse and guilt.

We contact the world through the prism of our own "I". Agree, if you allow yourself to tell a lie, for you the lie of another person will not become a mortal sin. You will be able to accept this fact, because you yourself sometimes sin like this. By accepting your own shortcomings, you are more tolerant of the shortcomings of others.

Turns out than BETTER man treats himself, the better he treats others.

If everything is so simple, you ask, why does not everyone manage to love themselves?

The answer, like so much in this life, is rooted in childhood.

The trouble is that back side medal - HATE TO SELF - is born in infancy against our will and continues to live until we ourselves realize the problem and begin to move towards ourselves in small steps.

Why don't women love themselves?

Reason #1 - Parents

Grains of dislike for themselves are laid by parents. All mentally normal mothers and fathers love their children. Out of the best intentions, desiring members of society, they scold, punish, forbid.

In these moments, their love is securely hidden deep inside, at the exit the child sees only dislike. Remember what you were called as a child:

lazybones

Hands grow from the wrong place

Careless…

It's no secret that everyone hears what they want to hear. The psyche involuntarily sets filters. A child from a lot of information begins, like a sponge, to absorb facts confirming unflattering reviews about him. As a result, he is convinced that he is not just NOT loved. They do not like him DESERVEDLY.

The black work is done. Without knowing it, parents lay COMPLEXES that haunt us all our lives, largely determining its course.

Reason #2 - I = Society

The second source of self-dislike is added during adolescence. A teenage girl begins to distinguish between the concepts of "I" and "They" and evaluate both them and herself. The evaluation logic is simple. Like in a cartoon - whoever praises me best of all, I will give him a big sweet candy. If others are friendly, tolerant, sympathetic, attentive to her, they are perceived with a plus sign. If they are aggressive, edifying, critical - with a minus sign.

The bottom line is that a person evaluates himself according to the same criteria by which he values others. Acting badly with others, one's own psyche evaluates oneself negatively and rejects. A person who acts negatively from the point of view of generally accepted norms does not love himself.

How can a woman learn to love herself?

Loving yourself is hard. Self-acceptance is not self-admiration, not the automatic repetition of “I am the most charming and attractive.” This is a constant conscious activity over your thoughts, judgments, actions. But… Water wears away the stone.

1. Try to understand the reason for parental negativity from which you suffered as a child and continue to experience now. It has nothing to do with your personal qualities.

Parents were afraid for you and your life, clumsily coped with own feelings. They felt bad. They need to be understood, forgiven and treated in the future as you would treat a person whose poor health, mental confusion, problems are obvious to you. Treat with empathy, understanding, care. Over time, your acceptance of yourself is guaranteed to increase.

2. Make room for the good

Write letters to the past. Parents, if there is resentment towards them. which probably caused a lot of pain.

In the first letter, you pour out all the negativity, resentment, pain, anger, claims, criticism. Unload everything from the inside onto paper. Then you crumple this letter and burn it.

Write the second letter with gratitude for all the good that this person gave you. For experience, for growth. It will not be superfluous to apologize for your imperfection. This letter can be photographed and forwarded to the person to read.

Often thanks to such letters it is possible that is gone.

3. Take care of yourself!

I never tire of repeating this phrase. A man does not appreciate a woman, a man “wipes his feet on her”, a man does not see the efforts of a woman, finds fault, annoyed? Take care of yourself, your body, appearance, your enjoyment of this life.

But not with the aim of taking revenge on a man or teaching a lesson. And for myself. After all, no one really needs us until we need ourselves, first of all.

4. Do good deeds for no reason

Give people compliments, find the good in them, emphasize it. Help those people who are not able in this life (already or so far) to help themselves (orphans, the disabled, the elderly). What for?

To realize your own value. That you are what you are now, useful to this world. And in general, the meaning of life is to make it better. Starting from whom? That's right, from myself.

5. Get rid of the environment of people who drag you down.

We are the arithmetic mean of our environment. "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are."

I remember myself when I came to Kiev from the provinces. Being an insecure guy, I strived for the best, for development. And there were friends, after talking with whom it became bad at heart, around whom I felt unhappy. Limit contact with them.

Surround yourself with people who are more successful than you, or those who strive for the best just like you.

6. Change your lifestyle

Hence, self-esteem, self-love will increase. You will not notice how one day you will forget that you once did not love yourself (as it was in my life).

Conclusion:

Self-love is something without which all women's efforts in the sphere of relations with men come to naught. Some women continue to accuse men of ingratitude and their imperfection, and some women have had the courage to suspect that perhaps the reason is in themselves.

Get on the path to love yourself. I gave instructions above. I went through all of this personally. If I could, then you can too.

Thank you and see you in the next articles.

Write in the comments the first three steps that you will take on the path to increasing your own self-esteem.

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