How to stop being ashamed of what to do. What to do if you can’t cope with painful shyness, who to turn to for help? Positive aspects of modesty

24.09.2019

Instruction

Scientists have studied shyness and came to the conclusion that this quality is not at all innate, it is the result of any life circumstances of a person, because of which he focuses too much on himself. After all, constraint is an excessive concentration on one's own personality and internal anxiety, on various thoughts and complexes that appear in a person. Keep in mind that you will have to get rid of this.

Find confidence in yourself. To overcome shyness, you need to understand that you are the person who has something to be proud of. Be confident, because all people are more focused on themselves than on other people's shortcomings.

Almost all people experience severe shyness not at all all the time, but in certain situations. Think about exactly which methods and companies inspire you with the greatest fear, where you feel more uncomfortable. Choose the easiest situations and first try to gain a foothold in them, behaving calmly.

Stop focusing on yourself, try to pay more attention to the people around you. Think about the course of the conversation and the circumstances, and not about what you said or did something wrong, that you are wearing the wrong thing, etc.

You should not compare yourself with others. In every person you can find a quality or detail of appearance that is better than yours. But you also have virtues that other people do not have. Everyone is the best in something. It's pointless to compare. You pay attention to your own shortcomings and forget about the virtues, so you feel embarrassed.

You have a comfort zone in which you feel calm and confident - these are people close and well known to you. Expand this area. Chat with strangers, attend social events, meet new people. Do the things you always wanted to do but didn't dare. You yourself will not notice how the number of reasons for pride outweighs the percentage of misses and imaginary shortcomings.

Take an example from those who are confident in themselves. They behave naturally and calmly, look at them, observe and try to learn important communication skills. Very often, the lion's share of success in society lies in the visual.

Learn to relax. Use breathing techniques, meditation, self-hypnosis - try several options and find what is guaranteed to work for you. In the company from time to time, do not forget to relax, this will help you behave simply and naturally.

Steps

Part 1

How to believe in yourself

Determine the essence and reason for the desired changes. Are you worried about your lack of communication skills? Are you unable to hold superficial conversations, show feelings, often have awkward pauses in your speech, or other practical problems? You may have mastered your communication skills but want to forget about constant feeling embarrassment and doubt.

Think about how much you want to change. Not everyone is given to become a socially active or sociable person. No need to waste your energy on comparisons with others. You don't have to feel like you have to be like everyone else. Such negative reinforcement will only confirm you in the thought that you are alone, not like everyone else or even worse than others.

Change your way of thinking. People who feel awkward in social situations often have strings of negative thoughts. "I look stupid", "No one talks to me" or "I will look like an idiot" - all these thoughts can spin in a vicious circle. As you yourself understand, such thoughts are negative and only increase your shyness and embarrassment.

Focus your attention outward, not inward. This is one of the most important aspects of shyness and social anxiety. Most timid people do this unintentionally, but often start drawing attention to themselves during a conversation. As a result, a person is absorbed in himself and a vicious circle of thoughts begins again. The researchers concluded that this fact may be main reason panic attacks after moments of moderate anxiety.

Watch how confident people build social relationships. Imitation is one of the highest manifestations of flattery. Of course, you do not need to repeat everything to the last detail, but keep an eye on sociable people to learn useful ideas for different situations.
Contact a specialist if you are unable to resolve the problem. In some situations, excessive shyness is a sign of social anxiety disorder. A person with this problem is so afraid of criticism and judgment from others that he does not have friends or a romantic partner.
- A specialist can diagnose social anxiety disorder, help you develop a healthier mindset, and gain the confidence to stop avoiding people.
Part 2
How to communicate with strangers
1. Walk forward willingly. Would you approach a person with a sour face or head down? Hardly. Our body language helps those around us make assumptions before we even start talking. Stop looking at your shoes, smile a little, and maintain eye contact.
  
  Show yourself. The best way meet new people - actively visit places where you can meet them. Go to an autumn dance evening at school or attend a New Year's corporate party. Try to meet at least one new person before the end of the evening. Attend a poetry club meeting and read the poems you wrote as a student.
  
  Practice communicating. It may seem strange, but stand in front of a mirror or just close your eyes. Imagine that you are talking to another person. Feeling prepared to talk in an unfamiliar environment can help reduce anxiety. Imagine that your conversations are dialogues from films. Imagine yourself as an outgoing person who finds mutual language with those around you. Then move on from rehearsal to action.
  
  Showcase your talents. By emphasizing your strengths, you will not only increase your self-confidence around other people, but you will also appear more attractive or interesting interlocutor. For example, if you love painting, then try painting the scenery for a play. It is easier for a person to show his best qualities if he is not uncomfortable. Seek to connect with people who share your passions and passions. Just do what you love and enjoy it to make new friends.
2. Give sincere compliments. Nothing extraordinary is needed. Sometimes the most engaging conversations start with the phrase: "I like your shirt. May I ask if this is from the store (name)?" Compliments most naturally form a pleasant impression of you, because your words lifted the person's mood. Even better, you are guaranteed to smile as complimenting other people will make you feel good too.
  - If you know the person, call them by their first name when you compliment them. Be specific. Instead of saying, "You look great," it's better to say, "I like your new hairstyle. The shade matches the skin tone perfectly.
  - Aim to give 3-5 compliments a day different people that you meet on the street and during daily activities. Try not to compliment the same person twice. See how many conversations you can strike up, and how many times after the conversation you will feel better than before you met.
3. Some people are uncomfortable visiting different places alone. Try going to the movies alone. Is it possible to be shy in the dark? The other people in line will see that you are confident enough to go to the movies without company. Fake confidence until you feel like it's real!
4. If you need help, be direct about it. If you remain silent, then anxiety accumulates, and the problem remains unresolved.
5. Talk to random people, even if you don't know each other. Be polite and soon you will have a reputation as a very sociable person!
6. Go in for sports. This great way meet new people, shed the shell of shyness and show your worth.
7. It's always nice to chat with friends and other people, but sometimes it's okay to just sit and listen. This is the only benefit of being shy. You are able to listen and understand what is happening.
8. Watch your facial expressions. No need to frown and wince.
- Striving to overcome shyness is a daunting task. Don't expect things to change overnight. Everything is arranged a little differently. Be patient and remember: "Moscow was not built at once."
- Be yourself and don't let others put you down.

We will agree right away that we will not advise you, following the example of the famous heroine, to engage in self-hypnosis and repeat in front of the mirror “I am the most self-confident and uninhibited.” Not only to know how to stop being embarrassed by people, but really overcome the shyness complex, let's first try to figure out the causes of this phenomenon.

Why are people shy?

You don't have to be Dr. Freud to understand the origins of this psychological problem. Like all personal complexes, its roots should be sought in the past: conscious and unconscious. Find a free moment and try to introspect. Consider if your past life situations that provoked excessive modesty.

Finding out the causes of shyness

The earliest origins of the fear of humans can be found in parental suggestion not to talk to strangers. Perhaps you no longer remember how your mother urged you not to answer the offer of evil uncles to open the door to the apartment or get into someone else's car to go to the water park. Considering modern realities, she wished you only the best, and tried to secure your life. But such an indisputably useful “setting for goodness” was fixed in the mind and had a negative effect in the form of continuing shyness in front of strangers.

One more possible reason shyness - situations when significant people for you showed misunderstanding in relationships, for example, told ill-wishers about your mistake, laughed at the results of your work, etc. The most severe consequences could be caused by circumstances associated with strong negative emotions: fright, tears, resentment.

Shyness sometimes occurs due to our desire to be the best and excessive self-criticism. The higher the level of our requirements for ourselves, the more difficult it is to get out of the "twilight" and start communication.

Sometimes we subconsciously copy the behavior of someone close to us.. Remember your parents, acquaintances from childhood: were they not shy of people in the same way that you are now doing it?

So, having found out the true causes of your shyness, it's time to start taking concrete actions to eliminate it.

We increase motivation

If children's shyness makes it difficult to ask peers for a toy they like or to answer correctly in a lesson, then it can bring much more trouble to an adult.

Modesty is certainly not a vice, but excessive shyness can interfere with a successful career and personal life. This quality is able to hide from others not only your shortcomings, but also talents. Wherein negative points remain in the same place, and talents do not find proper implementation and die.

How to be yourself and not be ashamed of it, but to enjoy it? This article is for those who have a reputation for being quiet and humble people. They forget to raise their salary for good performance at work or just say thank you for the service. It is they who lower their eyes in confusion and, muttering something unintelligible, evade the discussion of a work issue, film or news, physically experiencing discomfort and awkwardness.

To overcome the barriers of embarrassment, find out the causes of stiffness and stop being shy, the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will help.

Why are we embarrassed? To be shy- equally afraid?

Let's remember under what circumstances we begin to be shy and how do we feel? That's right - if necessary, speak publicly, when discussing a working topic in the presence of a boss or other significant person, in a store or in a gym, when it's embarrassing to ask again, it's embarrassing to borrow money. We also begin to be ashamed of our appearance, focusing on its shortcomings, or clothes, considering it not fashionable or beautiful enough. It is inconvenient to sing, smile, read aloud and much, much more - we are embarrassed to do it only because we think that we are not doing it well enough or not according to status, not according to age.

The range of feelings and sensations that shy people experience is very wide - from slight embarrassment to the desire to immediately fall through the ground. But people are not born shy! The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan revealed the underlying cause of shyness - this Fear.

Yes, yes, awkwardness and embarrassment - this is also from fear! It is shy people who are afraid that others will notice their shortcomings or oversights in their work, learn about failures. They are especially afraid of condemnation and criticism, often exaggerating and dramatizing the scale of the remarks. To save themselves from fear, shy people voluntarily lock themselves, their talents and desires into a box in which they live, thereby limiting their development, realization, and the opportunity to be happy. How to stop being afraid and discover yourself?

How to stop being embarrassed by people

It is necessary to understand and reveal oneself, one's natural properties and qualities, then, relying on one's natural abilities and talents, stop being afraid, and therefore shy. Thanks to the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, it is known that there are eight vectors - eight "cubes" of a person's natural mental properties, by which his abilities and desires are determined.

For example, a person finds it difficult to ask again - they will suddenly laugh at him, he thinks. To himself, such a person thinks that he is shy, but in reality it is just fear, fear of embarrassment. Or you have to speak to colleagues with a report. He is afraid again, afraid of embarrassing himself - even diarrhea may be, or a spasm will squeeze his throat so that he cannot even say a word.

This fear is typical for people with an anal vector, who have an excellent memory and for whom the first experience is very important. If it was unsuccessful, then they evaluate the recurring situation only negatively in the future, remember all their lives and try to avoid it. It is very difficult for them to start something new - this is stressful for them, therefore, even if there is no bad experience, they put off starting a new business for a long time.

“... Fear of people, shyness, complexes have passed. There was some kind of force that does not allow me to deviate from what was planned. It seems that she was sleeping inside me, and now she woke up. I'm allowed to live now. Live as I want, not as convenient for others. As if the ban had been lifted. Now I want and I can…”

Olga H. K., clothing designer Grodno

Every year we have to communicate more and more with the people around us. After all, the population density is constantly growing. So, how not to be shy to communicate with people is an important issue for every shy person. After all, this fear can significantly ruin your life.

What caused the shyness of communication with people?

This is a psychological problem that can develop into. embarrassment before different people caused by various factors acting on the subconscious, which include:

Inferiority complex;
Children's moral trauma;
Suggestion to someone (for example, parents who say that you are worse than others);
Depression;
Fear of being ridiculous and pathetic.

You can not be afraid in the open. Sometimes fears and problems are present in the subconscious of a person. At the same time, you experience problems when talking with people, and you yourself cannot understand what is the matter.

To avoid this, you should not hush up constraint. Look for the reason for its occurrence. It may lie somewhere within you.

How to stop being shy about talking to people?

To do this, you must practice an integrated approach. Try to apply several actions in this direction at once.

Anti-bullying measures include:

Being in society. Get used to people, don't be afraid of them;
Workout in front of a mirror. Look at yourself. You are not so bad!
Humor. . Don't be afraid to be funny;
Constant struggle. Even if you fail, try again;
Completeness complex. Praise yourself and exalt (in moderation);
Passion for something. Find a hobby that gives you confidence (such as sports).

Try to knock out the "wedge with a wedge." Ask passers-by how to get to such and such a street, pass it on in transport, make new friends on the Internet, walk along crowded streets. Over time, you will forget about constraint, becoming a part of society.

How to overcome embarrassment in front of people?

Among other things, it is worth organizing a front of struggle in your soul. Never think about your failures, problems and stupidities. Consider yourself no worse than others.

Do not scroll in your head and do not analyze the situations in which you communicate with someone. Otherwise, you will dwell on it, and the problem will intensify.

Do not think about how you will speak when communicating with someone. And don't look at yourself. Just do a simple action. And then your shyness will decrease.

Be positive, don't be a bore, don't get depressed. These are the basic rules for dealing with any constraint.

When is it worth being embarrassed?

Restraint is not always our enemy. After all, there are situations when this quality is quite normal.

For example, every person is shy about meeting people of the opposite sex. The main thing is that such shyness does not grow into fear.

You may also be embarrassed to speak to a stranger. It is also quite natural. Because of this, there is a culture of communication.

Embarrassment in front of a teacher, employer or other boss is also present in many people. Therefore, you should not strive for complete emancipation.

See how much your problem interferes with your life, and only then declare war on it. With the right approach, you will quickly stop experiencing awkward sensations.