What is self love? Simple and clear with examples. Self-love - how it manifests itself, signs and indicators that a person loves himself

How to show love to yourself It's time to love yourself more. It is important not only to watch your body, but also to be attentive to your thoughts and behavior. The path to self-understanding. The path to self-understanding goes through love. The one who loves himself allows himself to be ordinary person , does not require the impossible, makes requests and accepts help. List of manifestations of self-love. They are divided into psychological, physical and mental. Because for love it is important not only to watch your body, but also to be attentive to your thoughts and behavior. Pay attention to your diet Please note: when a person falls ill, the first thing doctors do is to correct the diet, introduce healthy and remove harmful foods. Any food should help your body, give it nutrients and energy. There are many schools of nutrition - some offer a plant-based diet, others vegetarianism combined with dairy products. The point is not which school of nutrition you choose, but for what purpose. Will you refuse croissants out of fear of gaining weight or out of a desire to benefit your body? Eating a strict diet may not improve your health, but it will certainly make you feel guilty if you break the diet. Everything that a person eats should be eaten with love for oneself, then the food will restore the natural energy of the body. Find new flavor combinations Food is one of the manifestations of enjoying life. Let yourself enjoy the taste. After all, to understand life, you need to discern its taste. Try to diversify your taste sensations. In the world there is not only sweet, but also bitter, salty, sour, spicy. There are dishes with a complex flavor range, a lot of herbs, spices and seasonings. By the way, a person who perceives different taste sensations improves his ability to receive sexual pleasure. Start the day with exercise Why do so many people ignore the advice to exercise and lead a healthy lifestyle? The motivation is wrong. Go in for sports today in order to possibly avoid cardiovascular diseases in the future - who cares? A more compelling motivation is to do something good for your body because you love it. If you're a lazy person and can't go for a run or a full workout in the morning, start your morning with some basic stretching. Stand up straight, stretch with the crown of your head up, straighten your spine, spread your arms to the sides and back, opening your chest, and start the day with a full breath. Clamped chest - a sign of injury rejected. Therefore, breathing exercises and minimal stretching are well treated for mental trauma. When in the fresh air, try to breathe deeply for five minutes, focusing on your breathing. Conscious even breathing allows you to calm your thoughts, relieve tension and stay in silence. Walk more and not anywhere, but in nature, away from sources of noise, harmful radiation and the urban technosphere. It is very important to find a quiet corner where you can take a walk, a park or square near the house, a river or lake bank. Find something beautiful, admire a flower, watch birds, play with your children. It is doubly important to walk and breathe fresh air people who are constantly indoors, in the office, lead a sedentary lifestyle. Don't wait for sickness to come. Not for future salvation, but for the love of yourself, give your lungs some oxygen today and your legs some exercise. Wear Colored Clothes People suffering from the trauma of injustice or rejection get used to wearing black. They fence themselves off from the outside world, forgetting that by doing so they do not allow the world to perceive and understand them. All living things have their own color, each color has its own energy. We absorb the energy of color, admiring the beauty of nature, wearing colored clothes, choosing colored food. If only black surrounded us, we would have nowhere to take energy from. Start wearing colorful clothes, combine bright or delicate colors, green, lilac, pink, purple, and you will notice how the mood and attitude of those around you will improve. Allow yourself small joys A traumatized person limits his needs - declares that he does not need anything. Don't limit yourself to physical pleasures. Make purchases sometimes, not because they are necessary, but because they make you happy. Start the day by saying, “What can give me pleasure today?” This is not necessarily a thing, perhaps it is an unplanned meeting with a friend, a walk, an appointment for a massage or a visit to a salon, perhaps a book that you have long wanted to read. Such small and big pleasant events develop the ability to feel your body better. Drink more water If you are not thirsty, your body is no longer telling you what it needs. Perhaps this is because you are not listening to him. You need to drink constantly, two or three sips. We are talking about pure water, not juices and drinks. Only pure water participates in metabolism and helps to cleanse the acid that enters the body with food. Be attentive to your thoughts What events do you think about more often - about desirable or undesirable? If before going to bed you think about the events of the past day, remember grievances, or think about the person who did you unfairly, you experience your pain alone. It is very important to remain the master of your thoughts and feelings, to protect yourself from negative information that comes from people, their words, actions or your negative expectations. You can never control what other people think or say. But you are capable of being the master of your thoughts and your words. Start thanking Thank you is the most magical word. How many times a day do you say it? You need to thank not only other people, but also yourself. Usually perfectionists rarely praise themselves. People with rejection trauma, forced to constantly do something outstanding and expect praise from others. Stop, praise yourself for any work, not only for titanic work. Start by being happy with yourself, happy with the way you look, happy with your job. Thanks to me. Unusual? Make yourself a reminder to praise yourself every hour. Before going to bed, be sure to thank yourself for three things - deeds, new thoughts, a good impulse or the right reaction. Turn Flaws into Strengths If you have negative qualities, replace them with good ones. For example, a person speaks quickly and responds quickly. But he thinks quickly and is able to react instantly. Irreplaceable quality during the deadline. Too short-tempered? But frank and does not hold a stone in his bosom. Want to control everything? It means responsible. Did you delegate a lot of tasks to others? So, he knows how to persuade and delegate authority. If there is a quality that appears as a flaw in your behavior, find in it positive side and start developing it. Gradually, you will learn to use the annoying trait to your advantage. And it will become your forte. Learn to speak your mind Talk about your feelings - if it helps to get rid of the experience. Talking about your feelings so that others understand you is wrong. No person can fully understand another, is under no obligation to understand, and often fails to understand. The other person can listen and respond. Or maybe not listen. Everyone has the right to disagree with you, just as you have the right to have your own opinion. Learn to say “no” and then you can calmly accept rejection. Don't expect other people to react like you. (Unfortunately, “I would never do that” statements are not uncommon.) If a person says “no”, they are not rejecting you, they are simply expressing their limitations and their needs or claiming their interests. If you were denied an important request, this means that you will definitely receive help, but only from another person who will be happy to provide you with a service. If you know how to give with love, start receiving with love. Don't turn down help just because you can handle it yourself. Don't reject people and what they have to offer you. Don't take life too seriously It's easy, you just have to try: laugh more, make fun of yourself, let go of unwanted situations (it will pass) and not be so important. And do not be offended, because we are all imperfect, just people. It is impossible to control everything. You can’t control other people, the consequences of actions, you can’t always get exactly what you expected. It is difficult to control your thoughts and reactions. In essence, any conflict comes down to a formula: someone acted or something did not happen the way I wanted. Something is not going my way, but in its own way. Let go of difficult situations, smile, laugh, and you will break away from thoughts, resentments, memories and expectations. You will be able to immerse yourself in a happy, unclouded “here and now”. Remember the famous prayer: "Lord, give me reason and peace of mind to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other." If we cannot change the circumstances, we can change our attitude towards them. Be simple.

Our precious health depends mainly on the psychological state. Our body is one system where the spiritual is inseparable from the physical. Our life, our body is practically what we think about ourselves and how we treat ourselves. Self-love is a vital necessity that allows us to be healthy and happy. We are the result of what we think. Our life is founded and created by our thoughts. The thoughts and reactions of a person form his worldview and actions, which means his life.

Self-love is manifested in the desire for an optimistic perception of life, and for a positive and careful attitude towards one's emotions and psyche. The more joyful and brighter our feelings are, the healthier a person is, his life is more comfortable. Serious health problems begin when you are more irritable, stressed, sleep deprived, constantly tired, or under long-term anxiety. In this state, stress hormones are produced in the body. First, they mobilize all the forces of our body and help it cope with the situation, and then, with prolonged stress - distress, which has a detrimental and destructive effect on a person, this hormonal background begins to "eat up" or suppress the immune system and disrupt the functioning of the body's organs and systems. That's where the big health problems come from. Therefore, in order not to have a disease, not to be treated for psychosomatic diseases you need to be able to help yourself. Why “nurture” your illnesses with the help of aggression, resentment, negative emotions and depression?

Therefore, an excellent mood, mental health, a positive perception of life and all life's adversities, taking care of your body are the most important signs of self-love, and a guarantee of health and a happy life.

Self-love is manifested in relation to one's emotional and physical state, positive thinking and self-esteem, self-confidence, and, of course, the ability to enjoy life, and even the ability to find beauty in small things. Only our consciousness and way of thinking turns our environment, events and people into good or evil, and ourselves into unhappy or happy, sick or healthy. There is only one conclusion: take care and love yourself, and you will be happy, successful and healthy.

Signs of self-love:

1. Do small “joys” for your soul and body every day.

2. Relax, rest in time, while getting a boost of energy for the future. Some ways of replenishing strength, getting energy are sports, dancing, relaxation, meditation, swimming, in general - any favorite pastime or hobby that is not harmful to health.

3. Taking care of yourself, your health, your emotional state.

4. Positive, positive and once again positive. This will preserve and improve your health and attitude towards life. How to train yourself to have a positive attitude towards life? Start and end every day on a “positive wave”, good mood. It’s better to start writing in the “DIARY OF POSITIVE AND GREAT MOOD” what was good in your life today and what your life should be thankful for, if you like humor, write beautiful poems. This will not only create positive thinking, but it will also help to get rid of depression, to have a desire for creativity.

5. Consider the needs of your body and be at peace with yourself and your conscience. Taking care of yourself, satisfying your needs, especially in relaxation, the ability to listen to the desire of your body are true manifestations of self-love.

6. K stressful situations refer to the positive experience of your friends, relatives, books or with the help of psychologists. How more ways out of critical situations, the more confident and comfortable you will be able to get out of them.

7. Take care of yourself, keep calm - there are at least three ways out of any situation. Only they can be "seen" being in a calm state, and not in an anxious state.

8. The instinct of self-preservation is the basis of self-love. It must be taken into account in a stressful situation.

9. Classes in personal, communicative, career and physical development.

Even the ancients said: “If you want to change your life, change yourself through your thoughts.” Therefore, love yourself, appreciate your thoughts, feelings and positive actions, and be healthy and happy.

Sincerely, Svetlana Georgievna Gubanova psychologist

For many, self-love is either an empty phrase or self-pleasing. I went to the spa, bought the clothes I liked, did not deny myself a dessert - this is what is considered a manifestation of self-love. But as I often observe, it turns out to be only a substitute. A substitute for lack of love.

True love is unconditional. Unconditional both to himself and unconditional to others. There can be no full-fledged love for yourself if there is no such warm feeling for the people around you and the world. Why is this happening?

If there is a feeling of love for yourself, but not for others, then this is pride. When you put yourself above others. And pride brings tension and suffering. After all, if you put yourself above others, then you need to correspond to this. Any mistake, mistake, weak behavior - will cause irritation on oneself. Because you expect from yourself that you will be on top (and others are correspondingly worse). And if someone did something really well, then it will only cause irritation in a person.

In his head of a man with pride, this rule goes something like this: “Remember friends, I will feel good when you are worse than me. Don't upset me!" Does it really sound stupid? But most people have just such a program. Watch yourself!

The feeling of self-love shows itself best not in those places where life is soft and carefree, when you can indulge yourself, but when everything does not go according to plan. You make mistakes, offend others, suffer defeats - if at the same time you don’t feel bad from piled problems - then this is true self-love.
Why is that? Because no matter how busy you are with things, and how they go, you are good with yourself. Good and nice to work. Good and pleasant to rest. It is good and pleasant to buy gifts for yourself. It is also good and pleasant to save money and show miracles of pragmatism when money is scarce.
As you already understood, the feeling of self-love is not limited to you. A full sense of self-love is always tied to a full-fledged love for others. Unconditional love. We will deal with everything in order. Let's start with parents and children.

Excessive love for your child

When we start a conversation with a client about unconditional love, I often come across the fact that many love abundantly, say, their children, almost souling them with their love. At the same time, they do not show the same love for themselves. This entails wild attachment and isolation from oneself and one's goals. If something happens to a child, then the whole life goes downhill. Because there are no goals of their own, and in fact the person himself, in general, does not exist either.

This is bad for the child, because he is deprived of personal space. He does not gain experience in solving his own problems, since his parents who care about him do everything for him. Thus, he lives an “empty” childhood. When a child grows up, it turns out that he is not adapted to the current life and solving everyday issues. Infantile, worldly stupid, naive.

Where other children will see deceit or a trick, the foster child will be led by others, because in his world (and he is narrowed down to his parents) there is no suffering, no responsibility for actions, no opportunity to make mistakes. Everything will be done for him, everything will be decided.

I'm not saying that a child needs to instill distrust in the world. But the child must learn to see through people, their true intentions and goals. And act on the basis of their own interests and without violating others.
Therefore, parents who pour out all tenderness and love on their children, and at the same time do not nourish themselves in the same way, doom their children to suffering. And during childhood - a child both in a golden cage, and after - releasing a child into a world without skills.

The same applies to parents whose children are already grown. Parents are also trying to give the child care and love, and the child, being already an adult, does not need such care. He wants to build his own life the way he likes to try, experiment, make mistakes. Otherwise, why was he born? To live a refined and empty life?
Instead, his parents show him in every possible way: “You see that we can only love you. So be kind, be there and be good, we will love you and feel at ease. Of course, such a selfish approach of parents brings only irritation to the child.

Add here the fact that usually such love is very strange. After all unconditional love implies that it is evenly distributed over everything. Nature, weather, my people, strangers - I love everyone, I respect everyone. And here parental love is conditional. A child (being already an adult) understands that the mood of his parents depends on how he lives. If, say, he wants to go to trip around the world Parents will be worried. They seem to hint to him that you should feel guilty because you decided to live your life. We again come to the same golden cage.

Conditional love between a man and a woman

The same situation applies to couples, where all the love pours out on a partner. I have watched couples like this suffer many times. Let's say there is a girl who loves her boyfriend immensely - endowing him with her warmth. At first, he will like it, as he finds himself as if in an oasis.
Now imagine how this girl will feel when the guy is not around. She feels bad and lonely, because she does not know how (and does not consider it necessary) to give warmth and love to herself. As soon as a guy begins to grow in his career and devote time to work, spending not so much time with a girl, this leads the girl into depression. She starts to resent him.
If he wants to spend time with friends, then he will feel that his girlfriend will suffer at this time.

I myself went through such a relationship ten years ago. The euphoria from tenderness and affection at the very beginning of the relationship was quickly replaced by pressure and eating away my territory. All my attention should be on her. If I solved my problems by leaving her alone, then she suffered from this, which resulted in scandals. And ultimately led to a break in relations.

Abundant love outward, and lack of love for oneself gives rise to suffering and problems. Relationships cannot be balanced if love is not distributed in equal proportions - both inward and outward.

How to learn unconditional love?

Unconditional love - implies an equal distribution to all surrounding objects, regardless of what this object does and how it relates to you. Unconditional love from parents in a healthy way is not only acceptance and trust in your child. Including letting them make mistakes (after all, for this he came into this world to know it). Pure unconditional love means spraying it on all the people around you. If parents love the surrounding children less than their own (and some even despise other children, considering them stupider than their child), this will bring suffering.

Naturally, such unconditional love is perfect option to which one should aspire. But it's actually not as difficult as it seems. Because as soon as you set out to feel the same love not only for your child but also for the children around you, you will feel what a thrill it is. Because when you come to school or kindergarten, you will immediately be filled with contemplation of many unfamiliar and beautiful creatures. Naturally, you will feel a special bond with your child. Because you soul mates. You are on the same wavelength and you are on the same path with him. You will see how your goals are harmoniously combined with his goals. Because he came into your life to help you grow, and you to help him.

The same delight will begin to arise from being with yourself. Because the border of what you consider good and what you consider bad will be erased. You will begin to see that every part of you is valuable.

The buildup of unconditional love through the people around you

If you spray this feeling of love on the outside world, then after a while, your demands on yourself will become much softer. One of the ways to give and instill a sense of self-love is through the development of unconditional love for the world around. Not only to people but also to nature and animals, experience, actions.

At the moment, I am pumping unconditional love using the people around me. And I see what shifts have taken place in just a month of work. If, before starting work, only certain people gave me pleasure and a feeling of tenderness - girls who look beautiful (after all, I saw aesthetics in them, as if I were looking at a beautiful picture). Now this feeling has begun to spread to children, and to men, to grandparents. On those who smile, and those who go with an unhappy face.

When I see a luminous person, I kind of connect with him, resonating on the same wavelength. When I see a gloomy person who is mired in his experiences, I feel tenderness and compassion for him.
It's like when you see a baby in his mother's arms, and he suddenly starts to frown and cry. Usually this causes only a surge of tenderness for him, and thoughts rush through his head: “Probably the tummy hurts, nothing, the sun, everything will pass soon.” The same reaction occurs to adults who walk with suffering faces. This kind of reaction is good for me as well, as I feel like I'm not only connecting with this person (and it almost turns into interesting game), but I also feel how I give him my warmth and love.

When I just started to sway the feeling of love for others, I sprayed it on people for whom I already had sympathy, contemplating their beauty. There were not many such people. But gradually the ability to see beauty in people appeared, the feeling began to turn on automatically. Of course, there is still a lot to learn (and there is no limit to perfection), but such work for me is like a pleasant adventure.

To develop self-love, you need to learn how to do things with love. Not automatically flying far away with thoughts. Not concentrating on the goal, but being in a feeling of love.

To make it clearer how it is to be in a feeling of love. Remember how you feel when you are next to your loved one and he strokes and hugs you. The chest usually feels warm and light. With the same pleasant trepidation, you do everyday tasks, trying not to lose this feeling. This way you will not only develop the habit of being in a state of love, but your day will be saturated with happiness.
Even doing routine work, but remaining with a feeling of love, you will feel full, light and peaceful. And in the routine to see that it is somewhat similar to a meditative practice. Like you're walking along sandy beach- Each step is similar to the previous one. On the one hand, this is a routine, and on the other hand, it is a pleasant and relaxing job.

You transfer this state not only to working moments, but also to all things. For example now, when I write these lines, I feel my body. I like the feel of the skin. I like the way my fingers run across the keyboard. When I make a mistake by clicking on the wrong letter, I just keep moving forward, staying in the same state, realizing that a little later I will correct all the mistakes. Meditative and calm. I also feel my body buzzing from the fact that the energy of Light and Love pass through it.

When you wash, you are not focusing on the goal of washing off the dirt or finishing quickly, but on enjoying the contact of soap with the skin of the body. It's like someone you love is touching your body.

You probably noticed what pleasant sensations when people soap and wash their hair in a hairdresser? Now think, because the hands of a hairdresser are the hands of a person who is neutral to you. But even from such a head massage is very pleasant. You can do the same for yourself. The only difference is that there, in the barber's chair, you are focused on sensations. Therefore, you can feel the whole gamut of bodily sensations. When you wash yourself, you think about business, hurry up. In general, you are anywhere, but not with yourself.

When you prepare food, how do you do this process? Do you enjoy hand movements? Are you enjoying your creativity, or are you solving the problems of the future again?

How much has already been said about the current moment, that you need to live in this second. But while people have not stopped their run. Many have read "Eckhart Tolle - The Power of the Moment Now", but the book has remained just interesting information.
How can you get closer to feeling love all the time?

Practical Steps

1) Start pumping your unconditional love for the people around you. Every time you meet an inspiring person, stop your thoughts and concentrate on contemplating his beauty, intelligence, charm. Get hold of anything. Gradually, the skill will increase and you will notice such people more often. Because in fact, people are beautiful creatures, but we do not see it.
As a result of such work, each person will evoke warm feelings in you. You will not want to delve into your thoughts and feelings, calculate your future steps when you have such beauty in front of you.

2) Launch the energy of Light and Love. With its intense flow through the body, it brings lightness, confidence and tenderness. Even if you do not work with the buildup of the skill to see the beauty in others, this energy itself will push you to these sensations. Because matter is bundles of energy. And the energy of Light and Love is the basic energy. Man is a clot of energy of Light and Love. Therefore, love is a natural state for him.
In order to turn on this energy, you can use, or ask someone who already feels this energy to direct it through you (your task is to remember these sensations and try to reproduce them later). Or find a description on my website in the Materials section, and try to start the energy yourself.

3) Be in the moment now and saturate yourself with this love. You don't need anyone to feel the feeling of self-love. Learn to feed yourself. With some skill, you will realize how wonderful and pleasant this feeling is. And most importantly, you will no longer depend on others. Allowing them to be whatever they want to be. No matter what happens, you will be fine.

Love yourself, love the world. It's simple, easy and enjoyable!
With love Oleg.

In our culture, the feeling of self-love is often called selfishness. And since everyone knows that being an egoist is bad, then loving yourself becomes somehow uncomfortable.
From childhood, parents and teachers taught us that it is bad to love oneself, that a decent person should think first about others, and then about himself. You have to be selfless and help people. But if you think about it, the concept of "selfless" does not carry a positive charge at all.

A selfless person is a person who rejects himself, does not think about himself, does not take care of himself and lives in the interests of other people. Of course, you can be happy for others, but how good is this situation for you personally?

Leading psychologists of the world have proven that lack of self-love, guilt and fears hinder your progress. If a person does not love himself enough, then at the subconscious level he considers himself unworthy of success, and in the material world this manifests itself in the form of failures, problems and complications.
So what is self love? If you ask the question, do you love yourself, then almost everyone will answer: "Of course I do!" But is it really so?
Self love has nothing to do with arrogance and selfishness. A person who truly loves himself is simply not able to humiliate others, insult and neglect. A person who is filled with love for himself radiates this love to the world around him, to the people around him. Everyone is comfortable next to such a person who loves himself!
Self love It is unconditional love, that is, it does not depend on any conditions. For example, someone may love themselves for being smart, but hate their full figure. Loving yourself means accepting yourself with all your habits, shortcomings and virtues. Loving yourself means giving up criticism in your direction, dissatisfaction with yourself, self-flagellation, loving yourself the way a mother loves her child, just like that, for that he is.
Self love- the most powerful tool for the successful process of creating your own destiny. Without sincere, deep and tender love for yourself, it is very difficult to reach the goal, to achieve the desired result.

Check yourself, what signs of self-dislike do you have?

Signs of self-dislike (low self-esteem)

• Denial of compliments ("Come on," "What are you," "Nonsense," "Not worth it").
• Constant criticism of their appearance. Consider your nose not straight enough as terrible, big size legs, not so narrow waist, etc.
• Denial of merit (I was just lucky; without Ivan Ivanovich I would not have managed in my life).
• Constant excuses to others. With or without.
• Desire to please everyone.
• Internal non-passing guilt.
• Persistent memories of past life failures breaking up with a loved one, losing money, being denied a job, accidents, injuries, theft, fraud etc.).
• Auto-training with a negative sign (I am wrong, flawed, unlucky, bad, old, etc.)
• Constant doubts in decision making.
• Lack of faith in being worthy of success
• The inability to relax in the company of people whose opinion about your person you care about.
• Lack of faith in the words "I love myself."

If you find yourself displaying these symptoms, do not despair. Self love can be developed. To love yourself, you have to take the initiative in your own hands.

But where to start? How to love yourself?

Try changing your behavior with the tips below.

1. When you are praised, think that you really look good and deserve these words.

2. Find success in your actions (praise, encouragement) (3 times a day).

4. Look for and find the positive in the negative (4 situations per day)

5. Look for manifestations of your desires and fix them in writing, maintaining a joyful positive inner mood.

6. Try starting phrases with a personal pronoun and ending them with a verb in imperative mood: "I want to know how much it costs, tell me", "I'm interested in this red jacket, how much does it cost, tell me (5 phrases every day, only in the market, in a store or cafe).

7. Maintain a positive attitude in yourself. Choose and hang in a prominent place a "phrase of the day" that you like.

8. Meet and communicate with confident and happy people. Your environment greatly influences you. Find like-minded people. Attend thematic training.

As you train your mind to believe in yourself, everything starts to move from the realm of the impossible to the realm of the possible.

Only by knowing how to value ourselves, which we talked about just yesterday, can we truly love ourselves. You may ask:

How to distinguish between self-love and selfishness?

For many, self-love is associated with selfishness - the focus of interests, thoughts, inclinations, attention only on oneself. Condemnation to such an attitude towards oneself pushes a person to the other extreme - self-abasement. When he deliberately reduces his merits, significance, dignity.

On the other hand, loving yourself does not mean praising yourself, exaggerating your virtues and hiding your shortcomings. The best thing to do is to practice compassion on yourself. Self-compassion manifests itself in protecting yourself from negative actions that will harm, for example, your health, emotional state and a sense of inner happiness. For example, a woman who is kind to herself will not eat junk food, abuse alcohol, and will not be in the company of people who humiliate or offend her.

He who loves himself restrains himself from that which will harm him. This can be compared to how a loving parent keeps their child from danger.

Loving yourself the same way as loving a child does not mean lisping with yourself, which means that somewhere you can give an indulgence, somewhere you can reprimand yourself, somewhere you can keep it by force, and somewhere you can give it free rein. Depending on the situation. However, this does not mean that you need to insult yourself, devalue, humiliate, morally punish yourself, etc.

What can be said about self-dislike?

“Our sore spots are sick precisely because
that no one, especially ourselves, loves them.”
J. Hollis

A sign of a lack of self-love can also be the inability to forgive. If you often indulge in sadness, this is also a hint that it's time to pull yourself together. You can also be very intolerant of other people's mistakes. You are often driven by selfish aspirations. You shut yourself off from the world and shut yourself off from people.

What is self love?

A lack of self-love can push you to make the wrong decisions. Lack of self-love is often equated with low self-esteem, and this leads to self-sabotage and the inability to stand up for yourself and express your opinion. And the worst thing is that the lack of self-love makes us very dependent on the opinions of others, we are constantly looking for affirmation of ourselves outside! And because of this, our own desires, because it is more important for us to get approval, for example, from a manager or parents.

Ignoring ourselves and our needs, we are in danger of living a life that is not our own and not realizing our talents for the sake of other people's expectations. Here are just a few illustrative examples:

• Scolding ourselves
• Bad attitude to the body
• We believe that others do not like us
• We choose people who treat us badly

Let's try to understand where are the barriers that prevent self-love. Louise Hay was the first to speak loudly about self-love. This amazing woman was able to heal cancer by learning to love herself and her body. I suggest you do some of the tricks that Louise Hay teaches.

Make a list of 10 items: What should I do?

Write next to each item: Why should I do this?

Cross off the list everything that is not important to you.

As you can see, loving yourself means listening to your own needs. Remember that when you say or do something out of fear of being selfish, you are not acting out of self love!

Acting out of fear for something or for someone, you automatically direct anger at yourself and very often this anger spills out on someone else, which causes a storm of a wide variety of emotions in you.

Even if you find it hard to act out of self-love out of fear of being selfish in the eyes of other people, you will soon realize how great it is to act out of self-love rather than out of fear.

4 Ways to Develop Self-Love

Method 1: Set up a dialogue with your inner voice

The playful little monkey in the head does not always tell us the truth and often pushes us to false actions. Here you need to master a certain control.

Firstly avoid perfectionism.

Many have a problem accepting what is imperfect. If you always strive only for high ideals and standards and punish yourself when the bar is not reached, take 3 simple steps:

1. Change the way you think.
2. Focus on your efforts.
3. And take small steps towards this goal.

By directing your attention from the end goal (which you evaluate by the criterion of excellence) to specific steps (which are already more difficult to evaluate by the criterion of excellence), you will finally begin to appreciate yourself and your work.

Secondly, set the filter to negative thoughts. Focusing on the negative is the most bad habit. So even the most insignificant events turn into a huge drama. Imagine that your mind is a sieve. And you sift through all the negative thoughts, they just don't get in. If you're complaining or upset about something, find something positive.

Thirdly Stop comparing yourself to others. Some achieve success, others meet failure.

Fourth, laugh at yourself. Laugh more. The more you smile, the happier you will be. You will notice how people around you will be happier.

Fifth, do not judge. Be kind to others.

Method 2: If I loved myself, would I?

I recommend one exercise by Louise Hay. It's called "Exercise with a mirror". This is very good way find out what is holding us back from loving ourselves. There are several ways to work with a mirror. For example, here is one of my favorites.

In the morning, the first thing you need to do is go to the mirror and say, looking at the reflection: “What can I do for you today? What will give you pleasure and benefit? And then you need to carefully listen to the answer of the inner voice.

Follow his advice throughout the day. It happens that some people can not wait for an answer. This is due to the fact that before that they scolded themselves too much: inner voice not yet accustomed to respond to gentle words, full of love. If something unpleasant happens to you during the day, go to the mirror and say: "I still love you." All events have a beginning and an end, but your love is endless, and this is the most important thing. And if something good happens, look at your reflection in the mirror again and say, “Thank you.” Be grateful to yourself for experiencing happiness.

The following exercise can be performed every morning when you put yourself in order. Take a mirror and position yourself in front of it. Look into your eyes and say, "I love myself." If you feel resistance, understand what it is exactly. Listen to the voice of the ego, it will tell you why you still don't love yourself. This is your key. You will know what to work on and what complexes to overcome.

In the case of slouching, it is important not only to say to yourself “I love myself and completely accept”, but also to monitor your posture and the fit of your head. In the case of fears, you need to learn to overcome them, but at the same time, love yourself already now so stooped and fearful.

Love yourself now. Don't wait until you get it right. Eternal dissatisfaction with oneself is just a habit. If you can be satisfied with yourself now, if you can love and approve of yourself right now, then you are already ready to enjoy those good things that will become part of your life. By learning to love yourself, you will be able to love and accept others.

We cannot change other people, so leave them alone. Trying to change someone, we spend a lot of energy. If we spent at least half of it on ourselves, we would be completely different. And of course, we would have had a completely different attitude.

Method 3: Do something nice for yourself

Do whatever gives you pleasure, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Whether it's a walk, a meditation, or a gratitude journal. Find a ritual and stick to it. Let me tell you about my evening ritual. When I get home after work, I light the candles in the house, add a few drops of pleasant fragrance to the lamp, and put on relaxing music. In such an environment, I can immediately distract myself from the worries of the past day and cook a delicious dinner for my husband and I.

I studied neuropsychology quite extensively. New neural connections are constantly being established in our brain. And very often we are exposed to old negative connections that do not bring us any benefit. To replace the old, you need to create a positive new. That is why rituals are so important. They help us form new habits of behavior that serve us well.

Go in for sports, take care of your body, choose healthy food.

Spend more time with friends, devote yourself to hobbies and pleasant conversations.

Enjoy being one with yourself. Talking to yourself alone will bring many discoveries.

Read new books. It develops the imagination and expands the boundaries.

Travel and explore the world.

Method 4: Beauty fills you with love

Beauty ... How much in this word for a woman. Beauty is a source of love, inspiration and tenderness. Do you remember Dostoevsky's words "Beauty will save the world"?

A friend of mine shared a story. Her mother from childhood kept repeating: “You cannot eat beauty, it will not saturate you.” These words haunted and annoyed my friend; she did not understand them until she finally realized that beauty is not a thing that can be mastered. It cannot be bought and used as a commodity. Beauty is something you just have to be.

When her mother said that it was impossible to feed on beauty, she meant that one should not rely on appearance as a crutch. Our support, what makes us truly beautiful is empathy, respect for ourselves and those around us. Such beauty warms hearts and enchants souls.

You need to see confirmation of your outer beauty, and this will give you confidence, but go deeper - try to be beautiful from the inside. This beauty has no shades.