Mourning time. Funeral traditions

Year? This is siiiiiiish. There are hardly any canonical prohibitions. Postpone for a month, or until Krasnaya Gorka - this comes out to about 3.5 months of waiting.

• ^59hopscotch8
• January 12, 2010
• 15:24

complex issue...

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 15:43

Who said that carnal kinship means little? The commandment to honor parents has not been canceled! Of course, for the sake of Christ, we must be ready to leave those closest to us, but only for the sake of Christ, and not for our own sake.

Year - formalism, to be sure. But there are such concepts as parental blessing, obedience. You should not refuse them when building a family. Try to persuade, explain.

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 16:00

Honor is not the same as love. Obedience should be to whom, Elena? :)))))) Tricky question...

Let me remind you - 10 commandments, including parents - this is Old Testament. And the New is Christ's: A man's enemies are his household.

Be healthy.

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 16:49

Not equal. Obedience to parents.

The 10 commandments are (recently) controversial. Christ came to fulfill the law, not to abolish it. Ritual decrees of the Old Testament are unambiguously canceled by the New Testament, but the Decalogue? Expand rather than cancel. The decalogue is transferred from the stone tablets to the tablets of hearts. Otherwise, the Beatitudes are impossible to fulfill (how?!). Christ himself spoke about the respect of parents, look.

A man's enemies are his household. I do not argue. But is it always? When do not fulfill his whim? No way. A man's enemies are at home when they stand between him and God. Parents who send their children to torture. And note that none of the martyrs cursed their parents, on the contrary, they prayed for them. Enemies also need to be loved. This is the New Testament.

• revel
• January 12, 2010
• 16:55

We do not have such instructions. Usually mourning is up to 40 days.

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 17:03

"Obedience - to parents." CUT BY ADMIN

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 17:18

"Ha..." What? Let's speak Russian.

Obedience to parents. Even authorities, laws. More spiritual father. More to God. It is not difficult to create your own will.

• 3pickaxe
• January 12, 2010
• 17:30

Thank you all very much for your response! :)

Pavel Ivanov

"Let me remind you - 10 commandments, including parents - this is the Old Testament. And the New - Christ's: Enemies of a man are his household." To be honest, this is the first time I've heard this. Can you tell me where you can read it?

I really want to receive a parental blessing, yet I think this is important. Although it will be difficult to convince the feeling ...

especially strong disagreements often arise with my mother. To the point that you even need to see each other less often during this period and considers planning joint trips somewhere for the weekend to be fornication ... It's hard to endure all this when you live with your parents - it seems that you need to respect and honor them, but when they constantly interfere and demand obedience - break down. I would have left a long time ago, but my salary does not yet allow me to rent a separate housing, and I don’t want to cohabit either. I really want to create my own family as soon as possible, but at the same time I am afraid that if I fail to harmonize relations with my parents, then all problems can be transferred to new life with husband.

• embassy
• January 12, 2010
• 17:37

My friend's fiancé's father died, and they have already filed an application and agreed on the wedding, but the wedding is not postponed.

• warden46
• January 12, 2010
• 17:39

When my future husband's mother died, we postponed the marriage for a year.

• embassy
• January 12, 2010
• 17:40

No. 11, will you live with your mother?

Are you the only daughter in the family?

• embassy
• January 12, 2010
• 17:42

I read somewhere in some pamphlet that if a man dies, then mourning lasts 2 years, if a woman, then a year. But now my friend Bogoslovsky has finished, and nothing, the wedding is not postponed.

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 17:49

No. 10 in your post, only 3 words are correct: obedience ... even to God. They put God in last place... Oh, Christians... Isn't it difficult to do your own will? :)))))))) Have you tried it? :))) In fact, it is very, very difficult to do something apart from the will of the demons. Spiritual thinking, excuse me, is rather weak.

Gospel. Mt 10:36

• 3pickaxe
• January 12, 2010
• 18:02

Pavel Ivanov

34 Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword, 35 for I came to divide a man from his father, and a daughter from her mother, and a daughter-in-law from her mother-in-law. 36 And the enemies of a man are his household.

I still do not fully understand ... how it is - the enemies of a man - his household. This is possible if they are atheists, for example ... apparently this must be understood somehow non-literally ..

Yes, I am the only daughter. But I will live in the same house with my husband's family. (in the same house, but at the same time separately). With my parents, this would not have been possible for many reasons.

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 18:09

Ms. Smoky, I believe that part of the reason why a young family life would be impossible with your parents could be called "enemies of a man's household."

Quotes on the topic: "There is no prophet in your own country", "come out of the people and make up your own individual", "whoever does not reject (listing relatives) for My sake is not worthy of Me."

In general, understand and remember: if there is no God between you and a person, then there is a devil. If for a moment God ceased to be between you, the devil came. The third is not given, no, and will not be. Remember...

And the relatives whom we are accustomed to trust, from whom we internally do not expect a threat - can be a very dangerous tool of the devil...

• 3pickaxe
• January 12, 2010
• 18:18

But how to understand who stands between people - God or the devil?

How can relatives become an instrument of the devil, if they are, for example, church-going people? besides, normal parents only want the best for their child. I would not want that someday I become an obstacle for my future children to spiritual and personal development.

and in general, how to catch this fine line between honoring parents and at the same time following one’s own path, and not the one that relatives want to impose (often out of kindness and love)? ..

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 18:26

1. "But how to understand who stands between people - God or the devil?" Not everything needs to be understood, especially in spiritual matters. Let's just say... keep this plan, spiritual, in mind, and you will see from your own experience what, how and why.

2. "churched people" and you read the psalms of the HOLY King David. That's courage - he openly talks about how bad he is. No joke, hurt people very hard. By the way, the Pharisees were m ... what is now called the word "churched." People go to the cup, but God does not give communion, so you have churching.

3. "Besides, normal parents only want the best for their child."

The very naivety :))))))) Both commendable and fearful... Parents are so driven by the INSTINCT of the race, like animals taking care of children. And people are subject to a larger range of phenomena, and if the instinct is not covered by God's love, it is covered by sinful components. Love of power comes (yeah, you remembered it). And this is no longer love in the Christian sense.

4. God opens to whomever he wants. Loving Him.

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 18:41

#sixteen. I remember quotes. Hierarchy from bottom to top is shown. God comes first, of course. Hope you understand.

About demonic will. There is a joke. Passionate. Batiushka enters the seminarian's cell. He and a candle in a spoon soars an egg. - Excuse me, the demon beguiled, - the student justifies himself. “No, I wouldn’t have thought of that,” a voice answers from the corner. According to the teachings of the holy fathers, all our desires and thoughts come from three origins - from God, from ourselves and from demons. Although there is a folk wisdom that where there is no God, there is a demon.

#nineteen. You will know them by their fruits. Where division, anger, hatred is instilled - there is not God. Seek the will of God. Try to solve everything peacefully. 25 - not the age when you need "rather". Others create families even at 45, and even give birth to children. Only in marriage you need to live not for yourself, not for each other, but only for the sake of your husband and children. This is self-sacrifice. obedience to husband. Obedience to parents would be a good school. You could also ask the advice of a priest.

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 18:45

Elena, I would have believed your excuses, but again you betray yourself, forgive me for being direct - an atheist. "Only in marriage you need to live not for yourself, not for each other, but only for the sake of your husband and children." Why God? We have our own Gods - husbands and children ... What kind of people ....

• redpoll
• January 12, 2010
• 19:29

My great-grandmother died on the eve of my second cousin's wedding. Not postponed. 9 days did not wait. And on the second day after the wedding, her husband died in a car accident.

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 20:04

No. We have God - we ourselves, our own self. To live for the sake of a husband and children is to serve God by these. Getting married knowing that the husband will be against God, and raising children so that they become on our way to God - you don’t even need to start. Of course, if you have to choose between your family and God... And if you want to live only for the sake of God, there is monasticism.

Interpretation of bliss. Theophylact:

"Do not think that I came to bring peace to the earth, not peace I came to bring, but a sword, for I came to divide a man from his Father, and a daughter from her mother, and a daughter-in-law from her mother-in-law. And the enemies of a man are his household." Agreement is not always good: there are times when separation is good. The sword means the word of faith, which cuts us off from the mood of our family and relatives, if they interfere with us in the work of piety. The Lord does not say here that we should withdraw or separate ourselves from them without a special reason - we should withdraw only if they do not agree with us, but rather hinder us in faith.

"Whoever loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." You see that it is only necessary to hate parents and children if they want to be loved more than Christ. But what about the father and children? Hear more:

"And whoever does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me."

He who, he says, does not renounce real life and does not betray himself to a shameful death (for this was the sign of the cross among the ancients), he is not worthy of Me. But since many are crucified as robbers and thieves, he added: “and follows Me,” that is, he lives according to My laws!

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 20:05

Modern interpretation (St. Anatoly Garmaev)

"The enemies of a man are his household." What do these words mean and how do they connect with the commandment to love one's neighbor? Learn how to combine it?

In what sense are domestic enemies to a believer? For example, we came to believe, we almost became churched, we began to acquire the image and character of a church person... evening prayers houses, Christian clothes... And suddenly it was revealed to us that our households were not at all like that, they had not changed at all. It turns out that they captivate us very much with their former manners, the nature of life, words, beliefs, their great sorrow for us. How many mothers are grieving today for their adult children who have been churched! And mothers sincerely mourn. It is simply impossible not to hear this maternal pain. If you are a normal person, then you will hear this motherly pain. If you are proud in a Christian rank, then what do you need mother's tears ...

On Wednesday, my mother discreetly, carefully puts me a piece of meat, pounded to a bean state. And suddenly... I discover it... How much righteous anger, how much indignation:

How dare you mother?! After all, today is fasting day!

This is an abnormal Christian ... This is generally an outstanding person; it must be dipped three times in the pool to make it normal.

But a normal feeling will hear the care of the mother in this. How can she, who has not yet believed, hear the meanings that I live now? How much love, how much Christian humility one must have in oneself in order to understand that she lives by her own, albeit material, but maternal meanings, that she lives by the simplicity and unpretentiousness of her sincere, sick maternal heart, her care, she sincerely rejoices, she cried out how many tears because her child did not eat meat or milk for forty days. It is impossible not to hear this maternal participation. A true Christian, hearing this joy for himself, will understand with his love and correctly respond to such maternal ignorance.

But there may be more difficult situation. Life is especially complicated when the family suddenly declares categorically: "Here's what: either-or. Either the church - or we." That's when... "If the church, then get out of the house"... There are such cases. In this case, domestics unwittingly, and perhaps even voluntarily, become enemies. And sometimes they become categorical enemies.

But, in spite of everything, you need to remember - if you are a Christian, then you must treat them not according to their outward behavior, but according to the commandment of God: "Honor your father, honor your parents." And the second commandment: "Love your enemy." So, have a sensitive understanding of their motives, their movements of the soul, figure it out, think: where, for what reason is such indignation, such opposition to your churching? Are you not the reason for this? Maybe it's not about your churchness, but about your disposition? Then find yourself, be filled with that wisdom of God, with which you could somehow pacify, calm down and treat your household correctly.

• relict6524
• January 12, 2010
• 20:20

By the way, there is an etiquette for mourning on the Internet ... there, depending on the relative, specific dates for mourning are given. But at least six months, that's for sure ...

• relict6524
• January 12, 2010
• 20:22

"Mourning for father and mother lasts a year. For grandparents - six months; and for uncle and aunt - three months."

• embassy
• January 12, 2010
• 20:36

Pink Haze, will you have a separate or shared kitchen with your parents?

• relict6524
• January 12, 2010
• 20:39

"Times of mourning different peoples different. They depend on the degree of closeness to the deceased. The deepest and longest mourning is for the widow. It is accepted that the widow wears mourning throughout the year, does not wear jewelry, and does not visit places of entertainment. A widow can marry no earlier than a year later. A widower wears mourning for half a year. After six months he can get married and no one can judge him."

• revel
• January 12, 2010
• 20:53

And where does this information come from? Just don’t say that it’s from the Internet.) Different peoples have different etiquette!

• relict6524
• January 12, 2010
• 20:56

• canticle
• January 12, 2010
• 21:11

Sorry, the link is written separately. Please correct.

• gigging
• January 13, 2010
• 01:10

Pink haze, I read your messages. Very a difficult situation. But perhaps (forgive me if I'm wrong), your parents are against the young man in principle? It can not be? I just can not understand why this artificiality. Death is natural. Of course, it is very difficult, but if you yourself are not against the wedding, then why put off? To be honest, I don't think your grandmother would be against your marriage (maybe it sounds strange). It seems to me that the death of one person should not mean the end of life for others. You continue to love your grandmother, your grandmother continues to love you, and, I am sure, wishes you happiness. Another thing is if after the death of your grandmother you yourself lost the desire to get married, but then, I think, you would not have asked this question. For any girl to get married is very important. And if, indeed, you are sure that the young man is worthy, and if he calls you to marry, I think you need to go out, because fate gives only one chance. But just be good at everything. Because parents really want the best for their children. And if they still do not want a wedding, think well why. Try to talk to them, find out their opinion about your fiancé. I think everything will be resolved safely! All the best to you! :))

• fiji
• January 13, 2010
• 02:37

I also think a year is too long. All this time, has your mother been suggesting that you live in fornication or abstain?

Is the creation of a new family a sin and disrespect for the deceased? No. It's worth the wait, and soon great post, and after it, get married, get married and live a full family life.

But the car accident in which the husband of a second cousin died and the death of a great-grandmother, I would not connect and analyze.

• 3pickaxe
• January 13, 2010
• 14:54

Sergey români Khromtsov-Lupan thanks for the info) I also just found this site)

Maria Radish Sidorova. the story is of course very creepy ... even nothing to say

Alena Mereshko. Fortunately, the kitchen will be separate))

Irina Antonova thank you for your support! no, the desire, of course, has not disappeared, but I don’t want to rejoice at all in the near future ... Moreover, my mother is very worried and will probably not come to terms with the loss soon. Probably will have to be postponed for six months for sure.

Olga<Новый 2010! Уряяяяя!>Yevtushenko. my mother is a believer and of course never supported anything related to fornication. Of course, she is for abstinence, and I would like that too. To be honest, the further the harder.

• gigging
• January 13, 2010
• 17:58

Well, then put it off for six months, it's not so long. It will be time to prepare well for the wedding :)

• fiji
• January 13, 2010
• 18:04

Pink Haze! If your mother insists on annual mourning, then it’s more likely that it’s not about mourning for the deceased, but that she is against your marriage to this person in principle. Maybe she doesn't even realize it herself.

A person has gone to another world, but you are alive. In general, the tradition of mourning is a reflection internal need souls. I think that now, when death is so close, it is hard for you and your mother, and of course, it is difficult to imagine wedding festivities, it even seems blasphemous. But after some time, the pain will recede, you will come to terms with the departure of a loved one, you will get used to living WITHOUT your grandmother. And then you can create new family, in which a little baby will appear :), named after her great-grandmother! Your grandmother, I think, would be happy to see you happy with your loved one. Do not put off the wedding for a long time, be reasonable.

My husband, a priest, answered this way: "Definitely get married, if mom insists on mourning, then endure mourning for 40 days."

I generally agree with the words of Theophan the Recluse:

he especially emphasized that external mourning is superfluous, and the main thing for a deceased person is our prayer and alms for him:

"Cry or something? I think to rejoice for the deceased. Glory to Thee, Lord! It will no longer toil on this boring and boring land. Maybe you need to cry for yourself? It's not worth it ... How much is left here? A day or two, and we'll go there ourselves. I have always had such an idea that it is not necessary to wear mourning for the dead, but festive clothes, and not mournful songs to sing, but to serve a grateful prayer service ... "

• fiji
• January 13, 2010
• 18:07

Archbishop of Yekaterinburg and Verkhoturye Vincent specifically notes that in Russia the tradition of external mourning was especially strengthened in the atheistic years, when the church's attitude towards death was forgotten:

"Death for Orthodox Christian- this is a transition to another life, to eternal life - either to heaven or to hell. And, of course, people to some extent grieve that their loved one has passed away. We even know that Christ the Savior Himself, seeing the death of Lazarus, shed tears. This is our human nature- we mourn. But, of course, we must mourn in moderation so as not to fall into despondency, into despair: everything is lost, there is no person. It is worth constantly in this mournful hour for us to remind ourselves that the soul has gone, and the body has remained here temporarily, until the general resurrection. And the soul went to God, and if she spent her life in piety, then we should rejoice that she got rid of suffering and torment, the difficulties of this life. It often happens that before death a person suffers and gets sick quite a lot, sometimes his strength runs out in the patience of these diseases. We rejoice that the Lord gave him the strength to carry the cross to the end, so that he could be worthy of a crown in the Kingdom of God. … Unfortunately, it also happens in another way: that he is not yet ready and you still need to pray for him; then we grieve that he is gone - we grieve that he still needs help so that the Lord forgives him his sins.

We must restrain ourselves so as not to fall into despondency and despair, when we no longer know what to do, we lose control of ourselves. There is sorrow - our nature is like that; but you need to restrain it with faith that there is eternity and your loved one has gone into eternity, you need to help him, you need to pray. And in prayer for the deceased, we receive comfort in this sorrow. This is no longer mourning, but simply a serious attitude towards the future eternity.

You can’t talk about mourning at all - we funeral the deceased in white clothes, we put on white clothes to show that the person has not died, but gone, and we need to pray for him. This departure for him is joyful and pleasant.

The son did just that. And after 40 days he went and was baptized...

This time we will again answer some of the questions that readers most often ask us. This is what, in particular, those who gathered at one of our last author's evenings were interested in.

How long is it necessary to mourn for the deceased?

There can be two options for behavior: in accordance with one’s own ideas about the state of grief for a lost loved one and according to the prescription church rules.

In the first case, the person himself decides how and how much mourning should be observed. It happens that mothers who have buried their only children remain in mourning all their lives. On the other hand, it is unlikely that those around will not understand a young woman who has lost her husband, who, some time after the funeral, will marry again and return to her usual way of life with the corresponding joys and entertainment. In addition, mourning is not necessarily a constant crepe on the head. This is, first of all, restrained, non-idle behavior in everyday life, in society, etc.

According to church rules, the period of mourning in one case or another is strictly regulated. A widow is supposed to wear mourning for two years. During this period, she must wear black clothes without any decorations, and she is forbidden to attend any entertainment events. The widower is prescribed a much shorter mourning - only six months. Children for parents, as well as for grandparents, brothers and sisters, also wear mourning for six months.

Is it true that wine and vodka products are not supposed to be consumed at the commemoration?

This is solely at the request and possibilities of relatives and guests. If the relatives of the deceased want to arrange a funeral and a commemoration in accordance with the old customs, then, indeed, once, in ancient times, it was not customary to use anything so strong at a memorial meal: people in such cases managed with all sorts of jelly, brews, kvass, etc. .P. But times are changing. New traditions are coming. For quite a long time at the commemoration, it is most often customary to drink, as the song says, wine with sadness in half. And it has also become a tradition. Therefore, everyone is free to choose from the two traditions the one that he considers most worthy of the memory of the deceased loved one.

Is a photograph of the deceased appropriate on the tombstone?

The answer here may be similar to the previous one: at the request of the relatives of the deceased. Somewhere before 1920-30, it was not customary to install photographs on tombstones. Even on the stone pre-revolutionary monuments, we will not find photographs with the rarest, literally single exception. There is no talk at all about the unpreserved wooden crosses, which make up nine-tenths of all tombstones of the pre-Soviet period. On ancient stone monuments, one can often find a shallow rectangular or semicircular empty niche, intended, as one might assume, specifically for photography. But actually it is not. In these niches there was once an image of Christ, the Virgin or saints. The face of Christ was usually installed on the monument to the deceased, the Virgin - on the gravestone of the deceased. With the images of the saints, everything is even more interesting. If, say, the deceased was called Nicholas, then the image of Nicholas the Wonderworker was installed on the monument in a niche. It is clear why images of Basil the Great, John Chrysostom, Saints Peter, Alexy, Philip, Tatiana of Rome, etc. could be found on certain monuments. Here is a good Russian tradition! If the guests of the site require our personal opinion on this issue, then we would recommend installing on the tombstone of your loved one not a photograph of the deceased, but the image of his heavenly patron.

Why are there graves in cemeteries that are not parallel to the east-west axis?

This can be found most often somewhere in the outback. We sometimes came across graves in rural graveyards, located almost perpendicular to the axis mentioned in the question. If these are burials of the last decades, then their “non-parallel” arrangement is explained only by the carelessness of the gravediggers. But back in the 19th century, and, of course, in more early times, such deviations from the uniform arrangement of the hillocks had, not surprisingly, the most valid reason. In general, it is customary to dig a grave in the morning. Moreover, it does not matter when exactly the person died - today, yesterday or the day before yesterday. In any case, the graves were dug at sunrise. And this was done precisely in order to bury the deceased, as it seemed to conscientious villagers, with their feet strictly to the east. Understandable! Where the sun rises, there is the east. But what was the result? The lines of the location of the mounds of the deceased at Christmas and who gave his soul to God shortly after the Trinity sometimes diverged almost at right angles! Naturally! - the sun rises at the beginning of summer far from where it rose at the beginning of winter. And this should be taken into account by the peasants. But for some lofty reason they acted exactly as stated above. That is why there were known discrepancies.

Why haven't new cemeteries been opened in Moscow for many years?

The last cemetery opened for burials - Perepechinsky - dates back to June 1, 1999. Apart from the fact that in connection with the unprecedented recent expansion of the capital, there were many cemeteries of various sizes within the Moscow city limits, then, indeed, after Perepechinsky, no new city-wide cemeteries were opened in Moscow. Why is that? - the answer is simple: there is enough space for burials of the dead in the capital today. But if there is a need for such areas, then since 2005, in the Dmitrovsky district near Moscow, near the village of Ozeretskoye, the Moscow government has reserved land plot an area of ​​​​70 hectares (this is a little more than the Vagankovsky cemetery) to organize a new metropolitan burial place there.

When did the dead begin to be cremated in Russia?

In this case, we are not talking about the ancient pagan burning of the dead, but about cremation as a modern technological process.

The first crematorium in Russia was built ... in the Baltic Sea. At the turn of the 19th-20th centuries, a special laboratory for the production of anti-plague preparations was set up in Fort Alexander I, located on an artificial island. For such production, animals were used - carriers of the virus. Then the corpses of these animals in the same place - in the fort - were cremated. But in addition to animals, several people were cremated in the Alexander crematorium - those who contracted the plague and died as a result of scientists. It is precisely because people were burned in the crematorium of the fort that it can be considered the first Russian crematorium.

During civil war in Russia there were at least two crematoria - in Vladivostok and in Petrograd.

Finally, in 1927, perhaps the most famous crematorium in our country was built at the New Donskoy Cemetery in Moscow. There is evidence that back in 1918, Lenin ordered the purchase of an oven, or even several ovens, for cremating corpses abroad. In the most difficult year of the civil war - in 1919 - a competition was announced for the design of the crematorium. The talented constructivist architect Dmitry Petrovich Osipov won the competition. He proposed an unexpected, and most importantly economical solution - at that time it was especially important. According to his project, only the recently built Seraphim Church at the new Donskoy Cemetery was supposed to become a crematorium, after a slight alteration. It turned out that under this church there were extensive basements, quite suitable for installing a cremation oven there. Indeed, Osipov did not need to particularly remake the building: the most significant structural change was the erection of a twenty-meter-high tower, instead of a dome, square in plan, glazed with vertical stained-glass windows. All other changes concerned mainly decorative elements the buildings. As a result, the building, painted to look like “wet concrete”, acquired a strict, emphatically “mournful” look. Equipment was installed in the crematorium - a sliding platform, an elevator for feeding the corpse to the furnaces and the furnaces themselves - from the German company "Topf". As they wrote in those years, both cremation ovens could burn up to 35 corpses per day at maximum load. It is curious to note that the ovens of the same company - "Topf" - were equipped with the Auschwitz crematoria.

Agitation for cremation was then widely launched in the Soviet press. Many great people urged fellow citizens to support the progressive idea of ​​power with their voluntary participation. So the chairman of the Central Executive Committee of the USSR M.I. Kalinin paternally advised all workers to go to the furnace. The all-Union headman supported this opinion with a promise to follow the same place in due time: “I was asked to give my opinion on the significance of cremation. I can only say one thing: my desire is to be burned after death, ”he said in an interview with the Utilities magazine. The engineers of human souls, the writers, did not stay away from the campaign either. Who better than them - the artists of the word, the mouthpieces of the era - to convince the masses to support the policy of the proletarian government! So A.S. Serafimovich colorfully appealed: “It is monstrous to take joy, health, their life from the living in pieces by huge expanses of rotting, smoldering earth. Instead of this contaminated land, it is necessary to plant greenery everywhere that trembles with life, joy, and youthful freshness. When I die, I must be sure to be burned.” Let us note that neither Kalinin nor Serafimovich were burned: both were buried, as they say now, in a "coffin" - one near the Kremlin wall, the other on Novodevichy.

A preliminary test of the operation of the Moscow crematorium was made on December 29, 1926. The same magazine “Communal Services” spoke about this with naturalistic details: “Two female corpses were burned in pine coffins. The net weight of the first burned corpse is 50.4 kg, the second - 38.35 kg. The burning process, counting from the moment the coffin was put into the furnace until the moment the metal vessel with the ashes was taken out, lasted 1 hour 30 minutes for the first corpse, 1 hour 40 minutes for the second. parts of the bones, easily crumbling when they are lightly rubbed between the fingers. White color remains of bones indicates that the burning was carried out in a jet of hot clean air on the one hand and with complete combustion on the other. In general, it can be said that the ashes were of high quality and represented a pleasant mass. The weight of the ash for the first corpse turned out to be 1.9 kg. = 3.8% of the body weight. For the second corpse, it turned out to be 1.8 kg. = 4.7% of the body weight. The fuel for the cremation oven was coke from coal of Donetsk origin.” Note that the corpse is burned in the crematorium not on coal itself, but in a stream of hot air supplied from the furnace, where fuel burns into a special chamber with a coffin with the deceased installed there. And more curious! - the cremation system was designed in such a way that the hot air generated by the furnace simultaneously heated the considerable interior space of the crematorium: apparently, it passed through some kind of air ducts that give off heat to the premises, like a Chinese kan.

Mass cremation of Muscovites began almost a year after the test burning. Accurately, on the tenth anniversary of the Great October Revolution, the crematorium started working on full power. The Vechernyaya Moskva newspaper in those days wrote: “The first meeting of the established Society for the Propagation of Cremation Ideas in the RSFSR took place in Moscow. Society unites all those who sympathize with this idea. The annual membership fee is 50 kopecks... The General Meeting decided to organize working excursions to the crematorium in order to popularize the ideas of cremation and attract new members...”. And such pagan-atheistic disposal of members of the cremation society and sympathizers of this idea continued here until 1973. It was a memorable, downright Buchenwald picture: from a gloomy square tower dominating the area, clearly visible from everywhere, black smoke rose day and night. Residents in neighboring houses usually did not hang linen on the balconies - the wind could bring soot to it.

For many years, the tram stop on the southwestern corner of the New Donskoy Cemetery was called the "Crematorium". In the first half of the 1970s, the author of the essay also found a driver's announcement in the 39th tram, which was amusing in its own way: “The stop is“ Peoples' Friendship University. Former - "Crematorium".

During the years of operation of the Donskoy crematorium, tens of thousands of corpses passed through it. Only the soldiers of the Great Patriotic War, who died in Moscow hospitals, were cremated here and buried in mass grave more than fifteen thousand people. All those buried in the Kremlin wall until 1973 were put on fire here. During the period of repression from Lubyanka, from Lefortovo, from other places, the bodies of the executed or tortured were brought here by trucks. And now the remains of V.K. are buried in the territory of the new Donskoy cemetery. Blucher, A.I. Egorova, M.N. Tukhachevsky, I.P. Uborevich, I.E. Yakira, A.V. Kosareva, S.V. Kosiora, A.M. Krasnoshchekova, P.P. Postysheva, M.N. Ryutina, A.I. Ugarova, N.A. Uglanova, V.Ya. Chubar, Pavel Vasiliev, Sergei Klychkov, Mikhail Koltsov, Vsevolod Meyerhold and many others.

In the depths of the cemetery, at the crossroads of two paths, there is an obelisk in memory of the victims of repression, and around it dozens of tablets with their names are stuck into the ground. Such a sign can be installed here by anyone who has had someone close to him repressed.

Since the launch of the crematorium, the main type of burial on the new Donskoy has become an urn with ashes installed in a columbarium or in the cemetery wall itself. Sometimes the ashes of the cremated are buried in the ground. And until very recently, the dead were not buried here.

In the period 1973-1984, the so-called. false cremations: in the mourning hall, the corresponding rite of farewell to the deceased took place, the coffin with the body was lowered into the lower room, but was no longer burned there, but was then taken out to the Nikolo-Arkhangelsk crematorium. And in the late 1990s, the square tower of the Osipovsky crematorium was completely destroyed, and a pyramidal dome with a cross rose above the building. The mourning "wet concrete" color was replaced by a cheerful pink. In the former hall of farewell, instead of an organ, there is now an altar, and where there was a pedestal with an elevator mechanism that lowers the coffin to the furnace, salt now protrudes. But the most amazing thing is that the entire columbarium has been preserved intact in the temple. It is only covered with light temporary partitions. A terrible picture, to be honest. Temple columbarium. World architecture has never known such eclecticism. Of course, it's too late to talk about this, but it would be better to keep the crematorium of the Osipov project. It was a true monument of architecture and history.

The funeral ceremony is underway, the obligatory days of remembrance are ending, and those close to the deceased begin to ask questions:

• Mourning. How long is mourning for the deceased?
• Would it be appropriate to appear in light clothing in public?
• Can I attend various events?
• How long is mourning?
• After what time can you remarry a widow or marry a widowed spouse?

We live in a society and therefore external observance of traditions is very important. Below are different opinions on this matter. Which point of view to adhere to is up to you.

How long does mourning last

Different cultures have different times for expressing their grief. Also interesting are the instructions on how to wear mourning.

Ancient Greece

In ancient Greece, a widow was required to wear black clothes all her life. Only if she remarried, then she could change her attire for another. The men wore black bandages on their sleeves and did not shave for 40 days.

Ancient Rome

In ancient Rome, mourning for children was established in accordance with the number of years they lived. If the child was 7 at the time of death, then the parents mourned for 7 months. The maximum period was considered to be 10 months. After the widow could already get married, and close relatives took off their black clothes.

Medieval France

In medieval France, the dowager queen was not supposed to leave the rooms where she heard the sad news for a year. Noble ladies were also prescribed the first 6 weeks to be on an empty marital bed as a sign of expressing their sadness. If a sister grieved for her brother, then only the first 9 days she spent in bed, and the rest of the time, up to 6 weeks, she just sat on black matter. For men, etiquette was not so harsh. It was enough for them to tie a black bandage on their arm and wear it for six months.

Ancient China and Korea

In China and Korea, the period of mourning for a close one reached 3 years. During this time, it was possible to wear clothes made of unbleached canvas, and at breakfast they put an additional device for the deceased.

Japan

In Japan, the first 49 days after death are considered the most important. Relatives sincerely pray that the soul of the deceased will find peace and be reborn in the Pure Land. Also in the Land of the Rising Sun, it is customary to mourn the death of the emperor or members of his family. National mourning lasts a year.

How much mourning is worn depending on confessional affiliation

The most stringent is jewish mourning. It is divided into 4 periods:

• Onen from death to burial. The actions of relatives are aimed solely at organizing proper send-offs to the other world.
• Shiva the first week after death. Is imposed on household members whole line prohibitions: cutting nails, leaving the house, studying Torah, working, washing, wearing clean clothes or leather shoes.
• Shloshim - from the 8th to the 30th day. It is already allowed to leave the house, apply cosmetics to women, and men to trim their beards and mustaches.
• The fourth period It is customary to observe only for deceased parents. It lasts until the anniversary of death.

Buddhist traditions It is prescribed to wear mourning for parents and close relatives for 100 days. If the relative is distant, they mourn for the past 49 days. At this time, they dress in gray dresses of various shades.

In Islamic countries the behavior of women in the first time after the death of a spouse is strictly regulated. They are not allowed to wear jewelry, do their hair, dye their hair, use scented grooming products, and spend the night outside the home. Acceptable colors in clothing: white, purple, black and dark green. Mourning for husband lasts 4 lunar months and 10 days. For other relatives - only 3 days. Men, as a sign of mourning, do not remove their headdress during the burial ceremony.

Orthodox priests do not like the words "death", "dead". Most often in speech they replace them with “assumption”, “deceased”. The deceased until the 40th day is called "newly deceased." During this period, the one who left the mortal earth appears before the Lord, and only the prayers of the living can tip the scales when choosing where to go: to Hell or Paradise. Because in Christianity strict mourning lasts exactly 40 days. It is customary to express one's sadness about the loss not by moaning or crying, but by prayers, appeals to God, reflections on the frailty of life and memories of the pious deeds of the deceased in eternal sleep. After this time, it is allowed to remove the mourning bandage from the head. However, if you feel that grief is still crowding in your heart, then you can continue to wear a black scarf or scarf until the end of the year. The widow decides for herself when she will remove the mourning - after 2 years or immediately after the funeral meal.

Mourning for the deceased in our time

In modern times, mourning is determined more by the religious beliefs and traditions of the region.

The observance of religious canons in our days is not so reverent. If in countryside still adhere to long-standing foundations, then city life imposes its limitations. For example, the dress code adopted in many offices does not include the presence of a black armband. This can turn off buyers or potential customers.

If it is impossible to explicitly mourn for a deceased relative, this problem can be solved in the following ways:

Refuse external paraphernalia . For the deceased, it is more important not what others think about you, but what you really think about the one who left you forever.

Wear a black headscarf or ribbon outside of work . Quite difficult, but possible for purposeful people.

Replace the color of sorrow . Along with black, white and red also symbolize sadness and grief from an irreparable loss. The Karakalpak people wear during mourning blue clothes. A Muslim woman may wear a purple or dark green dress.

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Customs and various kinds of traditions, b O most of which have neither meaning nor canonical justification. Among them there may be those that do not conflict with the canons of faith and were dictated by time, place and circumstances.

It will be useful to consider this issue from the point of view of the prophetic heritage left by the final messenger of the Creator. A reasonable person will be able to draw parallels between theory and practice, assess the real state of affairs, while maintaining insight and wisdom.

Mourning- a state of sadness, light sadness in memory of a person who has passed away from this life; rejection of what embellishes a person’s appearance, making it bright and attractive; lack of signs of fun and joy. Basically, it concerns a woman who has lost her husband. She has no right to marry another for four months and ten days from the death of her husband.

If she is pregnant, then her mourning ends with the birth of a child, after which she has full right marry again:

“Pregnant, their period [of mourning expires with] the birth of a child” (see).

During the period of mourning, it is advisable for a woman to leave the house only in forced and vital situations (work, study, visiting relatives, buying groceries, etc.); she does not visit the mosque and does not go on a journey to make a pilgrimage; dresses more modestly; does not apply makeup and does not use perfume, incense; they do not marry her, and she does not marry, although she may receive a proposal for marriage (in the form of a well-meaning hint).

At the end of the term, a woman returns to the usual rhythm of life, her daily worries (raising children, communicating with relatives, friends, work, study, sports, etc.) and has every right to marry another man.

Mourning for other relatives and friends not lasts longer than three days. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is unacceptable (forbidden) for a believing woman to be in mourning for the deceased for more than three days, except for her husband. Mourning for him is four months and ten days.

Mourning begins on the day of death.

The understanding of mourning lies not so much in the conservatism of clothing, and even more so not in the abundance of emotions and shed tears, but in the internal state of high spiritual sadness, grief. This is a kind of tribute, an expression of blessed memory of the deceased before the Almighty.

Answers to questions about mourning

The other day I found out that my father died two months ago. My parents were divorced, and I didn't see my father for 7 years. We missed him and always hoped that someday we would be together again. I live in Europe, he lived in Asia. To be honest, it breaks my heart that I haven't seen him for so long and won't see him again. We called him, but recently he did not answer calls, and then they called us and said that his father had died. It hurts a lot and I can't calm down because I never told him that he was the best for us. My head is full of “what if” questions. Friends say that it is a sin to think so. Please give advice how to be. Linda.

You should calm down. With all thoughts and state of mind, let him go to another world. Draw a practical conclusion and start paying more attention (at least a little more, but on an ongoing basis) to living close relatives.

I live in Kazakhstan, but Orthodox. At work, I have to communicate a lot with Muslims who have problems and grief. My friend is in great grief: her husband died at the age of 40, a year ago, she is still lost, although she goes to the mosque on Fridays and to the cemetery. I don’t know what words to help her, I want to cheer her up. Victoria.

Grief is always difficult, it is not so easy to go through it, but time is running and we continue to live. Ahead of us are waiting for a few more (God willing) decades, during which we need to do a lot. After all, on the Day of Judgment everyone will answer for myself, including how he spent the remaining years of his life: in tears and memories, or working on himself, extracting a healing medicine from grief that has befallen, acquiring immunity to troubles and negativity, generating positive energy, charging other people with it, forcing them to live with a relaxed radiant smile on your face. Life is too short to spend it in sadness or to live at half, and even more so at a quarter of strength.

Reassure her with encouraging words. In Islam, one can pray for the dead, asking God for forgiveness and mercy for them, but one cannot mentally and emotionally attach oneself to them. You should be able to let the deceased go to another world, and you yourself should continue an active creative lifestyle, helping yourself and others.

Unfortunately, but true: many people, regardless of culture, religion or nationality, do not have basic skills happy life, despite the number of years lived in a worldly abode.

Mourning [from him. trauer] - 1) a state of mourning for the deceased or for any public disaster, catastrophe, accompanied by the wearing of special clothes, the cancellation of entertainment events; 2) black or dark clothes, a bandage, etc., worn as a sign of grief.

“If the spouse has died, then the wife is in anticipation [without marrying] for four months and ten days. When this period ends, then there is no sin on her relatives if she begins to prepare for a new marriage in accordance with generally accepted norms of behavior. Allah (God, Lord) is fully aware of what you are doing” (Holy Quran, 2:234).

“There is no sin on you if you (1) [benevolently] hint to widows [themselves or their guardians] about your intention to marry [which, if properly worded, will give good hopes to both them and you for the subsequent creation of a family] or (2) hide it in your souls [for the time being, do not touch on this topic]. The Almighty knows that you will remember [think] about them [that's why he allowed you to hint about your plans before the end of the term]. But in secret [from others], do not negotiate with them (with widows) [do not promise marriage, thereby luring you into a network of sin and temptation; leading to the fall], but speak only well-behaved words to them [hinting your desire to marry, the public voicing of which will not make you ashamed].

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Sooner or later, a mournful event occurs in the life of every woman - a loved one and a person close to her passes away, often such a departure is tragic and completely unexpected. In such cases, according to the old Orthodox tradition, you need a certain number of days as a sign of mourning to wear a simple black scarf on your head. At the same time, not everyone knows exactly how many days it is necessary to wear a black scarf after the funeral of the mother or after the funeral of the father, and whether it is generally necessary to do this. Indeed, many women cover their heads with a mourning scarf only at funerals, and after the bottom, they calmly remove this mournful accessory and remove it from their eyes away

How many days do you need to wear a mourning scarf after the funeral and how to choose it

There are only two common opinions here, one of which can become decisive for you:

1. The term for wearing a black scarf is determined by the relatives of the deceased person themselves. If someone close wants to wear such a sign of mourning for a month or two, or even a year, this is his own business, and no one can forbid him to do this;
2. On the part of the church, this rule is strictly regulated, however, even here there are a number of prescriptions that are not mandatory for strict execution. According to church canons, children must mourn for their parents for six months.

   If you can’t decide how many days you need to mourn for your parents, just try to answer the question inside yourself how great your grief is for them. And it doesn’t matter how the people around you react to the fact that you constantly wear a black scarf on your head, which will absolutely not fit in with your appearance, with your position, with your professional activities.

   

   If you do not have such a black accessory at home, it is not at all necessary to purchase it specially. A black scarf, headscarf, headband, or even a hat can also work as a mourning scarf. At the same time, there are no strict rules for choosing a black scarf or restrictions on its appearance.

   very many modern women determine how many days they wear a black headscarf by how the headscarf goes with their everyday clothes. If a woman works in an office with clients, and the company has a strict dress code, then the very first day, going to work after the funeral, she will have to refuse to wear a headscarf so as not to receive complaints from management about the discrepancy appearance position held.

   If you want to wear a mourning scarf for your relatives for as long as possible, then it is important to choose the right texture for it - most often a black lace or chiffon scarf is chosen for long-term wear. They do not look as gloomy as black shawls made of other fabrics, they do not attract such close attention from others, if necessary, they can easily be lowered over the shoulders and worn already there. These scarves go well with any outfit and will not contrast too sharply with them.