How to cope with the betrayal of loved ones and where to find the necessary support. What to do if your friends betrayed you, how to deal with the pain of resentment

veronica:

Veronica:

Veronica:

I was 9 months pregnant and left alone ... Before NG, I was cruelly and ruthlessly abandoned by the MCH with whom I lived for 9 years (all these years I supported him and followed him, you can say she lived with him), he said that this "Hemorrhoids" in the form of a child he doesn’t need it and he wants to achieve something in life and get high (I’ll add that he has 2 children behind him, whom he raised up to 3-4 years old and left, as he said because of mothers)
We rented a house, “thanks” to him, and they kicked me out with the words that we don’t want to breed here, I went on maternity leave and as a result, I had to go to another city to my mother. But I can't live here, I just don't like this city and now I have to stay here.
I think to give birth, stay here and go back again, but how to live up to this “moment” if every day the betrayal of a loved one gnaws at me, I can’t occupy myself with anything, I understand that this is bad for the baby.
Help

At the beginning of the relationship, after the first year of his life, he already betrayed me once (he left for another), but returned after 2 months, of course I understood that it was impossible to forgive, but I could not help but accept him. Further, in general, everything was normal in relations, like everyone else, quarrels, reconciliations, but we have more on the basis of housing, since we have been living in rented houses all this time (he didn’t want a mortgage, but he hasn’t been able to save up yet). But I always aspired to a family, to children, and he knew it. Discussing the topic of children, he did not say categorically no (he is 10 years older than me). After the news of the pregnancy, he was against it, but I tried to convince him several times in every possible way (while there was still an opportunity to solve “something”) and he nevertheless said that he would not leave us and would be with us if I wanted to: give birth.
These words were key for me.
Months passed, I tried not to push, so to speak, after we found out that we were expecting a son (he was delighted, because he had only girls), I thought that he “adopted” the baby.
And then he tells NG that I will be celebrating alone, and he and his “friends” on his own ... As a result, after I found out that they had his old “girlfriend” in the company, that he was constantly not there, but reminded of himself congratulating him on holidays and sometimes helping him in his work.
By the way, she knew our whole history and what position I was in, but I think that she brainwashed him well and “supported then”, now he is with her. I don’t know for how long, although when I asked about her, he refused and said that today he was there, but tomorrow he didn’t know where he would be.
Here, briefly

Before I left home, I called sometimes, but I think it was more to find out when I would leave. He promised to help me with the move, but I think he was "brainwashed" and he changed his mind.
Now 1.5 weeks since I left and there is silence from him. We periodically communicate with his friend, by the way, he is one of the few who supported me in this situation. (we were friends with “families”, a friend had a long-awaited daughter a year ago)

Mom supports me as best she can, worries about me. Mom thinks that I shouldn’t even think about him at all, since his act is simply beyond words.
How can I stop thinking about him? Despite his cruel act with me, I constantly think about how he is now, is he happy without “us”, does he remember if he loved me and why he abandoned us like that? Will he live with “this one”, because he always told everyone that I am the best thing that happened in his life and that God sent me to him.
I can't live without him, I can't even hate him.
I'm afraid that he won't even want to see his son ever, and I don't understand how it's possible?? Does he really hate me that much? And for what, most importantly, I don’t understand, is he like that with me?

How can I live on if I constantly think about him ...
He tells all his friends and acquaintances that he was allegedly categorically against children, but I didn’t listen to him and left him ... It’s supposedly my own fault ...
How can you say that if he himself promised not to leave me??
Now he most likely does not even remember us and enjoys his “new life”, spoiling ours .... It does not give me rest, I want him to feel my suffering ((

35 years of joint happy life, two adult children, grandson. Mutual love, good health for both. In a word, idyll. And suddenly it turns out. The wife withdrew everything up to kopecks from the general bank account. money and went to the children in St. Petersburg. And it's not about the money. I myself adhere to the principles of utmost honesty and believed that it was the same. She betrayed. I love her, I can't imagine life without her and she knows it. I have absolutely no idea what to do next. I can’t put a POINT - children. Sorry, I can't. Don't Forgive - Why?

Hello, I got into a terrible situation for myself and do not know how to get out of it. I feel like I'm drowning in it more and more. I started having health problems. I can't sleep, I lost my appetite. I don't want to communicate with anyone. I sit alone all the time and constantly think about how my loved one did to me. I loved him very much, and what to hide even now, after all, I love him. I feel very bad without him.
We were together for almost a year and a half. And it so happened that his mother disliked me from the very beginning. She constantly tried to turn him against me, spoil our relationship. At first he did not listen to her, saying that he loved me and wanted to be with me. For a year and a half, everything was quite good, we coped with it. I felt that he really loves me, he repeatedly proved this with words and actions. Then some frequent quarrels over trifles suddenly began, and one day we had a very strong fight. I saw him like this for the first time in our relationship. Although, we were able to reconcile on the same day. And he said he loves me. And we need to stop fighting. After that he went home. The next day, he again began to quarrel with me on the phone and hung up. And one day everything was cut short, the person simply did not want to communicate with me anymore, did not answer calls, messages. I visited him several times trying to find out what happened, what was the matter. His mother said that he was not at home or that he did not want to talk to me. It was like nonsense, everything was fine, there were not even any hints of parting. And the man, just without any explanation, left. We didn't talk for 5 months. Some rumors reached me that this happened because we often quarreled, it seemed to him that I was putting pressure on him. I rethought my attitude and realized that maybe the truth was somewhere wrong. Tried to talk to him, find out everything. Why did he do this to me, but the man just closed. And just recently, he wrote me a message where he begged me to forgive him for doing this to her. We talked on the phone, he said that he missed me, that he loves me and thinks that this time we will succeed. Offered to meet. I saw that he wanted to start over. So we met several times.
And then again, for no reason at all, he stopped picking up the phone. He did the same to me, only worse. I don't understand why I had to beg to forgive him. Offer to start over. And then leave me again.
I'm just in a terrible state, I don't know what to think. I never expected from him such that this person with whom we were together for so long could hurt me so much. I just do not know how to survive such a betrayal and live on? Help me!!!

We met in a common company. Mutual interest appeared at the first meeting. You could say it was love at first sight. Yes, he told me that he had two such long, serious relationships before me. Once a girl left him. The second time he left the girl, but there he explained to her and they still communicate as friends.
With my mother, I don’t understand myself, I always treated her well. She is the kind of person who always wants everything to be just for her. That's how she said, that's how it should be. She is polite to her face, she won’t say anything bad, but behind her eyes she said all sorts of nasty things about me. Arguing to him this is my character, that he is difficult for me. Although he didn't think so. Once I could not stand it, burst into tears, why is she so to me, he told me that it is more important for you that my mother loves you or me. But I love you! It seems to me that she simply disliked me out of spite. I tried many times to get in touch with her! So that everything was fine with her, but it didn’t work out in any way.
You are right (I missed this moment and did not write right away), on the very first day when we reconciled, she found out and made him a scandal. She said that she categorically does not want him to be with me. After that, he was somehow upset, he was not himself. I even suggested to him that at first he did not tell her that we were together. Let everything go as it goes, and later she will come to terms with this, he agreed. I decided that everything would be fine. And then such a vile act on his part.
I'm very sorry, it hurts. But I can’t put some kind of final point for myself, because I love him anyway. And during our relationship we had a lot of good things. I could not even imagine that he was capable of such a thing! I still can't get it in my head.

I do not know. If he does, I won't be able to trust him like I used to. Even if this is the influence of his mother, he knew how she treats me, why was it necessary to ask for forgiveness, to say such words to me, to give hope that everything will be fine again. After all, he knew how I experienced the first time. I believed him, forgave him, even though I was hurt. At the meeting, I opened my soul to him, told how I suffered, how bad I felt. And after all that, he did exactly the same! I have one question in my head: WHY did he do this to me? But besides resentment, I still had feelings for him and constantly thoughts about him.

Elena, I'm trying to rethink, draw conclusions, but I can't. I was left alone with these thoughts and experiences for too long for the first time (which is my mistake, I now realize it), five months. It seems to me that I drowned in them, as if something broke inside me, it would be better if this person did not appear in my life for the second time. To be left alone, without explanation, is again even worse and more painful. Now, I am very disgusted at heart, I just don’t know how and why I should live on. I wake up and don’t understand why I should live, I try to go to work, distract myself with something, nothing helps, what used to bring me pleasure, joy (shopping, socializing with friends, sports) now does not bring the same. Everything seems to have lost its color. Life has become kind of bland and gray. I just don't know how to get out, get out of this state. I started having big health problems on a nervous basis, I lost a lot of weight, I understand all this, but I don’t know how to change my life. It's like I'm at a dead end.

Victoria:

Christina:

Hello! In my life, I was betrayed more than once, first my husband after seven years of marriage, the second relationship began very beautifully, but again, no luck, my loved one died. Now I’m experiencing betrayal again for almost a year, we fell in love with unconsciousness) but alas, again betrayed from pain, I want to cry all the time, but I understand that this is not an option. I went through it more than once, it’s all temporarily possible to survive any relationship, to suffer, I understand everything in my head, but inside the denial I fight with myself, I don’t have any strength left at all. It scares me that I will never trust anyone again.

Hello Elena, please help me, on June 14 I learned from my beloved husband about infidelity, and that he is leaving us! In February he left for a long time to work, and there he met a girl, after 4.6 months he came, but not immediately home, but to her, on my birthday he was with her, he only sent me an SMS with congratulations, he told me before that, that he was not allowed to leave work, as a result, he arrived on June 9 only to us. All 5 days, he was not far from us, and the children and I went to our parents, because. I did not want to spend my anniversary with tears.
When my husband arrived, he was drinking, while he was sleeping, an SMS came to his phone, well, I read it, I immediately guessed that it was the girl who wrote, the man cannot ask, “Andryusha, send me money on the phone.” I dialed the number, and yes, the girl really picked up the phone, said that it was strange, like he always had a phone with him, I asked who you were, she didn’t say anything, but just grinned, and like Andrey himself will call back as soon as he wakes up.
I was shocked, then I started asking my husband, but he didn’t say a word. Apparently, after long conversations with her, he only confessed before leaving, and this was before my mother's birthday, I was not myself, but I restrained myself. Now I don’t know how to live, it’s insulting and painful when you trust like this, love a person, and he betrays! And I also learned the whole truth about the fact that he flew to her exactly 5, I learned from this girl, she called me and told me everything!

Elizabeth:

Perhaps this is the way it is, that's how it "turned out." But this did not happen through violent actions, after all, no one forced her at gunpoint to jump into bed with another man. One could say, yes, and God bless him, but five years of life are thrown into a landfill and a person who has already stuck a knife in the back to the very handle is trying to take away housing. Forgive? Of course I will forgive, but after I return my investment ... ..

Elizabeth:

Elizabeth:

Now another fact has surfaced, due to constant work with harmful factors - hydrogen sulfide, it turned out that in a couple of years I would no longer be able to have children. Hydrogen sulfide is not removed from the blood. I left my health on watch just like that ... and she kicked me out of the house. You can't imagine more fun...

The price of any betrayal is always someone's life.

Many people like betrayal, but no one likes traitors themselves.

Whoever betrays himself does not love anyone in this world!

Most often, it is the best friends who become traitors. Probably because we trust them too much.

Betrayals are committed most often not by deliberate intent, but by weakness of character.

Cunning and betrayal testify only to a lack of dexterity.

I wanted to get out of your shadow. You understand? But when I came out of it... there was no sunlight, there was nowhere.

Betrayal, maybe someone likes it, but traitors are hated by everyone.

Secret quotes about betrayal

The traitor will tell you everything you want to hear, and then betray.

Betrayal - when those who have power see trouble and turn away.

Flying Secret Quotes About Betrayal

People tend to betray...

Men betray out of hate, women betray out of love.

Traitors betray themselves first of all.

Throw a stone at a stray dog ​​and he will never accept food from you again!

Betrayal is a blow you don't expect.

Now I know, probably, it’s enough to betray once, to lie once to what you believed in, that you loved and no longer get out of the chain of betrayal, you can no longer get out.

The traitor seems to be suffocating with a pillow, and you cannot breathe from disappointment until you give up the spirit of faith.

He who contemplates betrayal is always suspecting others.

A brave soul will not become treacherous.

Is there even one person who has never betrayed? .. Loyalty is an exclusively canine quality!

Betrayal, although very cautious at first, in the end betrays itself.

He has all the properties of a dog except for fidelity.

Time always has circumstances and a coherent logical thread so that low betrayal can be explained with high words.

The wounds of betrayal, inflicted, will not be sewn up by any person, not a single time will heal. For trust, once devalued, will never again be as naive and pure as we once were.

Instructive Secret Quotes About Betrayal

For to sacrifice the love of truth, the intellectual, fidelity, laws and methods of the spirit for the sake of any other interests, even the interests of the fatherland, is a betrayal.

Life has taught me a very important lesson: the one who once betrayed you will betray you again in difficult times.

Marrying without tying yourself in anything is a betrayal.

You can't call a traitor someone you never trusted anyway.

It is impossible to betray a person with whom nothing connects you.

You go ahead of your friends, and your friends are armed, and you just don't understand that at any moment, someone can shoot you in the back.

To give out someone else's secret is a betrayal, to give out one's own is stupidity.

Traitors are always distrustful.

The world is evil and vile. As soon as misfortune falls upon us, there will always be a friend who is ready to immediately rush to us with news of this and rummage through our hearts with his dagger, leaving us to admire his beautiful hilt.

Betraying is hard, but betraying a child is doubly hard.

If you don’t know who betrayed, look around, he is nearby.

Irresistible Secret Quotes About Betrayal

Times change. Now, for the same money, Judas kisses thirty people.

The place, circumstances, the system of symbols and signs have changed, but the smell, essence and taste of betrayal are the same throughout the planet.

The betrayer will never forgive us for his betrayal.

Betrayal is the pain of two, no matter who you are - the executioner or the victim! Maybe their pain is different, but who came up with which one is stronger?

That hand is a deadly blow that caressed us.

There are no petty betrayals.

Dangerous citizens do not break into the house. They live in it.

Smiling at us, they laugh behind our backs and betray those who blindly trust them.

Of the twelve apostles, only Judas turned out to be a traitor. But. if he were in power, he would prove that the other eleven were traitors.

A sense of conscience for the old, which corrodes the soul, pushes a person to a new betrayal!

You can't go back to traitors. It is forbidden. Bite your elbows, chew the earth, but do not return to where you were once betrayed.

He sold everyone who bought him.

How easy it is to betray, how hard it is to forgive betrayal, if it can be forgiven at all; for more and more I am convinced that the prerogative of forgiveness belongs solely to God.

If a person who has fought alongside you for many years and shared bread with you suddenly turns out to be a traitor, this is more painful than his death.

The traitors sell themselves first.

Quick Secret Quotes About Betrayal

Everyone you trust, everyone you think you can rely on, ends up betraying you. When people have their own life, they begin to lie, hide, then change and disappear. Someone for a new or personality, someone in the sad morning mist, behind a rock on the ocean.

Friendship has changed so much that it allows betrayal, does not need meetings, correspondence, heated conversations, and even allows for the presence of one friend.

Traitor... So people often call those who remain true to their ideals.

There is always a knife that you do not expect, and it is the sharpest of all.

To send people to war untrained is to betray them.

The one who left you once will leave you again. If a friend has betrayed you, do not expect him to do otherwise.

In love, the biggest crime, the biggest betrayal, is to imagine yourself with another, to dream of another.

Love does not happen without betrayal, because the one who loves betrays his parents, betrays his friends, betrays the whole world for the sake of someone alone, who, perhaps, is not worthy of this love.

Only a simpleton can keep himself clean; who is smart and multifaceted and does not want to be completely aloof from the fleeting life, he must inevitably stain his soul and become a traitor.

Today, betrayal promises many benefits, devotion has become a feat for a person.

Only the one you trust can betray.

Betrayed once, betrayed forever.

Demons don't always give themselves away. Sometimes they hide behind the faces of people you know, people you trust. Sometimes they hurt you for a long time, hurting you little by little, in small ways, until they become too many and start to choke you.

Have you been betrayed? You left the person who was dear to you, who was your friend, whom you loved, and you no longer feel the desire for love in yourself? Very good. Just great. (You will understand why this is good and wonderful when you read the article to the end). Someday this would definitely happen. Every person, there is no exception here, because this is not a rule, but a natural component of a full-fledged and human life, and its constructive harmonious development.

Many people think that they are the only ones who are so unlucky. In vain they think so. It is generally inappropriate to talk about luck or bad luck here. And it's best to refer to it as a "viral disease of the soul." There are people who rarely get sick, but there are those who never get sick at all. The main thing to understand is that betrayal in love is normal.

Now about disorders and experiences and how to overcome them, how to cope with them.

Ask a question first. And how could it be otherwise? You were betrayed, that is, they did not justify your trust, and, of course, you went into a negative emotional state. You are human! You are not a robot. Animals and those are sad when they are abandoned by those to whom they are accustomed, to whom they are attached and who are dear to them. What to say about a person. In a person, betrayal should naturally cause very strong grief.

Human emotions are not a set of abstract concepts that can be present in a person at his will. Artificial joy or artificial grief are not emotions. Emotion is a concrete concept and necessarily has a connection with certain life circumstances in which a person finds himself. Joyful circumstances cause positive emotions; sad circumstances cause negative emotions. And if you are a mentally healthy person, then such a circumstance as betrayal will inevitably cause you longing and grief. You will start to worry and worry a lot. You will be filled with resentment. Your soul will become unbearably painful. You will feel very sorry for yourself. You will start feeling sorry for yourself. Fall into sadness and melancholy. Apathy will consume you.

It is possible to list all the negative things that happen to a person when he is betrayed. I think what has been said is enough to understand that a person finds himself in a state where other people and love cause him, to put it mildly, to doubt. A person is disappointed in people, disappointed in love and can easily say that there is no love.

The correct thing here is that love really is no more in his life. His love is gone; she left him with the man with whom she had come. Love is always two. One is when without love. And there is nothing surprising that suddenly being alone, a person is frightened and with his fear begins to wind up some fantasies into his mind, like those that there is no love and no one can be trusted. The reason for such delusions is precisely in fear, which was the result of a sudden loneliness. A person will cope with fear and the delusions caused by it will pass.

Now let's think about this. Is it really possible that immediately after your loved one leaves you (it doesn’t matter if he left you or this person died), you immediately, without any special emotions and worries, continue to live in peace and calmly switch in search of a new love to a new object?

- Are you going? - you exclaim joyfully and enthusiastically, looking with a loving look at the one you love, without whom you cannot imagine your existence, but whom you are rather tired of and who decided to leave you. - What happiness! I wish you all the very best, the best and…. I'm very happy for you. I hope with the one you find instead of me, you will be happy. I, with your permission, will run as soon as possible to look for another love. You understand that you can't live without love. Psychologists, philosophers, and even Wizards strongly advise a person to live in love. - And happy you run away in search of a new love.

Is that possible? This is, of course, impossible. What happened has such a profound effect on peace of mind a person that it seems to him that, along with love, they left him and his . And, sometimes, a person no longer wants any other love, and does not feel the desire to live on. And most importantly, a person who has been betrayed in love ceases to believe in love.

It is natural that you are worried and it is natural that your life ceases to be happy, ceases to be joyful, and you, of course, are not yet up to a new love, and some time must pass in order to .... and now ATTENTION! ... in order NOT to find new forces of love in yourself, but in order to want love again . And then the question is put in a different way, namely: “What to do with yourself at this time?” Do you understand what we are talking about? It's not about how to quickly eliminate Bad mood and negative emotions, and what to do with yourself for a while until negative emotions about this disappear and what needs to be done so that these negative emotions do not become chronic?

As for the negative emotions and experiences caused by betrayal, they, as a rule, if you live correctly, pass in a year. What does right mean? That's right - this means that during this year it is necessary to continue your full life (unless, of course, you had it, this very full life): work, study, mind your own business, relax, and so on, consistent with your meaning of life and making your life as interesting as possible.

And then it all comes down to . If your life has been comprehended by you, then it will not be difficult for you to captivate yourself in work, in studies, in your business, in leisure, and so on. Another thing is if you are a senseless person. Then, of course, it will be hard for you to survive this year. Life is hard for senseless people in general, and even more so for them when they are betrayed. Do what you consider necessary for your development, but what you did NOT do when you lived with someone who betrayed you. Travel, learn foreign languages, paint pictures, learn to sing and dance, sign up for computer courses and learn how to create blogs, websites and publish newsletters, make an innovation proposal at work. And generally speaking, do not reduce everything to love , this is the wrong way. Love is a great idea, but a person, as an idea, is higher and more significant than an idea called love. .

And one more thing... Think about the fact that even if you had not been betrayed, and you had lived together for many years, even death could separate you. Your loved one or loved one could die before you. And then it would not be about betrayal, but the emotions and experiences would be the same. Unless, of course, we are talking about love. If you are now more overcome by jealousy that your love preferred another, then this was not love in your life, but only passion.

But as far as the loss of love is concerned, I would rather put the question in the following way. How to live after a loved one leaves you? This is the really right question. And the answer to it will be exactly what I gave above.

It is necessary to understand that a person is unable to overcome his negative emotions, worries and worries with the help of logical reasoning. Logic has no power over emotions. Severe psychological trauma, and the loss of love refers precisely to such types of mental trauma, need to live (live, experience) . To live (to survive), in the sense of going through one's life with these experiences. But a lot depends on how exactly these traumas are lived.

The inability to properly experience insults, losses, losses, especially when it comes to the loss of loved ones and dear people, when it comes to death, leads to the fact that a person is immersed in his negative emotions and remains forever in them, that is, becomes a chronically mentally ill person.

It is very important when you are faced with the death of a person dear to you, whether it is the death of your child, parents, husband or wife, friends, and so on, to think about what to do with yourself at this time? Do you understand what we are talking about? I repeat once again that this is not about how to quickly eliminate bad mood and negative emotions, but about what to do with yourself for a while until these emotions disappear and what needs to be done so that these negative emotions do not become chronic.

I have already said above, and I repeat once again, negative emotions and feelings from parting with loved ones, as a rule, if you do not immerse yourself in them and do not get hung up on them, they pass in a year. During this year, it is necessary to lead a socially active lifestyle: work, study, mind your own business, relax, and so on, in accordance with and making your life as full and varied as possible. In addition, it is necessary to eliminate everything that reminds of the loss: personal belongings, photographs, in general, everything that can somehow remind of the loss. If necessary and possible, then change the place of residence. A change of residence, in the event that you lived with someone who died, is The best way get rid of negative memories. And there is no betrayal here.

A lot of people mistakenly believe that they should keep forever the memory of those who were dear to them and who died. This is perhaps the most important misconception. Such people do exactly the opposite of what needs to be done to remain a mentally healthy person. Such people keep all the personal belongings of the deceased, look at his photographs every day, regularly visit his burial place and mentally talk with this person all the time. Why are these people doing this? There can be any number of answers. The feeling of guilt alone is worth something when people feel guilty of something before those who died, and cannot forgive themselves for not being able to correct their mistakes during their lifetime. I do not blame these people, but I draw their attention, and the attention of other people, to the fact that by such behavior they only make everything worse. Their sacrifices, otherwise such behavior cannot be called, are in vain and do not lead to any positive result, except for frustration alone.

Betrayal is an unjustified trust, a violation of fidelity and a failure to fulfill a duty. Only a living person can betray a living person. The dead cannot be betrayed. And even if you behaved dishonestly towards a person who was close to you, whom you valued and so on, then do not try to be better towards him after he has died. Everything! The person has died and there is nothing to fix in your relationship with him. And even if you allowed betrayal towards him, now it does not matter. And even more so, it makes no sense to keep the so-called fidelity in relation to the deceased, if you do not feel any guilt behind you. Although ... I understand, of course, that a person is arranged in such a way that he always feels guilty when it comes to a person who has died and with whom he was well acquainted.

What else would you like to say goodbye? Don't smoke, don't drink alcohol, don't overeat. Drink coffee as little as possible. Very often these means are used to overcome negative emotions. Take care of yourself and your physical health for the person you will definitely meet. At night, you can read my article "A Long Way to Love."

The development of a person is inevitably connected with the shocks he experiences. No problems, no upheavals - no development. And the stronger the shock, the more significant the problem that arises in a person's life, the greater the opportunity for a person to rise in his development. Problems sober the mind of a person. Problems remove from the path of a person the illusions that he has piled up for himself. And the more significant the problem, the more a person sobers up, the more his consciousness clears up.

Have you been offended? Have you been treated unfairly? Have you been robbed? Have you been deceived? Have you been betrayed? Amazing! Use this as an opportunity to rise in your development much higher than you are. Nothing has such a beneficial effect on the consciousness of a person as betrayal; nothing clears the mind of a person like betrayal; especially if it's a betrayal in love. Is it only death loved one can argue with betrayal in love in terms of the degree of purification and clarification of human consciousness.

I wish your loved ones health and longevity, but... if this happens and they leave you, leaving you alone with your grief, use this for your development - this is the only correct way out of this situation. The suffering of the soul is a fire that burns everything superfluous that is in a person; but even in the suffering of the soul, it is necessary to observe the measure, otherwise a person risks becoming a chronic sufferer.

They betray everyone. Sooner or later, anyway. There are small and almost imperceptible betrayals, leaving behind only a ghostly scar on the heart and a "notch" in the memory.

It is quite possible to put up with them and even continue to calmly communicate with those who committed them. But sometimes real, tragic betrayals happen, after which you lose faith in all of humanity.

We will talk today about what to do if you have been betrayed on a grand scale.

We are looking for root causes

Never jump to conclusions. It often happens that an act that people perceive as a betrayal, in fact, is not. Try to figure out what pushed the "traitor" to certain actions, what became the root cause of his behavior. In the process of establishing the truth, you will not only calm down, but you may also find that no one betrayed you, or that this individual simply had no other choice.

Sometimes, in order to justify someone, it is enough just to put yourself in his place. Think about what you yourself would do in a similar situation, whether you sacrificed your interests for the sake of another person. easy, but no one guarantees that in similar circumstances you would have acted differently.

Trying to forgive

The next step in getting rid of the psychological consequences of betrayal is forgiveness. No matter how hard it is for you, try to forgive the offender. Believe me, this is not necessary for him, but for you. The one who betrayed you is unlikely to experience the permanent stress that you yourself are in, therefore, the sooner you let go of the situation, the easier it will be for you to adapt to the new reality.

Try not to return again and again to memories of betrayal, but think about how much good this person did for you before he committed a fatal misconduct. Surely there is something that will block his negative actions to the maximum. Keep in mind that it will be easier for you to live on if you can justify this individual in your own eyes and

Taking time to think

You need to understand the reasons for betrayal in any case, forgive - according to the circumstances, but then you will definitely face the question: whether to communicate further with this person or delete him from your life forever. Naturally, at first you will most likely be sure that from now on you will never want to interact with him. But time is a great healer, which also allows you to look at the situation from a completely different angle.

So if only you suffered from the betrayal of this individual, and even exclusively morally, then do not chop off your shoulder, take a break in communication, give yourself the opportunity to finally restore peace of mind. And who knows, maybe in a few months there will be no trace of your resentment, and you will understand that you are worse off without this person than with him.

Revenge

If it’s impossible to forgive and calm down, then sometimes it’s better to take revenge so as not to feel how powerless anger and resentment burn out the heart and soul. Many psychologists and almost all religious figures believe that revenge destroys in the first place the one who decides to repay the offender with the same coin. Of course, there is some truth in this, but not in all cases.

Sometimes revenge is just necessary. Firstly, it helps not to feel trampled down, that is, it returns self-confidence. Secondly, it teaches the traitor not to commit such acts in the future, that is, punishment is the best way to prevent a relapse. Thirdly, well-thought-out revenge allows you to put an end to the situation and move on.

Naturally, you need to take revenge without self-mutilation and so that your actions are directed only at the offender, and not at people close to him. Do not get involved with crime, otherwise punishment will overtake you. Find a way to get revenge psychological methods Or, at the very least, financial.

And, most importantly, never act in haste. Only after going through the three previous stages (analysis, an attempt at forgiveness, a pause in communication), one can think about revenge, especially since, as you know, it is “served cold”. In addition, by postponing the punishment, you will insure yourself against a probable mistake - you will not punish the innocent and you will not harm yourself.

Psychological rehabilitation

All that we talked about above are actions that are extended in time and are directly related to the offender. However, in parallel with this, one must somehow put one's moral state and existence in order. Follow the tips below and you'll be up and running in no time.

• Look for a new hobby or activity that will take your mind off the betrayal. The richer your day is, the less time you will have for resentment, soul-searching and reflection.
• Do not feel sorry for yourself and do not “drown” resentment in alcohol - neither one nor the other will solve your problems, but nervous system shatters completely. Try to perceive betrayal as a door to new life. Start playing sports, dancing, self-education. Change your wardrobe and hairstyle. Become a different person, and you will be surprised to find that you were once betrayed not by you, but by someone a little like you.
• Be more among people and do not allow yourself to doubt the sincerity and devotion of friends, relatives, colleagues - the betrayal of one individual does not mean that everyone around wants to harm you with something.
• Look for a reason for optimism in everything that happens to you, including the act of betrayal itself - you have gained new experience, figured out true attitude to you a person close to you, have become wiser.
• Go headlong into work. Active labor activity- a very effective medicine that brings, among other things, pleasant " side effects" as career development and/or increase income. However, do not focus only on fulfilling your official duties. On weekends and in the evenings, be sure to get out to new places - on excursions, for walks, for various master classes.
• Don't wallow in your resentment. Talk about it with those who always understand you well. Firstly, having spoken out, you will feel that you actually feel better, and secondly, there is always a chance that you will be given invaluable advice or point out what you yourself have lost sight of. That is, with the help of close people, you will either be able to get out of the current situation without serious losses, or you will understand that it is “not worth a damn”, and that you just invented a betrayal for yourself.
• And finally, if you have made an irrevocable decision that there is no place next to you for the person who betrayed you, then feel free to start a new relationship - friendly (if a friend betrayed) or love (if the traitor is the one you loved). The longer you hide from the next attachment, the harder it will be for you to believe that not all people are the same, and that you are worthy of sincere love or friendship.

Betrayal is always painful and insulting, but it is in your power to make it not your defeat, but your victory. If you do not give up and continue to live on, becoming more and more successful (more attractive, more popular), then your existence will definitely change in better side and your offender will be shamed and humiliated. Therefore, the main rule is to act solely in your own interests and remember that any person in your life is an accident, and only you are with you forever.

Nadezhda Popova