How to get rid of resentment. How to deal with resentment

For the psychological portal www.psynavigator.ru

In Russian (according to Ushakov), the word "resentment" means unfairly caused grief, insult, as well as the feeling caused by it. Interestingly, in ancient times this word was synonymous with a crack or a slap in the face, when it wasn’t that you were hit hard, but, in a similar way, they hurt you. There is no wound, no bruise, but it is experienced much more painfully than if they had been beaten. Any high expectations are always fraught with deep resentment for a person.

Let's say you do something for someone else and have your own assumption about how he should treat it. And suddenly surprise- He reacts quite differently than you would like. The flashed feeling that you have been underestimated causes a caustic feeling of bitterness. This must have been experienced more than once or twice by every person in his life. In resentment there is always a concrete threat to our positive self-image - self-perception and self-esteem. In this case, the train of thought is extremely simple: "I did not deserve this. I am better than they think about me." If a person is very worried, considering himself offended, it is obvious that a very important string of his soul has been touched. And everything that is significant to us is also vulnerable. It will not be possible to offend with what is insignificant. And most often, resentment is not explained rationally, it is simply emotionally experienced. And the problem is not what is experienced, but what is experienced in a non-constructive way, because in most cases the offense does not go beyond the boundaries of negative emotions. It overshadows logic, instills doubts and self-doubt, and often embitters the offended against others. A person ceases to adequately test reality, the picture of the world is greatly distorted, life begins to be drawn in gloomy colors.

What to do, how and where to look for a way out? Here are some of the express methods:

1. It is necessary to speak the problem, translate it from the language of emotions into the language of logic. Mentally answer yourself the question: why exactly does this offend me. Perhaps you will finally find out what is important to you in life. If you have a real friend, a girlfriend who is ready to understand and listen, open up to them. Thus, you will not only relieve mental stress, perhaps they will help you admit to yourself what you really didn’t want to admit in private.

2. Good way"get rid of" resentment - write a letter to an old friend or keep a diary. The need to express your thoughts clearly and honestly will quickly make you understand yourself. And, perhaps, the resentment that has managed to grow into a problem will not be so significant that you spend time and energy on it.

3. If there is no true friend nearby, there is no one to write to, but it is necessary to speak out, dial the "helpline". With a stranger(for example, with a fellow passenger) it is much easier to communicate frankly than with relatives, and this helps to quickly understand the situation.

4. Do not make decisions right away, in a hurry. It is better to take a timeout indefinitely, postponing the "disassembly" until next day and go to sleep. Say to yourself, like the heroine of Gone With the Wind, "I'll think about that tomorrow."

5. Laugh more often and engage in your "I", look inside yourself daily, and not just during the "shipwreck". Regularly challenge yourself with questions: what is important to me and what is not? Look at the world respectfully - but not timidly, seriously - but with a smile. Be in good sense self-sufficient. Instead of holding a grudge against the whole world, smile at him. Do you know how one self-sufficient person, Socrates, treated the world, and therefore people? "My enemies can kill me, but they can't insult me."

6. If you can not unwind the ball of grievances, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. Sometimes only at the third or fourth step does a person understand the underlying cause of resentment. And this is necessary in order not to be offended in the future.

If you are serious about your self-development, then you need to learn the following skills:

First, we must learn to build relationships with others, abandoning unrealistic expectations. That is, I will not err in anticipating the behavior of another if I do not expect anything from him. It is clear that this is ideal, but everyone is able to reduce the personal level of expectations.

Secondly, there will be no resentment if I do not, as much as possible, associate the satisfaction of any of my needs with the behavior of another. That is, to be grateful to another for something done for me, but at the same time not to consider him to be doing something to me. After all, maturity implies, among other things, relying on oneself and gratitude for any help from another.

Thirdly, it is necessary to refuse to evaluate the behavior of others. That is, stop comparing the observed behavior of another with your own expectations. This is the observance of the well-known covenant "Judge not, lest you be judged..."

And then everyone will be able to say to himself: "It is impossible to offend me precisely because I accept myself and others as they are."

Resentment does not sit in a person by itself, over time it turns into aggression, anger, provokes a desire for revenge, causes depression and isolation in oneself. For those who wish to know how to get rid of resentment, there are several ways to overcome it.

To cope with your own resentment, think about what others expect of you, how often you live up to the expectations of others. It probably won't always be, and that's okay. A good attitude towards us from someone else does not mean that everyone around us will treat us that way. First of all, we try to solve our own problems, which are often enough up to our necks, and then someone else's. It should be understood that people around us do not owe us anything, and good deeds towards us are a manifestation of their good character or a gift. Try to perceive all the good things that are done for you as a gift, not a duty, then it will be easier to overcome resentment, and you will enjoy life more. And if you still can’t cope with grievances, then use the methods described below.

How do we feel when we have been severely offended? We do not want anything but to wish that person harm, we believe that everything is terrible, that it is easier to die, etc. However, we can say with full confidence that in a few years we will not even remember this insult, and such lamentations will turn out to be meaningless. If all this doesn't matter in the future, what's the point of torturing yourself and others with your "whining"? This understanding should help you stop being offended over trifles and get rid of resentment. True, there are vindictive people who live half their lives with their useless resentment and feed it like a spring to a river. But it is worth remembering that insults are different. Small ones are forgotten after a few days, and large ones bring suffering, cause a desire to take revenge and inflict a deep spiritual wound.

It is well known how unjustly the Count of Monte Cristo was imprisoned in the Chateau d'If. For twenty years of his life, he developed a plan for revenge, which in the end turned out to be successful, but did this bring him happiness? Is that joy or moral satisfaction over the fact that his enemies were defeated. But surely many people remember that as a result of revenge, innocent people suffered, and in personal life he was unlucky: his beloved Mercedes refused to leave with him, and the count was forced to leave the country alone. Revenge was his main goal in life, it happened, what else could he do?

This novel makes it clear how much resentment affects a person. Yes, Monte Cristo should not have forgiven his enemies, but he should not have lived with a thirst for revenge either. Forgiveness will help to get rid of resentment, the Bible says about it. By doing this, we help ourselves first, and then others.

Increasing your spiritual level is another way to deal with resentment. This is achieved in families where feelings come to the fore, not emotions, in those relationships in which people understand each other's virtues and put up with their shortcomings, respect the opinion of the other person and take differences of opinion for granted. The contradiction of someone else's opinion with yours is not yet a sign that it is wrong. Maybe you should listen to him, and not reject?

Our human nature It is arranged in such a way that we love to criticize others, to condemn, to evaluate in our own way. But it is precisely this that strengthens resentment in us and does not allow us to understand ourselves. A person can only decide for himself how to act in life, respectively, we cannot interfere in it with our own unfounded criticism. If you understand this, then you will stop worrying about what others think of you and will be able to deal with resentment.

How to deal with resentment in different situations

If we are offended by the words of another person, then surely they contain some truth and point to our weak spot. When a person is dissatisfied with someone, he is dissatisfied with himself, offended by himself. Thus, we are trying to be distracted, to switch to others, if something is wrong with us. In this case, everything depends on us, we need to pay attention to ourselves, our inner world and affairs. Then we will be less vulnerable to external trifles and irritants. Resentment is like a harmful bug: small, but harmful, and which you need to get rid of as soon as possible.

How to overcome the insult that a work colleague or boss inflicted on you? In this case, you will have to restrain yourself and not pay attention, since work involves quick decision-making, implementation professional duties, resentment will only interfere with this. Your boss does not need unreasonable conflicts, if he acted unfairly towards you, then find out everything in a calm atmosphere, citing evidence of your innocence. If you can’t cope with resentment at work, then in the future it may come back to haunt you with not very warm relations with superiors and colleagues. You can negotiate with the latter, but if it doesn’t work out, then stop communicating with them, because you are different people and you have nothing in common.

When you hear someone's opinions about another person, try not to take them all on faith, but take into account your observations. The transmission of information about each other is often distorted and sometimes serves only as an additional irritant. When we hear something unpleasant about ourselves from a person, we automatically worsen our opinion of him. But first, it’s worth considering, isn’t it envy? Why are we being told false facts? Maybe you should not pay attention to them?

How to deal with resentment against a friend who betrayed you? The answer is simple - stop considering him a friend. He let you down once - he will let you down again, because you could not foresee such a turn of events, a friend took advantage of this and began to be guided only by his own selfish motives. To be offended by the enemy is generally a meaningless thing, by doing this we set him up even more against us.

BUT how to stop being offended for a loved one? Basically, a person does not recognize his loved ones as independent and considers them dependent on himself, so he thinks that he has the right to be offended by them. Thus, he subordinates the other person to his will. But if we recognize that a loved one is a free person who decides how to behave in a given situation, then we will not stop being offended and will respect his decisions.

How to deal with resentment if someone else constantly offends you or intentionally offends you? Surely this person takes advantage of your weakness and tendency to be offended. Try not to pay attention to him, pretend that you don't care about his attempts to offend you.

The main associates of resentment: depression, irritability, Bad mood. Overcome them, then you will not be too sensitive and touchy, look for a way out of problems, do not run away from them. Playing sports, walking with nice people, heart-to-heart conversations, your favorite work, etc. will help you calm down and cope with bad emotions. The main thing is that you feel moral satisfaction from what you are doing, so that it does not become a burden for you.

So, know that by being offended, we basically make things worse for ourselves, and not for others, since they do not care about our insults, just like us. Anyway, for the most part, resentment will remain inside us and only nerve cells will suffer from it. If the question of how to get rid of resentment remains relevant for you, then a qualified psychologist will help you figure it out. Still, someone needs to speak out, especially a specialist. But there is a universal solution: do not be offended!

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In general, I am not a supporter of helping people cope with feelings or get rid of them, but on request " how to deal with resentment I react differently than in other cases. I usually help accept and learn to express my feelings.

But the feeling of resentment stands apart from all other feelings. Its main difference for me is that it is directed at the person himself and is destructive. It is very difficult to turn resentment into a resource (as you can do with almost any other feeling). Each time, offended, a person spends his vitality without compensating for it.

Therefore, in my opinion, it is necessary to cope with the feeling of resentment.

In the first part of the article Resentment It was said about the origin and formation of a feeling of resentment and the reaction that follows it. From childhood, this feeling passes into adulthood. In general, nothing changes.

An adult is offended if:

• regards the situation as unfair
• does not have the resources to solve the problem in a constructive way
• unconsciously uses resentment as a feeling that suppresses some other
• benefits (being offended, he can manipulate the behavior of other people)

So how do you deal with resentment?

It's hard to give one general scheme solutions to the problem for all people, but for the initial self-study, try the following points:

1. Answer the questions

Why are you interested in the question of how to deal with resentment? Why do you want to get rid of this feeling? What does it interfere with? If there is no more resentment in your life, how will it change it?

2. Try to remember all the "forbidden" feelings in your childhood

Phrases such as “good children don’t get angry”, “hating is bad”, “you can’t envy” may come up in your memory. Who forbade them to you?

How do you deal with these feelings now? Are they still "forbidden" for you? And for other people?

If you manage to remember these phrases, then you can re-evaluate these "truths". Until now, they were so deep in the subconscious that there was no thought to question their correctness. And now you can formulate your truths, for example, “the goodness of a child has nothing to do with the feelings that he experiences”, “there are no bad or good feelings" etc.

“If I could have any feeling that I would have in this situation?”

Why is this “forbidden” feeling so scary for you now? (If in childhood there was a fear of losing the love of significant adults, now it is ...?)

If you can figure out why you are so afraid to let your feelings out, then by dealing with these fears, you can begin to experience the full range of feelings, and not the resentment that replaces them, which will surely make you a happier person.

4. Can you identify a group of people (or situations) with whom (in which) you most often feel resentment?

Who from your childhood do these people remind you of? Why are these situations special?

If you can draw a parallel with specific people from childhood, then this will mean that you still feel like the child you were.

What to do with this understanding? Working with the Inner Child is very difficult and without the help of a psychologist, you can’t do it here. But the essence of solving the problem is to "grow" your Inner Child, help him outgrow the addiction.

5. Is there any benefit to you from resentment?

Try to objectively evaluate how other people react when you feel hurt and behave "offended".

If you see a benefit in your resentment, then first consider, “what is more valuable to you: to receive this benefit or to cope with the resentment?” If the benefit is more valuable, then you can do nothing further, since it will be pointless (no work on yourself will give results). If dealing with resentment turns out to be a priority, then 1) you need to recognize and accept the fact that it is beneficial for you to be offended 2) look for ways to get what you want in other ways.

6. About justice

What do you think about this? Answer for yourself the questions that were voiced in the first part (I will duplicate them here):

• How did you know that she is?
• Someone promised you? Who? When?
• Based on the assumption of justice, how can one explain that one is born rich and healthy, the other poor and sick?
• Why does "injustice" exist for centuries? Is this "fair"?
• What function does faith in justice have for you? How does she help you? What questions does it answer?

These are just the first steps towards solving the problem. how to deal with resentment". Many questions are difficult to answer on your own. But sometimes it is enough to seriously think about the problem and begin to study it, as much becomes clear. When there is understanding, there is also the possibility of controlling previously uncontrollable situations.

"I'm offended..."

I hear such words more often from women than from men, probably because women are less likely to openly express their aggression than men, their feelings are softer.

Resentment is most often felt in the chest area. It is experienced as a "caustic", "slippery" feeling that burns, pulls, presses. Sometimes the experience of resentment is accompanied by tears - “tears of resentment”.

Resentment, like anger, most often arises in close relationships. How closer man the stronger our resentment.

Resentment is a childish form of anger. Anger is an emotion that arises in a situation of discomfort. It gives us the strength to cope with the situation, to protect ourselves, to achieve our goal no matter what.

Usually people who have experienced aggressive or careless attitudes from significant adults in childhood tend to be offended. The child does not have sufficient flexibility and experience to adapt to changing environment. And he seeks to win the love of adults, to adapt to their requirements. Therefore, when close adults treat him rudely, punish him undeservedly, the child usually reacts not with open anger, but with resentment. When traumatic situations are repeated often, the habit of being offended is formed. It is also formed if one of the parents (usually the same sex as the child) shows such a reaction to uncomfortable situations.

Usually, the feeling of resentment goes away on its own, if you do not “feed” it with feelings. When we repeatedly recall an uncomfortable situation, scroll through it in our mind's eye, feeling resentment over and over again, we contribute to the formation of its stability. When there are a lot of resentments, and our body's defense systems are depleted, “somatization” of resentment can occur - the emergence psychosomatic diseases against the backdrop of suffering.

The habit of being offended can even become peculiar defense mechanism- it helps to justify oneself in case of failure (“I was prevented from doing this”), protects against making mistakes (“I am offended and will not continue to do this”). Resentment protects against the need to say "no" in difficult situations and allows you to easily and justifiably distance yourself from those relationships in which you were offended.

In itself, the emotion of resentment is neither good nor bad. It's just our body's response to a stimulus. But is it worth reminding that both for others and for the person himself, the experience of resentment is a painful, unpleasant process. The energy of resentment (originally the energy of anger) is necessary for us in order to achieve the goal despite opposition. But, when we are offended, this energy is wasted, “turns sour” and our needs, for which it was allocated, remain unsatisfied. We stay put, give up our desires, lose or ruin relationships.

by the most in an efficient way getting rid of resentment is forgiveness. There are many techniques, meditations, visualizations that help to forgive, get rid of resentment.

I want to bring to your attention two techniques that Louise Hay offers in her book Heal Yourself.

Exercise "dissolving resentment"

Sit somewhere quiet, relax. Imagine that you are in a darkened theater and there is a small stage in front of you. Put on the stage the person you need to forgive (the person you hate the most in the world). This person may be alive or dead, and your hatred may be both in the past and in the present.

When you clearly see this person, imagine that something good is happening to him, something that is of great importance to this person. Imagine him smiling and happy. Hold this image in your mind for a few minutes and then let it disappear.

Then, when the person you want to forgive leaves the stage, put yourself there. Imagine that only good things happen to you. Imagine yourself happy and smiling. And know that there is enough goodness in the universe for all of us.

Exercise "mental representation"

Here is another very good exercise. Imagine yourself as a small child (5-6 years old). Look deeply into this child's eyes. Try to see deep longing and understand that this longing is for love for you. Reach out your arms and embrace this small child, press it to your chest. Tell him how much you love him. Say that you admire his mind, and if he makes mistakes, then this is nothing, everyone makes them.

Promise him that you will always come to his aid if necessary. Now let the child become very small, the size of a pea. Put it in your heart. Let him settle there. When you look down, you will see his little face and you will be able to give him all your love, which is so important to him.

Now imagine your mother when she was 4-5 years old, scared and longing for love. Stretch out your hands to her and tell her how much you love her. Tell her that she can count on you no matter what. When she calms down and feels safe, take her to your heart.

Now imagine your father as a little boy of 3-4 years old, he is also very afraid of something and cries loudly, inconsolably. You will see tears streaming down his face. You now know how to soothe young children. Hold him close to your chest and feel his trembling body. Calm him down. Let him feel your love. Tell him that you will always be by his side.

When his tears dry, let him also become very tiny. Put him in your heart with you and your mom. Love them all, for there is nothing more sacred than the love of little children. There is enough love in your heart to heal our entire planet. But let's heal ourselves first. Feel the warmth spreading through your body. Softness and tenderness. Let this precious feeling begin to change your life.

Perhaps when you start doing these exercises, there will be a feeling of resistance. “Forgive them? For what they did? Yes, for nothing! Never! Yeah, I just can't! I do not want to do this!" This is a natural reaction of the body to a violation of the usual stereotype of activity, nothing more. Over time, these reactions will be less emotional, and after some time of practice, you will be able to forgive and forget insults more easily.

However, in my opinion, just learning to forgive is not enough. It is useful to learn to be stable in your aspirations and desires, to learn to achieve them, despite failures and resentments. The more you implement own desires and aspirations, the less reason you will be angry and offended. And the more you will have a reason to experience joy and satisfaction from life.

Of course, you might say, “Why should I make an effort? It's THEY who offend me. It would not hurt them to stop doing it. ” To this I will answer this way: we ourselves are the creators of our own lives. Of course, you can wait until someone else stops ruining your life. And you can learn to respond to such situations more easily and be joyful right now. What will you choose?

Resentment is an understandable and natural human emotion. We all sometimes take offense at someone or offend ourselves. Many relationships are destroyed because of resentment, many human destinies are broken by this very feeling.

Resentment is aggression that hurts not so much the offender as the one who was offended. After all, unspoken, unforgiven resentment corrodes the soul and can even harm health.

According to psychologists, the ability to be offended appears in a person in childhood and accompanies us all our lives. At the same time, resentment is a normal emotion. It appears when something unpleasant happens to us. When life doesn't go as planned. If we are not ready for an unexpected turn of events and do not know how to cope with an undesirable situation, then resentment arises - a defensive reaction of the psyche to unforeseen difficulties.

Why is it hard to offend some people and easy to offend others?

As statistics show, all people periodically experience a sense of resentment, just some are more touchy, while others are less. Why is this happening? At different people a different number of "pain points": someone has more of them and they are pronounced, while someone has less of them and they are carefully hidden. A person can be easily offended by unknowingly hitting his sore spot. On the other hand, we should not forget that someone who seems harmless to us, in fact, may not be such, he just got used to accumulating all the resentment in the depths of his soul, sometimes not even admitting it to himself.

The main causes of resentment and why a person is touchy

There are three main reasons that cause a person to resent others.

The first reason for resentment is manipulation, and deliberate. The person deliberately "pouts" to make the other feel guilty. Most often, girls do this when they want to get what they want from a man.

The second reason is the inability to forgive. Unfortunately, this is what causes most of the offense. If you look at this reason from the other side, then it can also be called manipulation, only unconscious. In this case, a person often does not understand why he was offended. Just offended - that's all. But on the other hand, he knows very well how the offender can make amends.

And the third reason for resentment is deceived expectations. For example, a woman hopes that her lover will give her a fur coat, but instead he presents a large soft toy. Or does the person think that difficult situation friends without any requests from him will offer help, but they do not offer. This is where resentment comes from.

Basically, people become touchy in a state of stress, depression, quarrels with a loved one. Those who are in a state of serious illness are usually especially touchy: they often take offense not only at their loved ones, but at the whole world. This feeling is inherent mainly in the elderly and people with severe disabilities. Often offended by everything and those people who feel sorry for themselves and love too much. Even the most harmless jokes or remarks made about them can upset them.

What is resentment and how does it happen?

It is never difficult to be offended - this feeling will be experienced by us at least sometimes, but we can control this emotion. It should be remembered that in psychology there is such a thing as touchiness, that is, a tendency to constantly resent everyone and everything. Here you can and should get rid of resentment. It's not so much a feeling as it is negative trait character, undesirable mentality.

Psychologists say that resentment is a manifestation of our children's ego. Even if a person is 40, 50, or 60 years old, deep down inside he can feel like a frightened toddler or a rebellious youth. There is even an opinion that a child always lives inside an adult, and he can be either happy and joyful, or touchy and lonely. Fortunately, we can never completely get rid of this child in our soul. You just need to create the conditions in which he will be pleased and comfortable to live.

However, in addition to the child who lives in our subconscious, at the level of consciousness, an adult must live in us, who will control our feelings and life in general. So, an adult can, after a fleeting influx of emotions, calmly and judiciously continue the conversation, without being offended by the words of the interlocutor (even if they hurt him a little), and calmly talk about his feelings. For example: “I’m sorry, but your words hurt me. I hope you didn't deliberately offend me." After such a phrase, the interlocutor is likely to have a feeling of guilt and remorse, even if in fact he had fully understood before that that he was offending you. However, more often we offend each other still unconsciously, and if this happens, then it is better for the person who was offended to immediately express their feelings in a correct and polite form. Then many unpleasant situations will be instantly cleared up, and there will be no resentment left in your soul and you will be able to maintain good friendly relations with the person who unwittingly offended you.

But often we, unfortunately, do not want to listen to each other. We hear only ourselves and the “offended child” inside us. But if you respect the interlocutor and want to maintain a really good relationship with him, then you must definitely clarify the unpleasant situation that has arisen, even if the discussion hurts you: this is the position of an adult, mature person.

To gain the ability to overcome resentment and resentment, you first need to learn how to express your feelings. Very often people say this: “You are doing bad things, you are offending me, you are driving me crazy,” that is, they put the blame on the opponent. It’s much better to say: “I don’t like it when you do this, your words hurt me.” If we begin to talk more often about what we feel at the moment, then we will begin to realize that we always experience some kind of emotion - this is very important to understand.

Also in psychology there is the concept of mental resentment. This is such an insult that never goes away, and a person is constantly offended by something. Perhaps some of our readers will be indignant and say that this cannot be. But this, alas, is true. As we have already said, the tendency to resentment appears in childhood because adults pay attention to a child who blows sponges faster than to a calm and contented one. The kid very quickly understands: in order to be heard and paid attention, you must always build yourself offended. People with mental resentment develop the habit of being constantly “humiliated and offended” in childhood. Already as an adult, such a person begins to manipulate others, causing them to feel guilty.

Getting rid of mental resentment is quite difficult. This is already a character trait of a person, a part of his life, but you can get rid of other types of resentment. This is what we will discuss further.

Consequences of frequent grievances

If a person does not engage in self-development and continues to be offended by everything, this can not only cause the development of all kinds of diseases (the so-called psychosomatic factor), but also lead to the loss of friends and constant conflicts in the family, up to divorce. No wonder the Bible calls pride one of the most serious sins, because it is because of pride that a person is most often offended.

Because of an unforgiven resentment that corrodes the soul, a person can for a long time mainly deal with attempts to take revenge on his offender, come up with various plans for revenge. This will occupy all his thoughts, and meanwhile his own life will pass by, and when he finally notices this, it may be too late.

The one who walks with resentment in his soul gradually develops dissatisfaction with life, he does not notice all its charms and colors, and negative feelings corrode his personality more and more. Then irritability, anger at others, nervousness and a state of constant stress may appear.

How to deal with resentment and stop being offended?

1. First, you must understand that often your offender has no idea that someone is offended by him, that he hurt someone. If you realize this, then you will understand that there is no point in being offended by a person who will never know about it. And if you want to clarify the situation, then you will have to tell him about your negative feelings. In the end, your resentment will pass one way or another.
2. Chinese sages believe that resentment eats us from the inside, and a person who cannot forgive someone lives in constant stress and destroys his soul. So is it worth holding a grudge against someone, causing harm primarily to yourself?
3. Try to forgive the person, and you will immediately feel relief.

Try to make something useful out of an unpleasant situation. If a person offended you, it means that he touched your sore spot, told the truth in the face (after all, very often we are offended by the unpleasant truth). Try to understand why what was said hurt you so much, admit at least to yourself that there is some truth in the words of the offender, and thank him that he says unpleasant things in your eyes, and does not spread rumors behind your back. This alone is worthy of respect, not resentment.

1. Always try to understand the person before resenting them. Perhaps he did it unconsciously, he just has such behavior in principle. If a person is aggressive or rude, it may not be about you at all, but in some of his life circumstances: maybe he is now having problems at work or in his personal life. Taking out your irritation on others, of course, is not good, but, alas, not everyone can resist it. So in such a case, it is better for readers of MirSovetov not to be offended by the rude person, but to try to help him, or at least show sympathy.
2. If you were offended by an outsider with whom you will never meet again, you should not keep the offense in yourself. Just forget about her, because nothing connects you with this person. If the offense was caused by a close friend or relative, then you can’t do without a frank conversation. But you need to start such a conversation only when you have already cooled down and put your emotions in order.
3. Very often people are offended that the other person did not live up to their expectations. Understand that no one can read the thoughts of others, and if you want a person to act in a certain way, you need to ask him about it, and not wait until he guesses about your desire, and then be offended if this did not happen.
4. If you can’t forget the offense, and all the persuasion that it’s pointless and stupid to be offended doesn’t help, then you should use the NLP technique. It usually works flawlessly. Take a piece of paper, write on it the name of the person you are offended by, and express everything that hurts you. Then re-read your list and burn it, imagining how your resentment and aggression are burned along with the sheet.
5. You can also take a piece of paper and write on it: “I forgive my friend / girlfriend, mother, father, etc. for the grievances that they inflicted on me (list all the grievances). Write this 70 times daily for 30 days, and gradually you will feel how your resentment goes away.
6. Take a pillow or a punching bag and imagine that this is your abuser. Express everything that is on your mind, hit or shout - in general, give vent to your resentment and aggression. Do this until you feel relief.

American scientists from Stanford University proved that resentment provokes many diseases, not only mental, but also physical. An experiment was conducted in which 90% of the participants, who had not forgiven their offenders for a long time, finally forgave them, and all these people gradually began to feel better. Headaches and back pain disappeared, sleep returned to normal and recovered peace of mind. This is a good enough reason to forgive offenders and “let go” of your offense, isn't it?

I forgive and you forgive ...
Let's forget all the insults
And from now on, we will be a little kinder to the people around us!