Don't worry about the past or the future! Think about today, decide only what is needed at this moment. And that doesn't mean you don't care about the future. Quite the opposite: if you live today as well as possible, this will be the key to a good future.
Every morning tell yourself that today you will do everything to make the most of this day, because you can only live it once! Do not poison your life with worries about the past that cannot be changed, and do not waste time in empty dreams about the future, be happy today, right now!
Think what could happen in the worst case
If you are worried about a situation, think about what could happen in the worst case? Is it so scary and is it worth it to worry so much about it? Prepare to accept any consequences calmly and look for a way to improve the situation.
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Set clear goals
It will not be superfluous to know exactly what you want from life. Then there will be much less cause for concern - after all, an aimless existence excludes peace of mind.
Learn to solve problems effectively
To get started, write down everything that's bothering you and prioritize it. Then, next to each problem, write what you can do, schedule when you do it, or start immediately. Put all the tasks in the diary and cross them out as soon as you are done - this will save you from the anxiety caused by confusion and fear of a mountain of tasks, which in reality is always not so scary!
Keep yourself busy
If you are used to constantly worrying about trifles, try doing something interesting. You need to take every minute so that there is simply no time to think about something extraneous - read, dance, take pictures, play games! By focusing on one thing, you will not be able to worry about any nonsense. 
Find an activity you enjoy - it helps to relieve the blues
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Give the right assessment of things and situations
Most people pay too much for many things. What seems valuable and important to you now will surely depreciate over time - so is it worth it to break spears and make a scandal? Stop and think, is the price you are paying too high?
Get rid of guilt
If you think that not worrying about anything means being a soulless egoist, then you are mistaken! Your experiences can lead to neurosis and stomach ulcers, but they cannot help anyone. Do not confuse experience and compassion, the first is the product of fear, the second is love. Compassion means to transfer the situation to yourself and strive to help the victim in accordance with your experience, and not torment yourself with empty experiences. So if you can't help, stop wasting your nerves. And you should not take responsibility for the actions of other people - they are adults and must make decisions themselves. 
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Don't give yourself a problem
Often, in anticipation of some event, we begin to play it in our mind, imagine the worst and get upset. Ask yourself: what is the probability that this will actually happen? : relax - what will be, will be, and if you can’t change a future event in any way, stop worrying about it. For example, you passed an exam and are nervously waiting for the result. But after all, you have already done everything you could to get high marks, and experiences will not change anything.
Get rid of fear
Are you afraid that you will be fired, that your wife (husband) will cheat on you, that your children will not justify your hopes, that you will get fat, lose weight, grow old? .. Stop it! You can always find another job, not all husbands and wives cheat - especially if you both try to save the family. Almost always you can lose weight and get fat back, there would be a desire! And everyone gets old, nothing can be done about it! Well, aren't you afraid anymore? 
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Accept your own imperfection
If you don’t like yourself and constantly worry about it, you urgently need to change your attitude towards yourself! is the basis peace of mind. You have to love yourself no matter how you look, and high expectations will not lead to anything good. Nobody is perfect, beautiful models on the covers of magazines look completely different in real life! So love yourself with all your weight, height, freckles and so on.
Don't worry about the opinions of others
Do you often worry about what other people think? Believe me, they have a lot of their own things to think about you! So do what you want - within reason, of course, and don't worry about other people's opinions. It also does not hurt to increase - there are many articles and books on this topic. And then you will not be unsettled by a rude word or a sidelong look from another person.
Realize that no one is obligated to live up to your expectations.
Do you often get angry at your loved ones because they are not what you want? But you also have disadvantages. Stop harassing those around you with petty nit-picking, accept them as they are - after all, an adult cannot be remade if he himself does not want to change!
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Balance work and pleasure
If you only want to have fun, then work will only annoy you - because it takes up precious time that could be spent on entertainment. In this case, you need to realize the need to earn money and start enjoying the process. If this is not possible, look for another job. Remember - unloved job Reduces life by 8 hours a day!
Stop rushing!
There are people who try to do everything as quickly as possible. They have everything according to plan, every minute is scheduled - and this is a constant source of stress! After all, absolutely any little thing can unsettle and cause irritation: an unexpected phone call, a sudden blackout, a broken plate. Stop and enjoy the peace and this very minute that you were going to waste thoughtlessly in the pursuit of speed. Constantly rushing, you can be late to do the most important thing - to enjoy life. 
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You won’t be able to stop worrying for any reason right away, but if you try to reconsider your life values, you will gradually become a calmer and happier person. Start with, with the awareness of what is bothering you, and every time irritation occurs, ask yourself: “What is this happening for?”. And so, day by day, you will become a more harmonious person.
The state of constant anxiety can exhaust anyone. To live under conditions of stress that you don’t know when it will end is to steadily undermine your nervous system. But how to stop, how to stop reacting to these stimuli, how not to drive yourself into this abstract cage, so as not to find a way out of it later? We must immediately begin to unravel this tangle of misfortunes, only for this you need to understand what thread to pull so as not to get even more confused.
What to do to calm down and stop being nervous
The first thing that comes to mind is to take action. When you are inactive in response to the fact that something or someone is pressing on you, you feel that you are even more letting yourself be crushed, trampled, destroyed. When you do something, you already realize that you can also control the situation and even turn it in your direction after a while. But surprisingly, sometimes you just need to do nothing, at least outwardly. It all depends on the nature of stress and its cause. And let them think from the outside that the current situation has put you in a stupor, but in fact you just need time to carefully consider your further actions. Of course, it can be difficult to concentrate at the moment when you are nervous, but there are a few simple tricks that will help you temporarily discard all worries. For example, you can put a notebook or just a sheet of paper in front of you, take a pen and start writing a plan on how to get out of an anxiety state. If there is no pen or paper at hand, then you can open any application on your smartphone that would allow you to write a list. It can be an electronic notepad, text editor or even just a calendar. The latter is preferable when you need to schedule a specific action for a specific date or hour. The same manipulations can be done on a tablet, laptop or on home computer. But it’s better not to make plans on working computing equipment if you don’t want them to become the property of the system administrator or one of the other employees - well, then it all depends on the talkativeness of this character. As the spies say: if you don't want outsiders to be privy to your plans, don't keep a diary under any circumstances! This also applies to social networks: it is there that you should not store the information that can be turned against you. If the reasons for your nervous state are serious enough, then the plan for getting out of it should be as secret as that of an intelligence agent. Another thing is when part of the planned actions will be laying out some information in the public domain. But this should be a thoughtful and balanced post, taking into account the reaction of various groups of subscribers and guests of your page to it. It all depends on the nature and extent of the stressful situation.When everything is annoying
The state when you are ready to flare up like a match does not arise overnight. This should be preceded by a series of some kind of failures or experienced stress, to which it simply was not possible to immediately react violently. Then all the negativity slips into the subconscious, making pernicious changes there, and now: a pretty friendly creature suddenly turns into a real fury. "Do not approach her!" - Colleagues or acquaintances will say about you. And if you have at least a little bit of a position of authority, then you will turn into a person from whom you cannot even beg snow in winter. And others will be unaware that you yourself feel bad at heart, so you always break down on your subordinates. But in order to break this vicious circle, you need to start with yourself, because everything around cannot suddenly become bad, unlike your mood. What do I need to do? Understand what was the catalyst for your resentment to the whole world. What exactly brought you into such a state of mind? Most likely, it was some kind of carelessly spoken word, an accidentally thrown remark, or some insignificant event, in the form of a torn buckle from your favorite shoe or a stain that does not wash off from a new blouse. In other words, it was the last straw that overflowed the cup of your patience. From that moment on, literally everything became infuriating. So, it is necessary to catch this last drop and analyze, but what happened before it? Maybe some more powerful stress that you seemed to have coped with, but there were understatements, unresolved questions and contradictions. That is, you agreed with the situation, but mentally you could not accept it, and change it too. There can be two ways out: either you change your attitude to what happened, or you return to this problem and solve it differently. The main thing is not that you come out a winner, but that you stop lying to yourself that everything is fine, everything is fine, although there is a sediment in your soul. Understand yourself and act! And in this you will find your peace.After the breakup
One of the most powerful stresses gives a break in the relationship of a loving or married couple. The only thing worse is death loved one, however, it was not in vain that it was sung in a popular song: “Parting is a small death”, because it seems that a person who has refused to meet or live together with you is irretrievably lost. That is why many cannot quickly recover after the husband announced that he was leaving for another, or the guy said that he no longer likes you, and that he did not dream about someone like you at all. We do not realize that the construction love relationship is a strategic task dictated by the universe itself. And this task is the continuation of the human race. And we were created like this, capable of loving, only in order to keep the family as long as possible, in order to give the same love to the children who were born. And even if we just see one love for now, which is endangered, then our subconscious mind sees in this the collapse of everything - procreation, the inability to find a foothold in life, etc. It's like the ground is slipping from under your feet. That's why so strong heartache may accompany a breakup. And it is precisely this state of mind that makes it impossible to correctly assess the situation and analyze it from beginning to end. Surprisingly, not every breakup is permanent. Sometimes a person can change his mind and come back. As long as you are not connected with him by family ties, the guy believes that he has the right to choose the best for himself. For some, it's okay to spin in parallel with another girl to "make sure his original choice is still better"! Yes, these are the excuses friends often hear from a guy when they decide to shame him for his windy attitude towards his girlfriend. If this happens to a guy, then you need to gain composure, fold your hands with a pretzel and say: “Well, well, let's see what comes of it ...” If possible, say this not to yourself, but to him. If a young man sees your self-confidence, then he may well give in to her and no longer try to have an affair on the side. Even spouses who left the family return, not like guys. A husband who has run away to his mistress may suddenly realize that she is not so good as a wife, and will leave her. And where should he go, if not to his home. Especially if he had children there. To beg forgiveness from his wife - and it's done!Recover after a divorce
It happens that the situation with a love triangle leads to divorce. It is very difficult when the initiator of the separation is a man. This means that he goes to his mistress, and she becomes his legal wife. As a rule, such an act of a former and very loving wife causes great psychological trauma, and it can be incredibly difficult to pull yourself out of this state. Some ladies turn to psychologists or psychotherapists because they are unable to overcome the sadness that has fallen on them. However, in most cases, the initiators of divorces are women. It is the fair sex that can radically break off relations. And although in terms of earning big money and career building, men still succeed in our country, yet the weak half of humanity has some trump cards to feel more independent. On the one hand, a woman still stands at the stove after work, cleans her apartment on weekends, etc., but she does not need to look for someone who will do it for her. As she coped with the housework herself before, so she will continue to cope. Men's housework is episodic. fix broken water faucet or burned-out wiring can be called to the house by a specialist, and a cornice or shelf can be hung by an employee or a neighbor, or even guest workers from a neighboring construction site. That's why it's so much easier for a woman to announce that she no longer needs a husband: you can't buy her. delicious borscht or plushies. The men themselves often forget that the weaker half must be conquered constantly: take them to restaurants, buy perfumes, beautiful outfits go on holiday together. Therefore, they are often surprised when their wives declare their readiness to divorce. Of course, the inertia of the husband is not yet a reason for divorce, but if, instead of compliments, a woman constantly hears her husband’s reproaches, and even worse, if he raises his hand against her, then this is already a good reason not to tolerate such a tyrant in the house. Groundless jealousy is also a common reason why a woman either really starts having affairs on the side, or breaks off relations with her husband, whose claims are no longer able to endure. But what is surprising is that many women, even after a divorce initiated by them, continue to follow their ex-husbands and even be jealous when they start an affair with another woman. It is quite difficult to explain such an extremely irrational approach to the situation from a logical point of view. Either vindictiveness or falsity of intentions during a divorce plays a role here. If you are vengeful, you will wish your ex that nothing worked out for him on the personal front, at least until things work out for you. If you are not vengeful, but simply jealous, then it turns out that you initiated a divorce in vain. You just had to give an ultimatum to your husband: either he stops acting out, or he leaves. But if you still love him, then you shouldn't break up with him completely. If you considered that he is the last moral freak who cannot be allowed close either to yourself or to children, then you should only be better off because he found another passion for himself. This is a complete guarantee that he will stop upholstering the thresholds of your house. But ex-husbands often do not let up and periodically visit "to check their property", and such visits are often extremely unpleasant. Divorce should be viewed as a path to a new, free life, where you can do whatever you want:- dedicate yourself to children; find another husband; go traveling without fear of becoming a victim of someone's delirium of jealousy; start your own business.
After a bereavement
The real reason for sadness is when someone you love dies. It's not just about the possible death of her husband. It is hard after the loss of a grandmother or grandfather, parents, beloved aunt, girlfriend. Any person who was in your environment and played a role in your destiny is always dear, and if death takes him, it is extremely difficult to recover from this. Locking yourself in a room, and at the same time in yourself, is not best way out. It is no coincidence that funerals were invented, which are attended by many people who knew the deceased. It is no coincidence that these people gather at the commemoration. When there are those who can tell something about the untimely departed, somehow it becomes warmer in the soul, it seems that this person is still with us, he just left somewhere. On other days, you do not need to close yourself from the world, spend time in communication. If you are a believer, then you can pray, go to the confessor. If the church occupies a small place in your life, then just try to be with friends, acquaintances, and do some business more often. Sometimes it helps to read esoteric books, from which you can get much more information about the immortality of the soul than from what we are offered. official religion. When you really believe that the departed person is now in heaven or that he will find a much more successful incarnation in a new body, it will be easier to survive the loss. Just do not let yourself be drawn into a sect: sectarians often use someone's grief to convert to their faith.After experiencing stress or a strong quarrel
What caused the stress? If some person is to blame, on whom you don’t seem to be angry, then you will subconsciously consider yourself guilty. And you just need to call him to negotiations and make sure that he takes a share of the moral responsibility for the conflict. And this should not be revenge, but rather an educational process. After all, if you leave the offense of another person forgiven when he did not repent, then he will continue to do evil to others, without even thinking that he is wrong. As for you, without talking and without dotting the “Yo”, you will be disappointed in the world around you. Usually in conflict situation both sides are to blame. Someone fanned the fire, someone did not want to listen, one after another - and they came to an insoluble contradiction. Sometimes you have to look for a person who can look at the situation from the outside, understand it and reconcile both sides. But at the same time, each must carry out a certain spiritual work in her mind in order to no longer allow such quarrels and not hold evil. Stress can also be the result of a road accident, an accident, a raging natural disaster. There is such a thing as "force majeure circumstances". If a flood has ruined all your property, this is a lot of stress. You can't get everything back. But on the other hand, you will have the opportunity to receive compensation and even reconsider something, arrange life differently. For example, generally move to a better place. After an accident, sometimes you can not restore your car. But you can be glad that he himself remained alive and relatively unharmed. Some people even receive irreparable injuries, but find a reason to enjoy life, and even the opportunity to return to their former profession. Let's remember the famous rock musician Rick Allen from the band Def Leppard. A young man lost in a car accident left hand However, this did not prevent him from pursuing a musical career. On the percussion instruments he plays mostly with his feet, with a few pedals, and of course right hand. The group performed all over the world and released albums, but this was preceded by a year when the rest of its members were waiting for the recovery of their friend after the accident. He had a point of support - friends. You probably have them too. And they will help in difficult times.
- "hugs"; dream; food; glass of water; bath or shower; exercise stress; communication with pets; needlework.
How to calm yourself down when you're really nervous
Nervous tension can also occur in anticipation of some events, and not after them. The unknown is scary, and when you realize that the outcome of an action depends not only on you, it can be difficult to control yourself and not panic. But a nervous state is a bad adviser, especially when you need to concentrate as much as possible. Before the exam You should always remember that you can retake the exam if you fail to pass immediately or if you are not satisfied with the grade. If you are well prepared, then you will worry less than if you do not know anything. If you have questions (tickets) for the exam, then divide their number by the number of days allotted for preparation in order to evenly distribute the load on the brain and nervous system. Regularity of actions will give you even more peace of mind. Before a job interview Here you need to remember that at any one company where you want to get a job, the light has not converged like a wedge. It is likely that it’s not you yourself who won’t fit, but the chosen one won’t fit for you. workplace. For greater self-confidence, you need to choose several companies at once, where you will go for an interview. Now not only you can choose, but you can do it too. Always be on horseback! Before important event in your life (wedding, child birth) Have you decided to get married so that you will soon have offspring? In addition to a positive attitude, this should not bring anything. A wedding is a holiday in general. So why get on your nerves? This was earlier, when sometimes the bride and groom only met at the wedding, and their parents decided everything for them, then there was a reason for great excitement. Today, few people dare to connect their whole lives with a stranger. Therefore, all the reasons for excitement by the time wedding celebration should stay behind. But preparing for the birth of a child is necessary not only physically, but also mentally. Being a mother is difficult, taking care of a baby when she herself has little strength is not easy. But at the same time, you need to know that caring for a baby is not a routine. After all, this is a living little man who still knows little, but already loves you. And you are his. Love overcomes all difficulties. It is childbirth that causes more concern, since this process is painful and does not always go smoothly. Sometimes pregnancy contributes to a nervous state, especially the first one. During pregnancy Poor health - alas, a frequent companion of a pregnant woman. The body works in an unusual mode for it, sometimes it even experiences overloads, but on the whole it copes with them. But how can a woman know how her next ailment will end? But now she is responsible not only for herself, but also for the unborn child, and therefore begins to panic. Fuel is added to the fire by doctors who scold the pregnant woman for extra pounds, without even looking at the medical card, where weight loss due to toxicosis was previously noted. They scold for high or low blood pressure, for falling hemoglobin, and sometimes they recommend eating something that is not affordable or simply never eaten by a woman due to individual intolerance or lifestyle. And you just need to remember that you can change the doctor, even if you are served under compulsory medical insurance. And yet - that pregnancy is considered one of the normal conditions of a woman. It is necessary to read more useful literature in order not to pay attention to the unfounded claims of physicians. You need to be ready for everything, but only believe in the good. A man who has not yet been born, you need to love, talk to him. If this does not help, then you need to sign up for a yoga section for pregnant women or just go to special auto-training classes. Such schools for young mothers are often organized in family planning centers or antenatal clinics. And if you live in a village where all these establishments are far from, then just listen to the advice of older women who have already had to give birth, and maybe more than once. The unknown is frightening. Here, just when you know more, you sleep better. Before the operation Surgery is no less stressful for the body than childbirth. And sometimes even more. After childbirth, a woman's body produces endorphin, aptly named the hormone of happiness, as physiology dictates. It helps the whole body to recover well, but for the postoperative period, nothing of the kind is “provided for” by nature. Therefore, the production of the necessary hormones depends only on your mood. If you think that the operation will bring benefit, and its absence - harm or death, then you will agree to the surgical intervention with joy. Are you afraid of general anesthesia? Then you need to talk before the operation with the anesthesiologist, discuss what you are most afraid of:- allergies; not get out of anesthesia; that your mind will suffer.
How to deal with a panic attack without medication
First you need to understand what this newfangled term "panic attack" is. In some incomprehensible way, he went beyond medical diagnoses, and now everyone who is not lazy applies it to any fear or stress. Doctors understand a panic attack as systemic manifestations, both on the part of the psyche and in the form of organic lesions. A person with a panic attack can vomit, he begins to have a strong heartbeat, it becomes difficult to breathe, throws him into a fever, then into a cold. Of course, with such symptoms, you need to see a doctor. But less intense manifestations of panic, in which not all of these symptoms are observed, but perhaps only one, you can try to overcome yourself. If not the somatic, but the emotional component prevails, then you can try to recover on your own, without resorting to the help of outsiders in general, and not just doctors. Put aside everything for a moment and come to your senses If you have firmly decided that you need to recover on your own, then first of all leave the conflict zone. If you are thrown into a panic by the dressing of the director, then leave his office, you can go into the courtyard or the nearest square, if it is not separated by a busy highway. After all, you must first stop being very nervous in order to adequately respond to dangers. If you are pissed off by a phone call, then stop talking and turn off the device altogether. If you were working at this moment, then put aside your affairs and get distracted by something more pleasant. Office workers it is recommended to switch to computer game or viewing sites of abstract subjects. But for those who work in hazardous industries, it is better to say sick and go to the rest room to recover. Meditation or prayer to calm the soul It is much easier for a believer to come to his senses, because he feels supported Higher powers. Those who practice yoga or meditate also find it much easier to deal with emotions. Learning to meditate is not as difficult as it seems. Today there are many websites that provide instructions on how to start the meditation process. As for yoga, it scares some people away with the complexity of performing asanas. But breathing exercises- this is also yoga, and you can perform them even sitting on a chair, and not on the floor in the lotus position. You can also study the breathing according to the Buteyko system, which is excellent for gaining good health and peace of mind. Relax: drink water, coffee or eat chocolate Oddly enough, but coffee and chocolate, which are considered tonic products, in this situation have a calming effect, because they give strength, and strength, in turn, gives confidence. If a person is confident in himself, then he realizes that he is about to find a way out of the situation. And when the action plan is in your pocket, then the panic passes by itself, giving way to swiftness and vigor. Accept the situation and look for a way out There are situations that cannot be changed. Take, for example, being fired from a job. On the one hand, this is the loss of a stable income, on the other hand, it is a great opportunity to go freelance or look for more attractive vacancies than the place from which you were asked. This is a chance to make new useful acquaintances in the business field. Finally, this is a reason to take a break, especially if the management chronically did not let you go on vacation. Temporary lack of work gives us more freedom of action and a unique opportunity to change profession, if this has long been wanted to be done. That is, you accept the situation with dismissal and are looking for a way out in the form of rest, getting a new specialty, going to school, or even promotion, but in a new team and with different leadership. In the same way, divorce gives more freedom. You can understand that a coward, a lazy person, a tyrant has left you. And you have a huge field of activity. First, accept the situation and just take a break from the men in your life. Well, then - all the bachelors become your potential suitors, you just have to choose carefully ...How to learn not to worry and not to cry over trifles
Alas, often previously experienced severe stress makes us less receptive to trifles. But deliberately drive yourself into stressful situation extremely unreasonable. It is necessary to benefit from the stories of other people who in reality experienced almost apocalyptic events, coming out of them safe and sound. If there is no one among your acquaintances who survived a fire, a flood, or a serious car accident, or maybe got out of a foreign prison safely, then just read adventure literature, feel the fate of the main characters, and this should also help. You just need to at least mentally try to balance between life and death in order to understand how small insults and pricks of fate are insignificant in order to waste your nerves on them.How to calm a guy (husband, friend) when he is nervous and feels bad
If a beloved man or just a friend got into a stressful situation, then he needs something different than we women. Representatives of the stronger sex are proud creatures, true leaders by nature. Even if the guy looks like - pure water nerd, then a true knight probably lives in his soul. So, the pity of such a person can simply humiliate, and not reassure. A man is not waiting for consolations, but for some action that could give him hope. If you don’t have not only plan A, but even plan B to get out of the situation, then you just need to make it clear to your friend or lover: “I’m with you!” Empathy and support work wonders. It is quite possible that the way out of an unenviable situation will not become so vague if not one person but two people think about it.
Many people are constantly in a state of anxiety and as soon as the next problem is solved, they begin to worry about something else. And so, year after year, they succumb to this bad habit, which takes away strength and deprives the joy of life. Thus, if you know such a property in yourself and want to become happier, I will try to help you.
Solve problems as they arise.
Don't worry about the past or the future! Think about today, decide only what is needed at this moment. And that doesn't mean you don't care about the future. Quite the opposite: if you live today as well as possible, this will be the key to a good future. Every morning tell yourself that today you will do everything to make the most of this day, because you can only live it once! Do not poison your life with worries about the past that cannot be changed, and do not waste time in empty dreams about the future, be happy today, right now!
Think about what could happen in the worst case.
In the event that you are worried about a situation, think about what can happen in the worst case? Is it so scary and is it worth it to worry so much about it? Prepare to accept any consequences calmly and look for a way to improve the situation.
Set clear goals.
It will not be superfluous to know exactly what you want from life. Then there will be much less cause for concern - after all, an aimless existence excludes peace of mind.
Learn to solve problems effectively.
To get started, write down everything that's bothering you and prioritize it. Then, next to each problem, write what you can do, plan when you will do it, or start solving the task immediately. Put all the tasks in the diary and cross them out as soon as you finish - this will save you from the anxiety caused by confusion and fear of a mountain of tasks, which in fact is always not so scary!
Keep yourself busy.
In the event that you are used to constantly worrying about trifles, try to do something interesting. You need to take every minute so that there is simply no time to think about something extraneous - read, dance, take pictures, play games! By focusing on one thing, you will not be able to worry about any nonsense.
Give the right assessment of things and situations.
Most people pay too much for many things. What seems valuable and important to you now will surely depreciate over time - so is it worth breaking spears and making a scandal? Stop and think, is the price you are paying too high?
Get rid of guilt.
In the event that you think that not worrying about anything means being a soulless egoist, then you are mistaken! Your experiences can lead to neurosis and stomach ulcers, but they cannot help anyone. Do not confuse experience and compassion, the first is the product of fear, the second is love. Compassion means to transfer the situation to yourself and strive to help the victim in accordance with your experience, and not torment yourself with empty experiences. So if you can't help, stop wasting your nerves. And you should not take responsibility for the actions of other people - they are adults and must make decisions themselves.
Don't create a problem for yourself.
Often, in anticipation of some event, we begin to play it in our mind, imagine the worst and get upset. Ask yourself: what is the probability that this will actually happen? Relax - what will be will be, and if you can not change the future event in any way, stop worrying about it. For example, you passed an exam and are nervously waiting for the result. But after all, you have already done everything you could to get high marks, and experiences will not change anything.
Get rid of fear.
You are afraid that you will be fired, that your wife (husband) will cheat on you, that your children will not meet your expectations, that you will get fat, lose weight, grow old. Stop it! You can always find another job, not all husbands and wives cheat - especially if you both try to save the family. Almost always you can lose weight and get fat back, there would be a desire! And everyone gets old, nothing can be done about it! Well, aren't you afraid anymore?
Accept your own imperfection.
Attention! Only if you don’t like yourself and constantly worry about it, you urgently need to change your attitude towards yourself! Self-love is the foundation of peace of mind. You have to love yourself no matter how you look, and high expectations will not lead to anything good. Nobody is perfect, beautiful models on the covers of magazines look completely different in real life! So love yourself with all your weight, height, freckles and so on.
Don't worry about the opinions of others.
Do you often worry about what other people think? Believe me, they have a lot of their own things to think about you! So do what you want - within reason, of course, and don't worry about other people's opinions. It also does not hurt to increase self-esteem - there are many articles and books on this topic. And then you will not be unsettled by a rude word or a sidelong look from another person.
Realize that no one is obligated to live up to your expectations.
Do you often get angry at your loved ones because they are not what you want? But you also have disadvantages. Stop harassing those around you with petty nit-picking, accept them as they are - after all, an adult cannot be remade if he himself does not want to change!
Balance work and pleasure.
Thus, if you only want to have fun, then work will only annoy you - because it takes up precious time that could be spent on entertainment. In this case, you need to realize the need to earn money and start enjoying the process. In the event that this is not possible, look for another job. Remember - unloved work reduces life by 8 hours a day!
Stop rushing!
There are people who try to do everything as quickly as possible. They have everything according to plan, every minute is scheduled - and this is a constant source of stress! After all, absolutely any little thing can unsettle and cause irritation: an unexpected phone call, a sudden blackout, a broken plate. Stop and enjoy the peace and this very minute that you were going to waste thoughtlessly in the pursuit of speed. Constantly rushing, you can be late to do the most important thing - enjoy life.
You won’t be able to stop worrying for any reason right away, but if you try to reconsider your life values, you will gradually become a calmer and happier person. Start by realizing what is bothering you, and every time irritation occurs, ask yourself: “What is this happening because of? And so, day by day, you will become a more harmonious person.
Stress has become one of the components of our lives. We are afraid of the boss, we are angry with the neighbors, we argue with the sellers. Constant stress is depressing. A person sees only gray colors, he has health problems. How to calm down and not be nervous, you ask? Below I will list simple ways fight stress.
How to stay calm before an important event?
So, in a week, an important event should happen in your life. It could be an interview or a presentation of your work. Your future career will depend on how you perform. What to do if everything falls out of your hands, at night you can’t sleep and are constantly worried? The answer is simple: it is unlikely that you will take the position that you so dream about.
If you still want to succeed, stop being afraid. You must understand that you yourself can destroy your dream. Don't be dramatic. Do some breathing exercises. During the exercise, thoughts should only be about breathing. Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth.
Go for a walk before bed. During the walk, also try not to think about the upcoming meeting. Turn on your favorite music and enjoy.
Night sleep should be at least 7 hours. Don't eat at night.
To keep the body in excellent shape, you can take multivitamin complexes. They will help boost your immune system and strengthen your nervous system.
How to behave during an important event?
So, the long-awaited hour has come. Your future will soon be decided. You must remember that experiences are superfluous. Start your morning with a contrast shower, exercise and a delicious breakfast. All these procedures will cheer you up and set you in a positive way.
Set a few alarms in the evening so you don't oversleep. Leave the house early: it is better to wait for the start than to be late for it.
Feel confident when you enter the office. People around you will notice this and treat you differently. The back should be straight, the voice well delivered. Watch your gestures, facial expressions and intonation. Do not wave your arms too much, laugh for no reason or raise your voice. Speak calmly and be calm.
Be sure to bring water with you. You may need it during the performance. Feel free to pause for a few seconds and take a sip of water. This will help calm the nervous system and refresh you.
Do not rush to answer the question quickly. Scroll it over in your head again, and then give an exact and clear answer.
More than half of our fears are taken from nowhere. That is, we ourselves invented them, believed in them and began to be afraid. According to statistics, women have more such fears. They invent various fables for themselves and willingly believe in them. Take life easier and remember that everything depends only on us!
Inga, St. Petersburg
Psychologist's comment:
The worldview of a psychologist is quite different from the philistine. Psychologists are taught not only to hear the content, but also to feel the unconscious process.
This is a very useful skill, it helps to perceive the world much more widely and not to get into trouble. Now I will try to explain with examples.
Example #1.
If a guy invites a girl to a movie, then in 90% of cases this is not at all what he has in mind. And if we honestly voiced the invisible unconscious process, then the phrase would sound something like this:
Let's go to the cinema and then have sex?
(The top phrase is what the words say, and the phrase below the line is the subtext, the true meaning of this phrase)
Let's go to the cinema?
———————————————————————————
I like you! Let's go to the movies and then have sex?
It’s bad if a girl is not trained to perceive this process, because if she goes to the cinema, then most likely the couple will part, dissatisfied with each other and the evening spent. 90% of girls are well aware that when they agree to "go to the cinema", they agree not only with watching the movie, but give hope for further development relations.
And they don’t go to the cinema with those with whom they are not going to deepen communication. Or they stipulate in advance that it will be “only a movie”.
Let's go to!
———————————————————————————
I like you too. First, let's go to the cinema, and then we'll see.
Example #2.
When a gopnik on the street says: “Hey, kid, come here, you need to talk,” he doesn’t need to talk, but to take away the money from the kid. If the kid really believes that he is only called to “talk”, he is not ready for the realities of life and will be dissatisfied with what happens next. It's good and right to teach guys that "talk" in some situations means a completely different thing.
I wanna talk to you
———————————————————————————
I want to take your money
I brought the most simple examples. They are obvious to an adult, but not to a teenager. As we grow older, we gain experience, and those processes that we did not recognize in youth seem obvious to us in adulthood. And then we say to ourselves: how much I did not understand before!
Our life is permeated with such processes that we do not voice. Psychologists say that we convey 7% of information in words, and the rest is in what we do not voice. Let's look at this article from the point of view of a psychologist and see what new understanding will open up to us.
In this article, the feeling of fear and irritation is perceived as something harmful and interfering. No doubt, these feelings are very unpleasant and even painful. But my deep conviction is that their pain comes from the fact that we do not know how to handle them. We simply do not know how to deal with our fear and irritability.
Psychologists do not perceive feelings as enemies: we believe that any feeling is necessary and necessary because it has a useful purpose. Useful for us.
Fear and anxiety
A useful purpose of fear and anxiety is to warn of danger. Fear is necessary for us to recognize the danger and take action. He will be with us until the danger passes or until we learn how to take measures to prevent this danger.
Fear pushes us forward, makes us react, and not sit back. And in this sense, it is very useful. Our task is to consult with him, not to get rid of him.
Another thing is that fear should not paralyze us, it should not control us, as in the example:
In a week, an important event should happen in your life. It could be an interview or a presentation of your work. Your future career will depend on how you perform. What to do if everything falls out of your hands, at night you can’t sleep and are constantly worried? The answer is simple - it is unlikely that you will take the position you so dream of. If you still want to succeed, stop being afraid. You must understand that you yourself can destroy your dream.
In this position, to advise to stop being afraid is the same as to advise a mouse to become a hedgehog so that the fox does not eat it. Unfortunately, such advice does not work, because it is not feasible. We can't take it like that and stop feeling. Such recommendations were ingeniously played up in the popular video "Stopit!" ("Stop it!"):
I repeat, fear will be with a person until he realizes what the danger is and takes action.
To take this example, how can action be taken? First you need to understand that part of the anxiety (healthy part = rational fear) is caused by an important event in a week, and most (irrational fear = neurotic fear) is the result of some internal process and does not apply to the present.
For example, this person has been afraid of disappointing his mother since childhood, or he was punished for deuces at school. That is, 99% of the fear of an interview refers to childhood, to an invisible process inside, and not to an interview at all. Childhood has passed, but fear has remained, and by inertia affects a person’s life:
I'm afraid of an interview
———————————————————————————
I'm afraid to disappoint my mother
And such a person will not be able to “stop being afraid”, no matter how they convince him. He understands everything, but he cannot, because the fear of his mother (dad, teacher) still sits in his head. If people could do this, then the psychologist would say at the consultation:
- Stop that! Stop being afraid now! Don't you realize that your career depends on this job interview!? Get up and sleep right away!
Thank God psychologists don't work like that.))
There are several hundred directions in psychology. And they have different ways dealing with fears. However, most of them have one thing in common: they work not only with content, but also with unconscious process.
One option is for the psychologist to help the client become aware of this process and take action - there, in the unconscious. Then half of the fears that the client has in life resolve themselves.
Irritation and anger
Irritation and anger signal us about obstacles. And they will be with us until the obstacle is overcome, until it prevents us from achieving our goals.
Let's take this advice:
Write a letter. When a lot of problems have piled up, nerves are at the limit. Take a pen and a sheet of paper. Write down everything that you don't like and that makes you uncomfortable. After that, the letter can be torn into small pieces or simply burned. Looking at the flame, believe that all problems are burning up like this sheet of paper.
If you have ever tried to use it, then you know that problems do not fly away from this. Only the person himself flies away - we are distracted, and for some time we can disconnect from problems. And when we return, all the problems pile up again. And so, the irritation reappears.
The psychologist notices not only the stated problem - irritation, but also the unconscious process (which is easy to realize) - "I can't cope."
I'm annoyed that problems have piled up
———————————————————————————
I accumulate problems and do not know how to solve them in time
For a psychologist, the essence of the problem will not be to remove irritation, but to understand what the client is doing to make problems accumulate? The psychologist will perceive irritation as a signal, a symptom, and the reason lies a little deeper. The psychologist will perceive the client’s request to “remove irritation” in the same way as the dentist will perceive the patient’s request to relieve a toothache.
The dentist, of course, will relieve pain, but not at the expense of painkillers, but by removing the pathological process. Likewise, a psychologist, of course, will help with irritability, but not due to the fact that anger and problems will burn out in a candle flame, but due to the fact that it will help remove the cause of irritability.
- Let's make a plan to solve your problems and see how quickly you can solve them.
- Let's see which problem irritates the most and how to solve it as soon as possible.
- Let's see how you accumulate problems and what prevents you from solving them on time.
Learn how you are!
As in the story with the dentist, the patient cannot fill his own tooth, so in the story with the psychologist, the client usually cannot figure out the causes of irritability himself. Indeed, we know more about how to fill a tooth than about where feelings come from.
The average person spends more time learning how to use a computer than learning how to use their own head. Therefore, ideas about the work of the psyche in our society are very naive. This means that the decisions made about how to deal with problems are also very naive.
The psychological worldview is a fascinating and very useful thing. This approach allows you to see the problem deeper - in its entirety. Do not be deceived by the size of the tip of the iceberg, but feel what is really happening. Then our decisions become deep and wise, even if they concern such simple things as fears and irritability.
Alexander Musikhin, counseling psychologist, psychotherapist, trainer, writer
It is rare that someone manages not to worry and not be nervous, this is how a person works. This is a completely normal state. There are moments when you have to worry and get nervous, we are all normal living people. It will be about something else. If the experience takes over you completely, you can not cope with anxiety long time, you start to get nervous over any trifle, then it’s definitely time to sound the alarm and urgently rebuild your consciousness to the normal rhythm of life.
Hopefully the following tips will help you understand - how to stop worrying for any reason.
Live happily and positively.
Consider how your day starts? From the mood with which you woke up, what you thought about, to whom you gave a smile and a wish Good morning will depend on how the whole day goes. It is very important to make the morning as positively emotional as possible. The environment, pleasant music, a few physical exercises, your smile, your thoughts - everything should help to tune in to a wave of joy and love. The universe is very sensitive to your emotions and will definitely send them back. Try to get only good things in return.
Don't think bad.
Often, in anticipation of the decision of some event, we begin to get nervous. For example, you passed exams or sent your resume and are waiting for the result. You start playing it in your head, imagining for some reason the worst outcome. But after all, you have already worked hard to achieve a positive result and you can’t change anything. Should I worry if nothing can be changed? Relax, take a break from excitement, praise yourself, mentally thank those who helped you. In this case, the chance of a successful solution will increase several times.
Get rid of guilt.
Many people confuse compassion and empathy. These are completely different things. Experience is an expression of fear, compassion is an expression of love. Compassion means striving to help, even mentally, to support someone in difficult times, and not to torment yourself with empty experiences. Moreover, one should not take responsibility for the actions of other people, nevertheless, adults have the right to solve their own problems.
Get rid of fear.
Fear of losing a job, fear of not paying a loan, fear of cheating on a spouse, fear of the end of the world. It happens that a person gets entangled in his fears, like in a cobweb, invisible and sticky. Look at yourself from the side in such moments. Do you like yourself? I think no.
Solve problems as they come.
Try to be here and now. You need to think and solve the problems that you have at the moment. If you live today as well as possible, then this will be the key to success in the future. Every day we can live only once, so we need to use it as efficiently as possible. No need to poison your life with worries about the past, and indulge in empty dreams about the future. Stay happy now, then the future will be beautiful for you.
Set clear goals.
You must be clear about the goals you want to achieve in the future. You must feel them, live them, stay in the state when they have already come true. We must remember this state. Do not hesitate, your subconscious mind will also remember and begin to push you to repeat this state as soon as possible. real life. When you clearly know what you want, there will be less time for worries.
Learn to prioritize.
Fear and anxiety in front of a bunch of accumulated cases can be easily avoided if you learn to highlight important cases and solve them first. Get a diary. Recorded and crossed out cases are the best help to put everything on the shelves. Do the important things first, and only then the small ones. When the main thing is done, you will have less reason to be nervous and worried.
Correctly evaluate things and deeds.
Try to look from the future at those things and affairs because of which you are now experiencing. As a rule, they will seem to you insignificant and not so important. Then why get upset about something that depreciates over time?
Keep yourself busy.
Find a hobby that will bring you satisfaction. There are thousands of such hobbies, and there is no person who is absolutely not interested in anything. Doing something interesting for yourself, you automatically plunge into a state of enthusiasm, the brain switches to the creative process. As a result, there is less time to wind oneself up into frustration.
Accept the individuality of each person.
We sometimes get offended by people close to us. We think we wish them well by constantly monitoring and teaching. But people are all different, and we ourselves have shortcomings. Let your loved ones be who they are. And accept them as they are, because we love them very much.
Look for the positive in everything.
The plate broke - is it worth it to be upset? Maybe it's time to treat yourself to a new plate? The child received a deuce in mathematics - maybe this is the first bell that he has a talent for the humanities? The husband forgot about your birthday - urgently change your dressing gown for normal clothes and finally take care of yourself. The time that you will devote to yourself will bring you invaluable benefits and much positive emotions. A girl left you - it is quite possible that the Universe needed to make room for the one with whom you will be truly happy.
*****
If you can't learn right away don't get upset about anything Don't worry, no one can do it right away. But if you try to reconsider your life values, then your life will become more fulfilling and happy. Start by trying to figure out what's stopping you. Every time you start to worry, analyze what is the reason, try to eliminate it, switch your mind to something else. Nothing comes by itself, you need to work on yourself and learn to set yourself up for positive thoughts, too. Nobody else will do this for you. All in your hands!
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