How to find yourself? What will the person who has found himself advise? How you can find yourself - the secrets of a successful search.

Developing, man lives. You always need to be in search, try to get new knowledge, master new skills. However, to do this, one must be in harmony with oneself. In this article I want to talk about what it means to find yourself. How can I do that? What happens if you don't look for yourself?

What does it mean?

At first glance, it may seem that this phrase - "find yourself" - is too tricky. However, everything is much simpler. Everyone is in constant search for something better. It is the dissatisfaction with the current life situation encourages you to go further and further in search of yourself. To put it simply, looking for yourself means setting new goals and gradually achieving them, while gaining a lot of new knowledge and skills and abilities that are useful for life.

What does a person feel when he finds himself? First of all, it is satisfaction. However, this state of affairs will not last long. Very soon, emotions will calm down, as a result, emptiness will return. Therefore, it is worth saying that you cannot find yourself and stop. Even if a person has mastered a certain skill and wants to constantly enjoy it, in the process of work, he will always develop, mastering more and more new facets of a certain business, looking for more and more opportunities to improve his personality.

The main thing

What can a person who has found himself, who knows his place in life, advise? Learn to set personal goals first. of varying complexity. And, of course, be able to achieve them. This is the main rule that gives a person an impetus in life and makes him develop and improve. In addition, setting life goals is a great way to cope with stressful situations and without any problems to overcome the difficulties that so often arise on the path of life. And this is a great bonus on the trail of self-search.

What you need to know

What can you advise a person who keeps saying: "Help me find myself"? First of all, it should be said that the search process is often lengthy (considering the time frame) and laborious (considering the cost of effort and energy). Therefore, self-search can last for years, sometimes for decades (in fact, it takes a whole life). However, this should not be frustrating, because the process itself is already self-improvement of the individual, gaining valuable experience. In addition, there are a few other things to keep in mind:

1. The goal must be to your liking, i.e. match the desires and mood of the person. Other people's goals (parents, friends, public) are not at all a search for oneself, but imitation or submission to someone else's will.

2. The goal should be achievable (not too high), but not too accessible. It is good if there is a person's motivation for positive actions and self-improvement as a person.

3. The goal should make a person "burn". It should attract, attract, be desired. At the same time, visualization of the future helps a lot, as well as other elements of setting yourself up in the right way (for example, you can set smaller goals for yourself every month that will lead to the achievement of one big one).

Where to looking for?

An equally important question that may arise in most people is: “Where can I find myself?” So, psychologists say that the two big whales on which the life of every person rests are family and work. It is here that you need to look for your meaning in life, to improve in these areas. It is worth mentioning that these two important areas are so wide and unlimited that in them one can grow and develop personally throughout one's life, all the while forming new and new goals.

About the time

What else can a person who has found himself suggest? Important rule A: Don't procrastinate. You should not think that today you can perform the mechanical actions necessary for life without developing at all. You need to start looking for yourself from childhood. The learning process, the choice of a profession, the search for hobbies - all these are elements of self-search. And you don't have to stop there. Mature age is not the time when you need to start looking for yourself, then you can already take stock and pass on valuable knowledge and experience accumulated over the years to the next generations. It is important to remember that life is a constant search process.

What if you don't look?

It is important to remember the following: only a person who has found himself or is engaged in a search is truly happy. He can be successful and even rich. However, some live just like that, without thinking about tomorrow and without developing their own personality. It is worth saying that today there are quite a lot of such people. Where are they? On the streets under fences, in pubs. Even if everything is not so scary, often the facial expressions of such people are very unhappy, they simply do not feel the colors of life. A person who has no purpose has no meaning of existence. The search for alternative options begins, as a result - a retreat into an invented reality, development different kind dependencies.

Are you wondering how to find yourself in life? 10 recommendations from an English coach will help you figure it out.

Let's move on to today's topic: How to find yourself in life».

I already told you once that I try not to advise anything without having experienced it on personal experience, not finding a person who tried these tips on himself, not finding a life example illustrating the topic of the article, or at least not hearing the recommendations retold to you from the lips of a trustworthy specialist.

Why is it so important to find yourself in life?

Looking at some people, it seems to me that they have a couple of dozen more lives left, so they lead a miserable existence, which is more appropriate not for a rational being, but for a single-celled organism.

Others seem to be making efforts, trying to portray something there, but they do it somehow hesitantly, like “come on, I didn’t really want this success, it’s better to lie down on the stove.”

Still others generally stop using the brain and look for ways to.

They curse the alarm clock because they have to get ready for unloved job, are silent for days, being in the same house with their “soul mate”, because they have nothing to say to each other.

And here is the paradox: all the categories of people I have named do not even try to change something qualitatively, they are not gnawed by the question “ How to find yourself in life».

And only those who have already achieved a lot continue to improve.

These are the people I meet at various trainings, seminars.

I went to the training, the content of which I will briefly retell to you (in my own words, of course 🙂), not because I was too interested in the topic, but because many people praised the coach very much.

After the end of the seminar, I realized that the praise was well deserved.

Become selfish.

Give a damn about the opinions of others!

Stop being afraid of what mom or dad, or grandmother, or aunt Valya from the fifth entrance will think of you. It is not for them to decide who you are and what you do.

Imagine that you are in a world where you don't know anyone and they say to you: “You have a chance to start everything from scratch. What would you like to do?"

Try to answer this question to yourself as honestly as possible and forward - to the realization of your dream, without regard to the opinions of others.

Love yourself.

“The main life task of a person is to give life to himself, to become what he is potentially. The most important fruit of his efforts is his own personality."
Erich Fromm

People who do not love themselves, who disfigure their bodies with tens of kilograms of lard, who do not wash their hair, who do not take care of their nails and skin, who force their brains with stupid serials, cannot be happy.

First, the way you are now, and then gradually begin to make yourself even better (both externally and internally) so that others will love you too.

Get rid of the habit of self-digging.

Did I do the right thing? Or maybe a friend was offended by this phrase?

Won't people think I'm too old for this skirt?

Throw away all doubts, especially those that relate to past events.

You cannot change the past, but you are quite capable of achieving what you want in the future.

So why waste time and energy on something that can't be changed anyway?

Do not be lazy to comprehend new knowledge.


Do you have the opportunity to attend a seminar, sign up for some courses, purchase a useful book, learn something new? Make the most of it.

Even if you have not yet decided what exactly you want to do, any knowledge and skills are not heavy baggage, but extremely useful, because you never know what you have already learned can come in handy.

Determine the vector of your movement.

To do this is not as difficult as it seems at first glance.

You just need to calmly, without outside pressure, determine what is most important for you in life: career, family, hobbies, self-development, knowledge of the world, etc. And then you have to prioritize.

Identify the sources of your anxiety.

You have to find that aspect of your life that is preventing you from finding happiness: your boss, a low salary, an envious girlfriend, a stupid company of “friends” pulling you nowhere, a husband / wife, etc.

And as soon as you find the source of your anxiety, immediately eliminate it.

Find sources of your pleasure.

Do you enjoy messing around with babies or with plants?

Can you imagine your life without communication? Are you just bursting with creative ideas?

Do you love paperwork?

Cooking divinely delicious?

A source of inspiration will help you choose the ideal profession and find a job that you want to run to.

Just do not consult what to do, but clearly say: "I decided to continue to do this and that."

Do not let anyone convince you, but listen to sensible advice, if any.

It is difficult to live without the help and support of loved ones.

Even if they don’t believe in the successful implementation of your plans, it doesn’t matter, it’s also useful: you will work twice as hard to prove to everyone that they were wrong.

Program yourself for success.

I have already told you a million times how important a positive attitude and visualization of desires are.

You can’t approach a new business with thoughts: “Probably I won’t succeed.”

Of course, it will not work if you set yourself up for failure in advance.

Faith in success is the secret to making dreams come true.

Well, it won't hurt either.

Don't give up after the first setback.

Everyone has it successful person there are a couple of stories in the stash, what difficulties he encountered along the way and how he decisively overcame them.

So: this is the truth, albeit embellished, but - the truth!

Everyone goes to the stars through thorns, everyone stumbles, falls, and then rises.

If every successful businessman, scientist, artist turned back after the first failure, then the world would consist of nothing but losers.

And one more piece of advice,

how to find yourself in life, see the video:

I'm just sure that after reading this article, you will no longer be tormented by the question " How to find yourself in life».

I believe in your success!

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A mature person sometimes lives for decades without thinking about his destiny. Having in their hands the tools to solve the question of how to find themselves in life, they often give in to the first difficult situation. They are driven by fear of a new stage of self-development - and the one who learns to overcome it can consider himself a truly successful person.

What does it mean to find yourself in life?

The desire to change the existing state of affairs does not arise from scratch. It is always associated with the desire to go beyond the bored psychological barrier- age, professional or family. Signs that it's time to learn how to find your life path, can serve as:

• craving for a change of place of residence or specialty;
• growing dissatisfaction with one's own appearance, wealth or former environment;
• chronic fatigue;
• irritability;
• decrease in creativity.

How to find yourself in life - psychology

There is no person who does not know in the depths of his soul the answer to the question of how to find himself in life. Children, with their inherent spontaneity, share with all the dreams of the future, because they are not afraid of the reaction. Adults try to hide their real desires away from prying eyes, because they do not have the courage to follow them and find themselves. He is frightened by his own negative experience and the fear of not living up to his expectations. For example, the success of a businessman depends entirely on whether he is ready to take risks and how much. Many profitable ideas were not destined to be realized just because of this fear.

How to find purpose in life?

While the meaning of life is presented as an abstract collective category, which includes a mixture of expectations on the work and love fronts, the goal becomes a real guide to concrete achievement. For a number of reasons, setting a goal in life is more profitable than trying to know its essence:

1. It is feasible in the near future. Ways to find yourself in life represent a hierarchy of human values, most of which he is unlikely to achieve. The goal has little in common with reasoning about the meaning of being: it is aimed at realizing the intended prospects;
2. It organizes a person's life. Desiring to achieve wealth, power or love, a person mobilizes all his mental and physical abilities. She becomes self-confident, productive and resourceful;
3. She changes her character for the better. The appearance of a goal turns a person into an optimist, ready to deal with difficulties. The very planning of future success is a trait that testifies to the leader's temperament.

How to find your path in life?

Character is laid down in childhood: its development continues under the influence of many factors - family and social. The level of wealth, the moral values ​​of parents and friends, and the experience gained play a role in weakening or highlighting some traits. When all these factors come together, we can talk about human nature. Within its framework, a life path is born, since it is impossible to limit the expectations and fantasies of a person from the outside.

The secret of how to find yourself in this life through choosing a path lies in the following tips:

1. Rejection of the fear of experimenting with a change of profession. The greater the number of specialties familiar to a person, the more precisely he knows which of them can be considered a vocation;
2. Control over emotions. A person capable of self-control can understand and feel his needs;
3. Training the ability to live in harmony with the inner "I". You need to choose your path, listening to sincere desires, and not imposed ideas about the ideal future.

How to find your spiritual path?

The development of the soul is fundamentally different from the desire for material achievements. It is difficult for a person with mundane dreams to understand that anything else can bring pleasure, except for high earnings. The spiritual path is the key to the dilemma of how to find the meaning of life, giving moral satisfaction and peace. Comprehension of the highest destiny of the soul is based on certain rules:

• awareness of the unity of all world religions in the values ​​they declare;
• respect for traditions;
• rejection of excessive desires that deprive a sense of satisfaction;
• maintaining contact with the divine principle and faith in it.

How to find your place in life?

Long thoughts about what it means to find your place in life, both losers and successful businessmen are tormented. Place can mean a country or a specific city, job title, marital status, or level of popularity. Psychologists advise sounding the alarm if it does not remind of itself periodically. Constant search truths and ways weed out doubts, prejudices and alien attitudes instilled by manipulators. Employees who are inclined to constantly seek and discover new things are appreciated by any bosses for the generation of new ideas.

How to find yourself in life - Orthodoxy

Orthodox Christians are looking for the key to reflection in the search for the meaning of existence and their own path in religion. She suggests that every believer is created to be a person who can decide how to find his way. God reserves for him the right to make a conscious choice, carried out in conjunction with responsibility for it. Knowing the positive and negative consequences of any step forces you to think before making an important decision in order to ultimately achieve success, not collapse.

Orthodoxy also tells about the duties of a Christian on the path of faith, as part of the knowledge that reveals the secrets of self-knowledge. He can choose any profession and hobby, except those that are considered sinful. A person who has already set foot on the path of sin, but who has repented in time, can receive redemption by flatly renouncing blasphemous goals. Every believer must constantly strive to spiritual development, multiplying talents, looking for yourself, simultaneously getting rid of fear. A mentor, a wise clergyman with experience and knowledge of the Bible, can help in this difficult matter.

How to find yourself in life - books

The best way for self-determination on the path of life remains the work of psychologists and philosophers. Even in fiction there are answers to questions related to how to find yourself in life. Some books help to set goals correctly for those who cannot choose life guidelines on their own. Success is trained by reading A.S. Griboedova, A.S. Pushkin, Paolo Coelho, Jerome Salinger. Their books touch upon the issues of good and evil, the value of every breath and the truth of dreams for someone who is ready for anything to find their life path and walk it with dignity.

Leadership books deserve special attention: they tell how to find yourself in life from the position of high personal motivation and maximum career advancement. In relation to them, there is a prejudice associated with an abundance of charlatanism in the field of business coaching. And without attending trainings, a good book will tell you everything about finding a purpose in life, high earnings and choosing the right profession.

These include:

1. "Be best version myself"- a book by Dan Waldschmidt, who went from suicidal thoughts to the pinnacle of success, becoming a strong personality.
2. "What will you choose?"- a book by Harvard teacher Tal Ben-Shahar will help you make right choice and get rid of the fear of yourself.
3. "Important Years"- Mag Jay's book on why you shouldn't put everything off until later.
4. "Rice Storm" by Michael Mikalko. A book about the most interesting ways of thinking outside the box, leading to success.
5. "From urgent to important" Steve McCletchy. A book for those who are tired of running from themselves and want to find their spiritual path.

Write your own chronology of life. Write down all your important goals in life that you have already achieved and that you are only striving for. On the other hand, write down all the events in your life that have already happened and that have affected you in some way. When life hits us with its problems and failures, it forms a system of values ​​and forces us to change our thinking. But what’s even better is that it makes us “us.” All these things on your lists are really "you", not just a reflection of society.

• This is not a dive into your life. All this is necessary for clarification and definition of problems. These problems may keep you from discovering your true potential and keep you from feeling in your prime.
• Take some time and clearly describe your past in chronology. Chronology is a surprisingly objective method for marking events in your past that you consider significant. See them as the building blocks that make up your entire life experience, do not bring too much emotion into them (much like you would if you kept a diary). Write simply, write truthfully, and focus on the main impact of the event or the lesson learned from it.
• When you analyze your past negative experience, look at the positive lesson you learned from it, do not focus on mistakes and failures. After all, you have learned something from all this. Everyone has such segments in life, you should not exaggerate them, or vice versa, consider that they did not happen at all. Instead, accept and realize that if these events had not happened, you would not be where you are today.

Separate own thoughts from other people's thoughts. For most people (there are many more than you might think), life goes on auto-pilot quite simply; we practically follow the map of life, as we used to consider it. We go to school, the first job, marriage, cares here and there and boom - we hope you enjoyed your life. All this certainly works and so, but leaves no room for the realization of the real "I" within you. So be alone with yourself. At the end of the timeline, highlight a few beliefs that are not based on logic, but are based on what you were led to believe. Everyone has them. What do you think of them now?

• Society secretly teaches us to see the "undesirables", to condemn the "losers", to worship "beauty" and to shun the "eccentrics". But here's the mystery: all these judgments have no basis in reality. How do you feel about the world around you? Think exactly about what "you" consider good and what is bad - do not accept someone else's opinion on this matter.
• Feel free to be more specific. Do you really agree with the political and religious beliefs of your parents? The most important thing in life to build a career? Do black glasses really make you cooler? If the answer to all these questions is no, great! There is no problem in not adapting to already existing norms. All you have to do now is unlearn and then learn again. Only this time follow your intuition.

Start relying on your strengths. Self-confidence is the key to finding your "I". If you do not have a strong sense of self-worth, you will constantly listen to what others say, to their understanding of what is good, bad or what is decent. Learn to believe in yourself and believe own feelings. Then you will discover a new "I" in yourself. Remember, be patient and confident in your own abilities. Everything will come with time.

• If you have been a victim in the past, you need to resolve this conflict. These problems will not go away on their own. They will constantly affect your everyday life will cause you to live according to other people's beliefs instead of your own.
• Start trusting your judgment and decision-making process. Sure, you will make mistakes from time to time, but everyone does. Through mistakes, you will grow, learn, and discover your true self.
• Take full responsibility for your budget, day-to-day spending, and planning for the future. People who lack a sense of ownership live carefree lives in the hope that everything will somehow resolve itself. But it happens that not everything is resolved by itself. Taking responsibility, you move yourself away from the abyss and feel your inner strength, inner certainty, you are no longer floating on the waves of fate.

Start everything from scratch. Develop your own system of moral values ​​and make it a rule to follow it. Remove vices from your life (all actions or habits that bind your inner self and allow you not to think about truly important issues); they just constantly distract and only harm.

• Quit smoking, overeating and drinking too much. These are examples of vices and habits that do not allow you to breathe deeply. They can also "take you away" from the analysis of why you are resorting to these bad habits, instead of diversifying your life in other ways.
• This step may require a long rehabilitation for some, but shelving it does not solve the problem. Remember, you can't drive forward while constantly looking in your rearview mirror!

Organize the world around you. You will note that if all your affairs are in order, the path to self-knowledge is open. So clean up your room. Do all your assignments. Resolve conflict with your friend. If you remove all obstacles from the path, you will have time to realize the essence of yourself.

• We all have excuses why we do not develop in what we would like to develop - it can be a matter of money, study, work, relationships, whatever you call it, all this can become a reason. If you are a hardworking bee, still take the time to sit down and put everything in order. If these things are on the sidelines of your to-do list, you will never deal with them.

Part 2

We conquer our world

1. Immerse yourself in solitude. Allow yourself to move away from the expectations, the talk, the noise, the news, and the pressure on you. Set aside time each day to just walk and meditate. Sit on a park bench and relax. Go on a long walk full of different thoughts. Whatever you do, go as far as possible from everything that interferes with the contemplation of life and does not allow it to go in the right direction. In solitude, you should feel independent and self-sufficient, not lonely, needy, or afraid.

   • Everyone needs time to be alone, whether that person is an introvert or extrovert, single or in a relationship, young or old. Solitude is a time for renewal and self-talk, for inner peace and understanding that solitude is not bad, but rather the liberating essence of being.
   • If you're a creative person, you'll find that time alone helps develop your skills and is inspiring. Sometimes it's great to work with other people, but it's hard to stay inspired when you're constantly surrounded by other people. Take a step back and turn to the sources of inspiration.

2. Look for your passion. When you believe in something or find something beautiful, you should strive for it, regardless of the opinions of others. If you have found something that is worth your efforts, sacrifices and tears - perhaps this is the most important find in life. Often this finding will lead you to a real fulfillment of yourself.

   • The most important thing to understand is, "It doesn't matter what it is." It could be fighting hunger or it could be painting. There are no comparisons when it comes to passion. You either feel it or you don't, it's impossible to compare them. When you find an activity that gets you out of bed in the morning, dive into it. You can fully open up in it.

3. Look for a mentor. And although only you can search for yourself, and only you determine your needs, a mentor or an experienced master will help you avoid unnecessary obstacles in your path. Look for someone you trust and who has a developed sense of self. How did he come to this?

   • Tell them about the process you are getting into. Especially point out what you know that this is your journey, but you would like to use their power to guide you. Look at them as objectively as possible. How did they become like this? How did they find their strength? What makes them honest with themselves?
   • Support is the key to any form of self-improvement. Not many will understand you, and many will simply dismiss this topic as irrelevant. The mentor will also tell you everything that you definitely do not need to do.

4. Get to grips with your career. If you're always on the lookout for the "right" job, chances are you're unhappy deep down and justify your inability to reach your potential by changing jobs frequently. To find yourself, you need to truly love your job. What would you be doing if you didn't have to worry about earning your living? Is it possible to turn this activity/skill into money?

Part 3

Changing our perspectives

1. Don't try to please everyone. Agree: some people treat you badly no matter what you do. It's important to ignore their opinions because you can't please everyone. You probably don't want to disappoint the people close to you, but they should wish you happiness too. Until you stop living according to others' ideas of who you should be, you will never know who you really are. Raymond Hull aptly summarized this thought: "He who limits himself to satisfy others will soon lose himself."

   • Keep in mind that seeing you change your life, grow up and love yourself, some of the people around you may become jealous, scared or shocked. Your relationship will change, they will have to look strictly and impartially at themselves, and they probably do not want to do this. Understand these people and give them time; later they will agree with your decision. If not, leave them alone. They don't have to be the same as you.

2. Avoid negativity. It sounds pretty obscure, yes. But luckily, it's easier to do than you think! Make informed choices and minimize judgments – about others, about things And About Me. There are two reasons for this: 1) Positivity can reveal the feeling of happiness for you that was hidden under the mask of everyday life and 2) By opening your mind to new sensations and new people (which you previously did not let in), you open up a new world that can become better than your previous one - in such a world you will find your piece of the sky, build a castle on a cloud, find your place in this crazy world.

   • Try doing things that you previously thought were "weird", "illogical" or just "uncomfortable". Getting out of your comfort zone will allow you to know yourself - what you are capable of, what you are, what definitely does not apply to you and what you have always lacked. In any case, you will only win!

3. Ask yourself questions. Ask yourself difficult questions that force you to look at things more broadly than before. More importantly, write down the answers to these questions. Being in solitude, it is very easy to lose these thoughts, they will simply slip away and be forgotten. If you write everything down, reflecting each time, you can review your notes and even take a step forward instead of answering already prepared questions. Save them in a notebook so you can easily write them down and update them wherever you are. This will feed your mind, so you can measure your growth throughout your life. Here are a few to get you started:

   • "If I owned all the resources in the world and didn't have to earn money, how would I spend my life and why?" Perhaps you would take up painting, write books, get carried away agriculture or explored the Amazon jungle. Don't hold back your dreams.
   • "Would I like to turn back and say what I've never regretted?" Do you regret that you have never been abroad? That they didn't talk to that person, even if they risked being rejected? That you spent little time with your family when you had the opportunity? This question can be really tricky.
   • "If I were given three words to describe the person I would like to be, what would they be? Risky? Loving? Open? Honest? Jolly? Optimist? Don't be afraid of negative words, they just mean that you real man, not a set positive qualities that everyone wants to aspire to.
     • Sometimes traits you don't like will become useful in emergency situations- such as commanding others. Sometimes they are extremely important for a certain case, for example, your pickiness.
     • If you really have serious negative traits By acknowledging this openly, you will encourage yourself to direct this energy in a positive direction. Try turning a bad habit into a hobby. Don't like to wash your clothes often? Go hiking, you might like it. Even something like pole dancing can serve you well!
   • "Who am I?" The answer to this question cannot be fixed. Ask yourself this all your life. The normal person is constantly changing. By regularly asking yourself this question, you will be able to adjust your vision of yourself and observe the changes. Don't try to answer who you need to be, but focus on understanding who you really are. Most likely, this person is beautiful, despite all his shortcomings.

Part 4

We fill ourselves with only good

1. Act according to the newly discovered knowledge for you. Do what you like! Start painting with watercolor. Write a short story. Plan your trip to Mombasa. Have dinner with your family. Start joking. Open up. Tell the truth. Whatever you want to be and whatever you decide to do, start now!

   • You probably shake your head as you read this and come up with excuses like “no time”, “no money”, “obligations to family”, etc. Instead of hiding behind obstacles, think about how to overcome them. You can find free time, find money, and get rid of responsibilities if you have the courage to just pursue these things.
   • Sometimes, your whole being is too scared to take decisive action, because it will mean coming face to face with what you yourself have limited yourself to. Start thinking about what you really want to do and what you need to do to make it possible, instead of hiding behind excuses, destroying your goals and dreams in the bud.

2. Be prepared for failure. Finding yourself is a process, not a goal. A lot of it is trial and error. This is the price you have to pay for the feeling of inner fulfillment you get. On the way, you will often have to stumble, and sometimes fall face down in the mud. Understand and accept that this is an integral part of the process, and you will have to pull yourself together and start all over again.

   • It won't be easy - it has never been easy for anyone. But if you learn to perceive difficulties as an opportunity to prove the firmness of your intentions to find yourself, your reward will be well-being and the fulfillment of your plan. When you become yourself, everyone will respect you more and treat you more kindly. And most importantly, you will always be satisfied with yourself, others will notice this and will be even more convinced of your individuality.

3. Serve others. Mahatma Gandhi once said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." By going completely into introspection and not reaching out to others, you will gradually isolate yourself from people and withdraw into yourself. Service to others and society is The best way understand your purpose and find your place in life.

   • When you see how difficult life can be for those who need more than you, you will probably wake up and look at your own experiences, problems and worries from a different perspective. You will appreciate what you have and remember what opportunities you missed in the past. This will give a huge impetus to the development of your independence, because everything will fall into place for you, and you will understand what is really important in life. Try it. You'll like it..

• Along the way, you will sometimes need to cry. Freeing your soul is good.
• And while it sounds like a cliché, being yourself can only be taken literally when you're really looking for your essence. Protect yourself from other people's influence; be sure to listen to others and learn from other people, but reserve the right to agree or disagree, make the final choice and make decisions. If you silently accept someone else's opinion, your search for your "I" is even more complicated, as other people influence your self-consciousness.
• Take yourself out of your comfort zone for a long period of time. Watch yourself as you act out of your comfort zone and you will learn things about yourself that you never knew.
• There is no time limit for finding yourself, be patient.
• Don't think that all this is happening only to you. Ralph Ellison wrote well about this in The Invisible Man: “All my life I was looking for something, and wherever I went, someone tried to explain to me what it was. I accepted their answers, although they often contradicted each other and myself. I was naive. I searched for myself and asked everyone but myself questions that only I could answer. My expectations came back to me like a painful boomerang, and it took a long time for me to realize what anyone else a person, apparently, is born into the world: I am only me and no one else.
• Remember that the morning is wiser than the evening. You should not rush into making a decision, and the likelihood of making the right decision is greater if you rest and calm down.
• Forgive and hope others will forgive you.
• Being yourself is the best you can be, remember that.
• You will know that you are close when you are relaxed or completely immersed in something. Sometimes you won't be out of breath, and it happens.
• There really is no "right" or "wrong", so don't worry too much.
• Listen and trust your inner voice!
• Be as good as possible.

At first glance, the advice may seem very simple, even banal, but don't be fooled by it...
While reading, many of you will realize that we were taught from childhood to be someone, but not ourselves: " What do you want to be when you grow up?" - we are involuntarily pushed to make a choice without a choice ... we want to be doctors, astronauts, transformers, Cinderella, ninja turtles ... then we have idols businessmen, singers and movie stars. And by the age of 20 you simply don’t know who you and what you are capable of. Awareness of this chapter and simple self-hypnosis into the wilds of the subconscious " Be yourself!" will take you out of the vicious circle and change your life forever!

"Be yourself. The other roles are already taken." Oscar Wilde

How to be yourself, intro:

This story took place about 700 years ago. The great teacher, wise with experience, enjoying honor and glory, lay on his deathbed. Disciples and faithful followers asked if he was afraid to die. “Yes,” answered the sage, “I am afraid of meeting the Creator.” "How so? they were surprised. You have lived such a worthy life. You brought us out of the darkness of ignorance, as Moses did his people. You have settled disputes between us with the wisdom of Solomon." Hearing these words, the teacher quietly replied: “When I stand before the Creator, he will ask me not about who I looked like, Moses or Solomon. He will ask: "Were you yourself?" As you can see, man has been trying to be himself since time immemorial. Why hasn't he succeeded yet? Because he strives to please everyone at once.

When we decide to live the way we see fit, dissatisfied and offended necessarily appear: boss, spouse, parents, children. At first, this decision brings only a feeling of loneliness and a feeling that everyone is against us. But we only answer to ourselves. The opinion or approval of others is irrelevant.

You are responsible for choosing to live your way. You are responsible for the results of your actions and for the circumstances of your life. The blame for your actions (or inaction) falls on your shoulders.. Often, other people's values ​​and beliefs will diverge from yours. The inconsistency of your lifestyle with their ideas of what is right and what is wrong scares them, because their whole life was built on these ideas.

When opposing beliefs collide, an internal struggle begins. A person asks himself: “Maybe others are right? Does that mean I'm wrong?" But the one who has known his essence cannot be threatened by other people's beliefs. Only those who doubt themselves and do not know their true self can be afraid of people who directly or indirectly threaten their value system.

Robert Anthony

“Stop thinking! Act!”

FIND YOURSELF AND BE YOURSELF (Excerpt from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie)

Before starting the article, I would like to add some essay
FIND YOURSELF AND BE YOURSELF: REMEMBER THERE IS NO OTHER PERSON LIKE YOU ON EARTH

I received a letter from Mrs. Edith Allred. “When I was a child, I was very sensitive and shy,” she says in her letter. - I have always had excess weight, and my cheeks were such that I seemed even fatter than I was. My mother was a woman of the old school and believed that clothes should not be beautiful. She thought it was all nonsense. She always said: "Wide clothes will wear well, but tight clothes will tear quickly." She dressed me according to this principle. I never went to visit, had no entertainment. When I went to school, I never participated in games on fresh air I didn't even play sports. I was painfully shy. I felt that I was different from others and considered myself completely unattractive.

As an adult, I married a man a few years older than me. But I haven't changed. My relatives on my husband's side were calm and self-confident people. They had all the qualities that I should have had. I tried my best to be like them, but nothing worked. All their attempts to make me more sociable led me to withdraw more and more into myself. I became nervous and irritable. I avoided all my friends. My condition worsened so much that I trembled with terror when the doorbell rang. I felt like a failure. I knew this and was afraid that my husband would notice it. Therefore, when we were in society, I tried to look cheerful and often overacted. After that, I felt miserable for several days. Finally, I became so depressed that it seemed pointless for me to continue living. I started thinking about suicide."

What changed the life of this unfortunate woman? One random note!

“A chance remark,” continued Mrs. Allred, “transformed my whole life. One day my mother-in-law began to talk about how she raised her children, and said: “No matter what happens, I always demanded to be themselves“… Be yourself?.. This remark made me rethink my life. Suddenly it dawned on me. I realized that all my sorrows were caused by the fact that I was trying to play a role that did not suit me at all.

I immediately changed my behavior. I started to be myself. I tried to explore my own personality. Tried to figure out who I am. I learned my strengths. I learned to choose colors and styles in clothes, began to dress to the person. Made new friends. I joined a public organization that was small at first - and I was numb with fear when I was assigned to give a report. But with each new performance, I became bolder and bolder. It took me a long time - but today I am happier than I ever imagined in my dreams. Raising my children, I always taught them what I learned the hard way: "!"

This problem of wanting to be yourself is “as old as the world,” says Dr. James Gordon Gilkey, “and as universal as human life". The unwillingness to be oneself is the hidden cause of many neuroses, psychoses and complexes. Angelo Patri has written thirteen books and thousands of newspaper articles on parenting, and he says, "The most unhappy man is the one who yearns to be someone or something other than the person he is physically and mentally."

This longing to be someone else is especially prevalent in Hollywood. Sam Wood, one of the most famous directors in Hollywood, said that the biggest difficulty he had with young aspiring actors was because of this problem: getting them to be themselves. They all wanted to be second-rate Lana Turner or third-rate Clark Gable. “The public is already familiar with their vibrant personality,” Sam Wood tirelessly repeats to them, “and now they want something else.”
Before directing films such as Goodbye Mr. Chips and For Whom the Bell Tolls, Sam Wood spent many years in the real estate industry training sales agents. He states that the same principles apply to both the business world and the film world. “You won’t achieve anything if you keep monkeying around. You can't be a parrot. Experience has taught me,” says Sam Wood, “that the best thing to do is to get rid of people who pretend to be who they are not as quickly as possible.”

I recently asked Paul Boynton, head of human resources at the major oil company Sokoni-Vakuum Oil, what is the biggest mistake people make when they apply for a job. He should know: he's interviewed over 60,000 job seekers, and he's also written a book called 6 Ways to Get a Job. He replied: “The biggest mistake people make when looking for a job is that they want to appear different from what they are. Instead of being casual and completely frank, they often try to give the answers they think you want to hear. But it doesn't work, because no one needs cheaters. As well as counterfeit coins.

Here is the story of one woman who learned this the hard way. She was the daughter of a tram conductor. This girl aspired to be a singer. But her face hurt her big trouble. She had a large mouth and protruding teeth. When she first performed in front of an audience at a New Jersey nightclub, she tried to pull her upper lip down to hide her teeth. She tried to be "charming", but what came of it? She looked funny. Her career could have ended in failure.

However, among the visitors of the nightclub there was a man who, upon hearing her singing, thought that she had talent. “Listen,” he said bluntly, “I watched your performance and I know what you are trying to hide. You are ashamed of your teeth." The girl was embarrassed, but the man continued to say: “So what of it? Is it a crime to have ugly teeth? Don't try to hide them! Open your mouth and the public will love you when they see that you are not ashamed. Besides,” he remarked shrewdly, “the very teeth you are trying to hide may bring you success and wealth!”
Cass Daly followed his advice and forgot about her teeth. From that time on, she thought only of the public that listened to her. She opened her mouth wide and sang with such feeling and temperament that she became one of the brightest stars in film and radio. Other comedians are trying to imitate her now!

The famous William James was referring to people who never found themselves when he declared that the average person develops only ten percent of the intellectual abilities. “Compared to what we should be,” he wrote, “we are only half awake. We use only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Generally speaking, a person thus does not use his abilities far. He has powers of various kinds, which usually go to waste."

You and I have these abilities, so let's not waste a moment worrying about how different we are from other people. You are something new in this world. Never, since the beginning of time, has there been another person exactly like you; and throughout all future ages there will never again be your full likeness. According to genetics, we become exactly the way we are, mainly as a result of the interaction of 24 paternal and 24 maternal chromosomes. These 48 chromosomes contain everything that determines our heredity. “In each chromosome, there can be from twenty to hundreds of genes,” writes Amran Sheinfeld, “and in some cases only one gene can change a person’s entire life.” Indeed, we are created "in a terrible and wonderful way."

Even after your father and mother met and got married, there was only one chance in 300,000 billion that a person like you would be born! In other words, if you had 300,000 billion brothers and sisters, they might all be different from you. Do you think this is all speculation? Nothing like this. This is a scientific fact. If you would like more information on this subject, go to your public library and borrow a book entitled You and Heredity. The author is Amran Sheinfeld.

I have reason to talk about the need to "find yourself" because it deeply affects me. I know what I'm talking about. My sad experience cost me too much. Here's an illustration: When I first came to New York from the cornfields of Missouri, I entered the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. I aspired to be an actor. I came up with what I thought was a brilliant idea, so simple, so sure, that I couldn't understand why thousands of ambitious people hadn't stumbled upon it yet. The idea was this: I would study how the famous actors of the time - John Drew, Walter Hampden and Otis Skinner, . Then I was going to borrow best qualities each of them and combine them into oneself. I thought that this would help me become the most brilliant and unsurpassed actor. So silly! How ridiculous! I had to waste years of my life imitating other people until it dawned on my stupid Missouri head that I should To be youreself and that perhaps I could not have become anyone else.

This sad experience was to serve as a lesson to me for many years to come. But this did not happen. Where should I go, I was too dumb. I had to go through it all again. A few years later, I began writing what I hoped would be the best business public speaking book ever written. However, in the work on the book, I was guided by the same stupid idea that I applied when preparing to become an actor. I was going to take the thoughts of many other writers and combine them into one book, a book that would contain everything. So I got hold of dozens of books on public speaking and spent a whole year incorporating their thoughts into my manuscript. But in the end it dawned on me that I was being stupid again. This hodgepodge of other people's thoughts that I wrote was so cumulative, so boring, that no business person would bother with it. Then I threw this fruit of my year's labor into the wastebasket and started all over again. This time I said to myself: “You must remain Dale Carnegie, with all his flaws and weaknesses. In all likelihood, we can be nobody else." I abandoned the idea of ​​combining the virtues of other people, rolled up my sleeves and did what I should have done from the very beginning: I wrote a textbook on public speaking, which reflected my own experience, observations and thoughts that I had accumulated as a speaker and teacher of public speaking. I have learned—I hope forever—the lesson that Sir Walter Rayleigh learned. (I'm not talking about Sir Walter, who threw his cloak on the muddy pavement for the queen to step on. I'm talking about Sir Rayleigh, who was professor of English literature at Oxford in 1904.) "I can't write a book on the level of Shakespeare, he said, “but I can write my own book.”

Be yourself. Follow wise advice which Irving Berlin gave to the late George Gershwin. When Berlin and Gershwin first met, Berlin was famous and Gershwin was a young composer making his way through life. He only made thirty-five dollars a week writing light music. Berlin was deeply impressed by Gershwin's ability and offered him a job as his musical secretary, with his salary to be tripled. “But don’t take this job,” Berlin advised. “If you take it on, you might be a second-rate Berlin. But if you persist in being yourself, the day will come when you will be a first-rate Gershwin.”

Gershwin heeded this warning and gradually became one of the most famous American composers of his generation.

Charlie Chaplin, Will Rogers, Mary Margaret McBride, Jean Autry, and millions of others have been forced to learn the lesson that I am trying to bring to your mind in this chapter. It cost them dearly, and so did I.

When Charlie Chaplin started acting in films, the director of the films insisted that he imitate the popular German comedian of the time. Charlie Chaplin could not achieve anything until he showed his individuality. Bob Hope experienced the same thing: for many years he was a dance-and-sing performer - and he never succeeded. He became famous when he chose his own genre - the art of humorous storytelling. Rogers performed as an extra in vaudeville for many years without speaking. He would never have succeeded if he had not discovered his gift for telling humorous stories.

When Mary Margaret McBride first began performing on radio, she chose the role of an Irish comic actress and failed. When she began playing herself - a simple country girl from Missouri - she became one of the most popular stars of New York radio.

When Gene Autry tried to get rid of his Texan accent and claimed he was from New York, people just laughed behind his back. But when he began to play his banjo and sing cowboy ballads, his career was launched. Gene Autry became the most popular cowboy in the world, both in movies and on radio. (approx. reminds the story of the well-known Oprah Winfrey)
You are something completely new in this world. Rejoice in this. Use the best way what nature has given you. Ultimately, all art is autobiographical. You can only sing with your own voice. You can only draw with your hand. You must be what your experience, your environment and your heredity have made you. Whatever happens, you must cultivate your little garden. Whatever happens, you must play your little instrument in the orchestra of life.

Emerson, in his essay "Self-Confidence," wrote: "There comes a point in every man's spiritual life when he comes to believe that envy is born of ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that a person, whether he wants it or not, must come to terms with himself, as well as with the destiny assigned to him; that no matter how many blessings the universe abounds, he will not find his daily bread, as long as he does not diligently cultivate the piece of land allotted to him. The forces inherent in him have no analogues in nature, and only he himself can find out what he is capable of, and this will not become clear until he tests himself.

To develop an attitude towards life that will bring you peace and free you from anxiety, follow the fifth rule:

Don't imitate others. Find yourself and be yourself.