How to respond to obscene insults from a guy. Different strategies of behavior with those who offend you

11.10.2019

Very often in the modern world people are faced with cruelty and rudeness of others. Problems harden people big influence on their character. Faced with offensive words addressed to him, not every person can give a decent answer. Often, such cases can lead to prolonged depression and self-doubt. Too impressionable people can take the insult personally.

Rudeness can be encountered anywhere. You woke up in a great mood, ate a delicious breakfast, put on your best suit, happily went to work and, to your misfortune, encountered an unpleasant individual. This collision can spoil the rest of the day and leave the most terrible impression.

Who wants to put up with rudeness? It hurts every person to hear insulting words. But how to give a worthy rebuff and not lose face? First of all, do not give vent to emotions. Some people deliberately provoke you into a conflict and enjoy it. Do not follow their lead and try to restrain aggression. Give the offender a fitting rebuff, and you will immediately feel superior to him.

Being insulted can have an impact on your self-esteem, mood, and even health. A person may begin to feel inferior, especially if the offender has inflicted a great emotional wound on him. How to learn to protect yourself from offensive words? Use the following methods and you will be able to learn how to deal with aggressive people.

Feel More Confident

A person with high self-esteem may not even pay attention to the insult. If a person is confident in his appearance and social status, he will never be offended by someone else's rudeness, and may not even dignify the offender with an answer. The abusers feel strong people and try to avoid them. It is difficult to offend a strong-willed person, because he is able to give a worthy rebuff.

Don't react

In some cases, the best way out is to ignore. By ignoring the offender, you simply will not give him the desired reaction. Perhaps later, you will feel stupid and embarrassed, because you did not give a decent answer. But believe me, it only humiliated your offender.

Be careful, because you risk colliding with " energy vampire". Having received a lot from you negative emotions you will only make it better. Such a person will provoke you into a quarrel, after which he will enjoy your anger with pleasure.

You can tell a boor a lot of trouble, but you will not feel joy from this. A quarrel will bring you nothing but a spoiled mood and poor health. Therefore, it is worth keeping silent, if possible. However, you should not be silent if the offender does not let up and continues to insult you.

When is aggression appropriate?

When can you respond to rudeness? In the following cases, you should forget about the measures of decency and rebuff the offender, for the sake of your own safety.

Do not stand idly by if the enemy begins to use physical force on you. The same applies to your acquaintances, children or animals. While on the street, you may encounter extremely aggressive people. In no case do not ignore such attacks, because this can lead to negative consequences.
If the offender continues to humiliate and insult you, even despite your silence. In this case, silence will not bring you anything good. The opponent will not stop until you give a decent answer and protect yourself.
If you become a witness of injustice, do not be silent. Very often people silently observe terrible things, not daring to intervene. If you see that someone offends weak man, for example, a child, be sure to intervene in the conflict.

Demonstrative calm

Sometimes it is easier to piss off the enemy than to engage in a lengthy discussion with him. If a person does not let up, and continues to sort things out with you, try to answer him the same. Do not be afraid to seem like a bore, this will scare away the boor and allow you to continue your business.

Try to explain to the cheeky all his mistakes. Write down everything point by point, you can even give your voice an unpleasant monotony. Do not react to aggression, but continue to be calm. At first, the interlocutor will try to continue the argument, perhaps even begin to insult you, but very soon he will realize that you are not going to get personal. This will help you get rid of unwanted conflict.

Positive method (translate everything into a joke)

It is not always necessary to respond to the aggression of the interlocutor. Do not stir up a quarrel, try to translate everything into a different direction. Perhaps the offender also does not want to swear and in this way you can avoid conflict. But remember, this method should be used only with a person very close and dear to you. A stranger can take this for weakness and even fear.

If in front of you close person, pull yourself together and discard the negativity. In a fit of rage, you can say a lot of nasty things, which you will regret very much later. Try to find a compromise or even laugh it off if it's appropriate of course.

Of course, it's not easy. Especially if you are offended. But if a person is really dear to you, and you are to him, then you can always come to an agreement peacefully. Remember that a stupid quarrel can lead to disastrous consequences. If you stop the quarrel and admit that you are wrong, then act wisely and be pleased with yourself. Don't be led by emotions.

Shame the impudent

In some cases this may help. Some people are just being unacceptable. Such people should be reminded of their faux pas in order to sober them up. In most cases, the opponent will shut up and realize his mistake. This method will help a lot in communicating with children. Some boors are much worse than children, but they respond well to constructive criticism.

If you evoke a sense of shame in your opponent, you will immediately see the necessary reaction. Try it, this method really works. The main thing is not to get personal and speak calmly.

Try to convince the interlocutor that you are right

You shouldn't show aggression. Try to prove your point logically. If the person is behaving incorrectly, start countering with arguments. Give all possible arguments, and you will see that the interlocutor begins to agree with you. Any sane person will adequately respond to calm and logical arguments.

If you notice that the interlocutor is beginning to get confused in words, try to convince him to give arguments. Usually a person changes the subject himself if he cannot prove his case. This is very effective method, which will definitely bring you the desired result.

How to respond to an insult?

Often a person increases his self-esteem, starting to insult and humiliate you. He wants to feel his importance and demonstrate it to others. Keep this in mind when you start coming up with a fiery response. Don't give the abuser what he wants. You must do exactly the opposite, and not let yourself be humiliated.

First, try to understand the reason for the insults. Does the offender have a personal dislike for you, or is he just in a bad mood. In any case, do not stoop to mutual insults. This will not solve the conflict, but only add negativity. After all, you do not need constant quarrels and conflicts. Remember, insults can lead to the most unexpected consequences, up to a fight.

You can also appear in an unsightly light in front of others if you succumb to someone else's provocation. Control yourself and stay calm.

If you decide to answer your opponent, then carefully watch what you say. Do not shout, speak in a quiet and calm voice so that the enemy begins to listen to you. Speak clearly and clearly without showing fear or resentment. The aggressor will be very disappointed if he does not see your emotional reaction. However, it is worth noting that the cultural response will not work with boors. They just won't understand your language.

If there is a rude and uncontrollable person in front of you, you should seriously think about your actions. If you know that your words will not bring the proper result and the offender will not even understand your impulse, you should not even try to answer him. Just turn around and leave. Do you care about his insults? Believe me, in some cases the best option will remain silent and destroy the opponent's silence.

If you have an adequate person in front of you, from whom you simply could not expect such a reaction, you should calm down a bit. Maybe he was having a bad day, or he was in serious trouble. Do not show aggression, treat him with calmness, and perhaps you will see a positive reaction and even hear an apology.

And most importantly, remember, do not think to make excuses. If you're not at fault, don't even think about pleading guilty to end the conflict. In the future, this may do you a disservice. Stand by your word and don't be afraid of quarrels if you need to defend your rights in front of the offender.

awkward questions

Very often, people are faced with awkward questions, and begin to feel uncomfortable. They may interfere with your privacy or touch your external features. "Why aren't you losing weight?" "Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?" “Why do you have such a terrible hair color?” Questions like this can be very inconvenient. If you don't start taking action, it will never end.

Some people just don't understand what "bad taste" is. They will ask you indecent questions endlessly, without even realizing that they are causing you mental discomfort. If a person is unpleasant to you, you should immediately end the conversation. Don't be afraid to be rude. Don't be nice to someone who intentionally hurts you.

Crown phrases for all occasions

If you are tired of someone else's rudeness, you should put the person in his place. For these purposes, you can use a few proven phrases that will definitely make the interlocutor bite his tongue and leave you alone.

Excuse me, is that all you want to say?
Rudeness doesn't suit you at all.
Do you really want to offend me?
I had a completely different opinion about you.
I am flattered by your attention, but I do not need your opinion.
I admire your ability to ask stupid questions.
Do you really want to talk about it?
Are you always this angry or is today a bad day?
I see no reason to continue the discussion.
I'm sorry, but that's none of your business.
Take care of your shortcomings.
You look very stupid.

Do not try to humiliate the interlocutor, offend him or start insulting. Thus, you will only increase the negative in your direction and ruin the rest of your day, and maybe even relationships with others. Remember, the best looks are those who know how to end the conflict with dignity.

A few last words

It should be remembered that in a conflict it is better not to give vent to emotions. If you begin to assess the situation soberly, you will be able to give a worthy rebuff to your opponent. The main thing to understand is that your life will not change from this dispute, however, as well as from someone else's opinion.

Do not set yourself the goal of hurting the interlocutor. Will it make you feel better? Try to get away from the conflict, it will only bring you unwanted negativity. Perhaps a person just has serious problems, and you just happened to be in his field of vision at the wrong time. In this case, you should take it calmer, and not exaggerate.

If you think rationally and discard emotions, then you will be a winner. It is not important to tell the opponent everything that you think about him. After a fight, you will feel empty and depressed. Do you need it? People who know how to control themselves and steadfastly withstand other people's attacks always win. It is not easy to learn, but it is a very important and useful skill.

Leave the negative, you can really regret the words you said, but you won’t be able to return them. If you feel you can hold back and keep quiet, be sure to do so. This way you will serve yourself well and earn the respect of others.

How to respond to insults from your husband, work colleagues, superiors, on the Internet, at school and other places? To answer this question, you need to find out how to behave in certain circumstances.

We live in an age of speed and radical change. People have stopped communicating, and if they do, it is only in their free time, which is becoming less and less. No, we are not talking about the fact that people do not talk, do not solve problems, labor issues. You can sit next to an employee for years, but still not understand who his family is, whether he has a wife, children. We are now talking about something else - people have ceased to understand each other. Everyone is in the position of a racer - for money, for fame, wealth, status, recognition, authority, etc. and in the heat of the chase, we do not notice important moments.

Let's remember the last trip on public transport - metro, bus, trolleybus, tram. Let's visually imagine the faces of the passengers - everyone looks in "their" direction, thinks about something and looks more like a bundle of "nerves". And it’s worth the slightest provocation - he didn’t sit down like that, accidentally stepped on his toe, touched his hand. A conflict immediately arises, moreover, more like a fierce fight between animals - screams, insults, humiliation, up to physical assault.

It is not in vain that the old people say that people have lost something important, a thin thread that contributes to complete mutual understanding and harmony. In the old days, things were different. And this is not a myth, but the truth. There were warm words, people supported each other, talked with neighbors, invited colleagues home for the holidays.

And how wonderfully solemn events were held - May 1, May 9 and other holidays. Tables were lined up in a row in the courtyard, covered with clean and white tablecloths, on top of which each tenant of the house brought something of his own, homemade and tasty. And what now - there is a feeling that people are trying to look for the worst words and expressions, they strive to make their counterpart as painful as possible, to strike in the very heart, to plunge a knife into the back.

How to understand - offend or do not know how to joke

Be that as it may, you should not assume that everyone around you is waiting to inflict insults. Fortunately, there is still Life on this planet, that is, people who are able to behave adequately and not be rude to their neighbors and others have survived. But still, there are moments when you do not expect anything bad, one of your colleagues says something that causes resentment, pain. But do not rush to draw conclusions. Maybe he didn't want to be rude? Or you misunderstood. How to figure it out?

Before you get offended, remember if this person has a reason to offend you?
Are his words really perceived only as a deliberate infliction of moral insult? Can they be attributed to an unsuccessful joke.
Does the person have a reason to insult you?
How a rude person behaves - aggressively or smiling sweetly. Does he try to make you look stupid in front of others.
And finally best method, but it concerns the clarification of relations between close, familiar people. Talk to him and find out what you did wrong, what he wanted to say in his own words. You may be able to clarify the situation and put an end to your own doubts.

But even if it was a joke and not entirely successful, stop them immediately. Don't let someone put you down or insult you, even if it's in a casual tone. No one has the right to inflict moral pain.

Why people are rude: the reasons for the growth of aggression

Every day we ask ourselves what is happening to people. Why do they turn into a flock of animals, capable of tearing a person apart. The answers are given by experienced psychologists who study the interaction between people in society. Everything, as it turned out, begins in childhood. Yes, and what is there to be surprised. If someone raises their eyebrows, then they are clearly being disingenuous. All the blame for the aggravation of anger in society lies with adults - parents.

We don't have much free time. We are chasing earnings, we want to buy an apartment, it is better to equip it, buy a car, wear expensive clothes, go on vacation to the best places. What about a child? Even a fairy tale to read at night and then the problem is - there is no time. So that he does not demand attention to himself, we pay off - we give expensive gifts, sweets, then a car, separate apartments. As a result, a natural consumer grows up, into whose ears words about honor, dignity, good breeding, decency, respect for others, etc. were not whispered in a gentle motherly voice.

School. Here already there is a community of people of interest. And as soon as the child gets into a flock of small "animals", he immediately tries to adopt their habits. That's right - who wants to stand out from the crowd. You need to be with those who are more, so there are more chances to stay "alive". That is, children dissolve in the mass of rude people, since, unfortunately, there are more of them - after all, we are growing a society of consumers.

We don't evolve culturally, but good examples our parents, grandparents were goodies: Martin Eden, Jen Eyre, Don Quixote, Robinson Crusoe and other characters of popular works. What now? The maximum that young people are capable of is to watch a film on the Internet. But for the most part, children spend time in nightclubs, drink a huge amount of alcohol, smoke tirelessly, and fill themselves with energy drinks. You can’t look at their comments on the network without tears in a continuous obscenity, abuse and 5 errors in a word of 4 letters. It seems that Russian lessons at school are completely cancelled.

Being evil is fashionable! Yes, this statement is true. We have repeatedly witnessed a showdown in live broadcasts of classmates, students, young guys. Now there are a huge number of videos on the network - reports with a beating of a bad girlfriend, a classmate who did not like it. Violence breaks records.

Television, films. The main attribute of every house is a TV, a computer. Films with rude and boorish characters are constantly shown on it, because of which a cult of arrogance, aggression and enmity has arisen.

How to respond to an insult

And now let's move on to the analysis of specific situations that almost everyone faces without exception. After all, both close people - dad, mom, spouse, children, and strangers can inflict moral pain, insult. This is evidenced by the mass of unpleasant stories from school, institute, from work. What should be done in such circumstances? After all, few people are able to openly express aggression, much less defend themselves from rudeness and rudeness, which in last years simply knows no bounds. Advice is given by experienced professionals.

Humiliates and insults husband

As a rule, when a husband begins to offend and morally suppress, to speak insulting and humiliating words, a woman does not remain in debt. And so there are squabbles, quarrels, up to a complete break in relations. But this is not a solution to the problem. Why destroy the family, if you can find a way to suppress the aggression of the spouse. But first you need to find out why he does this.

Causes of the aggression of the spouse

He's just an evil person. Spoiled by his parents, demanding attention, he is not used to being denied something. You will have to either re-educate, or endure or break off relations. It is better to try to re-educate, but slowly, without breaking on the "knee".

There are accumulated problems at work. Talk to him, apparently you have a distrust, since he does not talk about his disagreements in relations with employees and superiors.

You are misbehaving. Pay attention, maybe your spouse still has a reason for dissatisfaction. Of course, insulting and humiliating is the last thing. But it also happens that, not knowing how to influence you, the husband lashes out with unpleasant words and expressions.

Are you tired of each other or he doesn't want to be around you anymore. Talk, find out the reason for his anger. If there is no passion and love that before, you are doomed to be annoyed. Try to get some rest separately. If this does not help, you are infuriated by his presence, and he - yours - get a divorce.

He got another one. This occasion will not keep you waiting long. He will definitely compare you with the one on the side. It is still fresh there, passions are blazing, he wants to plunge into a new relationship with his head. And here you are the same wife, in the usual dressing gown, with the usual conversations, dishes, etc. Here you need to choose - (which is very difficult) or let him go on all four sides, why endure insults and humiliation.

How to behave if your husband insults you

Try to pretend that you don't care about his insults. This is not easy to do, but you still need to try. Usually, uttering unpleasant words, a man is waiting for an answer - there must be a scandal. Maybe it's silly, but many people get pleasure from the heat of the relationship. And then a complete ignore - it turns out, there is no point in scolding, it does not give anything. No continuation!
Talk - maybe there is a reason. Find out the relationship, but try to agree in advance - without raising the tone. Quite often, such conversations help to align the union and not create the conditions for the development of a larger conflict.
Never be rude to him. It will only get worse - someone has to be smarter, someone has to give in. Then, when his passions subside, you will have a talk.
If you can’t talk, get away from his eyes, you can go to another room, or for a walk. Do not give him a chance for further insults and insults against you.

How to respond to bullying at work

We spend most of our lives at work. And, of course, no one is immune from problems in the relationship between employees. Therefore, you need to prepare in advance for the fact that unpleasant situations will arise. How to solve them. Well, do not leave after every quarrel or offensive words from work. Believe me, the next place of employment will be no better, if you don’t know how to cooperate, communicate with society, sit at home and complete orders from the Internet. But you should understand that in this way you will be deprived of normal, human communication and will very quickly get tired of loneliness, monotony and routine. Work from home should be done only under the circumstances. And it's time for you to gain your mind and learn how to respond to insults from colleagues and superiors.

Try to remain silent. This is especially true of situations on the roads, in public transport, in crowded places. In order to control yourself, you need to think carefully, you need to draw the attention of others to offensive language addressed to you.

If the situation arose at work, among classmates and colleagues, silence can play a cruel joke. This is a kind of signal to the offender - you can continue to behave like this and further, and nothing will happen for it. Therefore, it is categorically impossible to remain silent in this situation - put the aggressive comrade "in place" and no longer allow him such behavior. Repeat again - answer the same way, draw everyone's attention to his behavior. Let everyone see how disgusting he is in his ugly behavior.

Before responding to rudeness, you should understand with whom you are in conflict. And think about whether your answer is worth losing your job, your student ID. But even in this case, a self-respecting person should at least do something to stop the insults. At least to talk, as a maximum to involve third parties and not allow the offender to inflict a moral blow again.

Try to "understand" the offender. This situation concerns those who have been offended by management or a person on whom much depends. Yes, it is not easy, but you need to do this “procedure”. Approach the offender and talk as if you understand that he had no idea of offending your person. Indeed, in most cases this is what happens - a person cannot always understand that he did something wrong, said the wrong words, or said too much in a fit of anger. It is necessary to give time - let it “cool down” and have a conversation. Remind him that you yourself have often found yourself in a position where reluctantly insulted someone. The main thing is to realize your guilt, identify the causes of the conflict and put an end to mistrust, doubts and quarrels.

How to respond to online harassment

The World Wide Web The Internet is the worst place ever! In it you can run into such insults that the mind is incomprehensible. And they can offend for no reason. It's just that there are such "idiots" who spend in social networks all the time and strive to insult someone. They even have the nickname "troll", and they "troll" people, cause conflict. What to do in such situations for those who did not even think of entering into an argument with anyone?

Don't waste time on fools and don't make contact with them. They are waiting for this! Otherwise, their activities are simply meaningless. Do not answer - it will go crazy, suffer, that is, get "what it deserves." And you have only one thing left - to laugh at him and not pay attention to his short-sighted, stupid actions.
If the abuse continues, contact law enforcement. There is an article that brings trolls to justice, causing a clear insult to the honor and dignity of a person.

How to do it:

take a screenshot, fix the moment of insults;
try to collect as much information about the troll as possible;
work with an experienced lawyer;
write a statement to the authorities and attach everything that you have from the evidence and information about the offender.

How to respond to bullying at school

In childhood, we hear the first unpleasant things addressed to us. No one can get around this situation, especially those who do not know how to defend themselves steadfastly. We remember our school years with affection, but as soon as moments with humiliation and insults from classmates, high school students arise in our memory, our face immediately darkens. Experts say that children's grievances are experienced by people very hard. Often they accompany a person until the end of his days. What to do to stop bullying at school:

Try not to pay attention, but only once. Repeated humiliation must be answered. Talk to this person and ask what he wants from you. Perhaps there is a misunderstanding between you that needs to be cleared up.
It is not possible to resolve the issue peacefully - try to answer. As a rule, boors are sure of their impunity. They create more noise around themselves, although in fact they are cowards by nature. Answer rudely, but do not turn into the same idiot. It does not help, he has gathered a group, they continue to put pressure on you - talk to your parents.

Important: never be shy about asking your parents for help. School problems can have serious psychological and mental consequences. They must be stopped, and the offenders must know - for every rude word there is another word!

Parents whose children are humiliated need to communicate with the child more often, to have frank conversations. Pay attention to whether your beloved child has become withdrawn, nervous. If it happens that he abruptly fell out of love with the school, does not want to participate in school events, spend time with classmates, does not have friends in the class - you need to be wary. He has very serious problems. The child hides everything, talk to his teacher. In any case, do your best to clarify the situation and take action.

In cases where the conflict at school is associated with a group of very aggressive teenagers behaving threateningly - do not be shy, do not be afraid - write a statement to the police, since insults for such "types" are only the beginning, then the moment of assault may come.

How to respond to insults from your wife

Paradoxical, as it seems to someone, the situation. The wife humiliates and insults her husband. You will laugh, but this happens quite often. This can happen both publicly and alone with your spouse. The first is a rare case, the second is all the time. Of course, what man wants to admit that he is under the yoke of a fragile woman - no one! The reason for this behavior may be:

You made a bad deed, changed. She may have forgiven, but she has not forgotten and is unlikely to forget! At every opportunity, it will remind you of your sin and continue to insult and humiliate.
She grew up a spoiled, inadequate girl, her parents indulged in everything and encouraged her ugly behavior.
From the very beginning, the man did not make it clear that he was the head of the family, and she was the keeper of the hearth, creating comfort. But this does not mean that a man has the right to humiliate his wife.
Your significant other is too tired from the endless circle of duties. She just can't stand it physical activity and can't wait for your help. She has no other choice but to express humiliating words and insults at you - this is how she gets rid of accumulated negative emotions. Help her, participate in family life, especially if there are children.
A man has stopped paying attention to his wife, he no longer sees a woman in her. Yes, worries and troubles play a cruel joke on a woman's appearance. Give her rest, let her clean herself up and remember her other destinations.
The wife grew up in a family where her parents had the same relationship - her mother humiliated and covered her husband with offensive phrases. Now he copies his former life and projects it onto his relationship with his husband.
Your wife is jealous of your children. You began to spend more time with them, although she deserves support, communication. She is also annoyed by the fact that a softer, compassionate daddy attracts children more than an overbearing and strict mother.
Problems with the hormonal background. Negative behavior of the spouse can also be observed during diseases associated with the endocrine system. During pregnancy, during illnesses, she simply does not control her behavior. An appeal to the doctor is required, and in the case of pregnancy, patience to the husband.

What to do if a child is abusive

Building relationships with children is not easy. As soon as he reaches adolescence, the desire for independence immediately arises. Children want to break away from their parents and show that they are able to solve their own problems, to find contacts with the outside world. It is this world that most often becomes a provocateur of the negative behavior of the child. A small person's own "I" is being formed, and the biggest mistake of parents is a misunderstanding of the situation. The fact that their child does something without them, ceases to ask permission for all actions, to share the innermost, simply does not fit in their head. This is how conflict situations arise. What to do?

First of all, forget that your child is your property. First of all, you have produced an individual, not a free application!
Do not lose touch with your child. Do not stop close contact for a day - chat, talk, share secrets (available).
You do not need to indulge the child in everything - fulfill only those requests that you can afford.
Good deeds should be encouraged - your child honestly deserves it. If something is wrong - talk, blame, but do not pretend that nothing happened. He should know that any negative offense entails punishment.
Help them realize their desires, participate in his aspirations, support him with support and let him know that you believe in all his undertakings, talents and opportunities.

The main thing is to look for common ground and conduct a dialogue with the child, husband, wife. Be not only a parent, soul mate, but also the best friend of your beloved child, husband, wife. And it is desirable that you maintain friendships for life - and this requires constant work.

All for now.
Sincerely, Vyacheslav.

The day today frankly didn’t work out in the morning - I knocked over yogurt and had to change clothes, crashed into the door at work and earned a bruise, and even the new client was rude to the fullest. And although I have lived to be a senior designer, I still don’t know how to react to rudeness and behave correctly.

I complained to the girls at dinner about all my sorrows, and now we got hooked on a new client - in the end, some people really don’t have arrogance, and it’s better to be able to resist it. We had a good chat, took out a lot of useful things, and came up with many ways to respond to rudeness and not lose dignity at the same time.

Why are people rude to you

Of course, those who know how to be rude know best how to deal with rudeness. I don't know how, I'd rather endure, listen, and apologize - if a person is rude to me, then I'm probably doing something wrong.

Colleagues at work advised me to immediately begin to unlearn victim behavior, and then I had to google well. Victim behavior, or victim behavior, is a situation in which one person behaves in such a way that it is convenient for another to insult and humiliate him.

Remember, you must have seen such people - any brawler immediately sees fertile ground in them, they always get into stupid circumstances, something constantly happens to them both at home and at work. So, the reasons for rudeness:

you are not ready to respond to rudeness;
you do not know how to properly respond to insults;
you feel guilty;
you are too soft and pliable person who is easy to subordinate to your will.

I understand that every girl is likely to say that she is, they say, what a queen, but I advise you to sit down and think carefully in private. And you will find situations in which you show your own victimhood.

We are naturally gentle, and with a good upbringing, every girl can be taught to experience guilt on a regular basis. How to deal with rudeness, if it seems to you that you are to blame for it?

How can you learn to respond to harsh words with dignity and the right way if you are trembling with fear? You have to overcome your fear and insecurity.

However, the reasons for rudeness are also different. Learn to quickly determine what mood a person is in, what his thoughts are doing - and you will understand the essence of his actions. The reasons for rudeness can be:

aggression (this applies more to men, they have enough high level aggression and they sometimes let off steam on those who are inferior to them in some way);
fatigue (as in the situation with my client - the girl was just tired, it seemed to her that I was not too attentive, and she got rude to me);
low level of culture (it is hardly possible to do something here);
feeling of own impunity (when a person is not in a good mood and sees that they will not answer him for rudeness - he can be rude);
coincidence (well, this happens too).

While discussing the morning situation with colleagues (at that time the customer had already called and apologized for her behavior, and I, in turn, apologized for my irritability and complained about a bad day), they recalled different cases rudeness and impudence.

We agreed that it is not always necessary to respond to insolence - sometimes you still shouldn’t get involved. You have to be mindful of the consequences. But sometimes you can answer beautifully - this will put the rude man in his place, and help to cheer yourself up a little.

What to change in your behavior so that people stop being rude

One of my colleagues travels to work at the same time by public transport, and told us that she regularly sees the same elderly woman who rides early in the morning and swears with people. Well, this is the sport of a person.

Remarkably, a woman never turns to those who can somehow respond to her trick - young people and schoolchildren, who are mostly lost if an adult swears at them, most often become objects for verbal picks.

Also, quite often, according to my colleague, a woman is rude to her peers, only of a certain category of them - you probably know such grannies who drive with pursed lips and the same pursed peeling reticules, and tint their hair with blue. The seasoned intelligentsia, as my mother calls them. Such people most often do not stoop to respond to rude people.

If you often think about how to respond to rudeness, try changing some of your behavior so that people behave with you more politely.

First of all, you need to learn how to be confident. A woman who looks confident and behaves beautifully is less likely to encounter rudeness. Straighten your shoulders, straighten your back, slightly raise your chin. You should not smile too widely, but it is better to slightly raise the corners of the mouth - this will give the face a pleasant expression.

Be neat and tidy in your clothes. Most often they are rude to klutzes and sluts.
Do not demonstrate sudden mood swings, react to everything sedately and consistently.

How to keep your spirits up when you're being rude

This question for me is one of the most difficult in this whole situation. Because if you wish, you can learn to answer, but here's how to resist rudeness internally, so that it doesn't hurt you - this is a problem.

I get upset almost to tears when someone says something unpleasant to me. Therefore, for me it was a great discovery - how to protect yourself from rudeness and not spoil your mood. Colleagues were helpful as always. I'll tell you too.

The fact is that most often a person is rude sincerely. From the heart. That is, just imagine, everything that he says to your face at some unpleasant moment - he sincerely thinks so.

Sit down and think about what it's like to be that person. Bring the situation to the point of absurdity. Here I see a beautifully dressed woman of Rubensian forms, and that hysterical old woman - a fat cow who took a seat in a tram.

I see a diligent and smiling janitor from one fraternal republic, and my upstairs neighbor is an unpleasant maniac, practically a murderer who steals rakes.

I see a lot of tired people who are patiently standing in a traffic jam and want to get home, and the man who heart-rendingly presses the signal for the fourth time in a minute - he is apparently sure that we are all standing in spite of him. Represented? I'm absolutely serious. Such people can only be pitied.

I'm not saying that you need to show compassion for those who pour mud on you, but it seems to me that after such an "experience" it is much easier not to be offended by a person who says unpleasant things. His world is a disgusting, vile place if he is forced to act like that.

What to say in response

How to resist rudeness - to react or not? Everyone decides this question for themselves in their own way. I think you will have to solve it every time you hear something unpleasant addressed to you. It all depends on the interlocutor, on the mood, on the environment and, in fact, on the words spoken by the interlocutor.

I am for rudeness to be answered beautifully, intelligently and politely. So, the best ways to properly answer a boor.

We devaluate what has been said, doubting the form. I think you know very well that some people make mistakes in oral speech. One of the most simple ways pull up a person - make fun of his mistake. Remember the immortal "Lyudko, and Lyudko! - Ugh, the village!"? Listen carefully to what your opponent is saying and attach yourself to literally every expression. Usually people in the heat of the moment don't pay much attention to what and how they say it.
Use the tool of the interlocutor - generalize! In general, it is very rare for one person to have specific claims against another. Most often, rudeness is the result bad mood, and express it to the one who fell under the arm. That is, everything that is said to you is actually some kind of "mythical you".
To you - to whom? Women? Car enthusiasts? Those who came to work in a red blouse? Point out this moment in the dispute, or, on the contrary, call the offender to account for something that he obviously did not do.
Contrast stupidity beautifully! This chip can be learned from those who in Soviet times were engaged in any kind of propaganda work. Don't want to work? And in Africa, children are starving! It would seem, how are you to blame for this? But the brain of a Russian person helpfully makes up a logical chain, and somehow it turns out that children in Africa are starving precisely because of you.
This skill is useful in dialogues with nervous elderly people. Anyway, the phrase always saves me Here you are shouting, and in the evenings alcoholics are sitting on the playground!"in quarrels with a neighbor. I can’t say that it’s so beautiful and right, but it works. Do you know how? She immediately understands that yelling at me is an empty thing, after all, I’m a good girl. But alcoholics really you have to drive them in. And who will drive them if not her?
Well, the last thing that now helps me in my work is when a client starts to climb into my workflow, I ask, why does he pay me money if he knows how it will be better? This is a good sobering thing for those who think they know everything. I say this in a peaceful, friendly tone - just to remind you that they are clients, and they came to me as a professional for services.

Be confident in yourself, come up with good answers and do not take any tram boors to heart!

There are many aggressive people in modern society, because the frantic pace of life leaves its mark on mood, behavior and interpersonal communication. At a certain period of life, people collide with each other, so avoiding conflicts is quite difficult. Sooner or later you will find yourself in the line of fire with a person who throws insults. At such moments, you must fight back against your opponent. Some start a skirmish, others react calmly. Consider all the methods in order.

Method number 1. boredom

The technique of tediousness is quite common among intelligent people. If you are mentally superior to your opponents, consider this option. If the interlocutor is trying to offend you, give him an analogy from the scientific literature.
For example, you were reproached for the mess on your desktop, as if you had evolved from a pig. Get your bearings in time and answer: “Darwin has repeatedly proved the fact that pigs do not belong to humans in any way. They do not work at a desk, therefore, they cannot create a mess in the workplace. Read the book to make more precise arguments in the future!
In addition to the fact that the fact will hurt the offender, the opponent will be confused. You will have enough time to plan further dialogue. Not many people have scientific knowledge, such a move will put the boor in an awkward position.

Method number 2. Ignoring

Not every person can gather his will into a fist and turn on the ignoring mode, besides, such behavior is not always appropriate. However, there are often cases when this tactic will come in handy.
If the insult is petty, a grin is the best option. Smile with one corner of your lips, thinking to yourself how much better the world would be without fools. If a person is narrow-minded, and also sinks to low insults, demonstrate contempt.
Don't hold back your positive attitude. You can laugh in your opponent's face without responding with words. Make it clear that rudeness does not hurt you at all, even if the situation is different.
The tactic of ignoring is to prove to the opponent his stupidity. It is possible that he will become even more furious when he sees your reaction. Namely, that his words not only do not disturb, but also amuse you.
If the person is sane, you can accompany the grin with a polite phrase. For example, “It seemed to me or did you have a bad day?”. If a person belongs to the category of boors, your attack will cause even more discontent.
Unfortunately, modern world degrades, so the technique of ignoring is important to use correctly. She is suitable for a skirmish with ill-mannered people who do not watch their language.
Never try to justify yourself if you see that the insult is inappropriate. Again, it's best to ignore the attacker by smiling slyly in response. Do not cross into the territory of the offender, such a move will be obviously losing.

Method number 3. calmness

The previous options, namely "Ignore" and "Nerd", refer to sarcastic ways. You suppress the offender through malice, some kind of mockery. BUT this method differs in that you need to respond to insults in a calm tone.
Do not swear, use swear words or raise your voice a few tones. Answer with a slight smile, be friendly. Ask what exactly does not suit your interlocutor. Try to sort out the situation "on the shelves."
Such behavior shocks the opponent, some begin to feel embarrassed. A conflict situation often ends with an apology from the offender. This option will not allow the scandal to turn into a disaster.
If you possess peace of mind and if you want to keep harmony in your heart, do not respond with evil to an insult. When this is hard to achieve, take 5 deep breaths and the same number of exhalations, and then proceed to further dialogue.

Method number 4. Gratitude

The technique of gratitude is also called Aikido. Of course, experienced professionals do not advise to engage in assault. The technique consists in transferring aggression from the opponent to him.
The option is suitable for people who are offended in the presence of colleagues or other large crowds. In such situations, it is important to defend your honor, but it must be done correctly.
Tell the interlocutor that you are extremely grateful to him. For what? For the fact that he spent a lot of time listing your shortcomings. Also clarify that you would not do this because you do not care about him.
It is important that there is no sarcasm in the answers. The main thing is to be serious and calm, as if you casually paid attention to the offender. By demonstrating fortitude, you will emerge victorious from the skirmish, while saving face.
End the speech with another thank you. Inform that in the evening you will think about your own shortcomings and try to correct them in the near future. As practice shows, such an answer misleads boors. In this case, all the "spectators of the show" will take your side, definitely.

Method number 5. Revelation

In most cases, insults in the family circle or among close friends can be eliminated in time if you bring your opponent to a frank dialogue. It is important to step over your pride and stop resisting, after proceeding to manipulation.
Report native person that it is unpleasant for you to listen to such claims. Try to find out what they are backed by. If the arguments are truthful enough, listen and draw your own conclusions.
If you are in pain, let me know. As a rule, most situations are resolved peacefully. If people are dear to each other, they will be able to find a solution to any problem.
If we are talking, again, about relatives or friends, try to forgive the offender in advance. You yourself understand that irritation and indignation do not appear out of nowhere. Since the person is dear to you, try to understand and forgive him.

Method number 6. Humor

Positive is everything! The recommendation is especially relevant in cases with poorly educated or close people. A good joke or a positive reaction to an insult will smooth out the rough edges.
To defuse the atmosphere, you need to have a sense of humor. When you repel attacks in this way, the interlocutor will become confused. His concentration will be broken as the insults take a different turn.
Further development of the scandal will become inappropriate after both laugh at the joke. It is important to reflect the negative in time so that it does not grow into something more.
Of course, not all situations need to be taken lightly. For example, if you were insulted on your way to work (in traffic or on public transport), the best option would be to keep your distance. Move away from the offender, making it clear that his company is unpleasant for you.

Win-win phrases

There are many phrases that will help you get out of conflict situation winner. You can remember those that you like, and then apply them for their intended purpose.

"I'm sorry, are you done?"
“What a pity, I thought you were a man with brains!”
“I can say for sure that the image of a boor does not suit you! Although…"
“Dear, please slow down. I am not your wife (brother, matchmaker)
“By your tone, you can understand that you have confused the shores ...”
“By your behavior do you want to achieve the truth or a flattering answer?”
“Why would an educated person put their cons on public display?”
"Don't worry about me so much..."
“By getting personal, are you trying to compensate for your lack of intelligence?”
“Thank you for your interest in my person and life in particular. Your call is very important to us…”
“Why are you trying to hurt me? Are you an energy vampire?
"Beautiful weather, isn't it?"

There are basic techniques that will save face and adequately respond to insults. The most common options are boring, positive, ignoring, calm, gratitude and revelation. You will also need universal phrases that can be used in controversial situations.