The child is constantly crying.

School is one of the important components in the development of the child. At the same time, the beginning of schooling implies new responsibilities for the child. He forms certain impressions, a new social circle, which can be a very significant emotional burden at this age. Since the child will spend almost the whole day at school, it is very important for parents to prepare their child for school, in particular, for the first grade.

After the lineup on September 1, many parents rush about their business. But why is the baby, who just rejoiced at what is happening, crying, not letting go of mom or dad. Psychologists have their own point of view on this. Let's consider it in more detail.

Children are very impressionable and require some time to adapt to new conditions. If a child went to kindergarten before school or was brought up independently by his parents at home, he abruptly finds himself in a new environment for him. Therefore, the school can cause real stress in first graders. Add to everything the factor that many new children appear in his environment, new walls, new conditions for spending time, additional responsibility. He may not be mentally prepared for this. Some adaptation is needed. Psychologists have calculated that the adaptation period can take from 5 to 8 weeks. This period varies depending on the mobility of the child, his activity. The child needs to get used to the new schedule of life, the duties of the lessons, the reduction of the opportunity to play in the yard, to sleep longer. Most of his life begins to lead the teacher. As a result, it is believed that the age of seven in most children is a crisis.

The danger lies in the fact that with the beginning of schooling, a first grader may be psychologically traumatized. First of all, help in this period should come from parents. If a child cries at school, does not let his mother go, the mother needs to properly set up the child, without screams and nerves. If every mother puts herself in the place of a child, she will be able to understand why the baby does not like the changes in his life so much: new people, new communication, new responsibilities, instructions and prohibitions. You should be especially attentive to the behavior of the child in the first months of study: if he sleeps poorly, eats poorly, often acts up or cries, he has not yet adapted to new living conditions.

The valuable advice of psychologists for all parents is to start instilling independence in the child in advance, to give him the opportunity to make decisions, to streamline the child's daily routine. Such actions on the part of parents will help the child become more self-confident. He will quickly cope with the fear of a certain situation or making a mistake.

Knowing his daily routine, the child will be guided by how much time it can take to exercise, walk, computer games, what time to get up. If parents want their child to adhere to this regime, they first need to set an example of behavior.

You need to listen to the child. If he has problems or experiences, you should not assume that they are so “childish” that they become funny. When a child shares his experiences with his parents from childhood, it will be easier for him to communicate with his parents already in his youth.

If the child is not criticized, but it is appropriate to explain his mistakes, this will not discourage him from being frank and open either. After all, parents for a child are not a teacher at school, but relatives.

Thus, the attitude of the child to school can be formed by the upbringing and appropriate behavior of the parents. Sympathy, empathy, respect and love of parents are the key to the successful adaptation of a first-grader to school.

My daughter is 7 years old and is in 1st grade. She cries for all sorts of reasons: we do our homework, it doesn’t work out a bit - we cry, in the morning we are going to school, we get dressed, we look for things - we cry, we return home - we cry, etc. In general, if it doesn’t work out the way she wants, or we deviate a little from the set, tears are a river. We don't even know what to do.

Psychologists Answers

Hello Nurlan. Do you write that you are "crying", crying in a place with your daughter? You have a symbiosis, your daughter's independence and her successful future depend, among other things, on how soon you start treating her as a separate person, slowly, slowly come to the realization that she is her, and you are you.

The question of crying, I think, has its place in the above.

Sotnik Dmitry Mikhailovich, psychologist in Almaty

Good answer 2 bad answer 4

Hello Nurlan!
You need to teach your daughter to talk about her feelings. Perhaps she is crying because you do not understand her, or she thinks that you do not understand her. Read the book by J. Gippenreiter "Communicate with a child. How?" It has a lot of practical advice. You need to learn how to talk to your daughter about how she feels.
Love to you and wisdom.

If you need help and desire to understand - contact for advice. I will be happy to help you.

Psychologist Nikulina Marina, St. Petersburg. Consultations in person, skype

Good answer 5 bad answer 1

Hello Nurlan.

Tears indicate that the child is experiencing negative feelings and unmet needs. Every time she starts crying, find out what's going on with her and what she wants.

if does not work the way she wants, or a little deviate from the given

One gets the impression that some settings on the girl prevail. We have to find out.

Sincerely.

Good answer 4 bad answer 2

Hello!

Most likely, these are features of the character and nervous system of the child.

She sets the bar high for herself, but she fails to live up to it.

Maybe there is someone in the class she is trying to look up to.

There may be other reasons that need to be sorted out.

Come to the consultation, we will see what and how is happening and what to do about it.

Eliseeva Galina Mikhailovna, psychologist of Almaty

Good answer 3 bad answer 1

Hello Nurlan! Your child's behavior may be related to your reaction to him. Pay attention to how you react to your child's tears. The fact that the child cries is a protective reaction to the difficulties that arise, and if we encourage this, the child thinks that this is how his emotions should be shown. Your daughter has grown up, she has a new stage in her life, grade 1, perhaps the adaptation process has dragged on, talk with her about the rules of behavior at school, with peers, etc. If you encourage her tears, she will continue to cry. Remember when your daughter was in kindergarten and how you reacted when she fell or quarreled with peers, cried. Much depends on the parent, or rather on his reaction, if you react calmly, the child will also be calm. Talk to your child, maybe something is bothering her. Good luck!

Topolskova Albina Nikolaevna, psychologist Gelendzhik

Good answer 4 bad answer 1

Hello Nurlan. I encourage you to read your message again. It says “we” everywhere, and this indicates a strong merger with the child, which can be traumatic for her. I have a hypothesis that my mother is also putting something into this merger. Each of you is a separate person, although not yet formed in the case of the daughter. And by your merging you prevent it from forming. It is clear that you are not doing this on purpose, but unconsciously, you are betrayed by speech - what words you choose to describe the state. Perhaps you do not quite understand what is at stake, so contact us, this is a serious conversation.

All the best. Best regards, Aigul Sadykova

Good answer 4 bad answer 1

In psychology, anxiety is understood as “a stable personality formation that persists for a long time”, emotional discomfort. Unfortunately, there are more and more children with a high level of anxiety and it is in the power of the surrounding adults (parents, teachers) to help such students.

Types of anxiety.

Anxiety as a personality trait. Inherent in an asthenic child who is prone to pessimism. Most often, this approach to life is adopted from loved ones. Such a child is very similar to his parents.

Example The mother of a girl (7 years old) complained that her daughter could not come up to the teacher to ask something, she was crying when parting. During the conversation, the woman's speech was quiet and intermittent, there were tears in her eyes.

In such cases, it is difficult to fully understand what in the child's behavior is the result of upbringing, and what is inherited. Much depends on the innate characteristics of the character, for example, if anxiety manifests itself in a child with a melancholic temperament. Such a child will always experience some emotional discomfort, slowly adapt to certain situations, and any change in his usual life deprives him of peace of mind for a long time.

situational anxietyassociated with a specific situation, is the result of some events. For example, after a painful procedure at the doctor, the child begins to be afraid of all doctors. Often children, regardless of age, are afraid to shop on their own in the store. Knowing about the upcoming trip to the store, the child is upset in advance, his mood deteriorates, he prefers to be left without candy than to buy it on his own.

Situational anxiety can be minimized, but not everyone can completely get rid of it - many adults still have anxiety before visiting a doctor, flying or exams.

school anxiety is a type of situational anxiety. The child worries and worries about everything connected with the school. He is afraid of tests, to answer at the blackboard, to get a deuce, to make a mistake. Such anxiety often manifests itself in children whose parents make excessive demands and expectations, in children who are compared with more successful peers. This kind of anxiety is common in six-year-old classes- such small children may cry due to minor difficulties (forgot the ruler, did not understand what to do, parents came five minutes late, etc.) As they grow older, the child reacts less emotionally to difficulties, feeling more competent, he fears change and adapts to change more quickly.

Types of Anxious Children

neurotics. Children with somatic manifestations (tics, stuttering, enuresis, etc.) The problem of such children is beyond the competence of a psychologist, the help of a neuropathologist, a psychiatrist is needed. Such children should be allowed to speak out, asking parents not to focus on somatic manifestations. It is necessary to create for the child a situation of comfort, acceptance and to minimize the traumatic factor. It is useful for such children to draw fears, to play them. Any manifestation of activity will help them, for example, hitting a pillow, hugging with soft toys.

Disinhibited. Very active, emotional children with deeply hidden fears. At first, they try to study well, if this does not work out, they become violators of discipline. They can deliberately expose themselves to ridicule in front of the class. They react to criticism with emphatic indifference. With their increased activity, they try to drown out fear. There may be mild organic disorders that interfere with successful study (problems with memory, attention, fine motor skills).

Such children need a friendly attitude of others, support from the teacher and classmates. It is necessary to create a sense of success in them, to help them believe in their own strength. In the classroom, you need to give an outlet for their activity.

Shy. Usually these are quiet children, they are afraid to answer at the blackboard, they do not raise their hands, they are lack of initiative, they are very diligent in their studies, they have problems in establishing contact with their peers. They are afraid to ask the teacher about something, they are very scared if he raises his voice (even to another), they often cry because of little things, they worry if they didn’t do something. Willingly communicate with a psychologist or teacher personally (individually).

Such children will be helped by a group of peers, selected according to their interests. Adults should provide support, in case of difficulty, calmly offer ways out of situations, praise more, recognize the child's right to make a mistake.

Closed. Gloomy, unfriendly children. They do not react to criticism in any way, they try not to make contact with adults, they avoid noisy games, they sit by themselves. M.b. problems in studies due to lack of interest and involvement in the process. They act as if they are waiting for a trick from everyone. It is important to find in such children an area that interests them (dinosaurs, a computer, etc.) and through discussion, communication on this topic, establish communication.

Characteristics of Anxious Children

• After several weeks of illness, the child does not want to go to school
• The child re-reads the same books several times, watches the same films, cartoons, refusing everything new.
• The child strives to maintain perfect order, for example, with manic persistence, lays out pens in a pencil case in a certain sequence.
• If a child is easily excitable and emotional, he can "catch" anxiety from loved ones.
• The child is very nervous during the control, in the lessons he constantly asks again, requires a detailed explanation.
• Quickly gets tired, tired, hard to switch to another activity.
• If it is not possible to immediately complete the task, such a child refuses further performance.
• He tends to blame himself for all the troubles that happen to loved ones.

How can you help your child overcome anxiety?

• It is necessary to understand and accept the anxiety of the child - he has every right to it. Be interested in his life, thoughts, feelings, fears. Teach him to talk about it, discuss situations from school life together, look for a way out together. Learn to draw a useful conclusion from experienced unpleasant situations - experience is gained, there is an opportunity to avoid even greater troubles, etc. The child must be sure that he can always turn to you for help and advice. Even if children's problems do not seem serious to you, recognize his right to experience, be sure to sympathize (“Yes, this is unpleasant, insulting ...”). And only after expressing understanding and sympathy, help find a solution, see the positive side.
• Help your child overcome anxiety - create conditions in which he will be less afraid. If a child is afraid to ask passers-by for directions, to buy something in a store, do it with him. That. You will show how you can solve a disturbing situation.
• If a child missed many days at school due to illness, try to make his return gradual - for example, come together after school, find out homework, let him talk to classmates on the phone; limit the time spent at school - do not leave the first time for after-school, avoid overload.
• In difficult situations, do not try to do everything for the child - offer to think and deal with the problem together, sometimes just your presence is enough.
• If the child does not speak openly about the difficulties, but he has symptoms of anxiety - play together, beating possible difficult situations through the game with soldiers, dolls, maybe. the child himself will suggest a plot development of events, through the game you can show possible solutions to a particular problem.
• Prepare an anxious child in advance for life changes and important events - stipulate what will happen.
• Do not try to improve the performance of such a child by describing the upcoming difficulties in black colors. For example, emphasizing what a serious control awaits him.
• It is better to share your anxiety with the child in the past tense: “At first I was afraid of something ..., but then something happened and I succeeded ...”
• Try to look for pluses in any situation (“there is no blessing in disguise”) - mistakes in the control are an important experience, you understand what needs to be repeated, what to pay attention to.
• It is important to teach your child to set small, specific goals and achieve them.
• Compare the child's results only with his own previous achievements/failures.
• Teach your child (and teach yourself) to relax (breathing exercises, good thoughts, counting, etc.) and adequately express negative emotions.
• Helping a child overcome anxiety can be done with hugs, kisses, stroking the head, i.e. bodily contact. This is important not only for the baby, but also for the student.
• Optimistic parents have optimistic children, and optimism is a defense against anxiety.

• Peculiarities of assessment - assessment d.b. informative with a detailed explanation of the reason; Not all activities are evaluated, but individual elements.
• The general emotional atmosphere in the classroom is important. It is no secret that from year to year, some teachers have a consistently high number of anxious children, while others have a low number. This is an indicator of the professionalism of the teacher, the success of his educational work.
• Emphasis on success
• In the classroom, it is important to maintain an atmosphere of acceptance, safety, so that every anxious child feels that he is valued regardless of behavior - always look for something to praise and emphasize the child's strengths by discussing shortcomings alone.
• If the child refuses to complete the task, saying that he cannot cope - ask him to imagine another child who knows much less and really cannot complete this task, let him try to portray such a child. "Now imagine and portray such a child who will be able to cope with this task - you are such a child."
• Group exercise - everyone joins hands and takes turns saying a “magic spell”: “I can’t ... (everyone says how difficult the task is for him), I can (everyone says what he can do), I can ... (everyone tries say how much he can complete the task if he makes an effort).

kim 2009-12-19 16:41:10

Thank you

My son, as he went to school, got completely out of hand, - Anna, the mother of seven-year-old Vanyusha, complained to her friend. - Became capricious, nervous, naughty, just that - starts to cry. I feel that I myself will soon go crazy, at least take him to a psychologist!

What are you doing, but I thought it was only with us that this happens! - Anna was supported by the mother of Vanya's classmate Violeta. - Absolutely the same picture: tears for any reason, nervousness, disobedience ...

Almost every parent of a first grader who communicates with their child after school (some, by the will of circumstances, do not have the opportunity to observe their children) can tell a similar story about tantrums and the changed behavior of a kid who came from class. Each mother reacts in her own way to such an “irritant” in her life. Someone begins to mentally crush the child to keep him quiet, someone, on the contrary, allows him to “twist the ropes” out of himself, so long as he does not act up.

How to help first-graders overcome a difficult new stage in life? And how can parents of young schoolchildren not go crazy looking for an approach to an unruly seven-year-old?

Schedule

A clear daily routine plays a special role in overcoming the physical and emotional fatigue of young students. Not many are accustomed to living according to a schedule: eat, walk, play and go to bed at the time allotted for this. However, a well-thought-out daily routine, where everything will stand in its place, will help the child to rest and gain strength in time, have a snack, change the type of activity so as not to overwork.

To avoid rush and nervous jerks: "Stop digging, we're late!", set the alarm 5-10 minutes earlier. For sleep, these few minutes do not play any role, but sometimes they are so lacking when you need to rush somewhere. Those parents who noticed in themselves such weaknesses as lack of concentration and slowness should do their best so that these qualities are not passed on to children, and they do not become “chronic late”, because while our children are small, we are responsible for their lateness. .

The child should clearly know his morning duties: brush his teeth, make the bed, have breakfast, etc., he should have enough time for all this. Some parents even manage to find 5 minutes to read a short story or fairy tale with their child before school for a good mood.

After school, the kid feels especially tired, especially if immediately after class he goes to a circle or section. Incorporate mandatory rest time into your schedule after each activity. Rest can be not only physical relaxation on the couch, but also a game, a walk, watching a cartoon, doing what you love (drawing, etc.).

When determining the time for going to bed, consider everything that the baby should have time to do before this moment: collect toys, swim, etc. Depending on this, complete all classes in advance for an hour or half an hour. It’s good if your schedule includes ten to fifteen minutes to communicate with your child just before bedtime, to read a short story at night.

The norm of sleep for first graders is 9-10 hours. Try to ensure that during the 13-14 hours allotted for wakefulness, the child has time to do all the necessary things. Never - this is important for the health of the baby.

Proper nutrition

Every responsible parent makes sure that all vital vitamins and microelements are present in the child's diet. Mom and dad have known about the importance of this since the birth of the baby. The content of these substances in the body depends on the immune system, and the work of the brain, and the general tone and even the mood of the child.

Almost all children have at least one meal a day at school. Controlling other meals is the task of parents. Toddlers can happily eat pizza and buns from the canteen all day, but moms and dads should make sure that the child gets full breakfast, lunch and dinner on time.

Tips for a good day

We all know that our life is made up of little things. From the very morning, insignificant things can cheer us up and just as well spoil it for the whole day.

Try to get your first-grader charged with positive in the morning. If it is difficult for the baby to get up early, choose For example, the loud annoying sound of the alarm clock can be replaced by light touches on the child, a gentle kiss.

Mom's smile, a kind word - all this will awaken the baby and positively set him up for the coming day. On the contrary, rude shouting, annoyance and jerking will associate getting ready for school with a stressful and unpleasant time. A bad emotional mood will deprive the child of the strength intended for study and communication with peers.

Try to prepare clothes, shoes and everything you need for school in advance - in the evening. This will reduce your collection time.

Help the child. In the mornings, adults often don’t have the strength, so don’t consider it superfluous to indulge the baby in some way by fastening a tight button for him or making the bed for him when he doesn’t have time to do it.

More attention

The first class for kids is associated with different feelings and emotions. That is why parents complain about tearfulness, disobedience, or hyperactivity. Stress manifests itself to one degree or another in every child. One girl, who was considered the most sociable child among her friends before school, came home after classes and remained alone for several hours in a row, refusing to go for a walk with other children, while her friends immediately after school ran outside and called her to them.

Time spent with parents will have a beneficial effect on the psyche of the first grader. The care and love of parents, their participation in the life of a small student will help the child feel confident and gather his thoughts.

Pay more attention to the baby, “treat” his emotions with intimate conversations. Tell us about your school childhood, remember funny adventures and funny stories. Show photos of your class, tell the kid about the guys who studied with you, about how they were little, what secrets you had, what you liked and did not like at school.

If you notice oddities in the child's behavior, and even if you didn't notice anything like that, don't miss the opportunity to take an interest in all aspects of his school life. More often, what he liked and did not like, for which he was praised and scolded. Find out who the child is friends with and who treats him badly. Watch how the baby reacts to your questions on a particular topic, this will help you see the problem area.

Observe after lessons which of the students behaves towards others, how your child reacts to classmates. If possible, communicate with the parents of children in your class, often what you do not know, others know.

Toddlers have collisions with children from high school. Once a first-grader boy flatly refused to go to school. His parents found out that a third-grade student had been bullying him for a long time. The first-grader hid his school troubles from his parents until the last moment, until his emotional strength ran out. To prevent this from happening, be aware of the school life of the baby.

Communicate with the teacher

Your contact with the teacher will be of great importance for everyone involved in the learning process: for the child, for you and for the teacher. Communicating with the teacher, you will learn all the important information "first hand". The teacher will give you practical advice and tell you what you need to pay attention to in educating a small student. Perhaps the teacher will also know about your child's relationship with other students, and will be able to guide you in solving the problem that has arisen.

For the teacher, it is important that the parent comes to school, sharing all the hardships of the educational process and participating in the life of his child. Teachers appreciate not only responsible students, but also responsible parents. Often the teacher treats the child differently, having contact with his sympathetic parent. Do not give your child completely to the upbringing of the school - all the most important qualities are laid down in a person in the family.

Seeing the attitude of parents to his studies, the baby will feel more confident. Knowing that mom constantly communicates with the teacher, he will take a more responsible approach to tasks. The teacher will no longer be someone else's aunt for the kid, and, in turn, the kid will not be for the teacher a child from an incomprehensible, rarely attending school family.

From all this, both the attitude of the first-grader to the educational process, and the comfort of his stay in the class team, his adequate behavior, the ability to make friends and respond correctly to the words of the teacher will be formed.

Making efforts, observing simple rules, you will gradually merge into a new life - the life of the parents of a small schoolboy. You already knew some of these rules, some will be told to you by your relatives, and some - life itself. Be not only a strict and fair parent for your child, but also an understanding friend and faithful protector. A little time will pass and your already adult student will say “thank you”.