Internal conflicts. Internal conflict: what is it and how to deal with it (the nuances of understanding and the possibility of overcoming)

11.10.2019

intrapersonal conflict Intrapersonal conflict is always characterized strong feelings because it affects our individual motives and thoughts.

Intrapersonal conflict is a contradiction in the views, values of a person regarding himself, his life. This problem is rapidly developing now, when people, due to certain circumstances, make too many demands on themselves. Intrapersonal conflict is always characterized by strong feelings, as it affects our individual motives and thoughts. A conflict of such a plan can mature and develop over the years, at a certain stage without interfering with the personality to fully exist. However, at some point, dissatisfaction with oneself, with one's achievements, becomes too obvious. Then the intrapersonal conflict manifests itself in its entirety. Why is it dangerous, what are its features and reasons for its formation? Let's try to figure it out!

Causes of intrapersonal conflict

Like any conflict, this one also has its reasons. These reasons usually affect a person's attitude towards his own personality. When we even subconsciously disapprove of some of our actions and even thoughts, we gradually learn to remain more and more dissatisfied with ourselves.

Unmet expectations

TO modern man There are many demands in society. Sometimes a false impression is created that a successful person never gets tired, always does the job efficiently. In fact, this is just an appearance, an image imposed by society, which everyone is trying to unconditionally follow. A person cannot constantly exist at the limit of his capabilities. Gradually, she accustoms herself to the fact that she lives incorrectly, not like all other people. Unjustified expectations are the main reason why intrapersonal conflict begins to develop. A person feels that he does not correspond to some norms, he cannot influence the situation that oppresses him.

Disappointment in yourself

A common cause of the development of intrapersonal conflict, which makes you give up. It seems to a person that he is not capable of anything, but can only make various mistakes. Self-disappointment can result from failure in meaningful activities. Problems at work for a long time unsettle, deprive self-confidence. If a project fails, then thoughts about their own failure often come to mind. Disappointment in oneself contributes to the aggravation of intrapersonal conflict. People often drive themselves into terrible experiences precisely because they want to achieve great results, but in fact they deprive themselves of moral strength.

Social norms and personal needs

These categories often come into conflict with each other. Conflict is formed when a person feels unable to realize own desires for one reason or another. Many people find it necessary to comply with the laws of society, even if these requirements are contrary to their own ideas about life. For some, social norms are too important and significant to be ignored. In this case, the personality often remains lost, unclaimed. When individual needs are not met, most simply give up and do not want to make even the slightest attempt to change their lives anymore.

Low self-esteem

This is a serious problem, which in itself provokes intrapersonal conflict. If for some reason a person cannot realize his potential, then this circumstance puts enormous pressure on him, makes him doubt himself. Low self-esteem keeps you from being successful. Even if a person is talented enough, she does not find in herself a resource for achievements. She has to constantly be in an internal struggle, proving to herself the right to self-expression, and such a circumstance is very exhausting morally. The inability to value oneself is a common reason for the formation of conflict.

Types of intrapersonal conflicts

Intrapersonal conflict has several types of expression. In any case, the contradiction must be eliminated as soon as possible.

Moral discrepancy

It appears as a result of the values of a particular individual are very different from the ideas of society. In matters of morality and morality, there are too many restrictions that sometimes prevent a happy self-perception. A person often finds himself in a situation where his desires are not only not satisfied, but also subject to universal condemnation. I must say that not everyone is able to overcome such an obstacle. Many give up their desires only because they do not know how to properly fight for them.

Motivational conflict

In this case, we are talking about the fact that interests that have an equivalent value for a person collide with each other. He cannot give up one thing in favor of another without experiencing tremendous guilt or disappointment. You need strong motivation in order to take action, to really change your life.

The conflict of unfulfilled desires

This type of conflict is very common. The innermost desires of a person in reality always face certain obstacles. It is not always possible to cope with them even with support. If an individual lacks self-confidence, then it will be difficult for him to follow the voice of his own heart. Often people put off achieving their goals just because they don't know how to resolve the conflict. By giving up our dreams, we doom ourselves to an unhappy existence. The individual practically ceases to experience joy and begins to live only with everyday worries. The conflict of unfulfilled desires puts too much pressure on the psyche. It can even interfere with building happy life, because it will constantly remind of its existence.

frustrating conflict

The very concept of frustration means that a person refuses something that is of great importance to him. The frustrating conflict emphasizes that the person is fixated too much on possible failure, and this is what prevents her from moving forward in life. Getting used to giving up our own needs, we cannot fully develop, because we ourselves deprive ourselves of joy.

Resolution of intrapersonal conflict

Whatever causes an intrapersonal conflict, it necessarily needs to be resolved. If this is not done in time, then there is a great risk that a person will spend a lot of time in contradictions that will poison him all his life. This kind of conflict does not allow you to fully enjoy life, enjoy your own achievements and new discoveries. How to move towards conflict resolution? What steps should be taken in this case?

Decision-making

This is the very first step, without which all the rest will be impossible. Man needs to take responsibility for his own well-being. Nobody else can do it for him. That is why intrapersonal conflict is too serious a thing to try to ignore. You need to understand in advance that making a firm decision will help direct your thoughts in the right direction, free you from endless rushing through life in search of a better life. There is no need to run away from yourself.

Inner harmony

Living in harmony with oneself is the dream of every person who knows the true price of happiness. Whatever circumstances prevent you from enjoying life, you can not give up. The resolution of the internal conflict cannot take place without the formation of such an understanding. It is necessary to strive to begin to realize your true desires and needs. This will help you release conflict by setting your own boundaries. Nothing compares to the feeling of inner harmony.

Focus on the task

Each person should have a goal in life that will inspire him to new achievements, really lead him forward and force him to develop. Often the presence of intrapersonal conflict in every possible way prevents self-realization. The individual worries too much about possible failure. In some cases, people stop acting altogether so as not to face disappointment. Of course, this approach does not solve the problem in any way, but only exacerbates it significantly. The ability to focus on the task at hand will help resolve intrapersonal conflict. You need to clearly imagine the whole sequence of actions. Overcoming the difficulties that arise is necessary in order to strengthen the character, to increase self-confidence and one's strengths.

Escape from doubt

So many people are afraid to make a mistake, thereby getting disappointed in their abilities. You don't have to be constantly in doubt. Failures happen to everyone, but they do not destroy a strong personality, but only show the trajectory of the desired movement. If you long time If you are in a pronounced conflict with yourself, then you just need to first free yourself from doubts. Fear greatly complicates the situation: they prevent you from acting, making responsible decisions. Freed from anxiety and doubt, you can reach incredible heights, get closer to your dream.

substitution

When it is not possible to cope with some kind of contradiction, it is necessary to try to understand the situation well. In some cases, it may be necessary to replace something with a need that cannot yet be realized without significant losses. By resorting to such a scheme, you can maintain peace of mind and at the same time come to a solution to an intrapersonal conflict. The problem is that such a conflict cannot be ignored. Otherwise, he can imperceptibly subjugate the personality to himself, make him even more doubtful of the available opportunities.

Thus, intrapersonal conflict is a problem that significantly reduces the quality of life. As a rule, such a conflict always indicates what a person needs to pay attention to, what he has to work on. Attention to one's own personality will help to get rid of a painful state of mind. If it is not possible to resolve the problem on your own, seek help from the center of psychology of Irakli Pozharisky. Working with a psychologist will help restore your peace of mind, restore lost strength. Individual consultations are necessary to understand the origins of the conflict, only after that it can be resolved.

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depression

Intrapersonal conflict is a contradiction that arises in a person for a number of reasons. The conflict is perceived as a serious emotional problem. Intrapersonal conflict requires special attention, strength to resolve it, enhanced internal work.

Causes of internal conflicts:

applying old strategies in a new situation in which they will not work;
inability to make responsible decisions;
lack of information necessary to control the situation;
dissatisfaction with one's own place in life;
lack of full communication;
problems with self-esteem;
big obligations;
inability to change the situation.

In order to accurately analyze intrapersonal conflict and find a way to resolve it, it is necessary to remember that main reason is the pressure of the social environment on the individual.

The whole group of intrapersonal conflicts can be divided into two subgroups:

emerging due to objective contradictions that affect the inner world of the individual (this includes moral conflicts, adaptation, etc.)
appearing due to the discrepancy between the inner world of the individual and the world around him (conflicts related to self-esteem or motivation).

The resolution of an intrapersonal conflict is associated with the acquisition of new qualities. A person must harmonize his own inner world with environment, society. She must develop the habit of not being so acutely aware of contradictions. There are two options for overcoming intrapersonal conflict - constructive and destructive. constructive option allows you to get a new quality of life, achieve harmony and peace of mind a deeper and more accurate understanding of life. Overcoming an internal conflict can be understood by reducing negative socio-psychological factors, by the absence of painful sensations that previously arose due to the conflict, by improving the condition and increasing efficiency.

All people deal with their intrapersonal conflicts differently. It depends on their individual qualities and temperament. The latter affects the speed and stability of experiences, their intensity. It also depends on temperament whether the conflict is directed inward or outward. Every person experiences intrapersonal conflict differently.

Ways to resolve intrapersonal conflicts:

Changing the chosen strategy

Many people are often unable to change the way they perceive and think in a new situation. We adhere to similar behavior, trying to deceive ourselves that the situation does not require drastic changes. It is necessary not only to learn to analyze the facts, but also to be aware of your own attitude to the problem. Each time, ask yourself if the chosen strategy of behavior is relevant for a particular case. If a change in approach is required, action must be taken. Then the internal conflict of the personality will be resolved constructively.

Ability to deal with tension

When realizing the conflict, the inability to follow the requirements of a particular situation, a minor mental trauma may occur. It will become a trigger mechanism capable of radically changing the approach to solving the problem and the attitude towards it. A person begins to show hypertrophied qualities. If earlier he was mobile, now he will behave fussy and chaotic. If earlier he was irritable, now his temper will become the main feature. Mild anxiety can turn into fear. Circumstances force a person to behave aggressively. Often, with an intrapersonal conflict, complexes appear. A person begins to invent reasons for his own failure and withdraws into himself.

To find a constructive way to get rid of internal conflict, you need to be aware of your own problems. Everyone has difficulties, but only those who understand the existence of problems can deal with them. It is necessary to achieve harmony between the spiritual and physical state, communication and imagination. The stability of the mental state is positively affected by physical relaxation. To normalize the work of the psyche, you need to perform simple actions.

Margaret Thatcher wrote about them. She said that after a hard day at home, all the problems seemed to pile on her, bring her to tears. She relieved spiritual tension with simple housework - ironing or putting dishes in the closet. This made it possible to bring the psyche back to normal, to relax.

Finding the best moment to act

With a lack of information that does not allow action, it is worth waiting a bit. However, this expectation turns out to be too tedious. In this case, you should give yourself the installation to wait for the right moment. This setting will relieve constant anxiety, make it easier to endure waiting. Often, waiting literally eats up choleric people who are incapable of long inactivity. But people of other temperaments can break loose and start acting in inappropriate conditions. This is how errors appear. Remember the rule - if you do not know what to do, then it is better to do nothing. This will save you from mistakes. Later, you will receive the necessary information and determine the optimal moment for taking action.

Waiting for the result

Not everyone is able to wait not only for a good moment, but also for the result of their actions. Impatience makes you come up with something so that he appears sooner. This is due to the uncertainty that all actions to achieve the desired result were completed on time. In this case, you need to give yourself the installation that the result will come by itself. So you can relieve tension from uncertainty, better adapt to the conditions of expectation.

Praise yourself in difficult situations

Troubles and problems are faithful companions of any business. Nothing can go smoothly. When trouble arises, do not blame yourself or be upset. You need to understand what will be better after. This creates an interval of calm. If a person understands that soon all difficulties will go away, he will have additional strength. This is necessary if your activity requires a long time to get the desired result. Pay attention not only to the end result, but also to intermediate successes. The passage of each stage deserves encouragement. In difficult situations, humor often saves. You can get rid of sad thoughts, look at the situation from a different angle.

Learn to enjoy the feeling of isolation to good use.

Communication is not only communication with other people, but also communication with oneself. If a person has a feeling of isolation, then he must analyze it, understand the reasons. There may be several reasons. If this is a decrease in self-esteem, then you need to remember your past achievements, then self-confidence will appear. If this is a deterioration in relations with colleagues or friends, then you need to restore intimacy, even if this requires concessions on your part or an apology.

Is it possible to constructively resolve internal conflict caused by the compulsion of the situation? We are all distinguished by love of freedom, but its scope depends on the individual and the characteristics of her character. You need to be aware that social life impossible in isolation from society itself. After that, you should compare concessions with life attitudes. If the concessions do not violate the integrity of the basic values of life, then the conflict is unjustified. But the answer to this question is individual for everyone.

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Some people are faced with a serious psychological problem, because of which there is a big dispute within the personality. In other words, intrapersonal conflict is the contradictions that cover the individual. He is in great doubt, cannot make a single decision, since two opposing points of view have the same "weight". It is worth noting that this psychological problem can lead both to serious personal growth, if a person connects all his resources and mobilizes, and to big problems.

How does it happen in life? For example, a person finds himself in a difficult situation, and cannot make the final choice between real feelings and a marriage of convenience. Cannot make the final choice between work and family. There are a lot of such situations, but if you “plunge into them with your head” and attach great importance to them, there is a risk of coming to an intrapersonal conflict. Because of the lack of harmony between outside world and one's own Self, there is also a risk of developing more serious psychological abnormalities. Therefore, it is necessary to analyze approaches to understanding intrapersonal conflict.

The basis and features of intrapersonal conflict

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As mentioned above, the basis of intrapersonal conflict is, first of all, the disagreements experienced within the individual. This conflict flares up inside a person, and he, as a rule, does not take it out. the world. An individual finds himself in a situation where he needs to rethink his values and, if this can be done, acquires new useful qualities and a vision of the world. However, in reality, it is not always possible to cope with the situation, which leads to even greater isolation and asociality. Features of intrapersonal conflict are such that they cause stress, frustration and anxiety.

Anxiety manifests itself even before a certain situation unfolds. It, in turn, is divided into situational and personal. Situational anxiety develops due to external circumstances, but if a person does not have time to cope with it, it immediately turns into a personal one. Remember how in childhood we were scolded for deuces and threatened with punishment. When the baby receives a negative assessment, situational anxiety occurs (external circumstances have formed in a bad way), after which he remembers his parents and the expected consequences. Thus, internal anxiety begins to manifest itself. These moments begin internal dialogues that can develop into something more, for example, into intrapersonal conflicts or frustration.

Frustration is a state in which a person experiences great frustration. It occurs in cases where there is no way to solve a complex problem for subjective or objective reasons. The same child cannot avoid scandal at home, this leads him to oppression and frustration. In adults, this condition occurs most often when setting a goal and the impossibility of achieving it. When an individual throws all his strength and resources into solving a problem, but it turns out to be unsolvable at a given time. As a result, a person experiences great disappointment, impotence, and his desires do not coincide with his capabilities.

Further, if a person fails to cope with the developing internal negativity, stress may set in, which covers even more topics related to life in general and one's position in it. Let's get back to goal setting. Suppose an individual has set a goal to earn much more money, and as usual, he overestimated his capabilities. However, he wants to have an expensive car, new housing and beautiful things. As a result, there is a mobilization of all forces and after some time he realizes that nothing can be achieved, he abandons his idea. A small conflict flares up within the personality, a person begins to blame himself, and then the whole world around him for injustice. You can often find statements that life is unpleasant, only bad people are lucky, there is deceit and corruption all around. Although most often these problems do not directly affect the individual and have only a minor impact on his life.

What is intrapersonal conflict?

To finally understand the concept of intrapersonal conflict, imagine a state of complete doubt. It is so strong, and two opposing opinions are so reasonable, that you find yourself in a kind of stupor. And if we add to this the insolubility of the problem on our own and the impossibility of help from the outside world, a person is even more immersed in an intrapersonal conflict. Interestingly, the confrontation develops according to several scenarios.

Latency. In such a state, a person does not even notice that he is in a confrontational state. As a rule, he has a lot to do, he is in a fuss, because of which there is no opportunity to be alone with himself. Under the guise of vigorous activity or euphoria, the plight of the individual is hidden;
Unusual structure. In this state, intrapersonal conflict is not based on other subjects;
Specificity. A person, among other things, experiences stress, fear, depression.

The well-known psychologist in the Western world, Sigmund Freud, believed that the essence human nature is a constant mental conflict. This tension is often associated with the foundations of social culture and the desire of the individual. A small example is the rules of conduct. For example, we are told: “You need to be quiet in the library.” But maybe we want to talk to someone interesting topic in full voice or even stand in the middle of the room on your head. There are a huge number of such situations and most of them are small, which we can handle.

The German psychologist Levin believed that a strong intrapersonal conflict develops when two opposing opinions of the same size collide inside a person. And the greater their significance and vital importance, the greater the risk of developing a confrontation within oneself. Rogers also made an interesting point. How often do we set ourselves ideals that are impossible to achieve. Moreover, sometimes our judgments are so subjective that we ourselves deny the possibility of achievement. As a result, the understanding of the ideal Self that we strive for, and the real discrepancy leads to big problems and impotence.

Varieties and types

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If we talk about the main types of intrapersonal conflicts, then it is worth understanding that we are dealing with a subjective opinion. As a result, there are no exact concepts, as the authors look at the problem differently. However, the foundation is there. As a rule, intrapersonal conflicts flare up in the social-consumer and value-motivational spheres.

Value-motivational sphere:

Moral. When a person does not find a balance between his preferences and morality. Between personal installation and duty to society;
Motivation. It often develops in situations where, in order to achieve a goal, you need to sacrifice your safety and comfort. As a result, the question arises between calmness and the desire to possess something.
Adaptation. Conflict arises when it is difficult for a person to adapt to a new reality. For example, a change of circle of friends or a new place of work;
Unfulfillment. The desired does not coincide with the actual;
Inadequate self-esteem. Sometimes a person underestimates his abilities too much or, on the contrary, overestimates them, as a result of which intrapersonal conflicts with reality arise.

Classification of intrapersonal conflicts in the social consumer sphere:

Conflict of social norms. Often a person denies social foundations, since they do not coincide with the inner vision;
Conflict of needs. Often due to limited budget we can not choose the right product and whims win. As a result, there are many loans, the meaning of life is lost, there is no joy from owning;
Conflict between social norm and need.

There are also types of intrapersonal conflicts. Levin (a German psychologist) proposed 4 main types: frustrating, vital, equivalent and ambivalent.

The ambivalent type of confrontation develops in those cases when the result or some actions are equally repulsive and seductive. There is a contradiction;
Equivalent. When an individual is given the goal of completing several tasks of equal importance. To get out of the conflict, you need to find a compromise;
The frustrating type develops when a person forbids himself to perform some actions, as they diverge from generally accepted moral principles and society;
Vital. When a person has to make decisions that he does not like, but they are necessary.

We can distinguish the main forms of manifestation of intrapersonal conflicts:

Euphoria - unjustified joy, tears are often interspersed with laughter;
Neurasthenia - migraine, insomnia, high depression, low performance;
Projection - criticism, negativity in relationships with people;
Regression - primitivism in behavior, denial of responsibility.
Nomadism - a constant desire for change;
Rationalism is self-justification.

Causes

As a rule, the causes of intrapersonal conflict, its appearance and development, are due to three main factors:

External, due to the behavior of the individual within a particular group;
Internal, hidden in the contradictions of the personality itself;
External, due to the status as a whole within society.

When a person is faced with external factors due to confrontation with society as a whole, they are usually based on personal status. That is, a person does not like his position in society or how he is treated.

Intrapersonal conflicts within a certain group may be different, however, there is a common basis - the inability to satisfy their needs. For instance:

The absence of the desired object. I want a cup of coffee, but they don't sell that kind in this city, and so on;
physical barriers. A person is in a closed room, cannot get out on his own;
social circumstances;
biological barriers.

However, it cannot be said that one of the causes is separate from the other. In fact, everything is very interconnected and one reason smoothly flows into another. For example, the development of an internal conflict is most often due to confrontation with a particular group or society as a whole. Just like that, contradictions (from the void) cannot appear. It should not be forgotten that the basis of confrontation is based on two opposing opinions that must be importance. Otherwise, this will not be a problem for the individual, and he will miss them by introspection.

It is important that the opinions are of equal strength, otherwise the individual will simply choose the strongest one. When they are of the same size, confrontation arises, stormy dialogues develop inside. What are the contradictions based on?

confrontation social roles. Modern world requires a person to perform many tasks, and time, as a rule, is not enough. For example, an adult is tasked with picking up a child from kindergarten and fulfill an urgent order for work;
Confrontation between ordinary need and social norm. As you know, the human stomach works and sometimes it needs to remove gases. But what to do when there is a meeting or you are in a decent society;
The contradiction of religion and social values. A striking example is military operations. A true Christian observes the commandment “Thou shalt not kill”, but when something threatens his family or homeland, a big dilemma also arises;
Mismatch between interests, needs and motives. In other words, a person himself does not understand what he needs from life in general.

Often an intrapersonal conflict develops because of working relationships within the enterprise, since most of the time a person has to work and is in conditions that are created by the external environment. If a person could choose where and how to work, many problems simply would not arise. The main reasons for the development of conflict within a particular group:

The struggle of values between their views on life, foundations and professional tasks. For example, if a person is pure in heart, used to speaking honestly, it will be difficult or even impossible for him to engage in advertising and sales;
Great responsibility and excessive tasks that are not commensurate with the possibility of a person.
Striving for creativity and routine work at the enterprise;
Two incompatible tasks;
Severe work requirements and poor working conditions;
Poor mechanism for achieving the goal, vagueness, ambiguity and at the same time a specific task.
Morality and profit.

Forms and methods of solving the problem

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To analyze the forms of manifestation and ways to resolve intrapersonal conflicts is an important task for each person. We have already talked about forms, now we can move on to the topic of resolving the situation. The bottom line is that if a person does not find a positive solution for himself, this will lead to a protracted confrontation and, as a result, to a suicidal situation, a nervous breakdown or the development of psychological abnormalities. That is why it is important to know how to act in the current conditions. Moreover, if you calmly figure it out, it is not so difficult.

In order for the resolution of intrapersonal conflict to occur as quickly as possible, it is worth paying attention to the following points:

Care. Try to let go difficult situation and switch to another topic. Sometimes the problem can not be solved with the existing skills and capabilities. Therefore, it is worth reconciling;
Compromise. If there is a choice, try to come to a compromise and immediately take action;
Sublimation. In cases where you can not solve the problem, switch to another type of activity that brings pleasure. For example, a hobby, sports or creativity, where you can achieve results. Later you will return to the unresolved problem with renewed vigor. In some cases, this works as a warning of the development of intrapersonal conflicts;
Reorientation. Change your attitude towards a person or object;
Idealization. If the reality is very bad, turn on the music and try to dream. Break away from reality. Watch a comedy or movie that you enjoy the most;
Correction. Try to be objective about your Self;
Crowding out. If desires are unrealistic, try to suppress them or push them away for a long time, switching to more achievable ones.

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Interestingly, the consequences of intrapersonal conflict are of the same "nature" as the confrontation itself. That is, it can have both a positive effect on a person and a negative one. In any case, the result will depend only on the individual.

Negative Consequences

A dead end in personal development, degradation is possible;
A constant state of stress, anxiety, suspiciousness, dependence on the opinions of other people and circumstances;
Disorganization in physiological and psychological terms;
Decreased activity;
The manifestation of polar qualities is humility or aggressiveness. Inferiority, uncertainty in their actions often develop, the meaning of life is lost.

In society, behavior manifests itself as follows:

Inappropriate reaction to other people;
Isolation from other members of the group;
Blaming others for your failures.

If a person does not resolve the causes of an intrapersonal conflict in time, there is a risk of developing psychological deviations of a neurotic nature. That is why it is important to contact psychologists at any age if you are unable to solve the situation.

Positive Consequences

Will and character are tempered in struggle. People who often overcome themselves become strong, able to manage an internal resource;
Self-improvement, self-development and self-affirmation;
Develops intrapersonal intelligence;
The human psyche is more resistant to the influence of external stimuli. After several victories, a person is no longer afraid to accept the challenge and boldly goes into the fight, improving his Self.

As you can see, problems like these challenge us, but they have hidden growth potential. If you gather your courage or turn to the help of specialists, they will help you eliminate the causes of intrapersonal conflict and make you stronger.

Internal conflict or, in other words, cognitive dissonance, an internal contradiction is the presence in the human psyche of at least 2 contradictory and, at first glance, mutually exclusive attitudes that prevent him act effectively and live happily. Where do they come from?

Mental attitudes (conscious or unconscious) are the result of ever accepted by man solutions. Attitudes can be more or less conscious, depending on the circumstances under which, in what emotional state and how long ago the decision that gave rise to them was made.

* The first moment: the level of emotionality of the decision.A decision made in a calmer emotional state is remembered better by consciousness. A decision made on the basis of emotions is little or not realized by us; goes straight into the unconscious and lives there, guiding our behavior.

Example: A girl finds out about her boyfriend's betrayal: “You cheated on me?! Ah, the men are traitors! - so the attitude "men are fickle and prone to betrayal / betrayal" was formed.And now she will surreptitiously manage the behavior of this girl.Thus, the beginning of an internal conflict has been laid: consciously, the girl will strive to find a decent man (who does not cheat in order to avoid disappointment, as in the previous time), and unconsciously, on the contrary, she will "pull out" from the general mass of ALL men exactly those who are prone to betrayal, and provoke them to do so. Why might she need it? And in order to confirm once decision, i.e. OUR RIGHTNESS - most of us tend to want to be right as often as possible (if so, frankly)? This strengthens our ego, conceit, confidence that we are right and think right. Isn't it so?

* The second point: the statute of limitations for the decision. The earlier in life a decision was made, the more it has managed to gain a foothold in us and the more widely it affects our life through our behavior. Decisions made in early childhood are older and, therefore, already firmly entrenched in the unconscious. And this means that all the experience that follows such decisions will confirm them, which, in turn, will further strengthen these decisions. Here is such a vicious circle.

Example. A child, when going to the store with his mother, asks her to buy some kind of candy, and she answers him that it is harmful. The child has an opinion that what he wants is harmful, bad. If situations with refusal are often repeated (and this is almost inevitable in the current system of education), then this opinion will strengthen and form approximately into the following decision: “My desires are wrong, therefore they cannot and should not be fulfilled.” When growing up, this decision turns into an attitude that gradually, more and more often, begins to cause an internal conflict in a person: on the one hand, he periodically has some desires, and on the other hand, he “remembers” from childhood that his desires are “harmful” and therefore, they should not be performed - as my mother once said (and then my mother seemed to be an adult, smart, knowing better what is good and what is bad). And it turns out that, on the one hand, a person wants something, but on the other hand, he does not allow himself. Voila! - cognitive dissonance in action. And here it is important not to start blaming the mother for all the current problems: after all, then (in THAT situation) she probably could even be right - she wanted to keep the child healthy (i.e. wished him well) or she had some other reasons to do so. It's not her, it's the child then decided that it should be ALWAYS like this now, that it's always "not possible when you want", because it can be harmful. Mom did not say this and did not make such a decision for him at that moment.

So, let's consider in more detail another example that reflects the presence of an internal conflict in the psyche, and describe the algorithm of specific actions necessary to eliminate it. Suppose a person decides to start a business. And it seems that everything should be fine: the business is generally profitable, there is demand, but for some reason it does not go: at the same time, a person either feels some kind of internal resistance, or there is an insurmountable external one (there are always some obstacles on the way). What to do?

1. Recognize the contradiction.

What exactly do you want? Why not? Separate these two positions (opinions) and present them as two conflicting parties.

What does the first party want? - Make dream comes true.
What does the other side want? - Forbid fulfilling a wish. Why? Because it can cause some, known only to her, harm to the person (a sense of self-preservation is triggered). This means that she (the other side) in theory only wants the person to be safe and that the fulfillment of the desire does not harm him. Very thoughtfully, mind youJ.

Here you need to think and realize what kind of negative consequences can be if the desire does come true? Because if the “second side” resists the fulfillment of a desire, it means that it definitely knows something about certain negative consequences and that is why it resists. We ask the question: “How can doing this business harm a person?” What comes to mind? Well, for example, I remember that once a person heard and remembered the phrase: “All businessmen are swindlers!” or something else like that. And now, consciously, a person wants to do business (despite the fact that he is really interested in it, and he has the ability), but unconsciously he “remembers” that “only swindlers are engaged in business”, and you don’t want to be a swindler, because. this is morally wrong. I don't want to be bad, I want to be good. So it turns out that consciously a person can do something to develop a business, but unconsciously wants it not to develop or die quickly, and also DOES SOMETHING FOR THIS (at the same time, without realizing the destructive consequences of these actions). Outcome: either permanent obstacles, or stagnation, etc.

2. Reconcile the conflicting parties, find a consensus (as Mikhail Gorbachev liked to say J).

How? To do everything possible so that the fact of the fulfillment of desire satisfies both parties: it came true, and at the same time did not harm the person in any way. To do this, you need to study and / or realize the potential negative consequences (in our case, the likelihood of becoming a swindler), and then figure out how to minimize such damage (in this case directly to the individual, in others it may be damage to society). The less negative consequences there are, the less resistance there will be and the easier and faster the desire will be fulfilled.

To remove resistance, in our example, a person can decide that he will build a business as honestly as possible both in relation to partners and in relation to clients: no fraud and manipulation - only honest and equal partnerships. And, if he starts working with such a setting, then the resistance will go away (if there are no other significant limiting settings - in which case they also need to be identified and converted, as described above).

And may our desires come true and bring benefit to us and everyone around us!J