Abandonment therapy. abandoned trauma

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If feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and despair persist for more than two weeks, it may be worth talking to a counseling psychologist or therapist. Well, if your case is not so difficult, here are some tips on how to quickly get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness.

1. Do, don't think

Loneliness seems to envelop us. As a result, we spend too much time feeling sorry for ourselves and doing nothing. And most often they are sure that this will not change. Such thoughts must be abandoned immediately. Find something to do right now. By acting instead of thinking, you will break out of the endless cycle of gloomy thoughts. Work in the garden. Clean out the garage. Wash your car. Chat with neighbors. Call your friends and go to a cafe or a movie with them. Go for a walk. A change of scenery will help to distract from the oppressive melancholy. It is impossible to suffer if you are busy with something.

2. Be kind to yourself

When we are depressed, self-flagellation will not help. But unfortunately, we all do this without wanting to. For example, we made a mistake at work that cost a lot, or had a fight with a partner or friend and now we don’t talk to him. Or maybe we have too many expenses, and there is nowhere to get money from. Instead of discussing with someone everything that worries us, we accumulate it in ourselves. And as a result, we feel incredibly lonely.

When we feel bad, it is important to take care of ourselves

When we feel bad, it is important to take care of ourselves. In fact, we often forget about this because of more pressing issues. As a result, we don’t get enough sleep, we don’t eat well, we don’t go in for sports, we overload ourselves. It's time to "reboot" and restore the lost balance, feel better physically. Go to the park, take a bath, read a book in your favorite cafe.

3. Stay open

Although it is possible to be lonely in a crowd, communication helps to distract at least for a while. The best medicine is to get out of the house and find some company. It’s good if it’s a group of friends, but group classes, hobby groups, traveling and hiking in groups are also great ways. It's hard to think about how sad you feel during an interesting conversation.

4. Discover something new

A guaranteed way to deal with sad feelings is to discover and learn new things. When you turn on the “curiosity gene” and do what really intrigues and interests you, there is no room for blues. Try driving to work on a new road.

Plan a little trip for one day, visit the surrounding attractions: small towns, parks, forests, nature reserves, museums, memorable places. On the road, try to learn something new, meet new people, so that there is something to remember.

5. Help others

The surest way to stop feeling sorry for yourself is to help someone else. This does not mean that you should immediately run to the streets to save the homeless. There are other ways. Sort out your wardrobe, collect things you no longer wear, and donate them to a charity.

Give away old but working electronics to those in need, dishes, furniture, bedding, toys and other unnecessary things. It will be useful for them, but even more useful for you. If among the neighbors there are pensioners, bedridden patients or just lonely people who need support, visit them, chat, treat them to something tasty, play board games.Even you get lonely, imagine how it feels for them? Together, it is easier to overcome loneliness. Remember get rid of negative emotions only possible through conscious effort.

About the expert

Suzanne Kane is a psychologist, journalist, screenwriter based in Los Angeles. Her website: www.suzannekane.net

How to get rid of feelings of loneliness and not fall into depression? As they say, each of us is born in sterile solitude and dies in it, therefore, any person encounters such a state at least once in his life. Remember, loneliness is not a sentence, and you need to fight it. And how, we will tell in this article.

The feeling of loneliness can torment a person throughout his life. Both women and men are interested in the question of how to get rid of loneliness. Why? It's simple: sometimes each of us wants to talk heart to heart, to laugh. Man is a creature in need of society, so a state of loneliness that lasts long enough can easily develop into depression.
How to get rid of the feeling of loneliness that prevents you from fully living and enjoying every moment?
First, let's understand what loneliness is. Contrary to popular belief, not only a person who has no friends and relatives can be considered lonely, but also a person who is surrounded by attention from all sides. The question of how to get rid of loneliness and depression can excite even those who are confident in their partner, happy in the family, have many friends. Sometimes a feeling of worthlessness arises in those who, it would seem, are always in the spotlight, and this must be fought.
Regardless of how old you are - 20 or 50, everyone can take note of the answers to the question of how to get rid of loneliness.
So, how to get rid of loneliness and longing? How to find harmony? Follow a few basic rules:

1. Understand yourself, love yourself, pull yourself together.
2. Communicate more, especially if you don't get enough attention. Take a walk with friends, go shopping, go to a club, any place where there is a large crowd of people. Communication is the first panacea that helps to get rid of loneliness, both for a woman and a man.
3. Get out into nature. Nature is full of positive energy. It has long been known that a person who is often in nature always feels harmony with himself. And also, perfect option for those who are looking for an answer to the question of how to get rid of the fear of loneliness, it is to get a pet. A kitten or puppy is a constant source of positive emotions that will always be with you.
4. Make up for the lack of kinesthetic communication. To do this, you need little: sign up for dancing, in a fitness club. Here you can make new acquaintances with interesting people, find a common goal with any of them and, in the end, make friends.

There is a certain type of people - kinesthetics. They perceive the world through sensations and constantly need affection. For such people, the fear of loneliness is the most dangerous enemy, so if you are one of them, sign up for pair dances. You can also get a pet. You will give him your love, and he will make up for the lack of kinesthetic communication and positive emotions. In addition, yoga will help in this case.
5. Understand that you are free. Not alone, but free. If you do not have a loved one, it means that you are not burdened with “everyday life” and any obligations. Do not be discouraged: if you do not know how to get rid of the feeling of loneliness and uselessness, think about the fact that your soulmate is walking somewhere nearby, and fate is preparing you for an unforgettable meeting with her. Everything is still ahead.

So, in order not to suffer from a feeling of loneliness, you need to change your own attitude to life. Enjoy what is happening here and now, appreciate every moment that you can devote to your loved one, do not waste a second on despondency and sadness. Communicate, recharge with positive, live, and you will never be alone!

Speaking about the problem of loneliness, it should be noted that it can be of two types. The first type is forced, or physical loneliness. We experience it when we are alone at home (this, of course, is temporary loneliness) or when we do not have friends and relatives. People prone to negativism most often perceive forced loneliness as a misfortune. But those who look at life from a positive point of view usually understand loneliness as solitude, when there is time to think about something important and take care of themselves. But since our society is more prone to a pessimistic assessment of reality, many perceive their loneliness as the worst thing that could happen to them.
The second kind is the feeling of loneliness. With him, everything is much more complicated. This is such a state of mind and soul when a person, even being among other people, in the presence of family and friends, still feels lonely and believes that no one understands him, no one "hears". Such a feeling of loneliness is a difficult condition for the psyche, which, as a rule, is accompanied by a bad or depressed mood and serious emotional experiences. Such people are often very unhappy, they have no really close friends and all their contacts are very limited. A similar problem can occur both in adolescents and in humans. Teenagers very often feel lonely and misunderstood in their own family. And middle-aged people often begin to experience a feeling of loneliness, when their life becomes measured, they seem to have achieved everything and they have nothing more to strive for. If the family of such a person does not really understand and is not interested in his experiences, then the feeling of loneliness can escalate to the limit and even develop into.
There are no positives in the feeling of loneliness, but in physical loneliness there are both minuses and pluses. Now we will look at them in more detail.

The positive aspects of loneliness

Readers are probably bewildered by the question: “What positive sides can be loneliness? People are used to thinking: loneliness is bad, this concept carries a negative connotation and there can be nothing good in this state. But let's look at loneliness from the other side, and you will see what it actually carries and positive emotions.
Loneliness can be seen as a life resource that we need to move on. It can help a person mature as a person and begin to develop further. Left alone, we can work on life's mistakes, draw the necessary conclusions from them and move on, not making any more such mistakes.
Even in the old days, loneliness was treated as good way listen to yourself, know your "I", develop intuition. After all, in the bustle and noise it is impossible to recognize and understand yourself. It is necessary to realize that loneliness is not a punishment and not isolation, but solitude, which brings peace and meaningfulness of being, and then a lonely person will feel happy.
You also need to understand that in loneliness you should not miss someone at all. On the contrary, you can perceive loneliness as an opportunity to find yourself. Is this not a reason for joy?
In our world, where everyone is in a hurry somewhere, constantly doing something, it is believed that the time spent alone and in silence is wasted. In fact, it is the time that we spend alone that psychologists consider the most fruitful: it helps us maintain our inner life, which is very important. After all, if a person was always busy communicating with others, he would never have come up with many wonderful ideas and options for solving pressing problems.
In addition, when you are single, you have a lot of free time that can be put to good use. For example, learn to sew, go on a trip, etc. Remember what you dreamed about before and make your dream a reality.
However, one should not forget about negative sides loneliness. Let's consider them.

Negative sides of loneliness

Not so long ago, scientists conducted new studies that showed that women and men, being without a permanent partner, often drink too much, forget about proper nutrition, give a lot of time to work, they do not have the emotional stability that is typical for people who are married.
Too much loneliness has a bad effect on the life expectancy of both women and men. In terms of the degree of negative impact on life expectancy, loneliness is equated to smoking. To date, scientists have not yet found an exact explanation for this, but it is assumed that, being alone, people begin to lead an unhealthy lifestyle. They drink more because they want to forget; skip breakfast and lunch because they are not interested in taking care of themselves, and work with a vengeance because they have no one to pay attention to and talk heart to heart.
Lonely people do not have a sense of responsibility for another person, they are responsible only for themselves and therefore they can take reckless, risky actions. They often get involved in various adventures, become too aggressive towards others.
As you can see, there are fewer minuses in loneliness than pluses, but still they are very significant and can pretty much spoil your health and life. Therefore, if you feel that your loneliness has dragged on, then it makes sense to try to overcome it.

Ways to overcome loneliness

If you are experiencing loneliness in your own family, there are several ways to help overcome this feeling.

1. Accept and understand. Learn to accept those around you for who they are. Of course, you may not like something in loved ones, but it is very important to just accept it and decide whether you can put up with it or not.
   After all, the feeling of loneliness very often arises from the fact that a person imagines a family not as it really is. And when he sees that a family or partner does not meet his ideas, he will first experience disappointment, and then a feeling of loneliness will replace disappointment.
2. Don't compare your life with the lives of others. If you constantly compare your partner and your whole life with him with other couples, then sooner or later you will begin to adjust yourself and your partner to the “ideal”, and this can lead to alienation and, as a result, to a feeling of loneliness.
   When we adjust our lives to the lives of other people, we often forget that in our world, almost everyone wears masks that meet social standards. Many try to hide their shortcomings and flaunt only their (sometimes fictional) virtues, or simply try to hide their true feelings behind a mask. The same can be true in a family whose life you consider devoid of flaws. In fact, these people may well have their own serious problems that you don’t know about and think with envy that your friends are.
3. Look at your partner from the side. A person, as you know, very quickly gets used to the good and ceases to appreciate what he has, so he begins to pay attention only to what seems negative to him. To look at a partner from the outside and see his advantages, psychologists recommend using the comparison technique. For example, say to yourself: “Yes, my husband rarely gives me flowers, but he is very gentle and attentive.” The main thing to do in order to get rid of the feeling of loneliness is to always be attentive and caring towards your partner. If you show care, then a loved one will definitely respond in kind, and in this way you will not only get rid of the feeling of loneliness, but also improve family relations.

If you feel lonely because there is no loved one nearby, and all searches for love lead to nothing, in such cases we advise MirSovetov readers to radically reconsider their approach to finding a partner. And we will talk about the common mistakes that a person makes in search of a loved one or a loved one.

1. If you have been in search of love for a long time, but deep down you are sure that you are not worthy of this very love, then most likely you will not wait for a meeting with your soul mate. After all, if you constantly think that it is impossible to love you, that you are marked with the seal of loneliness and in general you have an evil fate, then sooner or later such self-perception will manifest itself in every movement, word and deed. And people will avoid you. Therefore, if you want to find your love, reconsider your views on loneliness and on life in general. First of all, you need to learn to love yourself, then those around you will love you. Stop seeing only the black sides in yourself and in your life. Remember, life is colorful and light colors predominate in it. Try to see them.
2. Usually people who are looking for look at all members of the opposite sex as potential partners, thereby often scaring them away. This rule applies mainly to women: men do not like it when we "open the hunt" for them. Try to reconsider your behavior. You must show men that you feel good and alone, then you will not have time to blink an eye, as you will have a permanent partner.

Causes of loneliness and their solution

Speaking about the causes of loneliness, I would like to note one important fact. Why is the person alone? If we think a little, we will understand that there are very few situations when we are alone due to circumstances beyond our control. Forced lonely, for example, are the lighthouse keeper and the man in solitary confinement. And most often our loneliness is the work of our own hands. Can't believe? I'll try to prove it to you.

1. Some people think that those around them are simply unworthy of their attention, since these very people around them have an insufficient level of education, they do not correspond to the “lonely and misunderstood” in terms of status or mental abilities ... and in general, those around them do not understand their subtle nature. Maybe it is. But, most likely, you simply do not want to see in other people their abilities, their inner world. Do you think what it was like for Seraphim of Sarov or Nicholas the Wonderworker? But they did not turn away from people, helped them and did not fall into the sin of pride. In a word, be a little simpler, and then you will stop suffering from loneliness, people will be drawn to you.
2. Sometimes people are left alone because they think that everyone wants to use them and get something from them. This attitude is due to the fact that a person constantly compares how much he gave and how much was given to him. Yes, we all need something from other people and from the world in general. And that's okay, there's nothing wrong with that. You need to remember one simple truth: the more you give, the more you get in return.
3. It also happens like this: a person thinks that there are many dangers in the world, and climbs into his “shell”, where nothing threatens him and cannot hurt him. But you still need to get out of your hiding place sometimes, at least to the store. And if you walk down the street hunched over, pulling your head into your shoulders, then, most likely, you will not cause warm feelings among those around you. People love open, friendly and open personalities. Look at the world with different eyes, look around - and you will see that you are surrounded good people who have no reason to hurt you and cause harm. If you can’t cope with the fear of the outside world on your own, seek help from a psychologist, and after a while you will look at the world with different eyes, then loneliness will recede.
4. Some people are lonely because they are afraid to contact people, suspecting that they will certainly laugh at them. But even if this turns out to be the case, then try to find the courage in yourself and to laugh at yourself along with everyone. If you do this, you will find yourself with others "in the same boat." And a person who knows how and is not afraid to laugh at himself attracts people more than a closed and always offended subject.

Well, as you can see, a person often creates his own loneliness. And there is nothing insoluble. You just need to understand why you are lonely, gather your strength and reconsider your views on life, on yourself and on those around you - and then the ghost of loneliness will very soon cease to haunt you.

The feeling of loneliness can overtake any person. Most experience it rarely, for short periods of time - for example, when they are alone for a long time. For others, things are much more difficult. Loneliness seems endless, it seems that a person is cut off from the world, he has no one to talk to, speak out with, no one pays due attention to him.

In the first option, the problem is not so serious. Its cause is a lack of communication, remoteness from loved ones. In the second, everything is much more complicated - the feeling of loneliness and further uncontrollable apathy is associated with psychological decline, serious mental, moral trauma, fears or prolonged depression becomes a real ailment affecting the psychological and physical state of a person. In this case, it is required not only full time job over himself, and serious treatment by a psychotherapist.

Typing feelings of loneliness

The feeling of loneliness often arises from the need for companionship and love. If this does not happen, then the person perceives the lack of understanding as alienation from relatives, friends, acquaintances and society as a whole.

Even with functioning ties to family or other people, a person can still feel lonely. This may be due to a lack of understanding in the family, love, psychological trauma coming from childhood itself and temporary problems that he is unable to overcome. Feeling helpless, a person begins to experience disbelief in his own strength and develops in himself different kind complexes suppressing the psyche and will. These are all links in the same chain.

Terminologically, books about loneliness position the problem as an episodic feeling of tension, which is associated with a person’s unfulfilled desire for relationships with others. There are several types of such anxiety:

• A person is not satisfied with his relationship, feels emptiness, abandonment.
• He is socially active, but occasionally feels lonely.
• Expresses passive loneliness - he is tired of this feeling and resigned to it.
• Does not feel loneliness, but periodically exposes himself to social isolation.

Many works devoted to the issue of how to cope with loneliness divide the problem into two types. In the first case, a person is alienated from himself, and in the second - from his environment.

According to another popular typification, the feeling of loneliness can be divided according to its symptoms:

situational. Occurs as a result tragic events(e.g. death loved one or breakup). It passes when a person comes to terms with the tragedy.
transient. Short-term seizures that a person cannot track. Pass on their own.
Chronic. It arises due to psychological problems, complete rejection of reality, rejection of oneself, one's environment, or undisclosed mental (subconscious) traumas. Such symptoms require the intervention of a psychologist.

Before deciding how to deal with loneliness, it is necessary to understand the causes of loneliness and understand the symptoms. They may differ, but the basis is always the same.

Strong attacks provoke melancholy, confusion, nostalgia, nervousness, depression, and even. With such symptoms, it is necessary that a person himself realizes the inferiority of his relations with others, sees the problem from the inside and wants to solve it.

The origin of the feeling of loneliness

A number of scientists believe that the feeling of loneliness haunts a person from birth until death. It's just that someone copes with it better, while others are very worried about it. Many experts are sure that people begin to feel loneliness in adolescence, when there is a grand surge of hormones, but in fact this is a moot point.

It has been scientifically proven that loneliness is more acutely felt at a young age, when a fragile brain is only forming a worldview, gaining experience, learning about the world. The reasons may be a lack of maternal attention, improper upbringing, shyness, various kinds of complexes, or lack of social activity. But the main reasons for the origin of this problem are associated with psychological disorders.

Causes of loneliness

• Psychological trauma or childhood frights
• subconscious fears
• Constant feeling of depression or stress
• Negative atmosphere (energy) in the family
• Self-isolation, shyness
• Self-doubt and fear of rejection
• Low self-esteem
• Complexes and fear of condemnation
• Lack of trust in people

If you can figure out the causes of loneliness, then the question arises: what to do if you are lonely? After all, the consequences are not only in the feeling of depression, but also in the way you respond to it. If a person blames himself for what happened, then he has a high risk of developing depression turning into apathy.

Otherwise, when a person blames others and external factors for his feelings, hostility and aggressiveness towards the world appears. Both cases lead to a deterioration in relations with loved ones, problems in the workplace and conflicts in the family, since this feeling is expressed outwardly anyway.

Getting rid of feelings of loneliness

Everyone knows the famous expression about that. that man is a social being. Each of us was born in society, from the moment we were born, we were in contact with other people and grew up in a social environment. A person needs to communicate, share their feelings. However, this is not the answer to how to get rid of the feeling of loneliness.

In a chronic form, this problem will not go away if a person forcibly imposes communication and social activity on himself. This is only possible with a situational and transient type of problem, when internal conflicts requiring direct intervention, no. The role is played only by the time and willpower necessary to get rid of negative feelings.

First and most important point what you have to do is to become aware of your true inner world. Understand what loneliness is for you and what causes it. If you need help with this, contact a psychologist who will find the key to the problem and go through this temporary turmoil with you. Remember - you can overcome loneliness yourself by using one of the above methods.

How to deal with loneliness

Don't lock yourself in

No need to dwell on loneliness and try to isolate yourself from the outside world, on the contrary, be open and start communication first. Communication helps to calm down and distract from negative thoughts. It is one of the most effective and universal means overcome loneliness and calm inner turmoil. Communicate on your favorite topics showing a keen interest in the interlocutor, but do not dwell on it. Try to discover new roles and talents in yourself, even if nothing works out the first time, no one will blame you for it.

love yourself

In the turmoil of loneliness, we become depressed and broken and begin to criticize ourselves. We do this because we feel insecure and weak, which we cannot overcome. Do not go on about your own emotions, learn to be above problems and negative situations. Love yourself for who you really are, not perfect, not the best, but strong, courageous, self-critical, able to see your true self, and overcome any obstacles on the way.

Move forward

Don't stop there. Go forward starting with small steps and ending with global jumps. We spend too much time on the past, trying to feel sorry for ourselves and remembering past failures, focusing our thoughts in an unnecessary direction. Change your outlook and approach to life, do not feel sorry for yourself and give up the past. Accept life as it is at the moment and, having adopted the most important thing - experience, move forward. Act without thinking and without delay.

Discover new

Strive to discover new things and explore the world. Do the most extraordinary things, forget about modesty and shyness, but within reason. Remember the movie: “Always Say YES” is a perfect example of how to stop complaining about the world, loneliness and feel real intrigue and interest in life. Help others overcome crisis and loneliness by focusing on the most important thing - willpower.

The reasons described above will not go anywhere even with active communication with other people. Everyone has their own way of solving these problems. Some are able, with the help of introspection, to understand themselves and feel a surge of strength and confidence, while someone will have to turn to a psychoanalyst, because if the foundation is associated with psychological disorders, there is simply no other way to get rid of loneliness. In any of these cases, the path to life satisfaction lies only through problem solving. It cannot be otherwise!

A person is characterized by different psychological states. Joy is replaced by sadness, confidence - confusion. Sometimes, for example, it seems that the whole world has left you. How to get rid of the feeling of loneliness, for sure, every person thought at least once in his life. And the exit was not always quick. Because this state does not arise spontaneously and does not suddenly disappear. But any phenomenon has its reasons, especially in the field of psychology.

• a hopeless feeling of loneliness, when a person is not satisfied with his relationship with others, but it is impossible to change them;
• stable - here he already humbles himself and leads a passive lifestyle;
• periodic - sometimes socially active people suddenly find themselves in a communication vacuum, this state passes after some time;
• voluntary - people deliberately limit themselves for some time in communication, without experiencing discomfort.

To these types are added the causes of such a psychological state.

W. Kolbel identifies such a type as "proud" loneliness, which allows the individual to discover new forms of freedom, untried models of communication with people

Causes

Psychologists dealing with this problem identify several main reasons for this condition:

• low self-esteem;
• false expectations;
• stiffness in communication, inability to communicate;
• fear of loneliness;
• negative previous experience (this primarily applies to women).

Low self-esteem

Most researchers note that it is laid down since childhood. The child was often scolded by parents, humiliated by teachers, peers teased for some lack or constraint in communication. One way or another, a person, growing up, remembers his state of humiliation, and it is often very difficult for him to overcome it.

How to do it? There are two ways to rid yourself of self-flagellation. You can turn to specialists who, influencing the psyche, will try to restore your sense of confidence. Or you can consciously try to raise the bar of your assessment.

The main thing to understand is that low self-esteem develops under the influence of the people around you.

That is, if you are treated as a person without initiatives, interesting solutions or simply boring interlocutor, this does not mean at all that in fact everything is so. You just made yourself feel that way.

But a person who, say, finds himself alone on a desert island, will not have such self-esteem. He has no one to prove his worth to. He is unlikely to sit and think about the fact that everything is falling out of his hands. He will fight for survival and the opportunity to somehow contact the outside world.

This is what you need to do with low self-esteem. It is important to fight for your ability to be a full member of society, team, family.

Psychologists believe that there are 2 types of loneliness. The first is a subjective separation from society, the second is, as it were, separation from oneself, indifference to oneself. Often they are interrelated.

You also need to remember that even objective self-esteem is not always the right way to get rid of loneliness. Let's say something really doesn't work out for you at work or in your family, and you can't change anything. Recognition of this would seem to be a fair assessment of oneself. But the process of failure cannot last forever. Under some other circumstances, everything will turn out well, and you will find the strength for this.

It is better to change low self-esteem for a slightly overestimated one, with a perspective. And then loneliness will be replaced by calm relations with others.

Daily workouts and active rest are great for strengthening the body and spirit, which increases self-esteem.

false expectations

This cause of loneliness is most often characteristic of women in family and love relationships. American psychologist Stefan Wolinsky wrote that false expectations syndrome is akin to the sensations of a child who is separated from the womb. Things are not going the way he would like. Life becomes completely different.

The origins of the possible appearance of false expectations can also lie in childhood, when the child was surrounded by care, love, trying to predict his every desire. And now the girl grows up, becomes a woman. Intuitively, she wants the same warmth, the same fulfillment of desires, especially in a love relationship.

But things are going a little wrong. A loved one does not become one with her, does not always pay much attention to her, sometimes communication becomes difficult. Often a woman becomes isolated, offended, experiencing an acute sense of loneliness.

Meanwhile, the exit lies on the surface. You just need to admit that the person from whom you expect increased and constant attention to yourself has his own life, his own interests. He cannot think and feel in exactly the same way as you.

By the way, false expectations can manifest themselves not only in family relationships. Let's say you suddenly feel that one of your colleagues is being rude and arrogant towards you at work, and you move away from him. But it is quite possible that a person treats you well, in a friendly way, you just demand too much from him.

Formulate your expectations in such a way as to give the second half the right to make mistakes, lower the bar a little

Inability to communicate

Sometimes a person finds himself isolated from others (or so it seems to him), if he does not know how to maintain a conversation in time, say good word or just to tell a joke. Most often, the origins of such behavior also come from childhood, if the parents in the family did not maintain good relations, and everyone lived, as it were, separately from each other. Here you need to teach yourself proper, uninhibited communication.

But sometimes it happens like this: lonely people talk in a deliberately unnatural way, even dismissively towards others. You need to get rid of such habits.

Every contact with a person requires you to be able to listen and be patient.

Of great importance is also appearance interlocutor. Change your image. Change your hair, buy new clothes. It also gives confidence.

Fear of uselessness and negative experience

The fear of being useless is a fairly common occurrence. It is felt after divorces, after children are separated from their parents, or after a loved one dies. The main thing is not to let this fear take over, to resist it. There will always be a person who, perhaps, feels the same way or has ever experienced it. Take a closer look at those around you, you will surely find someone to at least chat with.

Do not expect rejection from others, do not be afraid not to like someone at a party or in the company of new acquaintances

The same applies to previous negative experiences. For example, divorce is not at all a reason to think that all men or women are the same as your former soul mate.

Is it a disease

In the United States, a theory arose that loneliness, like a virus, can be transmitted from person to person. Say, at a certain time of the year or in a certain place, there are suddenly more lonely people, and this mental blues lasts longer for them.

Indeed, there are so-called mental illnesses that form a person's negative attitude towards reality. However, loneliness is more of a social phenomenon than a disease. And it cannot be transmitted by any virus.

Just a lonely person in communication is overly aggressive, irritable. This condition can be transmitted on a psychological level and affect people's desire to communicate with others.

How to get rid of feelings of loneliness

Basic principles

• learn to be a happy person right here, now, next to these people;
• try to take care of someone. There are always people nearby who need attention, especially the elderly. They are also lonely, but very interesting in communication;
• avoid free time: go in for sports, find a hobby, a part-time job - extra money will help you update your wardrobe or visit exhibitions and concerts more often. There you will attract the attention of others;
• understand the reasons - maybe you yourself are to blame for the lack of communication, and not those around you. Be more tolerant of others, look for their advantages, not shortcomings.

Find the "trigger"

It would also be useful to go to a psychologist. The specialist will help you find the "trigger", after pressing which, figuratively speaking, there was a shot of loneliness. It could be some kind of negative event: the death of a loved one, separation from a loved one, someone's illness, dismissal from work, etc. You need to clearly define for yourself that all this is already in the past, life goes on just for you, this chance cannot be ignored. You need to learn to accumulate positive emotions, to find them even in the smallest.

A change of scenery

Sometimes it is recommended to go on vacation or go on a hike, go to the sea. But being alone isn't always fun either. Another thing is that it is somewhere on the sea where you can meet a friend or loved one. Only most of these novels end with the end of the holiday season, and then you again have to return to a lonely apartment.

You can also change the situation by going out of town for the weekend, starting repairs, settling on new job and so on

And if it doesn't help

Try and in the current state to find your pluses. Engage in self-improvement: read, even compose something. This will increase your erudition, and the interest of others in you will also increase.

Get a dog, it’s not for nothing that Bunin wrote about this remedy for loneliness. In addition, walking with a pet will surely introduce you to other owners.

You can't give up on loneliness. And you should always remember that it is you who can defeat this state if you believe in yourself and stop isolating yourself from the outside world.