Can a person deal with circumstances. Is it possible to change the circumstances of life that are beyond your control? The external world, circumstances and fate act as regulators, inhibiting too strong unconscious and conscious aspirations, and

Surely in your life there were men with a strong will.

That's just such a man once came to me at the reception.

Tall, well-dressed, confident, but behind his beautiful features one can feel great fatigue.

We met, he talked about himself, about his family, about business, everything is fine ... and then he paused and admitted: "I'm tired of fighting! Help! My strength is gone!"

What was he fighting?

Robert, as he introduced himself, continued: “My dad taught me from early childhood that in life you just won’t get anything. Everything must be fought for. And I recently realized that I have been fighting all my life! After all, it’s not the nineties and it’s not a crisis, but I can’t stop myself even when I see that everyone has already agreed with me.

It is important for me that I am right! Nothing else is possible for me! And so everywhere: at home, at work. I can not relax. I am always in tension, always in some kind of internal resistance. Even when I want to agree, the word itself escapes from me - NO!

And I start thinking about why I disagree. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I'm doing all this in vain. The offer can be easily accepted, but no, for me the very goal is to resist, to be in opposition. This opposition inside me seems to control me..

It was evident that Robert had been analyzing his condition for a long time, he expressed his thoughts clearly and precisely, like a report at a planning meeting. Then he looked at me, waiting for a comment, and said:

“I heard a lot about you, Larisa Vasilievna, I collected reviews, I trust you, your expertise, and I want you to show me other solutions to my life situations. Just like now, I don’t have the strength anymore, I see that I’m making a system mistake somewhere, but I can’t figure it out myself, although I read a lot and watch programs, webinars. And I, as a leader, am used to understanding everything, understanding what is happening, and controlling it.”

All resistance begins with the fear that a person will now be judged, and then he takes a position of opposition. The surrounding people seem to be in the status of enemies, and Robert wants to hold his position against everyone. Consciously, of course, he thinks sensibly - but at the subconscious level, somewhere deep there, he feels that the whole world is attacking him. It's not even a thought, it's such a state.

It is difficult for him to find a positive option in any situation. And the internal struggle forces Robert to act against everyone, to resist where the obstacle can simply be bypassed or does not exist at all, and it is created artificially to overcome. It seems that only in such a movement you can get something, there is no trust in life, there is no readiness to trust the natural development of the situation, as if to be in the flow.

As described by M. Csikszentmihalyi,
flow - a state of optimal human experience, complete merging with one's work, it brings a feeling of inspiration and special joy.

I think that you either borrowed this scenario from your parents, or developed it during a difficult period of your life, when there was no other way to survive and not get what you now have. But our life scenarios are subject to us if we are no longer children, but mature people.

“What exactly brought you to me, and what changes do you want?” I asked Robert.

After my words, Robert continued: “Despite the fact that at my age I have achieved a lot, I am still dissatisfied with myself. I feel my muscles tense. I am ready to attack and respond at any moment. Recently signed up for a massage and felt the tension in my body. I didn't realize it before.

My wife says I grind my teeth at night. Before, I didn’t pay attention to my body at all. I have always kept myself in shape. I want to pay attention to "HOLD". It's always been hard for me to relax.

And now I began to listen, and I feel how constantly there is tension in my body. Cheek pain in the morning. And I can't deal with this tension on my own.

Alcohol helped, I said, reassuring myself - a little drink to relax. Today I understand that this can take me very far. And I have a business, and there are big goals for growth and development!

The business is at a standstill at the moment. I do everything, but there is no movement, as if everything is frozen in one pore and does not move. This stagnation scares me, because it will inevitably be followed by a recession. I tried many different options in advertising, changed employees, applied other approaches, but the “splinter” was something else. And I need help in the complex.

Dissatisfaction with oneself arises in people who doubt themselves and their actions. In fact, the problem is in the internal sensations in relation to oneself.

A doubting person has an internal attack in the form of a dialogue that is directed against himself. Where a person himself doubts his capacity, doubts that he is right, that he is informed. And it really creates inner anxiety.

Moreover, the internal dialogue causes tremendous tension in all the muscles of the body, especially in the neck and back, sometimes the knees suffer, sometimes it squeezes the head like a hoop of pain, even the intervertebral discs are erased from such tension. A so-called protective "shell" is created in the body.

It seems that you can relax through drinking alcohol, but this is just an illusion that can lead to a dangerous addiction. And the fact that Robert began to track his tension, listen to the care of his wife, signed up for a massage and wants to get rid of his internal tension - all this indicates a readiness to resolve an internal conflict.

A person takes a step towards himself through attention to the symptoms of the body. Which in turn can protect against the occurrence of psychosomatic diseases in the future.

Of course, we must also remember that a stereotype is maintained in society - a man must be strong and never show his weakness.

Some men can not really relax either at work or at home. The fear of not being accepted and misunderstood increases the internal conflict and increases the tension in the body.

Sometimes a house, a family is a “safe haven” for a man, where he relaxes and recuperates, but this is not the case for everyone. Much depends on the level of trust that exists between husband and wife. Often, having played "everyday life", people forget about feelings, that in the evening you can discuss not only the purchase of a new car or the progress of children, but also talk about what your soulmate feels, what you feel. Talk heart to heart.

For this A wise woman should be able to accept the weakness of her husband, and this, I’ll tell you, is a huge value, which in our time can be found extremely rarely.

Therefore, when one of the spouses turns to me for help, I always recommend coming to consultations in pairs. Many processes in the family are calmer, clearer.

Returning to Robert's request.
How to get what you want in business development?

He said that, as a self-respecting man, he wants to achieve a lot for himself and his family. So that the family has a certain high material level. Children could get a good education in Moscow or abroad. But he was tired of living in the struggle. Robert does not understand what it is - the state of life in the flow, when life's blessings do not need to be torn and scratched out, you just do what you love, and they come by themselves.
Does it really happen?

Historically, it so happened that a status man fought all the time, conquered lands, states. And this stereotype remained in the psychological matrix of a man. But in today's time, such a stereotype is not very effective.

This approach increases resistance, competition and constant struggle, and with age, a person simply breaks down, especially after forty, a huge amount of stress accumulates in the body, and health problems appear. You can often hear from the relatives of such a person: “I was healthy all my life, I earned money all my life, helped everyone, and then suddenly I fell ill (or even worse) ...”.

At the same time, although this is not an obvious connection at first glance, if the scenario of interaction with oneself and others does not change, a person does not look for ways to develop, then stoppages in business, social and political careers are inevitable.

It is important to learn how to build successful relationships. In Russia, this is not yet very common, but in the West, many politicians and entrepreneurs constantly work with a personal coach. Education in the field of business is useful, of course, but, in addition to the level of the mind, there is also the level of states. You can work with him only with the help of a mentor, coach, psychotherapist.

And that's what I'm talking about!

When you have a business
you need constructive and conflict-free interaction with partners, suppliers, investors. So that this whole structure works smoothly and without failures, so that there is no feeling that everything seems to be fine today, but as if there is a bomb with a detonator in the basement, and you don’t know at what moment it will explode. And half of your efforts are spent not on developing the future, but on thinking about how and what to do if it explodes.

The same is true in your family.
There are children, parents, spouse, relatives. And here, too, you need successful relationships that are based on intimacy and trust. You are there, at home surrounded by your closest ones, you should feel relaxed, open, that you are accepted and you also accept them with love. Without requirements, without assessments, without readiness, if anything, to break, "like Tuzik a heating pad."

I work a lot with relationships in my psychotherapy practice. For more than 10 years I have been studying various techniques: NLP, Jungian psychoanalysis, trauma therapy, the Murray method, working with states, transformational practices ...

All in order to first understand deeply, develop your own approach, and then help your clients form the most harmonious family relationships that suit their family system. And, as experience shows, when a man or woman is accepted in the family, they have settled deep conflicts with mom, dad, with their soulmate, then they have success in the professional sphere, and in money, in business.

I like the idea that business is not only about money. Material reward is rather a reflection of the inner value and condition of a person. A successful business is not to overwhelm competitors and occupy the market, keeping the palm in a pre-stroke state. Imagine that you can experience joy from seeing the result of your creativity, a feeling of unity with those who share your ideas and strengthen you in the thought that what you do is needed by the world!

To be in this complex state is that understanding - to be in a creative flow. And so get a huge profit.

After these words, Robert looked at me very strangely and got up from his chair, as if he was about to leave, but he grimaced from the pain in his back and remained. He does not understand yet, but he trusts and is ready to look for a solution together with me, which he himself did not find. Working with him further, I was surprised how much he accumulated destructive installations, usually such people do not achieve great financial well-being.

Great willpower. And the ability to delegate correctly. Yes, in big business you can’t do without it, but here, in my therapy, Robert agreed to delegate to me the development of his new life scenarios, agreed to give up the struggle that exhausts him, from total self-control and perfectionism and try new approaches. I believe he will succeed.

In my work, I create spaces and opportunities for development, transformation and healing, thereby helping people to acquire their integrity and value, and from this the state of the inner power of creativity and action is turned on. When a person who is open to interaction, capable of communication and meeting halfway, is on the way to achieving his goals.

Thank you for reading my article to the end and I will be grateful if you share in a comment or in a personal message what resonated with you in this story, what “hooked” you. I will gladly answer questions.

Every person dreams of being happy. Every person deserves happiness ... if he put his strength, mind, heart and soul to it.
I often hear from people that they are tired of the circumstances unfavorable for them, and they are tired of fighting with them.

A little secret for everyone without exception!

There is no struggle with circumstances. No, that's it. Fighting circumstances is like fighting windmills. Forgetting that they have an owner who built them in a good place for him, forced them to work using the power of the wind: he brought people to these mills, brought grain, receives flour, and then money, recognition, success, prosperity.
Any circumstance is just a consequence. Every circumstance has a reason - this is the person who created them.

Therefore, there is no struggle with circumstances. There is a struggle with oneself and people who create circumstances. There is a struggle with people so that they do not create those circumstances that you do not like with their decisions and actions.
Life is so arranged that one person does not like what another likes, and the first wants to replace everything that the second has done - with his own, so desired by him, with what he considers true.

Another secret for everyone without exception!

You may not like something for several reasons:
1. You do not know how to do the same as others (sometimes it is very unpleasant to understand and experience).
2. You were once taught to react only this way and not otherwise (or you yourself learned). We are all, to one degree or another, hostages of our way of thinking. Sometimes, this style is very ineffective ... but it is not always noticeable to the person himself ...
3. You have always had a hard time adapting to new things. Man is such a creature - resists any changes.
4. You think that your point of view is the only correct one. You have not yet seen confirmation of the fidelity of other points of view.
5. You may lack flexibility and a systematic ability to work on yourself, developing new qualities and skills in order to adapt.
6. Sometimes you may not know something ...

And sometimes there is simply no person next to you who will help you understand yourself in order to make your life happier.

Why spend so much energy on the desire to win or subjugate situations to yourself? Forces and time inexorably dry up, as if sand wakes up through fingers. In such a struggle, you can quickly get to the moment when the whole world becomes not nice, and you are disgusted with yourself ...
We can connect with the world and experience it for what it really is.
To achieve a state of happiness or peace, success or efficiency (who is looking for what), you definitely - should be able to manage themselves, others and circumstances.

Women's wisdom is born in understanding yourself and the world order, and then in the ability to arrange your life in such a way that you yourself love and be loved ...

Success in life is born in the same way: first you understand your strengths and start using them, creating a business, gathering around you enthusiastic people, making a career, and then you improve ...

If you are on the verge of changes in your life, it is all the more worthwhile to understand yourself better: what strengths will you rely on, and what should you tighten up ...

Those who decide to start a family or strengthen existing relationships should carefully study the patterns of a happy life in order to develop qualities that contribute to creating good relationships ...

We invite you to do all this on August 30 - September 1 at the legendary Elena Romanova "Spiritual Diving" in Moscow (which has been running with short breaks since 2007).
Take time for yourself to be more successful, happier, more confident...

On "Spiritual Diving" we will work:
- with your goals,
- dreams
- difficulties
- business tasks
- and any questions.
With what is important to you and what worries you. You will find a lot of work on yourself, discoveries and your conclusions, on which you will then rely in your life.
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So many of us face situations, difficulties or circumstances in life that do not fit into the concept of happiness and well-being. Sometimes a problem is so impossible to put up with that it turns into an obsession, poisoning our entire existence. What if there are two or three such situations? What, not to live at all, but to suffer? Many psychologists say the classic phrase about this: “You can’t change circumstances, change your attitude towards them.” But how to do it: just like that suddenly take yes and change? It's difficult. And then there are just such bad circumstances that it is simply impossible to think about them in any other way than bad.

What then to do? The best thing to do is to try to learn to accept the situation as it is: bad means bad, don’t like it means don’t like it, but at the same time you should try to experience as little emotion as possible about this.

But it can't be done just like that. It is necessary, so to speak, to "train": to reflect, analyze, compare, work on yourself and your feelings. How to do it - let's understand it in order.

1) First of all, you still need to understand whether there are solutions, ways out, opportunities for transforming this situation. Because accepting ANY situation is not a guarantee of your psychological peace. You will simply find yourself in the face of infantilism and inaction - you will constantly adapt to the circumstances, "flex", and in a psychological sense too, from which you will get even more displeasure. So not far from the moment when you can bury yourself headlong into a hole of problems and get a real neurosis or.

2) If you fully calculate all the options for solving the problem and do not find a suitable one, then it will be easier for you to come to the understanding that you have done everything possible, the rest depends on something else, but not on yourself. It can be assumed that with this approach, those very “unprofitable” situations will become many times less. And this is again a good help for the logic of thinking within the following framework: “Yes, I have problems that I can solve, there are problems that will help me solve, but there are also those that cannot be solved and they just need to be accepted.” Then life will seem to you more fair, adequate and logical - after all, everything in it is equally divided, why not?

3) Think about life like a scale, like a lottery, like a zebra - it's obvious. Yesterday I was lucky in this, today I failed in that, tomorrow something will happen too. Each person strives to make his life happier, calmer, more complete - and this is his main task. He struggles with difficulties and accepts fates, but if difficulties are insurmountable, then let them just be, in the end, this is not a big part of your life, and that's good.

4) Learn to pass everything through the prism of your own spiritual comfort. What does it mean? If you have already understood that the situation is beyond your control, then why waste your mental strength, nerves, resources on worries about it? Enlist a kind of “egoism”: “If I don’t like it, it doesn’t suit me, but I can’t change anything, then why would I waste my emotions on those who are to blame for this situation. There will be no sense anyway, and I, one way or another, will suffer. So I'd rather keep my peace of mind."

For example, someone constantly makes you feel bad. I do not like? Then parry, fight, get rid of it. There are no ways to get around this situation - as they say, "hammer" and "do not twitch", if you are doing so badly, then why bother spoiling yourself and your nerves. Or you don’t like someone’s character - it’s hard with him (boss, comrade, husband,). So do not communicate with this person, do not work, do not live. And if necessary, then understand why you are doing it, why there is no turning back. Most likely, because it is “profitable” to some extent for you - because you get your advantages from this situation. Sounds ridiculous at first, but think about it.

For example: you live badly with the heavy character of your husband. Bad - divorce. However, their “buts” immediately arise: it’s a pity for the child, there is no housing, there won’t be enough of one’s for a decent life. But after all, millions of people in the world get divorced in any situation, so all of the above are your “pluses” from living together: you feel sorry for the child and want him a better life, it’s convenient for you to use housing, you won’t go to rent a room and eat only bread, but without “ evil monster" on your paycheck, you don't want either. So, we put our comfort and our “benefits” in the first place, and we try to brush aside uncomfortable circumstances in every possible way: do not pay attention, do not get hung up, do not wind yourself up.

5) Try to look for at least some pluses around your situation. If you try hard, you can find them in many cases. Well, for example, a husband earns little and is unlikely to make a career - but he is kind and caring, or economic, or faithful. An evil mother-in-law got caught - but her son is good, but she lives separately. Well, there are bound to be some benefits. These are the ones you should try to focus on.

6) We all love to compare ourselves, including with our other acquaintances. For one it's bad, for the second it's something else, and for me it's a third. Someone is a little more fortunate in one, someone - in another. Go through some examples that are similar to your specific situation - but what about others? And you will surely see that everyone is different - this again will give you another opportunity to look at life more broadly and more philosophically: after all, everything in it is relative.

So “practice”, try, draw conclusions, and then many life circumstances will seem much more banal and simple for them to experience and live.

THERE ARE MOMENTS….

When you just need to stop.

Stop to look around and determine where the chosen map of life has led us. Stop for a breath of fresh air and decide whether to continue on the old path or take a different route.

Have you ever heard the phrase: “Plans are written in sand, not carved in stone?”.

I first heard it in 2013 at one of the motivational trainings. I practically didn’t take anything from him into my life: external motivation in the style of “get it together, dude, you can do anything” was enough for a couple of months, and I returned to my usual way of life again.

But that phrase I remembered for a long time.

Probably, in order to remember it now, when I write this article. Or in order to make a paradoxical discovery three years later - the biggest changes happen when we agree with our powerlessness to change something.

Many believe that iron will and discipline are needed to achieve the intended goals.

Tell me honestly, how many of your goals died before they were born?

How many task lists are left without a “done” checkmark?

How many wishes have you given up because you convinced yourself that they were not important or not timely?

I personally have about a dozen, and I generally keep silent about the lists of outstanding tasks.

It's not about will power or lack of motivation.

We begin to do something either because of strong excitement (desire) or because of strong frustration. More often, precisely because of frustration, when there is no longer a single opportunity to postpone the decision. When, like a blind kitten, we poke our faces into the void and expect favors from the world. We beg, cry, call for help, make vows to be obedient and remember all the missed opportunities. We are ready to do at least something, just not to stay where we are now, ready to grab any help, like a straw for a drowning man ... but it once again breaks off from our bulldog grip.

At such moments, it seems to us that we can’t ask ourselves, we need to try our best and do what we have to do: swim against the current, prove to everyone that we are stronger than circumstances, that we are ready to take a hit. We tell ourselves that we need to go, but there is no strength or desire left for even a small step.

There are moments...

We seem to be stuck in two dimensions: we can no longer do it in the old way, but we don’t know how to do it in the new way.

Dead end. Stop.

Those of us who are accustomed to hiding behind the illusion of stability, scolding ourselves for inaction, begin to fussily look for a way out of the impasse. They launch an endless stream of self-accusations, excuses and continue to beat their foreheads against a concrete wall. Mobilizes the remnants of strength, climb out of their skin, make new attempts with old meanings and come to a natural result - another dead end.

Poor forehead. How many concrete walls do you need to understand that it is stronger?

Sometimes our strength lies in the ability to refuse in time to do what does not work, to admit our powerlessness and keep our forehead intact. Throw a white flag in the face of life and agree with the obvious: we are people, not gods.

We are wrong.

Not because they're stupid and funny, but because it's okay to make mistakes. It is not normal to turn a blind eye to your mistakes, continuing to do what inevitably brings you closer to the abyss. It is not normal to continue doing the old, expecting new results. And it’s completely abnormal to build an iron man out of yourself, wasting the remnants of vitality.

Perhaps we swam not in our own waters, persistently you continue to row further from your native shores.

It happens…

Allow yourself to be powerless. Give yourself permission to stop. Look around, feel the flow of life, feel the direction of the wind. This is possible only from a state of rest, when neither thoughts, nor emotions, nor, moreover, actions distract you from the “here and now” point.

Stop to take in the experience, listen to the promptings of the soul, consider the new area, do not push yourself.

Stop at a red light, don't risk it. Behind the red signal, yellow and green always light up. It is only important to wait for them, and until then, allow yourself to stop.
Perhaps it is this pause that is needed in order to gain strength and start doing what is truly dear and important to your heart.

It happens…

The most pivotal events in my life and career happened when I accepted my powerlessness and paused. No plans, no work, no decisions.

From a point of rest, I returned to psychological practice.

From a point of rest, I decided to study systemic family therapy

From the point of rest came the long-awaited pregnancy and easy childbirth.

From a point of rest, she changed the vector of business and created the Anti-goodness community.

Money came from a resting point.

I often see people being scared of stops. How they scold themselves for periods of inactivity and lack of desire to do what is needed.

Prohibitions on pauses and stops with their roots take us back to childhood. You can probably classify yourself as one of those children whose parents tried to take every free minute of your life with “useful activities”.

I myself am one of those children.

As a child, I really loved to lie on the bed with my legs up on the wall and dream about how I perform on stage in front of the audience. I imagined myself as a singer, sang songs and rearranged my legs along the wall, which created noise in the next parent's room. Not strong, but still. Immediately, my father came into the room and told me to do “something useful”. What exactly he did not specify, but some socially useful activity, for example, cleaning, was implied.

And although in my time there were not yet such a large number of developing centers, sections and fashion for tutors, even this mitigating fact did not prevent the conviction from settling - “you must always be busy with something”.

Now I'm not afraid to stop. On the contrary, I watch myself at the point of rest with interest, because I know that in the end something very unusual will be born. Not a new version of the old, but a radically different solution.

Does it guarantee me results?

There will be a way, there will be travelers, passes and lodging for the night. Uphill and downhill. Perhaps, going down to the next plateau in life, I will see that I was going the wrong way. Of course, I will be upset, they will experience impotence, I will regret the lost time. It `s naturally. It's not natural to keep going down a dead end route just to avoid having to deal with your heavy feelings. I'd rather face them now than later, when the only motivation left is deep frustration. It is better to stop now than to wander senselessly into the wilds of misunderstanding and lack of sense of what and why I am doing.

Friends, don't be afraid to stop. Do not be afraid of doing nothing and pauses.

Nature itself shows us this natural cycle: life - peace - life. To have a healthy baby, you need to wait 9 months. If you force things, then life will not happen. For spring to come, you need to experience winter peace. To meet the dawn, you need to be able to wait out the darkest time of the day.

The fact that we change the vector of movement does not at all mean that we are not goal-oriented, weak or undisciplined. This suggests that life is not a frozen structure. It changes, we change with it. Each new life turn changes our horizons, opens up new horizons. We learn to notice new routes, we are fascinated by other goals. This is fine. Each new period of life sets before us new tasks of development, new spiritual goals and opportunities that we constantly reveal in ourselves.

Friends, pause, listen to yourself. Your plans are not carved in stone - write them in the sand in order to hear the wind of change in time, which always strives to break into the life of a truly enthusiastic person. Perhaps it will turn out to be passing and lead you to your goals on an easier road.

We all want to manifest our strongest unconscious and conscious desires in the outside world.
But few people care about how expedient and consistent with the outside world these desires are. How do they upset other people's balance? How do they relate to your personal evolution?

How are the events of our lives? How are they related to our inner world? Why does personal will conflict with fate?

The answers to these questions are the basis and the key to understanding the most important laws by which we live.

We will draw an analogy related to the structure of our nervous system.
You may know that in our nervous system only two fundamental processes continuously interact: excitation and inhibition. These processes are initiated by the external or internal environment that causes irritation.

This analogy perfectly shows the interaction of unconscious and conscious inner desires and the reaction of the external world and circumstances to them.

The external world, circumstances and fate act as regulators, inhibiting too strong unconscious and conscious aspirations, and arousing weak, denied and repressed desires.

Let's take a few examples for a better understanding.
A person unconsciously and partially consciously strives for physical comfort and pleasure. Before this desire was predominantly unconscious (unconscious), the outside world constantly inhibited this excessive desire. Everything that he associates with comfort was constantly subject to some kind of influence. Escalators stopped, buses broke down, this desire was constantly infringed.

Second example. A person is unconsciously strongly attached to money and, accordingly, internally dependent on it. This unconscious desire is partially compensated by conscious attitudes. But this does not work well, because in order for the conscious striving to go deep, a large amount of time is needed. Accordingly, the more this person begins to consciously seek some way to fulfill this unconscious desire, the more this desire is blocked by external circumstances.

Third example. A person unconsciously strives for love and relationships and is also strongly dependent on this. Circumstances in every possible way protect this person from any relationship and conscious aspirations for them. Blocking is the tougher, the stronger the unconscious desire and dependence. With a softer blocking, this can manifest itself as some kind of "teasing" events, when the desire seems to constantly elude the person, despite the fact that there are all signs of its imminent implementation. It's an interesting feeling

How to manage events in these three examples? How to fix these situations?
In each of these cases, it is necessary to help fate and circumstances as much as possible to normalize and equalize the strength of these desires.

In the first case, you need to consciously change your lifestyle - move more, exercise, take a contrast shower (infringement on the comfort of the physical body), remove tasty and sweet food from the diet. Radically? But in this case, waiting for it to happen on its own is too long 😉

In the second example, oddly enough, you need to devote less time to work and earning money and switch to some hobby or passion. Here, work is underway at the level of consciousness, and for rapid changes, it is necessary to connect other resources here. Here the work is much more subtle and involves continuous work with the unconscious.

In the third example, it is also necessary to stop fighting with circumstances and direct all free energy into a channel free from relationships and love experiences. And also continuously be aware of the unconscious desire and reduce its strength.

You may have noticed that the desires in these examples are somewhat different from each other.
This is done specifically for a better understanding of the structure of the interaction of various unconscious and conscious desires with each other.

In the first example, desires are connected with the needs of the physical body, the animal nature of a person, which begins to get out of control of consciousness.
In the second example, desire is connected with the needs of consciousness for protection and security, which also got out of control of a higher structure - the human soul.
In the third example, the desire is related to the soul's need for love and relationships, also too strong, which is regulated by an even higher structure. (?)

In principle, everything comes down to the normal structure of the relationship between the desires of the body, consciousness, soul and a higher structure above it.

The desires of the body must serve the higher goals and objectives of all higher structures. This means that if the body wants to sleep, but for the consciousness you need to go to work, you definitely shouldn’t indulge the body.
The desires of consciousness must serve the purposes and tasks of the soul. This means that if the mind wants security and wealth, and the soul wants adventure and love, it is definitely necessary to make a choice in favor of the soul.
However, if the soul becomes too dependent on other people, relationships, or any experience, and this experience begins to collapse - you need to go through this.