My wife and I have nothing to talk about. What to talk about with a man so that he is interested

Do you still think true love doesn't need words? Just the opposite. Confidential conversations make your relationship deeper and you happier.

Experts are sure that learning to talk to each other is just as important as enjoying sex. Even the most fabulous nights end, and if, leaving the bed, you have nothing to exchange a couple of phrases with each other, then the forecasts for long-term family happiness are very doubtful. Often it is the ability to communicate that is the decisive factor that shows whether a family union of two people can be long, prosperous and full of trust.

TALKING TO THE FAMILY!

Partners who are sincerely passionate about each other will always find topics for conversation. And not only about personal problems. Loving people discuss a variety of "matter": from the depreciation of the dollar to the new man of the best friend. They make general plans for the coming weekend and share the events of the past day. They talk about the latest news in the country, sports, movies and books. Laughing, arguing, chatting and even gossiping. They are never bored in each other's company. Most often, such an intense dialogue develops among partners in a completely natural way. People do not learn any special rules of communication, but are simply genuinely interested in each other's thoughts and feelings. But what to do if the conversations are increasingly dragging you into endless and fruitless disputes? You need to try to change the style of communication.

— First of all, learn to listen! Everyone knows how important it is to be able to listen without interrupting your interlocutor. But everyone forgets about it too. But the ability to listen is already 90% of successful communication. So subdue your desire to interfere with your partner's speech.

— Don't interrupt or correct. First, listen to his point of view and only then state your own. If interrupting is difficult at first, try biting your tongue. Yes, yes, in the truest sense. So you will receive a clear and painful signal from yourself to be silent while your partner is talking.

— Try not to turn the dialogue into a monologue. Your unlimited knowledge in accounting (cooking, pedagogy, medicine, etc.) is commendable, but let your spouse speak. Free conversation is a process in which both partners participate, and it involves an equal exchange of views. And long and tedious lectures in the first person can tire any listener and turn a conversation into serving a duty for him.

— Do not drag all the problems into the house. Each person has his own threshold, beyond which he simply ceases to actively perceive information. This means that it is far from always worth bringing down on your partner your emotional experiences from troubles at work, friendly intrigues, shopping and transport shocks. Many things are best discussed with mom or a friend. Or learn to deal with emotions on your own.

— Feel free to express your love. The stronger sex needs approval, support and compliments no less than you and me. Well, what should you say once again: “How happy I am with you!” or “You look great today!” After all, it’s not difficult for you, and a man’s self-esteem immediately rises. Reward your spouse for the behavior you enjoy. By doing so, you will enhance the positive aspects of your relationship.

SILENT SPHINX?

Both women and men feel the need to be alone from time to time. In men, the desire to be alone, or at least keep silent, occurs much more often. After all, they, as you know, do not really like to ask for help. If your husband gets lost in an unfamiliar area, he will most likely prefer to drive around to the last drop of gasoline than to seek directions. And even more so, he will not seek help in a stressful situation, when you need to think about some problem or find the answer to a tormenting question. It is preferable for him to reflect in proud solitude. The man is silent, and his brain at this moment is busy working out an important decision. Sometimes the thought process takes just a couple of minutes, and sometimes stretches for hours and even days. Unfortunately, most women do not understand this male tendency and immediately begin to sort out all their words and deeds in their memory: “What if I did something wrong?” These moments can be the most stressful in your relationship.

- Don't be selfish. The partner’s silence does not mean at all that he suddenly stopped loving you or that he doesn’t care about you at all. It only means that for a while you should not invade his personal space and demand attention to yourself.

- Do not interfere with a man to be alone with himself. When you notice that your husband's face has taken on an expression of hidden anguish, do not distract him and do not interrupt the thought process. Do not pester him with the notorious: “Well, why are you silent?” Let him have enough time to reflect on this or that question. When a man is ready, he will turn to you for help. Most likely, after his "return" you will become even closer to each other.

- Even if you know the reason for his silent boycott, do not rush to offer your partner your help. Men really don't like it when women start giving them advice they didn't ask for.

- Sometimes a man's taciturnity may have another completely natural reason. The husband came home from work, tired, and at home he was waiting for comfort and a delicious dinner. He wants to relax, be himself and silently watch a good movie. He certainly feels good with you - well, why the words? Curb your eloquence, and you will take another step towards mutual understanding. This is the case when it is more pleasant to be silent together.

TOGETHER MORE INTERESTING

Yes, the great Carnegie was right when he said that you can get along great with another person if you start talking to him about his needs. This rule also applies to families. It is difficult for partners to have a free conversation if they have few common interests or topics for conversation. Of course, during a period of acute love, he forgets about basketball and computers and even pretends to be interested in all these violets on your window. However, very soon everything will return to normal and conversations about matches, cars and gigabytes immediately come out. What to do?

Try to make personal hobbies part of your relationship. If the husband is sincerely passionate about something, then you still cannot avoid talking about it. So why not expand the horizons of your knowledge at the expense of the interests of your companion? Let him feel that you are really interested in what he is talking about.

- Become a competent conversationalist. Men and women perceive the world differently and express even the same thoughts in a very different way. But this will not interfere with mutual understanding if you really know the subject you are talking about.

P.S. In general, do not play silent with your husband. Talk morning, afternoon and evening. On the phone, at the dinner table, in cafes, on the beach, in the store and in bed. Do not wait for a turbulent flow of speech to suddenly turn into a frail stream.

WOMEN LOVE TALKING, MEN TALKING IS ANNOYING

Women need conversations like air. American psychologists have found a completely scientific explanation for this. It turns out that in women, the area of ​​the brain that controls speech is 20% larger than in men. The speech abilities of the beautiful half of humanity began to develop ahead of schedule even in primitive society. While the men silently hunted mammoths, the women spent the whole day in collective care for children and everyday life. And all this - in active communication with other women of the tribe. So female eloquence has been honed for many millennia. But, unfortunately, many men are not able to listen to long monologues of their spouse. If you do not want to pass for an empty talker, take care of your husband's ears. Sometimes it's good to be quiet! 60% of all family conversations are initiated by women.

WOMEN SHARE FEELINGS, MEN SOLVE PROBLEMS

If a man, finding himself in a stressful situation, often prefers to sink into silence, then a woman, on the contrary, feels the need to talk about her troubles. Overwhelmed with emotion, a woman finds relief in speaking out and receiving sympathy. But men, as a rule, do not understand this. They immediately begin to suggest various solutions. “I get so tired at this job,” you complain. “Permanent inspections, reports, commissions.” “Honey,” the husband immediately reacts, “I’ve been telling you for a long time: quit!” Of course, you are not going to quit. You have a great job close to home and a great salary, but today was a hard day. Well, tell him about it - you do not need his advice, but just want to "cry on a strong shoulder."

WOMEN LOVE DETAILS, MEN LOVE THE ESSENCE

The man is a man of action. Saying more than is necessary to convey basic information seems like a waste of time to him. Men usually prefer a one-line narrative, their sentences and phrases have a clearly separated beginning, middle and end. From their speech it is easy to understand what they are talking about and what they want. Women, on the contrary, are happy to give a lot of details, associations and clarifications, often digressing from the essence of the conversation. Such a thoroughness can drive men out of themselves. The advice is simple: try to learn how to state the essence of the matter first, and save the details for later. And women in their conversations sometimes share with each other such information that men consider very personal. Indeed, why tell your best friend about your husband's diarrhea? Respect your partner's right to privacy!

But what lies behind this seemingly idyllic façade? And why do many women continue to wonder: “What should I talk about with my husband, on what topics?”

Talking is a need of any human being, a necessary daily practice. It does not matter whether it occurs orally, in writing, or in any other way; but people who are deprived of communication begin to experience negative emotions, feel unhappy, or even lose their minds. Naturally, a woman deprived of communication with her man may feel unwanted or abandoned.

Do not forget that relationships are laborious, daily, even rather every minute work. And if the two legalized their relationship, achieved stability in them, this does not mean at all that the work is over. On the contrary, the most interesting things are ahead. In order for romanticism not to leave relationships after a long time, it is necessary to have reliability, interest, and sensuality. On the other hand, you can often hear that between people who have been together for a long time, there is no freshness of sensations, excitement, in other words, a spark. There is a possibility that this is because they are so immersed in working on the possibility of mutual trust that they completely forget about the “little thing” that once gave zest to their relationship.

It is quite possible that, according to the husband, romanticism consists in killing oneself at work for the sake of the well-being of one's family. And it's not a crime. However, there is something to consider here. If it seems to you that this is about you, then here's a good tip - you need to revive in your memory what happened a long time ago, and to be more specific, the cases when you spent time together and enjoyed it. Any pastime is suitable here, from cycling in the park to going to a football match. Take care of it, just you and your husband. Forget this day about a career, offspring, a sick grandmother; about all the routine things. Don't expect lightning fast improvement, be consistent. After that, you can let your man know how much you love him and how excited you are after days like this. Choose your words, but do not be too modest, make him feel a pleasant excitement.

Talking before making love is another way to refresh the senses. This is, of course, a matter of taste, but worth a try. You can discuss your desires and feelings at the moment - this will lead to better mutual understanding and satisfaction. The main thing is to be sincere and extremely open, perhaps you can learn something new for yourself or even rise to another level.

Try not only to speak, but also to listen. And besides that, remember what you heard. Everyone loves to know that they are being listened to. So you can not only show that a man is important and necessary for you; You find out what he is interested in, what is paramount in his list of hobbies. Feel free to take this into service and conquer your husband again and again, surprise him with the degree of your knowledge and awareness of the latest events in his field of interest. When you learn to listen, you will also learn, perhaps from casually dropped phrases, what is missing in some aspects of your family life, and in this way you can compensate for the minuses.

Think again about your lifestyle. Add adventure and unexpected events to the everyday world. Enrich your day with impressions and you will immediately have something to tell. Show your imagination, from this your mood will improve, and your eyes will sparkle. You should not call your husband's office ten times a day to tell him the latest news, it is much better to save it for the evening - then he will have time to get bored and will look forward to meeting you. Speaking about life and everyday life, you can be inspired by the following idea: try to reorganize household chores in such a way that you do not feel the slightest need to discuss (or even sort things out) the boring moments of the daily routine. For example, a dishwasher or a bank account that is deducted from utility bills every month will eliminate the need to spend time and effort figuring out who should do the dishes or sort out the bills.

“What should we talk about? Everything has been discussed for a long time. I already know what he will say. And we both get tired, like zyuzi. I only have enough strength to discuss household chores and stare at the TV. Many times women have told me that they only talk to their husbands about household chores. About children, their problems and tasks. AND ALL. This upsets and frightens the woman: is this really all that remains for two close people who have lived together for some years? Is it like this until the very end?

He's right there, this man. Native, so familiar by heart. And there is nothing to talk about.

How to return lively conversations to your family everyday life? A few simple tips in the new issue of Women's Wednesday. In addition to specific hints, there is another very important thought in it. Click:

I am sure that you can have this luxury in your family all your life - the luxury of human communication, the greatest luxury on Earth, as Exupery wrote.

And I have 2 questions for you: on what topics do you talk with your husband, except for household chores and matters related to children?

And which of these few steps will you try today?

I'm looking forward to it!

Your Yana Kataeva

Hello, Yana Kataeva is with you, you are watching "yanakataeva.com" and this is "Women's Environment", where your female wisdom is revealed for the benefit of your family.

Today we will talk about what ... there is nothing to talk about. “I have nothing to talk about with my husband, except for household chores” - very often women write about this with great bitterness.

You know, I like to watch couples, families in cafes. And here's what I noticed: very often the conversation between husband and wife is very dry and so fragmentary. Very often, communication at the table takes place around the child, so that he eats well, while not spilling himself, not getting dirty and behaving decently, and he didn’t touch this little thing, and didn’t break the glasses ... everything around the child. And it is extremely rare to find married couples who talk animatedly among themselves. By the way, I wonder what I would notice about your married couple if I saw you in a cafe?

The bitter irony of family life lies in the fact that we get married in order to be close, in order to take care of each other and love, in order to open this unique world of our beloved again and again. Our beloved seems to us an amazing world, a whole universe that is so interesting to reveal.

But years pass, children appear, and our husband turns from a beloved, from an interesting and unique personality into an “acting husband”, with all our expectations from this role, and disappointments from our expectations. And we, accordingly, become "acting wife." And then we have nothing to talk about, except for the notorious unrepaired crane, the execution of some documents and other family matters. It is very sad.

In order to bring back the lively conversations between you, in order to replace this ringing silence with them, you first of all need to see in your husband again not acting such and such, but your beloved and interesting personality.

I want, as usual, to offer you some specific tips, ways.

So first, what were you talking about when your relationship started? Surely you could talk to each other for hours. You are welcome, remember and write down five topics. Just remember and write it down. Nothing more needs to be done.

Second: interview your husband. I really enjoy interviewing family and friends. First, it's funny. Secondly, there are always some interesting discoveries. And all sorts of guessing games are also good, when you guess each other's answers to questions, any, all kinds, from humorous to deep, existential ones. If your husband agrees to such a game, then it will be great, and for sure you will have a great time and learn a lot of interesting things about each other.

Following: films. Take the time to watch quality films with your husband that are thought-provoking and interesting to discuss later.

Following: books. What is your husband reading about? Does he read any books? If so, what book has impressed him over the past year? Read it too. And for sure you will discuss it with each other in a very interesting way.

Following: hug your husband, cling to it and do not let go for a long time. It's worth doing more.

Next: What is your husband interested in? What is his interest? Suppose he is interested in politics, or history and ethnography, like mine, or sports, or something else ... fishing? Find out more about this. Even if you know something about it, there is still something that you do not know. Ask around, try to be more specific.

Next: tell your husband not only about your business, or about family matters, or about children, tell him also about your inner life, about that part of it, about which you are ready to tell him.

And finally, simply and efficiently: ask your husband. Ask him questions: how are you feeling? Are you always thinking about a new project? Are you tired? Are you sad now? In fact, men themselves often do not understand what they feel, they do not know much about their mood. Help him understand this.

And every day try to touch your husband's soul with your soul. Indeed, it is much more important and valuable than the performance of duties.

I, as usual, await your comments below on this topic. And I am very interested in what you will try from what I have listed, and what you will get. Will your conversations become livelier and warmer.

Yana Kataeva was with you, see you in the next Women's Environment, I will wait for your comments, bye.

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: 20 comments

1. Ludmila 07/02/2014 at 12:11

   To the question: what did I talk about with my husband before? ? I remembered that it was easy for me to keep silent with him, i.e. I didn’t have that painful feeling that I definitely needed to say something

2. Elena 07/02/2014 at 13:01

   Thanks Jan for the advice! I want to try the interview, I think it will be fun :)

3. Ludmila 07/02/2014 at 13:57

   I am a techie, my husband is a humanist. In addition to household chores, a child and discussion of plans for the future, work affairs, problems and achievements, common goals and actions, it is very interesting for us to learn something new about an unknown field of knowledge during each conversation. He asks me to explain to him mathematical facts, physical phenomena, and I him - social and political aspects, historical patterns, psychology. We also discuss our attitude to life, philosophical understanding and, as a result, some actions and thoughts.

4. Natata 07/02/2014 at 15:01

   Interesting idea.
   We used to talk about everything. Now less often. Topics are monotonous - home, work, children. Today I will try hugging and interisovalki (about mood and deeds)

5. Asem 07/02/2014 at 15:17

   My husband and I are talking. When there is time, for example, on a joint walk on the weekend, we can discuss everything: from the personal to the global. The only thing is that, of course, there is not always time for such conversations. And one more thing is that before the birth of the child, I was busy and businesslike, so I received a lot of information. Now I am more interested not in business topics, for example, how to successfully promote a product, etc., but only how to put a child to bed, how to feed, etc. I feel that I myself am becoming an uninteresting companion. To study other topics, it is trite to take time, which I do not have.

6. Anna 07/02/2014 at 16:12

   And from the very beginning of our life together, I tried to listen to him, discuss his topics, hug, understand. We could discuss everything, talked on any topic. So about 2 years passed in love, care, understanding. Then I got pregnant, and around the 6th month I began to be very interested in issues related to children, I started talking about children, about what I feel now, he could listen and start talking about cars (he during this period caught fire in the car). I think, okay, got carried away. She listened to him, answered questions, gave some advice. Then again I bring up the topic of children, and in response I hear - the topic of cars.
   Now I think that this is where the decline began, so to speak, in our relations. Then it turned out that he really likes to meditate. As a result, now we practically do not communicate, he lives in his own world. Does not communicate with the child either.
   I tried to get him out of there, both by talking and by asking. No, it didn't help. I think this type of person is a loner.
   I was so tired that now I realized that one person is not able to improve the situation in the family, it takes two.
   There would be a desire, but there will be topics.

7. Evgeniya 07/03/2014 at 09:43

   Our favorite activity with my husband is communication on a walk. We also love other interesting family affairs.)) If only together. (this has been going on already… Already? 20 years!) Once we sat down and wrote down what the concept of HAPPINESS means for each of us? I'm happy when WHAT? The results were shocking. It’s not that I didn’t know about them, but I didn’t always attach importance to THIS point. And it turns out the husband is important. Some points were touching to tears. It was about children. We learned a lot about each other then. Recommend.

8. Yaroslavna

In the life of every couple comes the very crisis of relations. Sometimes a heart-to-heart conversation can save a marriage.

“Let's talk about this and that, let's talk about how we live,” Christina Orbakaite once sang. The main thing is not to be silent. Unspoken reproaches and resentments only destroy relationships, on the contrary, joint plans, dreams, hobbies strengthen. “In order to return the old feelings, you need to make an effort,” says psychologist Marina Yakuba. - You once kindled a fiery fire of love together, but if you do not throw firewood, it will easily go out. Of course, there are ideal unions that do not need any therapy. From experience I will say: usually men are comfortable with that woman who lives in harmony. If you want to be happy, think about yourself and do everything to make you feel comfortable, fun and good. As paradoxical as it may sound, selfish women are the best wives. If you are constantly changing, then a man will always be interested in knowing you again and falling in love with you again.

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When the days get the same, Tuesday dinner is no different from Wednesday dinner, it's the first signal that your relationship needs help. There are several topics of conversation that will help refresh the senses.

1. “Remember our graduation, wedding, baby?”

Shared memories where you were happy as a lifeline to your sinking marriage. Even if you've only been together for a year, you should still have stories in common (the same first date or meeting your parents).

2. "And we will spend the vacation ..."

It is autumn now, but you are already planning a joint summer vacation. All evenings you are busy searching for a hotel and choosing attractions that you would like to visit.

3. “What will we give ourselves for the New Year?”

Joint purchases are the key to a long family future. The larger the gift (car, fur coat), the stronger the marriage.

4. "Let's have a party with friends this weekend"

Sometimes a trip to old friends who remember how your relationship was born helps to refresh your feelings.

5. New BMW X5

All men love cars. Spend 10 minutes and explore the latest in the automotive market. To talk with your loved one about BMW, you will have enough elementary knowledge and an interested look.

6. "The most vivid childhood memory"

I want to return to events from my childhood again and again. Let your emotions flow. Share with your loved one how you played Snow White in the play and forgot the words, how you found a sweet New Year's gift and enjoyed chocolates every day (when the loss was discovered, you definitely didn’t feel good), how you saw the sea for the first time.

7. "How cool you are", "How beautiful you are"

Everyone loves compliments. Just think carefully before praising your loved one. You can overdo it!

8. "Why there is fog"

Men are always smarter. They are happy to know this. Make him feel like a teacher. Ask him some elementary question from a school course in physics or chemistry.

Photo by Getty Images

9. "I felt good with you"

Brigitte Bardot, when she was asked at one of the press conferences what day was the happiest in her life, she sincerely answered: “It was the night ...” Do not hesitate to thank your loved one for good sex.

10. "You have a beautiful mother"

Mom is always the prettiest. If you don't think so, then it's best to remain silent. Remember: never, under any circumstances, speak ill of your beloved's parents.

11. "How was your day?"

Show care: find out what's new at work with your significant other today. If you care about this person, then you should be interested in his life. It's good to know at least the names of his employees at the firm.

12. "Colleagues advised me to watch this movie"

Sacrifice your favorite series for an action movie. Your spouse will definitely appreciate it.

13. "What's going on in the world"

The world economy, politics are common topics that you cannot get away from. Imagine yourself as a social activist and discuss with your loved one how to get Russia out of the crisis. He is your superhero and is ready to solve all global problems.

14. "Could Peter I be a Georgian"

All men love historical novels. This is statistics. If your beloved held any book in his hands, then most likely it was dedicated to the greats of this world. The past is attractive. How we used to do without mobile phones, how much sausage cost in the USSR, how our mothers washed it with their hands - the conversation will last all evening.

15. “I heard a joke about…”

Men love to laugh. Fortunately, now on the Internet you can find a million jokes for every taste.

16. "Let's make dumplings"

Cooking dinner together is another reason to refresh your relationship. The house immediately becomes cozy when charming and appetizing smells hover in it, when everyone sits down at the table and has a leisurely conversation. Then, a man in an apron is very sexy!

Photo by Getty Images

17. "I'll tell you a secret"

The family ends where there is no trust. There are a million reasons for the loss of intimacy. It can be either something serious (for example, betrayal or deceit), or little things (a broken promise, etc.). A common secret will help return the old relationship.

18. Chelsea is not only the group of your youth

Mundial showed that football is interesting and exciting. Even if you do not think so, you should still adhere to this opinion. If you want to keep the relationship and get a marriage proposal from him, respect your boyfriend's hobbies and hobbies. Yes, you may have to master skiing and become a football fan.

19. “Men and women who are married, according to statistics, live longer than those who never started a family or are divorced.”

Another great topic of conversation. It is best to reinforce with examples: “Von Seryoga divorced. How hard it is for him. Who did he look like? After that, you need to gently remind your loved one how lucky he is with you.

20. “Alexander Gradsky became a father at 68”

Even if he is far from show business, men still like to discuss celebrities. The more scandalous and unusual the news, the more exciting it becomes for him. Sometimes you can provoke an argument. Just be careful. And then the conversation can end in resentment. A light scandal, on the contrary, can be useful!

21. "Were you betrayed?"

22. "How can I help you?"

This phrase has saved many marriages. Concrete actions are always expected from the second halves. When you are lying with a fever, you do not need words of consolation, you need to run to the store and buy medicine. When you were fired from your job and you are sitting without money for a month, you just need to fill your refrigerator and transfer some amount to survive.

How and what should spouses talk about in order to maintain romance and remain interesting to each other for many years? Vitaly Orlov, the founder of I'M FAMILY, shares the principles of high-quality communication. His advice will help spouses stay truly happy for a long time.

As a rule, people among themselves (first of all) talk a lot about everyday life. And this is normal, because life has always surrounded us, surrounds us and will surround us. But if we do not share feelings with each other, if we do not thank, do not analyze, do not make joint plans, then our life turns into a routine. Then the spouses look at each other, and they get the feeling that love is gone, that feelings have disappeared, there is no former passion. Therefore, it is important to set aside time just to be alone - without fuss, without everyday life and even without children (but, of course, with love for children!)

If at least once a year or once every six months the spouses alone (without children) could go somewhere for five days or a week, we would see much more happy families.

Unfortunately, in our society, children have been introduced into a certain rank of idols. And often, when everything is done for them, spouses (husband and wife) do not have time to spend it together. But this issue needs a balance, and this is a matter of love for children.

Do you know what is most important for a child? So that mom and dad love each other very much. In fact, a family is, first of all, a husband and wife, and children are the best guests in our lives! Yes, we love them very much, and these are the main people in the family ... but after the husband and wife! When these priorities are built correctly in the family, then everything will be completely different.

Imagine that a couple decides to go out for a few days and spend some quality time together. What dangers may lie in wait for them?

First, they stay connected, their phones stay online. The second is the inability to disconnect from all the cases that only exist. And the third - people simply do not know how to spend time together. They can book a tour, swim in the ocean, but open their hearts, talk to each other - no.

The spouses, who have lived together for years, have accumulated some unfulfilled expectations: I expect from my wife, she expects from me. And when these expectations accumulate, the languor of the heart begins and the relationship begins to slowly crumble. But when you can articulate these expectations in a relaxed atmosphere, relationships heal. We very often observed situations when we simply helped the spouses to communicate, and the man then says: “So if you had said this before, I would, of course, with pleasure! ..”

It is necessary to throw "wood" into the fire of relationships. What it is? These are the shining moments. These are very simple things: for example, when you call your beloved in the middle of the working day - just to say: "I love you. Know about it! That's all I wanted to say".

If today every man does something for his beloved, I think the world will already become more beautiful, and there will be more happiness. The more of these small “shining” moments we arrange for each other, the greater will be the fire of relationships.

Therefore, recipe number 1 - you need to communicate with the One who gives life. And the second is to communicate with those who live next to you.

To have a happy and strong relationship, it is necessary to spend quality time with each other, so that the word "love" is not only a word, but also a deed!