The effect of fixation, or about the paralysis of unfinished business. How to get rid of unfinished business

11.10.2019

revision
head in the clouds

Many of us have experienced a feeling of a kind of “inertia” that comes at the most inopportune moment. It happens that an ideal moment comes for a person to join a new promising project or there is an opportunity to do an interesting and profitable business, but, unfortunately, the forces go somewhere, and you don’t want to do anything. Moreover, everyday problems are a heavy burden on the shoulders. It would seem that you have both a temporary resource and the moment for the implementation of something new is very suitable, but you still cannot take a single step forward.

Psychologists are sure that in a similar negative way a person is influenced unfinished business. How can you get rid of this heavy burden? Let's see what Gestalt therapy has to say about this.

How harmful is it to "pull the cat by the tail"

In order to modern man to understand what is happening in his head, you can draw an analogy with our everyday assistants - computers. Let's imagine that our nerve centers are an operating system. A computer can have as many built-in storage media as you want, on which it is possible to store a huge amount of data. But at the same time RAM computer is always limited. You have probably noticed that several applications running at the same time make the computer slow down. If you load your "assistant" to the maximum, then it will completely freeze. Now let's look at the human brain, in which the same processes take place. The more “programs” you load yourself with, the less resources you have left to implement something new. At the same time, it is worth considering not only the energy that is spent on the work of the brain. Any business you start can be compared to a household appliance that you might have forgotten about, but which still consumes some of the energy. At the same time, a person is only a battery that has a limited amount of energy. And the role of recharging can only be played by a successfully completed task and a sense of satisfaction from the fact that you have completed something.

revision

You can not put off the work you have begun and forget about them! First of all, this applies to choleric and sanguine people. It is the people of this psychotype who enthusiastically take on any business, forgetting about the started and unresolved cases. However, absolutely everyone has problems with finishing what has been started.

It should be borne in mind that it is quite possible for a person to perform several tasks at the same time. In this case, it is best to switch to something contrasting. This mode of work is especially useful for those who are not diligent and cannot concentrate on one thing for a long period of time.

Rest assured, absolutely every person has a lot of unfinished business. This may be a task that you have been transferring from one page of the diary to another for a month. Or maybe a goal that you set yourself a few years ago, but never achieved it. Based on the nature of unfinished business, there are many ways to deal with these so-called "energy vampires". But before that, you should make a list of all missed cases and place it in front of you. It is enough to set aside a couple of days (weeks or months, depending on the complexity of these cases) to deal with the past in order to noticeably raise your self-esteem and experience the incomparable pleasure of realizing your dexterity. Crossing off every unfinished business from the list will make you feel like a winner.

After you start practicing this method of getting rid of the past, you will gain the strength to move towards new goals. In addition, you will develop a great habit of finishing what you start right away. After drinking tea, wash the mug and throw away the paper from the candy, and you will instantly become a little freer. If you haven't finished watching the movie or finished reading the book - try to do it soon or accept the fact that you will never return to them. Such a practice may seem like complete nonsense to our brain, but the subconscious mind takes each case much more seriously. That is why it is very important to lay out the planned cases on the shelves. You can safely get rid of something, but it is better to do something right away.

head in the clouds

Unresolved cases can be compared to open applications in operating system. In turn, mental wounds are much more harmful, since they act as viruses that infect files. Many people carry many "soul scars" within themselves. These can be understatements, unfulfilled dreams, old grievances, missed promises, repressed feelings, etc. A person cannot enjoy life as if he did not have mental trauma. Constant internal tension torments him and from time to time makes itself felt, splashing out in the form negative emotions. Almost all people, to one degree or another, tend to mentally return to conflict situation. Therefore, a person often remains in the zone of personal discomfort, which does not allow him to develop normally and very often leads to neurosis.

Unresolved internal conflicts, like ordinary affairs, are very important to resolve as early as possible. According to Master Osho, any unfinished business does not disappear, but only hangs over the mind like a cloud. Dispelling them is a top priority, as they affect everything that happens to us and everything we do.

Unfortunately, it is far from always possible to correct something in relations with people. In order to come to peace of mind, you need to reproduce in your head the situation that led to the emergence internal conflicts. At the same time, you need to mentally change the scenario of that event in your head. You can make things right by sharing your feelings or even getting revenge on your abuser. In this way, you will pour out all the anger that you have stored in yourself.

Personal time machine

Unfinished business is one of the main terms in Gestalt therapy. To correct the situation, the so-called “empty chair” technique is often used. Its essence lies in the fact that an empty chair is placed near a person who seeks to solve some problem. Mentally, the one to whom you want to express something is placed on this chair. Despite the fact that this technique visually resembles a performance, it is distinguished by excellent efficiency.

In order for a happy future to come as soon as possible, it makes sense to leave the past behind. In the process of conducting such a "cleaning" you will be able to clarify for yourself many difficulties that previously seemed insoluble. After you give up the clutter, the abundance that you have been waiting for will come into your life.

First, write down on a piece of paper everything that annoys and angers you. You can work out these minor problems both on your own and with outside help. At the same time, it must be remembered that absolutely everything must be eliminated. Even a button that you were going to sew on and didn't sew on can be a significant thorn in your brain. It must be removed even if it does not take much effort and attention.

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Vladimir Kusakin - How to become more productive by managing your time

I just want to add a common phrase: “Time is money!”
Very often, these two things are the main barriers to achieving your goals. Interestingly, if you learn to manage time, you will immediately increase the ability to have more money. In general, money is scary. interesting topic, which we will consider in one of the following letters.

Have you ever seen a dog chasing a car and barking terribly selflessly. What will she do if she catches up?
I've been chasing things in my life sometimes, like that dog. But until I had a worthy goal, I had barriers with time and money.

Today I want to offer you one of the best articles on this topic by Klaus Hilgers. I myself have repeatedly resorted to the advice described in this article, and my life has changed dramatically.

Time management or HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER

Klaus Hilgers has over twenty years of experience as a management consultant. He is the president of his consulting company Epoch Consultants based in the USA. Mr. Hilgers uses effective time management programs to help managers learn how to cope with work overload, manage their time and stress levels better.

Unfinished business...
dangerous to your health!

In the bustle of everyday work, being under the pressure of urgent matters, we get used to unconsciously shifting responsibility for our lives to various circumstances - economic, personal, any other, but this approach leaves us absolutely no time for creativity.

Successful management of all aspects of life - family, career, finances, recreation, physical and spiritual aspects - is key point successful, productive life.

If you want to cope with the stress caused by the many problems that need to be addressed immediately, then the first thing you need to do is to look at the lifestyle you lead or the lifestyle you were "led" to. Many of us, instead of controlling our own lives, trust circumstances to control them.

To understand how you can unlock your natural ability to manage your life, you need to define your purpose: “Why am I doing all this?”, “What is the purpose of my company?”, “What is the purpose of my position?”, “What is the purpose of my relationship with ______(name)?". Your vision might be to "get kids on their feet" or "be a successful artist, musician, engineer, salesman, etc."

Answer these quiz questions to analyze your lifestyle:

Are your pockets full of papers on which you write down what needs to be done?
Do you find it hard to focus on getting the job done because you're thinking about other things to get done?
Are you often behind schedule and trying to catch up?
Have you started a lot of new projects but don't finish them?
When you are doing something, are you constantly interrupted, and does this affect the speed of your work?
Do you often remember that you didn't do something important at the moment when it's too late?
Do you come home feeling like you didn't have time to do anything at work, you feel very tired and the only thing you can do is watch TV?
Do you find yourself unable to make time for exercise, relaxation, or even simple entertainment?

If you answered "YES" to even one question, it means that you are not managing your life very well. The question is… “Who is in control of your life?” Do you manage your time, or do circumstances dictate your daily routine?

Right now, you might be thinking, “I don’t have time to plan. I'm so busy coping and handling the various situations in my life that I just don't have time to plan. I haven't even written my goals for the current year, and it's already March. I know I need to write them, but I don't think it will ever happen."

Why does such a situation arise? A serious problem that prevents you from completing things is not finishing what has been started. A lot of people, instead of getting things done, tend to accumulate unfinished cycles, known as 'backlogs and backlogs'. And that creates stress.

Completing a task is essentially different from just stopping working on it. When something is “completed”, it exists “totally, in its entirety”, “it has no missing parts”, it is “complete and perfect” – Webster’s New World Dictionary.

When a task is completed, you can "get it out of your head" - you no longer keep it in your memory. You feel content. You are ready to start the next business, you are ready to create. You feel good!

Many of us instead of "completed work" surround ourselves with "unfinished business." “I don’t care if there is a mistake here, I won’t redo it,” or “I’ll transfer this work somewhere else ... what's the difference.” In fact, there is nothing surprising in such emotions: the completion of the work begun is the most difficult task. The last percent of work is usually harder to complete than the previous ninety-nine percent. We resist finishing things and let them remain unfinished. Unfinished tasks become our old friends... good old... "death" friends.

Perhaps now you are thinking: “But I don’t have time to completely complete things!”. Okay, let's look at some of the consequences of a work in progress.

UNFINISHED WORK DEALS A DEATH BOW TO:

your time
Your attention
your energy
your health

See what happens if you only complete ninety percent of the work, or just leave something unfinished, or do work only to get rid of it:

The next morning, this work reappears on your desk for corrections or additions, so you actually have to do it twice.
In production, the number of marriages is increasing.
Even if you have nothing to complain about, you yourself do not feel satisfied with this work.
Due to the fact that the memory is cluttered with many unfinished tasks that you need to remember, you cannot concentrate on the current work.
You lack energy.
You find it difficult to concentrate.
You feel like you are wasting a lot of time.
You feel tired and irritable.
You perceive any situation as a source of additional stress.
It becomes increasingly difficult for you to manage because you are in a state of constant stress (this is accompanied by various physical manifestations: poor digestion, headaches, nervousness, etc.).

Unfinished business includes:

Backlog of work.
Written and oral communication not handled properly.

Sounds bad enough, doesn't it? Can you really afford not to finish things, provided that when you finish work, you get:

Satisfaction.
More energy.
Increasing the speed of work (The more you do, the more you can do! Everything speeds up!).
The ability to create, to start something new.

The end is always the beginning of something new. Completion frees up energy and attention, which significantly changes the way you perceive yourself and your life.

“How can I start?”, You will be surprised, “I am mired in problems!”, “I can’t do everything at once!”.

This is true, but you don't have to do everything at once. There are several principles of time management.

In his article "How to Get the Job Done," L. Ron Hubbard gave this advice:
“Do it NOW.
One of better ways cutting your work in half is not doing it twice.”
Have you ever picked up a document, looked at it and put it aside, and then, later, returned to it again? This is double work.

Make a list of unfinished business, set due dates, and complete them.

Organize your work: designate a place for your belongings and always return them to their place.

Use a filing system so you can easily find what you need.

Use electronic calendars and keep track of tasks.

Then formulate goals for yourself in various areas and plan steps to achieve these goals. Set goals for:

Finance
careers
health
Physical Improvements
Nutrition Improvements
Management under stress
Relationships with other people

When you make weekly and daily plans in accordance with your priority goals, when you achieve these goals, you will experience satisfaction; it will be your reward and your motivation to complete the following tasks. Set goals for yourself - for the year, for the month, for the week, for the day, as well as any long-term goals. Prioritize them, plan the steps that will lead to achieving those goals, and then complete each step. When drawing up your plan, be sure to allow time for handling unforeseen circumstances.

The next step to better managing your time (it's the biggest and most important one) is to do everything you do carefully and to completion until you're completely satisfied with what you've done.
Use a personal time management system (time management) that may be on your computer. The system should include sections for planning goals, for making a plan for the week and for the day, calendars of cases for the month, a section for finances, a section for notes, projects, addresses, etc.

To help you better manage your time, I want to rephrase all of the above in the form of the following recommendations:

Define your goals and prioritize them.
Plan regularly for the week.
Complete tasks according to priorities.
Ask yourself the question: “How can I use my time right now the best way? and do just that.
"If you don't need something, get rid of it." Studies show that eighty percent of papers placed in folders are never reviewed. Therefore, if you throw them away, then nothing bad will happen.
Write down what you need to do, don't keep it all in your head. You will feel better.
It is perfectly normal if you ask those with whom you communicate to write you requests or tasks for e-mail. In this case, you will not forget to complete them.
Organize good system information storage.
Complete the job.
Do the work now.

Start managing your life using the principles we discussed in this article, and you will see how your life will become more productive, more rational and bring you much more pleasure. Start right now!

Do you have a habit of putting off until later what you don't want to do right now? Is your desk (or computer) full of deferred bills, letters, folders, and projects that “need to think about”?

Do you throw away broken gadgets, furniture, and clothes that have come off buttons on time? Psychologists say that all this, as well as many other unfinished business, broken promises and unfulfilled intentions actually poison our lives more than we think. This takes away our vital energy, deprives us of strength and does not allow us to feel happy.

Putting order in the head

Here is what Ekaterina Demuria, a psychologist from Simferopol, the author of her own online psychological support project, told the correspondent of MIR 24:

While a person has chaos in his head, while he grabs hundreds of things at the same time, while experiencing terrible stress from not doing them, of course, he has no time to think about himself, about relationships with loved ones, about life in general. He would have to put things in order in this chaos. Therefore, without planning, I tell you, nowhere. Do what you want with me! Whether the crisis is in the yard or happiness, but without a to-do list for the day, without dreams and desires, without completing unfinished business, it is very difficult to put your life in order and feel happy.

Here is what Ekaterina proposes to do:

First, we take a pen or open a computer file and write out all the unfinished business at the moment. Everyone has things to do: unfinished books, articles, unfinished bookcase, or so on. These things draw energy from us. We may not realize it, but it is. Thoughts that something has not been done clog our brain and take energy. This results in fatigue and stress.

After writing down all the unfinished tasks, cross off those that you do not want to do. Make up your mind to put an end to them! Even if you cross off the list of an unread book or an overlooked movie, you will feel relieved. And how much space will be freed up in your head - try it!

Indeed, psychologists unanimously argue that the decisive rejection of outdated plans and goals is simply amazing in its effect. You feel full of energy, renewed, satisfied with yourself, feel satisfaction from the work done. You are no longer pulled back by unfinished business, and you feel how strength appears and the enthusiasm wakes up to work productively on your real goals.

How to clear the rubble of the unfinished

So, we decided to do the things that were left on the list. Stop! Maybe you can entrust some of them to your loved ones or outsource them? Sometimes paying a cleaning lady or giving things in for repair is much cheaper in every sense than dragging on yourself for months the intention to do this work yourself. Make up your mind, your well-being is more important! Thus, your to-do list is lightened by a few more points.

Now we divide the list according to the importance and volume of cases. You get a section of three or four global, priority cases that require great effort and dedication. And a section of many small things that do not require much effort and can be completed quickly.

Suppose the first list is:

To learn English
Lose 10 kg
Finish the book
Finally start renovating the apartment

The second one looks like this:

Clear closets full of clothes.
Free from unnecessary items garage, pantry, balcony or mezzanine
Deal with tax documents
Make decisions on pending projects
Throw away junk (broken dishes, obsolete things, out of fashion clothes and shoes)
Parse old photographs, organize and create an archive
Pay off debts and fulfill financial obligations
Hire a nurse for an elderly relative, etc.

Photo: YAY/TASS

“Relational” plans can also fall here, for example:

Make peace with a friend
Forgive a loved one
Go to grandma
Stop thinking about your ex
Express gratitude to someone

A psychologist from Vladivostok, Alexander Molyaruk, the author of the "Blog of the Psychologist of Happiness", thinks so:

Once you've made a list of "in-progress", pick any four tasks and start completing them. Plan a “completion weekend” and spend both weekends completely clearing up as many items on your backlog as you can. Choose those unfinished business that will immediately free you a lot of time, energy or space, mental or physical.

Once you've completed the first four tasks, enjoy the feeling of freedom and peace that has come over you. It alone is worth doing it all. And whether there will be! Now choose the next four cases and so on, until you destroy all the imperfections that have accumulated over the years. Also, complete at least one major unfinished gestalt every three months.

It is important not to overdo it when making a to-do list for the day, says Ekaterina Demuria. - Do not fill it with twenty things that will not be completed in the end, and instead of relief and pride in yourself, you are a test of disappointment and fatigue. Plan just a few things for the day, no more! When you complete them, you can rest with a clear conscience. Be sure to praise yourself at the end of the day or pamper yourself after completing each task!

How to move mountains and not accumulate new things

But what about those global affairs that are scary to approach? Choose two of them and write down what you can do to implement them right now. Don't fall into the trap! After all, if you write that you need to save up such and such an amount for their implementation, then everything will again be postponed for months. Write what you can really do. For example, start counting calories and walk intensively for an hour a day to lose weight, and listen to audio recordings of English lessons while walking. Be sure to include one of these things in your daily plan, then you will move step by step towards the implementation of global goals.

But when completing old cases, it is easy to postpone current ones until later, which will create more and more lists of incompleteness. To prevent this from happening, psychologist Alexander Molyaruk advises following the following strategy:

When you receive a document or come up with an idea, decide right away if you will ever do it. If not, then immediately get rid of the document or discard this dream.
If you can do what you have come up with in the next 10 minutes - do it!
If you understand that you yourself do not know how to do it or do not want to, entrust the execution to third parties.
Break large plans that you are going to implement on your own into stages of implementation and deal with them as with deferred global plans: insert one item from the current list into your daily to-do list so that they do not accumulate.

Photo: YAY/TASS

If you don't want to, but you have to

Unfortunately, there are many things that are very difficult to get off the ground, because we don’t want to do them, and we don’t have the right to quit.

According to psychologist, NLP psychotherapist, well-being consultant Dmitry Vostrukhov, each of us carries a burden of obligations that cannot be simply abandoned or brushed aside. Understanding this, with each new “necessary” we add a portion of stress to our lives. What is at the root of this stress?

Everything is simple to the point of banality, - the psychologist is sure, - The strongest discomfort that we feel here is associated with fear. If someone declares that he “doesn’t want to, but needs to” do something, then we can talk not so much about a low level of motivation as about the problem of fear. We are afraid of not being able to do something, not doing something, not giving up, because we are afraid of negative consequences. Fear simply prevents the desire to do something from appearing. Instead of a real desire for a result, there is a negative motivation for avoiding problems. Fear has great power over us.

I don’t want to, but I have to: go to work or look for it, raise children, pay bills for an apartment, a loan, study, treatment, submit another project on time, take exams at the institute ... Everyone has a similar weighty list of obligations. In combination with fear, it forms a rather strong discomfort that depresses day by day and can even lead to a depressive state.

What to do with this is a separate big task for working with a psychologist or for self-development. But you need to fight your own fears.

To overcome fear, you must first realize its causes and understand that it is not really omnipotent, - says Dmitry Vostrukhov, - it can be completely defeated. Analytical approach - good way fighting fear, allowing you to go beyond it and consider it from the side. After we manage to go beyond what scares us, we can turn to awakening the power of desire. If we forget that we are “walking over an abyss”, then we gain such strength that the burden of obligations begins to seem to us not so heavy. Another powerful way fighting fear - humor. If you add it to the other two - the analytical approach and motivation, then fear simply does not have any chance!

Arrange in your mind, in your house, in all areas of life, spring cleaning. Let go of the old and make room for the new. Let prosperity and abundance into your life!

The advice of psychologists was recorded by Tatyana Rubleva

List of unfinished business- a list of tasks that must be completed, but for some reason they migrate from day to day, taking away energy, undermining self-confidence and moving forward.

Relevance

We all have things we can't get done. As a rule, we ourselves put off doing such things until later due to the fact that they are somehow connected with our other emotions. Usually the problem is one of the following:

a difficult task (for example, start preparing for an exam, do a general cleaning in an apartment, learn a foreign language, etc.);
it is an unpleasant matter that requires internal efforts from us (call our sister and make peace, wash windows, visit a dentist, etc.).

There may be other reasons as well. At the same time, only one thing is important - you would like to find the strength in yourself to solve these problems so that they stop "hang" on you, causing a feeling of self-doubt, a guilt complex, distracting from important matters, bringing you a lot of negative emotions.

Grouping pending tasks and working with the list

Incomplete cases can be grouped for various reasons. First, you can group things the time it takes to complete them. For example, you can make a to-do list or highlight tasks that can be completed with a marker of the same color ...

in 15 minutes;
in 30 minutes;
for 1 hour.

If the task needs to be done for more than an hour, it is better to break it into pieces to simplify the task. You will be surprised when you see that many tasks take literally 3-5 minutes, but hang on your list for several weeks in a row, spoiling your mood. The second problem is that we often exaggerate the complexity of cases. For example, imagine that already at the first stage of execution there will be some obstacles - for example, you think that you will not be given some information and may require additional requests, which will take time and effort. However, this problem exists only in your imagination - when you start to do the job, you will be surprised to find that the alleged problem has not arisen. But even if this is the case, delaying the collection of information only aggravates the situation - as they say, the sooner you start, the sooner you finish.

How to deal with cases of different duration?

You can persuade yourself to quickly finish all the short tasks that require 5-10 minutes to complete. The list can be reduced by almost half, and you will breathe a sigh of relief.
Also, you can set yourself a "bar" in 2-3 hours of work (that is, pieces of a large project) every day. If there is no time for this, set the task in one large and, for example, three small cases.
If you have no idea how much it will take to complete the job, you can put timer and fulfill its intended period of time - for example, half an hour. If the case is not completed, put it on the list again. The good news is that things have gotten off the ground and you may have more or less made it clear to yourself how long it will take.

It is convenient to work with cases using a timer. It “ticks” measuredly, you work intently, that you know that there is light ahead of the “tunnel”.

Secondly, you can group backlogs by areas. For example, unfulfilled tasks at work, housework, in sports, in a foreign language. What gives such a grouping? First, so as not to intimidate yourself with a significant amount of cases, you can give yourself the freedom to complete one case from each category of your choice. Such uniformity (that is, devoting time not only to work, but also to health, self-development and cleanliness at home) creates a sense of harmonious life. And, of course, moves the execution of affairs.

Dealing with complex cases

For each complex case, it is important to prescribe steps. It is very important to write the first step for such a case. The first step is easy compared to all the "road" that you have to go through. But very often it is enough to start so that you no longer want to quit, but want to complete it faster. For example, if you really don't want clean up the flat, persuade yourself to at least vacuum. During this process, you may remove all unnecessary things, and after that, washing the floor will seem like a mere trifle to you, which you can easily handle.

It often happens that the matter itself is trifling, but it requires a lot of preparation. For example, you would have sent a report long ago if other departments had given you all the data in time. Engage in preparation for the case by writing the “path” as separate points.
There are things that seem endless, like studying of foreign language. If you do not define the criteria for success for yourself, it will seem to you all your life that you did not finish it. The case will “hang” on the heart like a heavy stone. For such cases, it is very important to determine the criteria for completing the task. For example, learn how to conduct a dialogue in a foreign language on basic topics (for example, "Shopping", "In transport", "At the airport").

If you want to learn how to plan your work or other activities more clearly, lead for some time timing. This way you will know exactly how long it will take you to clean windows, and how long you usually take a bath, how long it takes to read every 10 pages of a business book (to then calculate how long it takes to overcome the entire book).
If you want to take inspiration into account more when doing things, always give yourself a reasonable time frame for doing things and don't postpone all on the last day. Although many people say that “preparing an entire presentation in one night” gives them a special, incomparable pleasure, this approach takes all the energy - after the presentation, you will not have the strength to do anything. In addition, this approach increases the risk of errors, technical problems, stress and irritation of superiors. It is always better to leave a margin of time so that there is time to edit and work for your own pleasure. After all, people work not only for the result, but also for the sake of the process. May they both bring you joy!